Chapter Thirty Five: The Two Messengers
Disclaimer: I don't own Shaman King, Bleach, Full Metal Alchemist, Naruto or any of its fans. I advice you not to sue me! Okay?... Please?...
- Let us begin! – Silver exclaimed and spread his arms, as if he was going to take off.
-+-+-
Now, at first I thought that it would be interesting to depict the scene of Hao and his minions dancing around naked and screaming like idiots, but I thought that it would be too offensive. So how about we just skip to a more innocuous part following the completion of the Approval Dance?
-+-+-
Silver was counting the money he had made after selling all of the stuff Hao and his followers gave away, completely ignoring the sound of chattering teeth and sneezing behind him. He snickered greedily, snuggled his money, smelled them and even kissed them.
- That g-g-g-greedy b-b-bastard! – Hao grumbled with gritted teeth. Two seconds later he sneezed hard and fell on his butt. Hao was the one complaining the loudest, because the others didn't have the voice to utter a word. Peyote didn't get a blanket to cover his body, so the only thing keeping him warm was his own sombrero, positioned over the most important, sensitive and private part of his body.
The Asakura glanced gloomily at Silver, now dressed as a rapper, and his jaw hit the ground. He had never imagined the Patch priest with a bling!
- Yo, wassup, yo! – Silver greeted them and gave them the East Side sign. Everyone got a WTF expression. Hao grumbled:
- You suck! Don't ever do that again!
- Alright, alright… - Silver sighed and started acting more seriously. – You have successfully completed the first part of the ritual. You are now ready to commence with the second and final part of the ritual, which, if performed properly, will open a portal to the sanctuary where your brother is hiding. Now, as I explained to you earlier, you need to gather several objects, which will be required to begin the channeling…
- 'Several' objects… - Ashil murmured with a sulk.
-…I will repeat what you have to do and what you have to bring here, so that we can—
- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! – Hao and his minions screamed in unison. They didn't want to waste eight more hours of their lives.
- Don't make us go through that hell again! – Machi exclaimed. – We know what we have to do!
- We do? – Peyote wondered confusedly.
- Very well! – Silver cried out majestically. – Waste no more time! Begone! Complete your quest till dawn!
- Till dawn?... – Peyote murmured as the foursome walked away, beginning the most ridiculous scavenger hunt ever know in mankind's history. Hao pulled out the list with all the things they needed. He sighed deeply, sat on a rock and took and took a look of all the items on the list. That little look took him more than two minutes. The shamans stood up, sighed again and ordered his minions to follow him.
Alright. Now, you realize that I can just sit all day on my lazy ass and think up all that crap Hao has to find, but that will make the chapter VERY LONG. I'll sort out the most important, key items which Hao needed, which included a marble statue of Zeus, Thor's hammer, a two-headed sheep, a golden tripod, a rusty axe which was used to cut off thirty-eight pine trees, a dark-brown gold fish, three carrots, the first 3,65 centimeters long, the second – 5,55cm and the third – 10,12cm long and in the shape of a sickle, a decapitated Naruto fan, a thermometer and a boiled egg.
Hao and his devoted underlings returned from their task minutes before it dawned. Peyote was the one destined to carry the sack which was now known as 'The Fuckin Big-Ass Sack', a name which will be remembered by Peyote for the rest of his life. Hao's eyes were bloodshot, his left eyebrow was twitching uncontrollably.
- We brought your shit! – He grumbled angrily. Hao snapped with fingers and Peyote placed The Fuckin Big-Ass Sack right in front of Silver. The Priest was stunned.
- Damn! That's one big-ass sack!
Silence.
- Yes. – Peyote said after a while. – I know.
- Very well then! – Silver exclaimed and raised his hands in the air… yet again. – You have fulfilled the final, most important part of the ritual! The time for the channeling draws close!
Hao allowed a smile to pop up on his face. Four and a half seconds later it faded away.
- Wait a second. Did you just say 'The time for the channeling draws close'? – Hao inquired with an extended index finger.
- Yes! I actually did! – Silver nodded with a grin.
- 'Draws close'!?
- Yeeeesss!! – Silver exclaimed enthusiastically.
- Are you saying that there is another thing that we must do before you start the channeling!?
- Yeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss!! There is!!
Hao roared out:
- WHAT IS IT!?
Silver lowered his hands in front of his abdomen, took his hands in a praying gesture and fiddled with his thumbs. His eyes were shifting around, there was a nervous grin on his face now.
- You… ugh…have to arrange them in a specific way if you want the spell to actually work.
The expression on Hao's face would have sold for millions on Ebay. It's a pity no one took a picture of it or videotaped it.
