A/N: Almost done. Many thanks to those who stayed with me this far.

Epilogue, Part 1

Ben followed the steady, ringing sound of an axe striking wood. It was two days after the party, and if the Ponderosa hadn't quite settled back into its usual routine, it was at least losing the signs of the crowds that had trampled its grounds.

He moved quietly as he approached the woodpile and the laborer was intent on his task, so he finally had to clear his throat to make his presence known. The other man rested the axe head on the chopping block, blotting at his face with his discarded shirt and turning to look.

"Pa," he nodded a greeting.

"Son." Ben hooked his thumbs in his pockets and frowned at him. "I thought Paul said your were to take it easy for a couple of days?" His frown deepened at the sight of the now soiled bandage adorning his right wrist. "And I know he said nothing strenuous with that hand."

"Oh." Adam drew the dipper from the bucket standing nearby and took a drink. He gave his father an innocent smile. "I'm sure he didn't mean a little thing like chopping wood, Pa."

"Really." Ben's voice was rich with skepticism. He squinted at him suspiciously. "And isn't this Joseph's job this week?"

Adam put the dipper back and shrugged, avoiding his father's eyes. "Joe's doing me a little favor."

"A favor." The question was implied.

Adam nodded, selecting a new piece of wood. "Yeah - he and Cressie went down to the lake - he's giving her some shooting pointers. Sure could use it, too." He hefted the axe and swung.

Ben's brows jumped. "An afternoon at the lake with a pretty girl. I'll bet that favor took a lot of persuading."

Adam gave him a lopsided smile. "Well…they both suffered kind of a heart bruising. Thought maybe they could do each other some good."

"Hmph." Ben studied him. "And I suppose you thought you could use a breather? Girl certainly seems attached to you."

Adam looked a little guilty. "She's a nice girl. Just a little…"

"Ardent?" Ben suggested.

Adam laughed self-consciously. "Something like that."

"I like her father, the Colonel, too," Ben continued deliberately. "I've enjoyed talking with him."

The quick, sidelong glance Adam gave him was not lost on Ben. He watched as Adam tossed his newly cut logs onto the pile and managed not to smile when he asked, with careful casualness, "What do you two talk about?"

"Oh, you know." Ben was tracking his reactions intently. "The mysteries of fatherhood, mostly." He could see Adam couldn't decide whether he should be relieved or alarmed, so he pressed a little. "His gratitude to you seems a little extreme just for selling him thirty horses."

Adam found another piece of wood he liked and positioned it carefully on the stump that served as a chopping block. "I don't know," he countered seriously. "Horses are a pretty big deal when you're Cavalry."

Ben gave a gust of laughter before he could stop himself and eyed his eldest in affectionate exasperation.

So it was going to be like that, was it? Irritating boy.

"Adam," he said firmly. "What on earth went on around here while I was gone?"

Adam looked up from his task, his eyes faintly mischievous. "You know, Pa. Branding. Horse Sale. A party."

"Yes." Ben settled his hands on his hips. "Those I know about. I'm wondering about the things I don't know about."

Adam took a minute to split his log before saying cautiously, "Now, what makes you think there's anything you don't know about?"

Ben rolled his eyes. "Well, let's see - when I left for San Francisco, my two younger sons were barely able to keep their minds on their work and my eldest son was like a bear with a sore head. When I return, I find my middle son walking around muttering the terms of the Stimson contract over and over under his breath, my youngest son nagging me to show him how to do the payroll books when I would have sworn he wasn't even aware we had such things, and my eldest son positively…" He hunted for the right word, "…serene."

"Hm." Adam set half the log he'd split down to chop it into quarters. "Well, you know what the Chinese Zen Masters say, Pa - 'in the search for serenity, chop wood, carry water.'" He brandished his axe with a flourish and swung.

Ben was unimpressed. "They say that, do they?"

"Mm hm." Adam arranged his other log half.

"Now, why do I think there's a little more to it than that? Adam - " He reached out a decisive hand as Adam was positioning himself to swing again and wrapped it around the axe handle, firmly removing it from his grasp and plunging it into the stump with a thunk. "I'm sure Paul would not approve of you doing this and I'm sure there are more than a few holes in this story you boys are telling me. Now, it's not that I think you have to tell me everything but I am curious to know - what's made the difference in you?"

Deprived of his diversionary tactic, Adam tossed the two pieces of firewood he'd created onto the pile and brushed his hands together, thinking. "Well, Pa - " he said at last, "I guess sometimes a man finds out it's as important to be grateful for the things he doesn't have as it is to be for the things he does have."

Ben shook his head, puzzled. "I don't understand."

"I mean," Adam explained patiently. "That sometimes you realize that the things you are dealing with are not so bad - once you see what you could be dealing with."

"Oh." Ben considered slowly. "By things a man doesn't have, then - you mean like crushing debt, for example? Or ill health?"

Adam nodded, pleased. "Good examples."

