Forgive me for the very first line...a lot of what I write seems to circle around the fact that Daryl can't sleep due to the loss of Beth...
Everyone was asleep except for Daryl, who's eyes hadn't shut for more than an hour since Grady Memorial. Rick, of all people, slept more easily than him.
He had taken up residence on the porch for a while, but now was seated near Judith's crib. The group was curled up in clusters around the living room; only a few of them actually had dared to spread out into the foyer. The air wasn't nearly as sticky in Alexandria as it had been in Atlanta. Instead of sweat building up on his upper lip and forehead and soaking his shirt, there was only the sensation of clamminess.
The house was so clean it made Daryl's skin crawl. He kept thinking, feeling, that she would come around the corner any second, any second, with a lively tune humming on her tongue and hair fresh from the shower like at that woman's house so many months ago. She'd ask him if he was okay and he'd shake it off—he was being stupid, he was fine—
Judith whimpered, the cry turning into a low wail and he was the first one to her. Rick didn't even stir, nor Carl, who were normally the ones to startle at the first sign of the baby girl's distress. He'd held Judith plenty, but for some reason unknown it was harder this time to do so. She was heavier and wiggled in his hands even when he held her close and rocked her against his chest.
"I know, sweetheart, I know," Daryl kept saying, patting the baby's back and breathing in her downy scent. Even if anyone had been awake to listen, they wouldn't have been able to hear his near inaudible whisper.
"I miss her," he said. "Know you won't remember her . . . wish you could."
Judith started to calm down, her chubby fingers grabbing at the bristle on his chin, eyes big and blue yet nothing close to the bright cerulean of Beth's.
"She was real good to you. Took care of you . . . took care of me."
Judith gurgled. She jerked back, losing her balance as babies often did, and scared him; Daryl tightened his arms on her little body until she was secure. Her eyes were wide open and he could tell she wasn't going to be nodding off again for a while.
"Gonna keep me company?" He sat back down in his spot, leaning back and settling Judith comfortably on his middle. "Alright. Just don't wake up nobody."
Daryl came to the next morning to Carl sliding Judith carefully out of his arms. The kid gave him a tiny smile and muttered, "Mornin'." Everyone was moving about, talking and getting ready for the day ahead. He didn't bother to stick around to figure out breakfast or his place in this society; grabbing his gear, he went for the front door and open spaces. Being stuck in a crowded room too long left him itching for the woods and something to kill.
He saw her when he walked down the street. Glimpses, here and there. Could've sworn he saw a blond ponytail whip from the corner of his eye, or a pale yellow shirt disappear into the mirage on the asphalt. But it didn't leave his chest and stomach aching so much anymore. Ease was settling in where pain had taken root, and sometimes, he could take a breath without suffocating.