BPOV
I stand naked in my walk-in closet without the faintest idea what to wear to meet the Avon lady. I've never met anyone's mom before. Not since high school, anyway. Not since Ben's mom went to finish a load of wash and found me and her son using the dryer as a kind of vibrating mattress.
I plan on keeping the dryer out of the picture this time around. And this time I'm determined to be clothed too. Not church-clothed, mind you. Adorable says that I should just be myself. In some ways, it feels like I'm just finding out who that is. After a little thought I decide that Perky really likes a certain pair of skinny jeans, a tank top and a leather jacket. She doesn't reach for a bra, but Adorable puts his foot down about that.
"Yourself, plus a bra," he asks with a kiss, and of course, I agree.
I don't have much experience with relationships, but I think Adorable and I are on solid footing. I listen to his advice about supportive undergarments, and he listens to my advice about all things numerical.
For instance, just before when he asked for a quick sixty-eight, I had to intervene. A quick sixty-eight makes no sense, but a quick, old-fashioned missionary fuck: his weight on top of me, one hand knotted in my hair, the other grasping my hip, pinning me down, staring into my eyes while he pushes me over the edge - it's under-rated, ladies and gentlemen. It's fast, it's neat, and I think that when you can wrap yourselves around one another with your hearts touching, it's really special. I'll never make fun of it again.
Okay, maybe I'll make fun a little. Hearts touching? Christ, I've become as fluffy as cotton candy.
I pass Alice a sueded flogger on the way out the door, you know, just to help keep Crackle in line, and also because it matches his outfit so well. My sister seems pleased with the arrangement and I notice her glancing at Crackle with a subtle gleam in her eye. There might be a little bit of Perky inside her after all.
Now, on the road to Adorable's parents place in the old white limo he still hasn't returned, we listen to the Trash Men's demo. Adorable's quiet, contemplative - such a thinker, my man. But it's a sad kind of thinking, and that doesn't sit well with me.
"What is it, baby?" I ask, squeezing his knee.
"Adorable," he answers with a weak smile.
"What?"
"One nickname per person, Perky. I'm Adorable, not baby."
I sigh. When all of this is over, I'm taking the cap off the name game. I don't want to feel restricted when I call out to him in the throws of a seventy-two, or a good old-fashioned.
"What is it, Adorable?" I try again.
"I thought The Trash Men could go places, Perky," he admits. "But now Crackle's gagged and cuffed to your couch and Pop's infiltrating a mob family. I don't think it's going to happen for us."
"That doesn't change your status as a rock star, Adorable. Seriously. You're really good. And you're too young to give up at this. You have too many fans that would follow you anywhere."
"I don't know, Perky. I'm not a trash man anymore. What happens to The Trash Men now that they're out of the garbage game?"
"You ever write something of your own?" I ask. "Something that's not so trashy?"
"Trash was our everything."
"It was your shtick, Adorable. You don't need shtick. Not with those eyes, and that hair, and that tall lanky frame. Not with that heart that shines whenever you enter a room."
"I don't know, Perky," he whispers.
By this time we're pulling down a seriously long drive and there's a tall, white mansion at the end that looks like it could eat my house for a snack. "Waste management?" I ask in awe.
"You know it," Adorable replies.
"You sure you want out?"
The look Adorable gives me makes me whisper a quick apology. We don't need their money. Adorable and I will figure it out just like every non-hooking, non-mobster family out there. I take his hand securely in mine as we walk through the front entrance, and then I hold on for dear life as I gaze at all of the artwork and the woodwork and the servants and the rugs and, just, everything.
"Your mom must do a good business too," I whisper.
"I never hurt for Skin So Soft," he replies, pulling me down a hall towards the back of the house.
"Perky?" he asks, stopping suddenly.
"Yeah?"
"That stuff Jasper was saying about your sister and the…" Adorable pauses and bends his lips to my ear, "feds," he whispers. "It's not true, is it?"
I shake my head. "Pixie talks to my dad all the time. They don't talk about me, though. It's like a rule between them, or something. But she's not with the -" Before I can finish the sentence, Adorable's covered my mouth with his hand.
"Okay," he says. "Just checking."
I pull his hand from my face and wrap his arm around my waist. "Anything else before I meet your lube supplier, Adorable?"
"It's for my dry hands, Perky," he growls with a smile. "You better not tell mom anything different."
"Or what?" I ask, laughing, daring.
That's all it takes. Adorable tickle-attacks me, and before I know it we're wrestling and tickling and laughing, rolling on the hallway floor.
"Eddie? What in the world?" Comes a soft voice from somewhere above us.
Adorable instantly lets me go and scrambles to his feet. He holds his hands clasped in front of him, hiding what's left of a half-hard Mr. Ed. I thank god they don't keep dryers in the hallways, or else there's no telling what Mrs. Cullenieri might have found.
I gingerly stand to my feet, making sure all of the important parts are covered, blushing and smiling as politely as I can manage.
"You brought… a friend, Eddie?" the small woman asks Adorable with a twinkle in her eye. She's a little shorter than me, and a little plumper than me, her hair's a little lighter than mine, but we've both got big brown eyes.
"A girlfriend, mom," Adorable says, taking my hand, biting his lip.
Mrs. Cullenieri smiles warmly. "Does this girlfriend have a name?"
