Chapter 37: I Did What?
"You'll be fine. The baby is still there. You can stop worrying." Doc Church said from behind his clipboard.
Charon and I both let out a simultaneous sigh of relief. This entire situation had us in edge and we walked on eggshells when it came to the baby.
Even though Charon lost his memory, he didn't seem like he didn't want to be the father. He was still as eager as ever about the baby and that brought a smile on my face. I hadn't smiled much in a while.
Every time Charon's fingers rubbed circles on my stomach and every night he leaned his head on it to feel closer made me more and more ready for this. Knowing I had Charon by side for everything let me sleep easier at night. I was only a little less than three months along and I already couldn't wait to see the baby.
"Thank you so much, doctor," Charon replied. "We'll be going now."
I fished the caps for the check-up out of my pouch, counted them out on the counter, and left the clinic. Charon squeezed my arm once and dropped his hand back down.
"What?"
He looked conflicted about something, his eyes darting across the town to make sure no one was around to hear us. "I never hurt you... did I?"
The question caught me off guard for a moment. I sighed and collected my thoughts. "We'll talk when we get home."
His face was masked in guilt and dread as we marched up the stairs to the house. He held my arm again to help keep my footing. He opened the door for me and I walked in. He followed and closed the door silently.
"Welcome back, Madam!"
Dogmeat and Wadsworth greeted us cheerfully. We sat on the couch in an uncomfortable silence. I didn't even notice when I started rubbing my stomach.
"Please tell me if I ever did anything to you. I want to know everything I've ever done." Charon's eyes were pleading, breaking my heart with every passing second.
"Do you want chronological order?"
He sighed and rubbed a hand down his face. "Tell me worst to bad. I want to get the really bad shit out first."
I took a deep breath as I tried to dig into my mind for everything he's done. "I think the worst thing you did was the day I got shot by the slavers. We were getting intimate... but I didn't want it. You panicked and left, came back half an hour later and we left town, and then you started shaking me by the arms and screaming at me about how we weren't supposed to be having that kind of relationship." I lifted my sleeves to show the faint marks still left from that day.
He buried his face into his hands. "I saw the bruises but I didn't think you'd want to talk about it." He was silent for a moment and curled into himself. "I almost raped you."
"When I was still having bad morning sickness and we needed to get into the Jefferson Memorial, you were already acting rude and then you went into the memorial and left me outside. I was half certain you were just trying to get rid of me. You were gone for a really long time and I was tired of crying for my dad and throwing up into the river so I went in looking for you..."
"Please finish." He begged.
"... I ran into you on your way out and you started shaking me again and yelling. You called me really awful things. Pathetic, spoiled, a skank. You threw me against the wall. I begged you not to hurt the baby and you asked if I thought you were a monster."
He shook his head. "The more and more you say, the more I feel like one. I never felt like the outside reflected the inside more than now." He was on his side on the sofa, making sure not to make eye contact.
"You started this all in the metros right before I found out I was pregnant. You chased me through the tunnels. I hid in a supply closet and cried. I was in there for a while and you knew I was in there when I tried to leave and my dumb ass kicked a tin can. There were a few more times you'd yell and shake me but you never ever hit me."
"Is there any more?" He asked. He looked sick to his stomach.
My voice was low. "No."
"I really am a monster, Eleanor. Why didn't you just sell my contract? None of this would have happened if you just got rid of me. I would have understood."
"I didn't want you getting stuck with another Ahzrukhal."
He sat up to look at me. "You put up with me abusing you because you didn't want me to be owned by an asshole."
I nodded. "But you don't remember all the nice memories."
"That doesn't excuse me being a dick."
"You would hold me when I was having really bad days. You made sure I was safe and healthy. You looked after me and the baby. You told me stories to keep me happy. You went out of your way a lot for me. Not because you needed to, but because you wanted to. You loved me."
He looked down at his shaky hands. I sat back and pulled him towards me. His head rested on my chest and my arms wrapped around his shoulders.
"I think the reconditioning was my mind telling me that I needed to change my actions towards my employer. It was for the best."
"Maybe. I don't like to think about it too much. I still blame myself for it."
He nuzzled my chest. "I know."
We laid in bed, entangled in each others limbs. The night approached quickly. We would leave for Vault 112 tomorrow.
"What do you want to name the baby?" I questioned.
"For a boy... Alexander doesn't seem bad."
I nodded. "I like Clarice for a girl."
"I think that was my mother's name. A long forgotten name."
I nodded again. "I always liked that name."
"Me too." He mumbled into my hair.
"I getting tired. We need to go to bed early." My eyes were getting heavy from the day.
"Goodnight. I love you, Eleanor."
"I love you too, Charon."