CHAPTER 37

I was now seven months pregnant and when the sight of seeing Abel taking his first steps brought me to tears but so does running around after him with this bump which is about to pop.

I just received my first letter from Jax that I asked him to write in the mail. Turns out the mail system over at county is certainly not first class. When I finally get the chance to sit down whilst Abel is distracted I open it up and read it.

Dear Cara,

Here goes letter number one. I don't know when you will get this so I can't guarantee by the next time we talk this will make any sense.

Today has consisted of absolutely nothing but waking up from an awful night's sleep and not just from Bobby's snoring. It's easier to tell you this in a letter than to your face because I don't want to feeling sorry for me and giving me that look but sometimes I have bad nightmares. I won't go into detail but they are so bad that when I wake up the first think I want to console me is to hear your voice and make sure you are ok; even though I know you are.

A couple of days ago me and the guys where moved out of the pod we were in into paired cells due to the bad attention we were getting – too many fights, endless amounts of attention needed from officers, they decided it was the best thing just so they didn't have to fill out any paperwork. I am safer so you don't need to worry and I put up the latest sonogram picture you gave me on my wall next to my bunk alongside a few pictures of me and you.

The guys tell me every day just to think of you Abel and the baby that way I can get through this sentence, do my time and get home to you. I do. It's all I think about.

This place is changing me Cara – I think in a good way at least. I know when I get out the club won't be the same, I won't feel the same towards it. I am writing these words down now to you so that you can prove to me when I mess up that this is what I meant.

I can't wait to see you soon, I love you

Jax

X

After finishing the letter, it made me feel content. I wish he could express his feelings more in person but reading them down on paper was an effort for him and I can read them as much as I want and hold those words against him.

I went to start reading it again when I was interrupted by the phone ringing. I sighed at the effort to walk over to the phone but I thought it might be Jax so I picked it up.

"Hello?" I say

"Hello is this Miss Cara Winston speaking?" the woman says on the other end of the phone.

"Yes, it is, who is this?" I ask and lean against the counter

"I'm one of the medic's here at the Stockton jail where your husband Jackson Teller is –

As soon as I hear her say her name and who she was I interrupt her "Is he okay?!"

"Yes ma'am, unfortunately he got into an accident –

"Where is he?" I say interrupting her again. I started to panic and pace Gemma's kitchen holding onto my bump.

"He's at St Thomas, I can text you the details" she tells me

"No no its okay, I work there! I'll go now, Thank you." I say and hang up and start dialling Gemma's number but she doesn't pick up so I leave a message all while trying to put on my boots and pick Abel up from his walker.

"Gemma, I need you to call me back as soon as you get this. I'm leaving to go to St Thomas, Stockton called and Jax got into an accident, I don't know what's going on"

I get Abel in the car and strap him in to his car seat and decide there's no way I'm bringing him to the hospital because I don't know what condition Jax is in or what even happened.

I get to the club house, quickly grab Abel out the car along with his diaper bag and walk as quick as I can to the door and when I walk in I see Opie at the pool table straight away.

"Thank god!" I say in relief and hand him Abel and he takes him

"I need to get to the hospital, its Jax. Can you watch him?" I say out of breath.

"Yeah course, what happened?!" he asks confused holding onto a wriggly Abel

"I don't know; I need to go! I'll call you!" I tell him and start walking away but turn back and say "And call Gemma! She's not picking up her cell"

…. …. …. …. …. …. …. …. …. …. ….. … ….

On my way to St Thomas I probably skipped about two red lights but I wasn't caring – whatever was going to get me there quicker.

When I arrived I was getting strange looks because I know everyone recognises me but I'm not usually seen walking around lost and this dis orientated looking.

"Cara!" I hear from behind me and when I turn around it's Margaret

"Margaret! Do you know where Jax is? I got a call –

"Yes, yes come with me." She says and I feel relieved that I can finally see him. She leads me down to his room while saying "He came in a short while ago, his wounds are superficial but –

"Wounds? What actually happened?" I ask out of breath

"They didn't tell you? … He was stabbed three times" she tells me

"Oh my god" I whine and cover my mouth in disgust

"He's just in here." Margaret says and puts her arm around my shoulder and takes me to the door where an officer is standing outside.

"Excuse me sir." Margaret tells the officer rudely and I thank her as he moves out the way so I can open the door.

When I see Jax, he's lying back on the bed in a gown cuffed to the bed.

"Jax?" I cry out to him

"Cara?" he calls back but he sounds drowsy like he's on a lot of meds.

"Yeah it's me" I tell him and kiss him "It's okay"

I take a seat next to his bed and hold his cuffed hand and wipe my face.

"It's not as bad as it looks babe" he tells me and I start crying even more "Hey, don't cry"

I put my head down then look back up at him "I was so worried"

"But I'm here"

"What happened?" I ask him

"It happened quick, I was waiting in line to call you then all of sudden these guys tackle me to the ground and then it went black"

"Jesus Christ Jax" I curse and then the door flings open and I turn around and its Gemma.

"I got your message" she tells me and goes around the other side of Jax and grabs his face

"oh my god baby, what the hell happened?" she asks him

"He was stabbed three times" I tell her from my side of the bed.

"Jesus, why?!" she asks and I shrug my shoulders.

"It doesn't matter why right now."

"Yes it does Jax, they are going to send you back there when you are better. For what?! For this to happen again?! What about if something worse happens. You seen what happened to Otto." I say teary eyed.

"You are over reacting. I have protection."

"Well, clearly not in the hallways where you take your calls!" I yell at him and he turns to look at Gemma which she then says "She's got a point"

"Mom can you give us a minute please?" Jax asks Gemma and she leaves the room

"There's nothing that can be done to stop me going back inside, you know that. You have to accept that these things happen – it's rough in there Cara. You can't get yourself stressed in a state like this"

"I'm sorry but it's not just something I can accept as normal."

"Nothing about your life is normal, baby" he says and I roll my eyes.

"That's what scares me" I say

"We will get through this babe" he says and I grab his hand again and tell him "I hope so"