The scream of anger that he emitted several seconds later was heard in a radius of six miles. Windows broke, little critters died at spot and Marco fell from the bed in his cell right on top of his cellmate, some very nasty things and a buttache for the X-Law ensuing from this incident.
Hao and his minions were positioning the different objects at specified places in a wide circle around the boiled egg. They were doing it as fast as they could, seeing as there were just nine minutes till dawn. The Asakura was forced to cease with his efforts to bend the decapitated Naruto fan's right arm so that the fingertips would touch the toes of the left foot, because Peyote and Ashil had started an angry argument concerning the correct locations of a rubber duckling and a broken toothbrush.
- The fuckin toothbrush has to go there! – The Mexican stated and pointed at somewhere.
- I say that the Goddamn duckling goes over there! – The kid exclaimed and pointed at some other direction.
- You ain't listening to me at all, are ya, dumbass!? – Peyote grumbled angrily and poked Ashil on the head. – The rubber duckling and the toothbrush are toilet articles, that's why the must stay as close as possible!
Ashil responded by kicking Peyote in the sack. The unfortunate Mexican bend in two and let out a cry of pain.
- YOU aren't listening, idiot! – Ashil roared and waved the rubber duckling in his hand. – Because the duckling and the toothbrush have different shapes and mass, they must stay as far as possible! The duckling goes there!
- Over my dead body, you little prick! – Peyote groaned and stood up.
Hao got fed up with everyone's shit and screamed furiously:
- SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET TO WORK, BOTH OF YOU BITCHES!
Ashil and Peyote got so scared that they nearly crapped their pants. They resumed doing their duties without any more quarrels or objections.
Five minutes later, everything was ready. Hao, Ashil, Peyote and Machi took a look at their hard work. Just then Silver appeared behind their backs and cried out:
- CONGRATULATIONS!! – Hao and his subordinates nearly jumped out of their skins. – You have successfully completed The Circle of Power!
- You bloody idiot! You almost gave me a heart attack! – Hao whined out while clutching at his chest.
- If you ever do that again, I'll kick your ass! – Ashil threatened while trying to catch his breath.
- Why are you so displeased? Are you not overflowing with joy at the sight of your plans coming so close to completion? – Silver exclaimed with a grin. – I am going to begin the channeling!
Hao was about to whine again, but he forced himself to shut up. An evil grin blossomed on his face.
That was it! He was so close now! The path to Yoh's hideout was about to be revealed soon! Now he wasn't going to fail. Now he was going to track his brother down like a wild animal and kill him with his bare hands! Well, not Yoh's hands, Hao's… ugh, I mean, Hao was going to kill Yoh with… Hao's hands… yeah… right. You got what I'm saying, right?
Silver walked towards the center of the circle. As he crossed the line of various objects, the circle started glowing in blue.
- Coooooool. – Peyote moaned out like a stupid kid. – The circle glows in pretty light… just like in Full Metal Alchemist.
Hao completely ignored Peyote breaking the Fourth Wall. His attention was concentrated on Silver, who raised his hands above his head. The light grew stronger.
Silver's eyes shot open. Fierce wind whirled around him. The air got heavier, as it was suddenly soaked with power.
The foursome outside the circle was staring with mixed feelings at the sight in front of them.
Ashil was watching at the glowing circle with awe and amazement.
Machi's mouth was half-open and her eyes filled with reverence for the mighty forces raging inside the circle.
Peyote was standing in a still, dramatic posture, the goggles reflecting the azure light and shadows fluttering behind him.
Hao's eyes were slowly widening in hungry expectation. The wind was blowing his hair behind him and a vicious grin was spilling across his face.
Lightnings shot out, coiled and danced around Silver. He shifted his hands around his body in a position, resembling a cross, then placed hem in front of his chest, with a small distance between his fingertips, bend in the form of a bowl. While light flashed between his hands and grew bigger and brighter, concealing Silver and everything around him in a dome of blinding radiance, until…
…
…
Nothing.
The light suddenly disappeared, along with the wind and magnificent force that there was with it. The only thing left was an awkward silence.
Hao blinked.
Silver blinked.
Ashil, Machi and Peyote blinked.
Hao's expression was instantly replaced with horror.
- What the hell happened!? Why did it stop!? – He screamed in despair.
Silver slowly turned around and faced the Asakura.
There was an embarrassed look on his face.
- Ugh… - He drawled while rubbing the back of his neck. – What day is it today?
Hao blinked again. He rolled his eyes thinking, then answered:
- Friday?
Silver snapped with his fingers and said:
- Of course! How could I have forgotten! The ritual can be performed on any day, except on Friday!
Hao's eyes grew the size of dishes. So did Ashil's, Machi's and Peyote's.
- It seems that we will have to repeat the ritual some other day. – Silver concluded with a pensive expression. – Is tomorrow okay?
