Chapter 34: The two jokers.

Whistling appreciatively, Ben wandered into the sands of the arena. It wasn't as big as some sport stadiums he had seen in his time, only needing to accommodate ten thousand people, but while real life stadiums had to worry about costs, one virtual asset was the same as any other. Marble pillars stretched up marking the circumference, with gold decorating any surface that was available. Each seat was far more luxurious than the wooden benches of old, or, worse, the plastic chairs of a modern football, soccer, or football stadium.

Argo was really making a fortune from this event. Take even a small price and multiply it by over six thousand, and you have a recipe for money. She hadn't even given Ben a portion of the profits for his fights so far. Still, she had probably used all the excess on fixing the matches. I mean really, there was no way a random number generator would have pit him against Klein, the clearers second best jokester.

._.

"Greetings, fellow idiot." Ben called in Japanese, mockingly bowing to his opponent. "Normally, professional courtesy would not allow me to attack you, but fate and a certain info broker has dictated that I must-"

"Did you plan this speech?" Klein interrupted.

Ben huffed, looking put out. "Yeah. And it took me awhile. I have someone to impress." Klein chuckled. "By 'someone', do you mean every female present?"

Ben recoiled. "Klein! You insult me! I would never act that disrespectfully! It's a very specific female!"

The pair laughed for a few seconds before their attention was drawn by a whistle from bottom of the stands. They turned to see Lisbeth grinning at them, with Argo whispering in her ear. "Hey boys!" The blacksmith called. "Apparently, a certain rat is offering a kiss to the winner of this match." Ben and Klein stared at Lisbeth. Then they stared at each other. Then they stared at Argo, who gave them a wink.

"That specific female?" Klein asked.

"That one." Ben replied.

And then, yelling battle cries, they charged at each other.

._.

Ben grimaced, as Klein fell for his clumsy feint but still managed to block his swipe. For all his apparent clumsiness, Klein was fast, as Ben could testify from when the samurai style fighter duelled with Serena earlier in the competition.

Earlier…

Serena hooked Klein's katana with her bow, spun him around, and kicked from his back, knocking and firing an arrow as she flew backwards. Klein, recovering quickly, brought his sword up and cut the shaft out of the air. Serena landed with a grimace as her awareness perks helpfully reminded her that her attack had been nullified. His reaction time had nothing on Adamant's, but it was enough.

I need something that travels faster, She thought, annoyed, moving to a kneel. Drawing a bead on him, she fired repetitively, but he continued to approach at a run, unfazed by the projectiles. Like a freaking sniper rifle. When he was upon her, she noted the twin slice skill he activated, and rolled barely out of the way of the downward cut. Instantly, she jumped back towards him and balanced on the top edge of his sword. Naturally his reflex was to yank his blade upwards; hurling her into the air… but that was her plan all along. Drawing a special arrow, she fired directly down at him. He jerked backwards and the projectile hit the floor in front of him-

And exploded with a flurry of frozen shards, trapping his lower half (and sword arm) in ice. Serena waited no time after landing before charging her bow with white light. Turning to him, she saw him manoeuvring himself into some really weird positions. Mentally she shrugged. It wouldn't save him from her 'coup de grace'. Aiming her bow skywards, she fired an arrow imbued with a power unlockable only with maximum awareness and archery skills. Firework shaft.Suitable, if tame compared to the power of the attack. The arrow flew straight upwards, before splitting in a flash into a dozen other projectiles, which immediately arced back downwards towards the trapped Klein. Serena looked back towards the panicked samurai, and was notified of something weird. How is he using a sword skill? She wondered. Then she realised why Klein had been wriggling so much. His contortions had placed him in a barely acceptable position to activate something she did not like one bit. The dozen arrows, homing in from a dozen different directions, struck, causing a plume of smoke which obscured the scene to everyone except Serena. Klein triggered a spin strike, shattering the ice surrounding him, and detonating the shafts one by one. Grimacing at her paralysis after launching such a powerful (yet wasted) attack, Serena could do nothing but wait as Klein hurled his sword toward her-

Now…

Ben was jolted out of his reverie as Klein's blade came crashing down against his, staggering him backwards. I'm not losing this, damnit, THINK! Ben mentally berated himself, catching Klein's katana with his khopesh and hooking it away. Naturally, it didn't take long for a solution to come that fit his style. Pushing Klein away, he made to charge a sword skill, before looking over his opponents shoulder and giving a surprised jolt. "Holy cow, Asuna's topless!" Naturally, Klein looked over his shoulder. It only gave Ben a split second, but he had already started a slash that severed Klein's sword arm. He doesn't feel pain Ben was forced to remind himself. And it'll regrow. Still desperate, Klein swung a punch with his remaining arm, but Ben was having none of it, knocking the limb away and hacking at Klein's chest. The last strike was all it took to drop the samurai's health below half, winning the match for Ben. He smiled at his felled opponent. "Better luck next time. Excuse me; I have a reward to cash in." He walked proudly to the edge of the stands, and gave Argo his most charming grin. "So… do I get the kiss here or back at your place?" He asked. Argo smirked down at him. "Here of course. Close your eyes." Ben shrugged and complied. After a moment, his lips made contact.

He probably should have noticed something was wrong when everyone began guffawing with laughter, but didn't get a sinking feeling until the rodent squeaked.

OOOOH! *Airhorns* *Party poppers* Sword-art-best-prank-twenny-twenny-something!

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