Moon Scars

Ch 36 – Tony and Edward

….

The Doctor said that he would get back to us later that week to set up an appointment for his procedure; so we said goodbye to Esme and Carlisle and we headed back home.

I pulled off the interstate and turned off the car, and took a deep breath, stabilizing myself for what I needed to say.

"Bella, what's going on, why are we parked here?" Edward asked confused.

"I need to tell you everything…right now. I made the mistake of not being completely honest before and it tore us apart. I should have already told you the truth, but everything's been happening so fast that I just couldn't find the right time."

"Bella, no." He said quietly.

"No?"

"Look, from what I've figured out, something went wrong between us that made us get a divorce, but now were together again and that's all I care about at the moment."

"But Edward…"

"Bella, I'm going to be having this procedure soon, and I need to know if I'm having real memories coming back to me, or if I'm inventing memories based on things you've told me. I just think it would be better for me to try to remember everything on my own."

I opened my mouth to argue with him some more, but then I decided against it and I closed it again. I was afraid that once he learned the truth he'd be angry with me for not trying harder to make him listen, but I couldn't force it on him either. I put the car into back into Drive, and I finished driving us home.

"So how should we handle Carlie? Do you want to tell her as much as she understands, or do…?"

"No way." Edward interrupted me. "She's seven; I don't want to tell her that her daddy doesn't remember her. I'm just going to have to do the best that I can at going along with things she says."

It was strange how different Tony and Edward actually were. I always looked at Tony and tried to picture if Edward would be acting the same or having similar thoughts and desires, but after spending a day and a half with Edward again, there's no mistaking their each unique outlook on life.

Tony was generally a happy person who looked at life in a simple way; it was black or white, right or wrong. He may have changed a bit to become more bitter after discovering that the life he remembers had been a lie, but I was confident that he'd return to his normal happy self eventually.

Edward was very complex in his emotions and almost never saw things in the obvious way. Black and white weren't even in his color palette, and he looked at me like I could do no wrong. He wasn't upset with me when he found out we weren't married anymore, he automatically figured it was something he did and he'll continue to beat himself up inside over it. Even if I told him exactly what happened, he'd still find a way to spin it on himself, that's just the way he is.

"So, Jacob and Vanessa are married, and they live with you?" Edward asked me.

"Yeah, well, Vanessa was already living with me because I had custody of her, and when she was legally allowed to move away on her own, she just didn't want to. So eventually Jake moved in with her, and we've all lived together ever since."

"So where was I when all this was happening?"

"You were…"

"No wait, I don't want to know, not yet anyway." He said quickly.

It was still early, so Carlie was still at school and Jake and Vanessa were at work, so Edward and I had the house to ourselves. He went around the house and looked at everything trying to learn his way around.

"I don't seem to have very many things here." He said after a while.

"Well you have a condo in the city." I said and he looked at me and narrowed his eyes in an angry way, but again, his anger wasn't directed towards me.

"Well, maybe I should go there then, I mean do I have a fucking cat that needs to be fed or something?" He asked bitterly.

"Uh, not that I know of. But I can take you there if you want."

He looked around the room. "No, I don't want to go anywhere." He said softer. "Is there a phone ringing or something?" He asked suddenly.

I listened for a moment, and I definitely heard a phone too. I followed the sound and realized that the ringing was coming from Tony's coat pocket. "Oh it's yours." I said and stupidly handed it to him.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with that?" He asked, then looked at the caller ID "I don't even know who Heidi is." He said and tossed the phone aside.

My heart started pounding knowing that Heidi was trying to call Tony, and it completely made me sick. Tony said they broke up, but I knew that they had been together for so long that it was possible that she'd want him back.

Edward was still wandering around the house when he made his way in the guest room. "Who the hell lives in here?" He called to me. Tony didn't officially live with us yet, but he did leave some of his clothes and other personal things there.

"Uh, these are your things." I told him as I walked into the room.

"Mine?" He asked in disbelief, and then he started chuckling. "What a fucking douche." He said while looking through the couple of business suits that were hanging in the closet. "No wonder you divorced me, I wouldn't want to be married to a stiff like me either."

I hugged him from behind, and he took a deep breath. Edward was joking around and trying to make light of the situation, but I knew it was really wearing on him. He wanted nothing more than for us to be together and it upset him as much as it did me, that we weren't.

"So when are we going to get remarried then?" He asked quietly with no hint of joking or sarcasm in his voice.

I held him tighter. "If you remember everything and still want to marry me, I'll be ready whenever you are."

"Bella, it doesn't matter what happened, I love you and I'll want to be married to you right away, just like I do now."

"But you didn't, and your feelings might change."

He turned around to face me and grabbed my face in his hands. "Bella, it's not possible for my feelings to change, there is nothing in this world that could make me stop loving you."