He took a look at the people in front of him. The priest turned pale when he saw how angry Hao and his followers were.
- Ugh… I gotta run now, okay!? – He babbled out when Peyote pulled out an enormous machete from under his poncho. – I have to go see my sick aunt! See you next time, folks!
And with just that, he scampered away with the speed of sound. The four shamans stood there for a few minutes, utterly petrified. Hao fell on his knees and screamed.
In a different dimension, Yoh chocked with a piece of roasted pork. Tamao got up and patted his back, but seeing as Yoh was still coughing, she kicked him in the stomach, grabbed his arm and spun him above her head, then tossed him into a tree. Yoh spit out his food. Then Tamao went to Yoh and asked him if he was alright in a very worried way. Yoh answered that he was okay and caressed her cheek. Tamao smiled. The two of them embraced each other… and fell asleep. But because Faust was not around at that time, they did some things before they fell asleep which I cannot describe in this fic, seeing as it is not M-rated. To say the least, both Yoh and Tamao were in a very good mood the next morning.
Hao screamed again, and again, and again, and again.
Half an hour later he slowly took a sip from a glass filled with fresh water. His throat was in lots of pain.
- You shouldn't have screamed like that, Hao-sama. – Machi said sadly.
Hao frowned.
- Besides, nothing can be solved with screaming. – Ashil added with a frown of his own.
Hao placed the glass on the ground and said angrily:
- It was so close! I nearly thought that I was gonna get to Yoh!
Ashil chose to remain silent for a while.
- But that douche bag Silver had to ruin everything! It was all screwed up from the start!
He grabbed the glass, drank the water in it in one breath and threw the glass furiously at a ruined wall, in which the glass broke to pieces.
- I'm sick of it! – Hao stood up and yelled again. – And you know who's fault it is!?
Everyone gaped at Hao.
- It's all TheArchon's fault! – The Asakura exclaimed and pointed at the skies. – He hates my guts because I'm so much more popular and cooler than he is!
Machi and Ashil's faces slowly turned pale.
- Yeah, that's right! He's a stupid nerd who's all jealous of me and my awesomeness! He wrote this fic with the only purpose to bash me again and again, just so that he can quench the hatred he has towards me!
Peyote gulped. Hao laughed out sneeringly:
- He sucks at everything! He can't even type a single chapter of this lame story without blocking out for three days and then coming back with the same stupid shit he had only days ago!
- You know that wasn't true, don't you? – TheArchon said.
- It's about time you show your ugly face! – Hao yelled angrily and pointed at the sky. – Where are you!? Reveal yourself already!
- Why did you just say that I had show my ugly face when right now you can't even see me?
- Shut up! I'm not taking shit from you anymore! I've just realized that I will never be able to find Yoh before I do something a lot more important before that, and that is killing you!
- ROFLMAO! That's the craziest shit I've ever heard! You can't do that!- Shut up, I said! I'm not listening to you anymore!
Hao sat down and brooded on ways of finding and killing TheArchon.
- That is impossible. You are a fictional character. I, however, am real. There is no way for us to ever cross ways.
- That's what you say! I'll find a way to get even with you!
- Why do you have to disobey my will? Can't you just follow my divine guidance and live a happy life?
- Divine guidance!? – Hao exclaimed. – A person who drops anvils on people's heads and punishes them with Latin chorus CANNOT OFFER divine guidance!
Hao sat again and murmured pensively:
- One thing is for sure: TheArchon is a guy! No woman would ever do something like this to me!
- Not everyone on this planet is your fangirl, Hao.
- That's impossible! Every girl is my fangirl! Name me at least one girl who doesn't support me!
- Lucy and Anna don't.
- Why do you count them as girls??
- You are an idiot.
- Well you are a sick demented schizophrenic with a split personality who can barely get a hard on even when he sees Pamela Anderson naked!
There was silence. Dark, angry silence. The skies slowly turned red.
Everyone, except for Hao, trembled in fear.
- I'm not afraid of you anymore, you son of a bitch! – Hao roared out maniacally. - Give me your best shot!
TheArchon's voice was louder than thunder:
- I WILL TEACH YOU TO FEAR MY WRITING SKILLS!
An orchestra started playing and the Latin Chorus sang:
Di-es i-rae, di-es il-la
Machi and Peyote cried out pitifully. Hao grunted.
- Is that from Yoshihisa Hirano and Hideki Taniuchi?
Sol-vet sa-e-clum in fa-vi-lla
- The Death Note theme!? From 'Death Note'!? – Hao exclaimed in surprise.
- We are fucked now! – Peyote, Ashil and Machi moaned out in desolation.