"Well…" Ben nodded slowly, weighing this. "I suppose that's a very wise philosophy. St. Paul says something very similar, actually - about knowing how to abase and to abound - " He was warming to his topic when he caught a glimmer of a satisfied smile on Adam's face and lowered his brows.

So. He'd been maneuvered, heh? Well, think again, boy…

"That reminds me," he continued sweetly. "I wanted to ask you - " Adam caught his tone and his smile became wary. "What do you know about this?" Ben removed an object from his vest pocket and held it out to him.

Adam eyed the cylindrical bit of brass in his father's palm, then took it from him to study it more closely. It looked familiar, like he should know what it was, but he couldn't place it. "I don't know," he admitted at last. "What is it?"

"The handle to the safe. Came off in my hand this morning."

"Oh…" Ben watched the implications chase themselves across Adam's face and the sparkle of amusement that lit his eyes, quickly hidden. "Well. Guess we'll need to order a new safe."

"Yes." Ben observed him closely. "Any idea how this could have happened?"

"I just don't know, Pa," Adam answered comfortably. "I don't suppose those safes last forever, though."

Ben gave him a look. "You know as well as I do that that safe is only five months old."

"True." Adam nodded solemnly. "But it does get a lot of hard wear."

Ben snorted. "I'm sure," he agreed dryly. "Well, maybe you'll be able to tell me something about this, then." He reached into his trousers pocket and pulled out something else.

This time Adam could actually feel the blood drain from his face. He stared at the object for a moment, then carefully took it from Ben's hand, unrolling it and trying to look as though he were seeing it for the first time. He could feel the tops of his ears redden traitorously under his father's trenchant gaze as he pretended to read. The charcoal of the note was a little smudged, but it was still perfectly legible. Payne wrote a nice hand.

He carefully rolled it up again, avoiding his father's eyes. "Huh," he said with assumed lightness. "Where did you get this?"

"Hop Sing found it in the kitchen. Along with your gun."

"Oh." Adam scratched at his forehead. "Guess I'd better be more careful where I leave that."

"Yes," Ben's voice was heavy with irony. "I think you'd better. As for the note - no one seems to know where it came from. Hop Sing is going to ask Hop Ling about it since he was here Friday night, but he doesn't read English well."

Adam held the note out to him, trying to smile. "Well. Must be somebody's idea of a joke."

"You think so." Ben took it back from him, studying it again for himself.

"Must be."

"Not very funny," Ben suggested.

"No," Adam agreed fervently.

"Still," Ben rolled the paper up again, his eyes never leaving his son's face. "It made me think that maybe…it's time I raised the limit of your brothers' bank withdrawal privileges. If they ever found themselves in a situation like this..."

Adam met his eyes obliquely. "I'm sure they'd appreciate that."

"Hum." Ben crossed his arms, his expression cagey. "Of course, if the note were real, it would help explain why you have a bump the size of my fist on the back of your head."

"Oh, that." Adam shook out his shirt. He was still a little put out that Hop Sing had seen fit to tell Doc Martin about his headache. Usually he could be counted on to cover for them, but some things he just seemed to feel compelled to share. Now, thanks to him, he wouldn't be allowed on horseback for at least another two days.

"Hop Sing did the right thing."

Adam started at his father's voice. Sometimes the way he could read his mind was downright uncanny.

"Paul says you have a mild concussion. And you might want to put that shirt on. It's not all that warm out yet."

Adam rolled his eyes, but obediently slid his arms into the sleeves, not bothering to button it.

Ben saw the eye roll and smiled complacently. "In fact, maybe you should call it a day and go back inside. Hop Sing just put fresh coffee on. We could have a nice father/son chat."

This time Adam laughed reluctantly. His father sure wasn't one to give up. And he knew he'd tell him everything - eventually. After a little time had passed and it was too distant for him to worry himself about - when the whole thing seemed a little more amusing and a little less humiliating.

"All right. I'll clean up at the pump and be right in."

Ben nodded, satisfied, and turned to leave.

"Pa - "

Ben raised his eyebrows questioningly, recognizing a different note in Adam's voice. He waited.

"When I was eighteen - "

Ben groaned involuntarily.

Adam paused, surprised. "What?"

Ben smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry, son. I didn't mean to - what was your question?"

Adam stared at him. "What was that for?"

"Oh - " Ben waved a discomfited hand. "Really, son - I didn't mean anything by it. It's - it's a difficult age and, of course, you were my first, so - "

Adam sat down on the stump and looked at him.

Ben could not make out anything he was thinking from his expression.

"Was I?" he asked at last. "Difficult?"

Ben grimaced. "No - Adam - that would be unfair…you were always a good boy and - and - well, I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't taken hold around here the way you did after Marie died. I still don't really know how you managed it, so I don't suppose it's too surprising if the next year you needed to - sow a few wild oats…" He saw Adam's face and paused. "You don't remember?"