"But you did stop loving me Edward. That's what I was trying to tell you before, you forgot everything, and"

He shook his head at me. "I don't want to know."

"WELL YOU HAVE TO!" I yelled frustrated. He looked at me shocked that I yelled at him, and a little amused. "I don't need to tell you specifics so your memories will still feel real to you, but you have to know why we got a divorce."

"Ok." He said softly.

"We all thought you were dead." His eyes burrowed into mine in a strange intense way, but I just kept going. "You were on life support, they said you were brain dead, they said you'd never wake up. So I forced myself to sign the papers to take you off the machines. They sent us ashes and a death certificate, we had a memorial service and we all spent the last six years trying to live without you."

"How…?" He asked confused. "How could you think I was dead for six years when obviously I'm not?"

"Anthony."

"My grandfather?" He asked even more confused.

"Yeah, he sold the vineyard and a bunch of other things and he paid people at the hospital to help him sneak you out. He faked the ashes and the forged death certificate, we had no way of knowing the truth. You weren't supposed to wake up, but when you did, you didn't remember anything, so he invented a new life for you, changed your name and lied about everything."

I could see Edward boiling up inside, and I was worried that his anger would overtake him, but he took a deep breath. "Then what?" He asked through clinched teeth.

"I saw you a few months ago in the city, and I acted like a complete crazy person. I kept calling you Edward and I tried to touch your face. You were dead, but there you were standing there in front of me not knowing who I was. We ended up kind of working together and I stupidly convinced myself that you were just a long lost relative or something. We became friends but you were engaged and then I was still…"

"Wait what? Engaged? No way, to who?" He asked, insulted that I'd say such a thing.

"Heidi. She's this beautiful perfect ballerina from New York , you met her while you were both at Julliard."

"Bella, I don't even want to go to Julliard, this whole thing doesn't even make sense."

"But you did go to Julliard, and you were going to get married, and you really did love her."

"No." he said shaking his head, completely unwilling to believe what I was telling him.

"I found out the truth, but I didn't tell you because you seemed so happy in the life Anthony invented for you, and I didn't want you to remember your childhood. You found out the truth after that and you hated me for not telling you everything when I first found out. You filed the divorce papers because at that point we were still married."

He kept a steady rhythm of shaking his head back and forth slowly, as he disagreed with everything I was telling him.

"But then you started spending a lot of time here with Carlie and you ended your engagement for whatever reason, and we got close again." I said quickly.

He put his head back so it was tilted upwards, and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. Then he let his head fell forward again and he pinched the bridge of his nose, and I could actually see the veins in his neck pop out from the intensity of his stress.

"Bella…I'm sorry." He said but I couldn't stand there and listen to him apologizing for something that I knew he'd never do if he was always him. I reached for him and wrapped my arms around his neck and planted my lips to his.

He lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist, but our lips never lost contact. He pushed my back against the wall and used it to help him hold me up while he used one of his hands to unbutton his pants. I was wearing his favorite article of clothing, a skirt, so his access to me was easy. He didn't even bother with pulling off my panties; he just moved them aside and pushed his way into me.

It wasn't about having sex in that moment, it was just the simple and desperate need to be connected and no matter how deep he went, it was never enough. We wanted to be completely molded into one person and if there was a way for him to melt into me entirely, we would have found it. But we were restricted by these bodies we were locked in, and this was the closest we were able to physically get.

We spent the next few days getting to know each other again. He kept telling me how I was different but still His Bella, and we could hardly keep our hands off of each other.

Carlie did notice a difference in him, but she'd just squint her eyes at him and call him silly. Edward was much less responsible than Tony, and somewhat of a procrastinator. He always wanted to do something fun with Carlie before doing serious stuff like homework, and it was never too late for candy, even on a school night.

And strangely enough, Jacob actually got along better with Edward than he did with Tony. Perhaps it was because they both knew the level of hatred they once had for each other, and they both knew exactly when and how they got past it. With Tony, it was more of just a feeling of dislike but not having any memories of how it was resolved, so the resentment was still present, even if they didn't act on it.

"Hey Edward, Mariner game tonight, Emmet and Jasper are coming over." Jake told him.

"Cool, who are they playing?" Edward asked.

"Yankees, its playoffs." Jake said with a smirk.

"Ahh, Mariners are going to seriously kick their Yank asses." Edward said enthusiastically.

"Damn right. Hey you know you were a big supporter of the Yankees just a week ago."

"Ugh! Well, did you kick my ass at least?"

"I should have, but then I thought it would upset the child." Jake joked.

"I'm sure you could have explained it to Carlie and she'd understand one day."

"Oh I was actually talking about Emmet."

Edward laughed at him. "Yeah, Emmet can be a big baby."

"Hey we should all get together and play a big football game." Jake suggested.

"Ok, but I want Seth on my team, how is he anyway?" Edward asked.