Te-ste Da-vid… cum Si-bylla
Hao rolled his eyes and drawled:
- Why did you choose such a dramatic and serious Latin chorus for this case? You always tend to be so absurdly hilarious when it comes to the Latin chorus, but now you seem a little irritated.
Quaan-tus tre-moooor
The clouds whirled around, as if being sucked in a siphon and before everyone's eyes… fire rained from the sky.
e-e-est fu-tu-ruuuuus
Hao's eyes widened in astonishment.
- Look out! – Ashil screamed.
Quaaan-do ju-dex
He ran towards Hao and pulled him back just before the meteorite crashed. The two were tossed from the shockwave onto the ground. Neither of them seemed hurt.
e-e-est ven-tu-uuu-ruuus
Ashil helped his master stand up.
- Are you alright, Hao-sama? – The kid asked.
Cuuun-cta stric-teee
Hao nodded, a little surprised. Just then, more fire rained from the sky. Meteors were soughing through the burning firmament, falling towards the ground.
dis-cus-suuu-rus
The four of them were standing there, gazing in shock and growing fear of the inferno, seeping from the furious heavens.
Cuuun-cta stric-teeee
- TheArchon seems really pissed! – Peyote grunted with gritted teeth. Hao was still staring at the sky. His eyes widened in horror as he saw the sky trembling and twitching right above him.
dis-cus-suuu-rus
Then the sky was split asunder and two giant balls of fire shot from the black hole towards the earth, right where he stood.
It flew with unimaginable speed and it impacted the ground, just three feet away from Hao's astonished face.
Quaaan-tus tre-mooor
Time slowed down.
A wave of heat and immense force engulfed Hao, causing his clothes and hair to flutter behind him. He saw it.
e-e-est fu-tu-u—ruuuus
A figure, clad in black armor, wearing a helmet with black raven wings, dark leather gloves, with a giant spiked cudgel hanging from his back, riding the biggest black horse Hao has ever seen, was rising up from the impact area, fire raging around it, curling and coiling upwards, manipulated by an unearthly force.
Quaaan-do ju-dex
Five seconds later, the second meteor collided with the soil, causing another explosion, not far away from Hao's position. It was another rider, a complete opposite of his companion; he was clad in white armor with a red and a green gem on each shoulder-pad, a white helmet concealing the face with white wings, wielding a shining sword with a golden handle, an ermine mantle fluttering above his head from the impact's force and riding a snow-white horse.
e-e-est ven-tu-uuu-ruuus
Hao's eyes locked in the ones that were looking at him under the stygian helmet. He shivered in fear. It was the gaze of a god; an infuriated archangel, hungry for revenge, delivering divine judgment to all that stood in his way.
Cuuun-cta stric-teee
He tore away from the magnificent force in the last moment and stumbled backwards. He fell on the ground, completely powerless before these seraphic beings.
dis-cus-suuu-rus
- Hao-sama! – Machi screamed. – Run! RUN!!
Hao's face was pale in terror.
Cuuun-cta stric-teee
The two riders were looking at him. Their expressions were completely concealed because of the helmets, but Hao could feel disgust and disdain radiating from them.
dis-cus-suuu-rus
Hao crawled away from them with all the strength he had left. From his point of view, the riders seemed unimaginably colossal.The raging fires disappeared, leaving only air, now soaked with the sheer brilliance and blinding perfection of the two riders.
Di-es i-rae, di-es il-la
Hao was gazing in pure awe at the riders. A pair of large angelic wings spread from both of their backs. The black knight had wings brighter and purer than the sun's own light, while the white knight's left wing was emerald green and the right one was scarlet.
Sol-vet sa-e-clum in fa-vi-lla
- Who…. – Hao uttered in complete horror and amazement. – Who are you two!?
Teeee-ste Daaaa-vid
The black rider spoke in a deep, divine voice:
- We will be your judges, Hao Asakura.
Teeee-ste Daaaa-vid
The knight raised his hands and placed them on his helmet.
- My name is… - He started, as he started pulling the helmet upwards, slowly revealing his face.
Teeeee-ste Daaaa-vid
Hao, Ashil, Machi and Peyote stared in wonderment as the mysterious angel was about to reveal himself.
Suddenly, he pulled off his helmet, revealing the face of a young girl with grayish-blue hair with pigtails and green eyes, and yelled out cheerfully:
- Dokuro-chan!
Music cuts with a nasty screech.
The atmosphere of divine judgment disappeared.
Ashil, Machi and Peyote stared with wide eyes.
Hao had turned into a crappily drawn black-and-white anime caricature, with a stiff expression consisting of wide eyes and a hanging jaw, with shadows around the corners and a grey background.
There was just one word for his current state: owned.
From the Author: Didn't see that coming, did you? Furthermore, I don't own Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan or any of the Death Note OST. Next chapter coming up soon!