"Per-, I mean, Bell."
"Bell?" she asks, holding her hand out to me.
"Or Belinda, ma'am. Whichever you prefer," I add trying to make my grip firm but not too firm and girlie and warm, and just the best darn handshake I can give.
"Ma'am will never do, Bell. I'm Esme. And I'm so pleased to finally meet one of Eddie's girlfriends!"
Esme drops my hand and pulls Adorable into a big hug. "See, Eddie, I knew it was a good idea for you to get back into family fold! Just a few days now, and you've been to brunch, you've hung out with your father, and now, a girlfriend." Adorable's mom steps back and surveys us both. "This is perfect," she decides with a nod.
Adorable clutches my hand so hard that it's beginning to hurt.
"Actually, mom, that's why I'm here -"
"Come with me, you two, I just had another shipment from Tanya." Esme continues on as she bustles down the long hall. I drag Adorable after her. "And since you went through it so quickly last time, I thought, well, why not?"
She's led us into an Avon supply storeroom, packed to the gills with cleansers and toners and body washes and costume jewelry. Esme rifles through boxes, and finally turns towards us holding out a gallon jug of Skin So Soft in her hands. "It's been a rough winter," she says gravely, handing the moisturizer to her son.
I try to smother my laughter. It almost works.
"And since I'm getting out of the business," she continues, "I figure this will hold you over until you find a new supplier."
"What?" I ask. "Out of the Avon business?"
"It's a dirty game, Bell. It's not like it used to be. Now there's the Internet, and organics, and even Skin So Soft has knock offs. Body So Soft does not compare, but people don't want to hear it. It's not an old woman's game. Do you know any young ladies looking for work, Bell? I have a built-in client base, I just don't have the will anymore."
"Um, yeah, actually I think I do."
If I could just keep Sparkle's sparkles under wraps so she didn't blind our customers, I think I knew two women that would be more than willing to take over Esme Cullenieri's cosmetics route.
"Maybe we could talk about it later, Esme," I offer. "I wouldn't want Adorable over here to have to worry about his, um, dry skin." Adorable kicks me in the shin and I'm dying to see if he'll live up to his threat.
"Adorable?" Esme asks looking between the two of us, interrupting my plans to let Mr. Ed out of the bag. "Well, I'm biased when it comes to Eddie, but I happen to agree." She reaches up and pinches her son's cheek. "Completely Adorable," she pronounces with a smile. Adorable grins bashfully and shakes his mom's hand from his stubbly face.
It makes me miss my own mom, even though I never really knew her. I wonder if maybe, one day, Esme could be a kind of stand-in. She could initiate me into the world of Avon Sales and smile kindly, just like she is now, and maybe she'd have Adorable and I over for lunches.
"Mom, we're not here about the Avon business."
"But I do really do want to talk about that later," I interrupt.
"Well, what are you here for, honey?" she asks Adorable. "To introduce me to Bell, no doubt?"
"Well, yeah, mom. I love her, and I want us to be happy together. And I want us to have good lives. Like a good life together." Adorable wraps his arm around my shoulders, and I sigh and fall against him listening to his words.
"Oh, Eddie, I'm so happy for the two of you."
"And that means that I want out of the business, mom. Not the Avon business. The other business."
Esme's eyes go wide and she starts shaking her head slowly. "Not in front of guests, dear," she hisses.
"Bell's not a guest, mom. And she knows."
"Oh no," Esme whispers, clutching her hands together. "What if you're father -"
"I'm tired of this mom! Sure, I was an idiot. I got into this for Bell, but it was a really stupid move. I made a mistake, and I've got to make it right."
"Wait, for Bell?" Esme asks. "For Isabella?" She starts looking me over a little more critically.
"Please don't start, Mrs. Cullenieri," I ask, taking a seat on a crate of Moisture Seduction Lipstick. "I'm out of the business, too. I promise. And it's all because of your son. I love him, and I want to make this work. I want to get a decent job, and live a decent life, and just be happy."
Adorable walks across the storeroom, places the Skin So Soft jug he's been holding on a box of Lift and Firm Pro Serum, and takes my hands in his. "I love you, Perky," he whispers.
"Me too, Adorable," I murmur back.
"Please, mom," he asks, never taking his dark green eyes off of mine. "I'll never ask for anything again. Especially if I start getting my Skin So Soft from Perky."
"Well, dear, I don't know what I can do. Your father is in charge of that side of things. You know that."
"You're his wife, mom. You've been his wife for twenty-five years. I'm sure you could think of something."
"You're really out, Bell?" Esme asks me with raised eyebrows.
"We want to live the straight and narrow, Mrs. Cullenieri," I assure her. Well, all except for some rope and harness and a few plans between the digits sixty-eight and seventy-two, but she doesn't have to know about any of that.
"Well, then, I can't give you two any guarantees, but I can give it my all." Esme begins rooting through the stacks and pulls out a small box. She hides the label from the two of us. "Now, if you'll excuse me, Eddie, it seems I have some work to do on your father. Lovely meeting you, Bell. When all of this is settled I'd love to have the two of you over for lunch. We can discuss the dynamic world of Avon sales."
"I can't wait, Mrs. Cullenieri," I gush, and I mean it. I really can't.
A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews for the last couple of chapters! Next update: probably late tonight. xxx, M