"He was going to be a cop like me, but then the little punk decided to become a fireman instead. He still lives in LaPush with his mom and Charlie. Freaking mooch."

"What about Angela and Ben?" Edward asked, but Jake shrugged.

"They finally got engaged a couple of weeks ago, we're all invited to the wedding in the summer." I told them.

We got the call from Dr. Alistair early that afternoon, but unfortunately, they couldn't get him in for the procedure for three more weeks, for which I was actually extremely grateful. I wanted him to get the memories back that he stressed he needed, but at the same time, I just needed him. Edward was disappointed that it wasn't sooner, but he didn't let it get to him either.

Jasper and Emmet came over for dinner and game night, and Edward forced Carlie to wear a Mariners T shirt that he picked up at the store the day before. She's very girly and besides soccer, she has not interest in sports, but she didn't mind wearing the shirt, because she could tell how happy it made her daddy.

I made a bunch of snacks for them, and then Vanessa and I went into the other room to watch a chick flick on TV.

"Bella, I think you need to come out here for a minute." Jasper said to me unexpectedly as he popped his head in the room that Vanessa and I were sitting in.

"Ok, sure." I followed Jasper out to the living room where Carlie and the guys were.

"Hey Bella." Edward said then got up and hugged me.

"Hey." I said and hugged him back. It was a strange awkward hug and the whole thing confused me.

"Can you believe that they put Carlie in the Mariners shirt? I swear they are seriously delusional." Edward said confusing me even more.

"Edward, is everything Ok?" I asked him. He looked at me strangely.

"Tony…was worried about how you were feeling after what happened with Caius at work." Jake said and looked at me sympathetically.

I looked at 'Tony' full of fear and uncertainty, and I felt a sense of loss knowing that Edward had disappeared again.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Tony asked me concerned.

"Noh...nothing." I said in a shaky voice.

"I didn't even realize that everyone was coming over tonight for the game, I must have fallen asleep after…we got home." He said to me suggestively. Apparently the last thing he remembered was us making love after he saved me from Caius.

I loved Tony, but losing Edward was extremely difficult.

I grabbed Tony's hand quickly and dragged him upstairs to my room so I could tell him exactly what's been going on.

"So I've been Edward for a few days? That's…odd."

"Yeah, well it's been confusing." I told him honestly.

"And you really want me to get shock treatment?" He asked in disbelief.

"No…but Edward does." I said. It was just easier referring to each of his separate periods of memory by their different names. It was almost as if he was having multiple personality disorder, except I knew that he wasn't. The doctor explained that his mind would continue to fire off different memory spans, and I was just actually really lucky that he went right back to where Tony left off.

"Well what if I don't?" Tony asked.

I really didn't know how to answer that. If Tony didn't want the treatment, but Edward did, how would they ever decide what to do?

Tony and I picked right up where we were the day I got fired and sexually harassed. He was still considering whether or not he wanted to get the procedure, but we decided to keep his appointment just in case.

He didn't move any of his things out of the guest room, but he slept upstairs with me and still planned on selling his condo to move in with us officially, which we were all pretty excited about.

"Are you going in to work?" I asked him as he came out from the bathroom dressed in one of his suits and his hair combed perfectly in an unlike Edward way.

"Yeah, well I haven't been in over a week. They're going to start to wonder what the hell happened to me."

"Oh my god, that reminds me, Heidi called while Edward was here."

"Why?" He asked confused.

"I don't know, you refused to answer it." I told him.

"Huh? Well I'll call her back later." He told me then grabbed the back of my head and gently pulled me into a kiss. "I won't be late."

"Ok, I'll see you later."

"I love you." He said while looking deep into my eyes.

I smiled. "I love you too." He kissed me again before leaving.

I hated staying home while everyone left, but most of all I hated being away from Him. But just not knowing what was going to happen with Him, or where his mind will take him and when, was almost too much to handle.

He came home from work a few hours later.

"Wow, that was quick." I said to him as he walked in through the door.

"Yeah, there isn't much going on there, and I'd rather just be here with you." He said with a smirk.

"Well I'd rather you be here with me too." I said then wrapped my arms around his neck and locking my lips to his.

We spent the rest of the afternoon in bed and I couldn't imagine a better way to spend my day. That week went by quickly, Tony and I became even closer and though I missed Edward, I was happy with Tony.

"So I was thinking we should go out tonight, Vanessa said she'd babysit." Tony said one morning.

"Yeah, were do you want to go?"

"It's a surprise." He said.

"Ugh, I hate surprises." I complained.

"Yeah, but this is a good one." He said with his crooked smile.

Tony said I had to wear a dress. Great. So I borrowed a dress from Rose and got ready for his big surprise outing. The tight black knee length dress was a little big for me because Rose's boobs are huge and her hips are slightly wider, but I pinned it in so no one would notice and Vanessa came to help me with my hair. She put it up in a loose French twist, and covered me in hairspray and perfume.