Adam shook his head. "I remember seventeen of course because of - " his voice caught briefly, "Marie. And nineteen because that's when I headed off to Boston. But eighteen…" he shook his head again, a spark of curiosity in his eyes. "What did I do?"

Ben sighed. "Well, as I say, it's a difficult age. I can't say I'm sorry that I've only got one left to get through it and I can't say I'm sorry that I have you and Hoss to help me do it…"

"Pa."

Ben stopped himself. "All right. You're telling me you don't remember when you and Ross Marquette stole the new church bell?"

"Oh…" Adam started to smile. "I think…Ross dared me to do it…"

"Yes." Ben nodded wryly. "And the Reverend Smith went to pull the bell rope that Sunday to celebrate its installation with all the parishioners who had donated their pennies to buy it standing around waiting - and he pulled the rope and - "

"Nothing happened." Adam chuckled, then stopped himself and cleared his throat at the look on his father's face. "Well, it was funny, Pa."

"Oh, very funny." Ben tried to look stern. "I wasn't sure we'd ever be allowed back in church again. And then crazy old Captain Billy found where you and Ross had hidden it and thought it was his ship's bell - didn't think we'd ever get it away from him."

"You didn't. You made me get it back."

"A fitting punishment, I thought."

"Go on."

Ben gave him an odd look but continued. "Well. There was the time I took you to Sacramento with me on business and we were finished a little early so you talked me into going to see that new railroad display with the working steam engine…"

"Oh." Adam flushed at the memory.

"Yes, oh. And you snuk back while everyone else was at the next display and decided to give it a try - thank God it was on such a short run of track or something serious might have happened. I was sure they were going to throw you in jail that time, but thank heavens they let me pay the damages and let you off with a reprimand."

Adam sighed reminiscently. "Guess I should have known better, but I'll tell you, Pa, for that moment that it moved under my hand? It was almost worth it. You have never - " He saw Ben's face and stopped again, trying to look remorseful. "I suppose it was dangerous. But what a feeling. I'd forgotten that."

Ben couldn't quite suppress a smile. "Of course," he admitted reluctantly, "the way you were pouring over the thing I suppose I should have expected something. But somehow I always had a tendency to forget that you were a boy and not, in fact, another adult." His smile grew a little sad. "When you were five, even, I tended to forget that."

Adam nodded slowly. "Yeah. Me too."

Ben leaned back against a tree, watching his face. "And of course, there were those two Chinese indentured servants - you must remember them."

Adam glanced past him, his eyes distant. "Li Wang and Hun Woo. I haven't thought about them in years. But you can't really call that mischief, Pa. They were half starved and badly mistreated and barely spoke English - somebody had to help them."

"They were legally bound to work off their passage, Adam. Under the law, Mr. Abbott had complete control over them until they had."

"Didn't make it right. Li Wang wasn't any older than I was. Hun Woo was just a little older than Hoss."

"Running away made them criminals and helping them made you an accessory. I remember when I found out what you were doing. Thought we were both going to end up in jail that time."

"I'd do it again."

"Uh huh." Ben nodded, something in his eyes that Adam couldn't quite identify. "Your penchant for two legged strays was always about as bad as Hoss's for four legged ones. But then - " he glanced pointedly at the note in his hand and reached over and tucked it gently into Adam's shirt pocket. "I suppose there are some troubles a man gets himself into that have more to do with who he is than whether he is eighteen…" he gave the pocket a light pat, "or nearly thirty."

Adam felt the color rush to his face and had to look away for a second before raising his eyes questioningly to meet his father's.

Ben gave his shoulder a squeeze. "Get cleaned up. It's too cold today to sit out here. And I'd like to put a fresh dressing on that arm."

Adam rose stiffly to his feet, nodding his acquiescence.

Ben started back toward the house, then stopped, remembering something. "Oh, and Adam - "

Adam turned.

"You never told me. What was it that made you realize that what you were dealing with wasn't so bad - by comparison? What is it that you've decided to be grateful that you don't have?"

The corners of Adam's mouth quirked upward, the merest suggestion of a twinkle kindling deep in his eyes. He reached over and gave Ben's shoulder a pensive swat.

"Sisters, Pa," he said simply, pulling the axe from the stump and swinging it easily over his shoulder.

"No sisters."

TBC

Thanks, Tauna. In my head it's so clear I almost feel like it is on television!

Thanks, drmweaver. Poor Ben. But he's a canny one - he'll unravel everything eventually!

Thanks, nevadagal. I'm sad to end this one myself. Brought back a lot of fond memories. And as you see, in my mind Cressie was always meant to give Adam the experience of having a sister to protect instead of brothers. Whole different set of problems with that. I had actually had a thought of putting her together with Joe at the end when I started, but then she and Adam went through so much more than I planned that I couldn't imagine she wouldn't end up with a crush on him. Even a girl named Cressida couldn't be as fickle as all that.