I walked down the stairs carefully from wearing such high heels, but I almost lost my balance anyway when I saw Tony waiting for me at the bottom. He was just so beautiful in his dress suit, it was like prom all over again, except his hair was wilder then.

"Ok, so where on Earth are we going?" I said after he kissed me and told me how beautiful I was.

"Nope, not going to tell you, it's a surprise."

I continued to ask him all the way until he pulled into a parking lot. We were in the middle of the city and though I recognized the area, I still didn't know where we were going. He ran around the car and opened the door for me, before taking my hand and leading me out of the lot and up the street.

"The Seattle Opera house?" I asked him confused as he pulled us to a stop in front of the building.

"Yeah, I thought it would be a nice change from night clubs, lunch in little cafés, and watching Dragon Tales with Carlie." He said with a light chuckle.

"I've never been to an Opera." I said feeling kind of embarrassed.

"If this isn't something you'd be interested in, we can go somewhere else."

"No, no, I think this is really neat."

We went inside and took our seats as the orchestra played softly in the background. The room was so large and the gold sculpted detail on the walls and ceiling, was completely breathtaking. Everyone was dressed up in their finest pearls and furs, and ties, and even though I was wearing a fancier dress than I had worn since prom, I was feeling a little self conscious and underdressed.

"Stop being nervous, you look amazing." He whispered to me. I couldn't help but smile at how well he knew me already, even though he's only 'known' me for several months.

I tried to distract myself so I could relax a bit, so I opened the program and started reading over the names which I knew I wouldn't recognize. But as I was reading, I was stunned when I came across a name that I knew all too well.

Musical Score composed by Anthony Williams Jr.

"You composed this Opera?" I asked in a surprised awed way.

"Yeah. This Opera is from New York, it's only in town for a few weeks, so I wanted you to see it."

"Oh my god, Tony this is incredible." I told him as the lights started to darken.

The opera lasted three hours and I was completely emotionally engrossed every second of it. I wasn't sure what the actual opera was about, but hearing Tony's music was one of the most amazing experiences, and I could have sat there all night just listening.

"So what'd you think?" He asked when the lights came back up.

"That was truly amazing." I said honestly.

"You really liked it?" He asked with a wide smile.

"I've never heard anything more beautiful in all my life."

"I'm glad. Hey, I'm going to go say hi to the conductor, would you like me to introduce you?"

"Sure."

After we left the opera house, we went to eat at a swanky Italian restaurant where he ordered expensive wine and chocolate covered strawberries for desert. It was all very romantic and we ended the night with some more private romance of our own.

Every day for the rest of the week, he'd go to work in the morning, then come back with a single red rose for me, and a pink one for Carlie. Every second I spent with him, I found myself falling harder and harder in love with him. He was sweet, romantic, and he did the dishes, it was harder to imagine someone more perfect than him.

But the coming week brought Edward back with it. It was strange, Tony and I were just sitting on the couch watching a movie, and I could almost feel the moment when his brain skipped.

I turned to look at him, and I could see it in his eyes before he even had a chance to say anything.

"What happened to the Mariners game?" He asked after a moment of looking around confused.

"That was almost two weeks ago." I said quietly.

Edward knew exactly what I meant by that, so he pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes almost as if he was trying to fight off some form of physical pain.

"Edward? Everything is going to be Ok." I told him as I wrapped my arms around his neck and rubbed my hand up and down his back.

"Yeah it will, as soon as I get that procedure."

"Well that may be a problem."

"Why?" He asked worried.

"Well because the other you doesn't want it." I said mechanically.

"Well fuck him." He said angrily. "This is my life and I want it back."

"But Edward, you've were only here for a few days last time, and you've been gone for a couple weeks. You may not have a choice."

"Well I'll just have to make sure I stay longer this time." He said confidently.

"It's just that easy huh?" I asked him with a smile.

"Yep."

I hated being in love with both of them, because no matter who I was with, I always missed the other. Edward was more passionate and intense with me, and he even managed to be jealous of himself.

"So have you been fucking him?" Edward always thought of Tony as a completely different person and referred to him as so. And he absolutely hated him. Where Tony thought of Edward as just a part of himself that he couldn't remember.

"Edward." I said in a scolding, embarrassed way.

"What? It's just a simple question."

"He is You, so why are you sounding like you're accusing me of cheating on you?"

"Hey, I never said that. I just want to know if you have been having sex with him."

"If by saying 'him' you mean you, then yes." I said with more attitude than I intended.

He sat there quiet for a few long moments. "Is he better than me?"

"For crying out loud Edward. He is you!" I was actually getting a little angry with him, but then I pushed those feelings away quickly. I had to remind myself that Edward still had that nineteen year old mentality and jealousy was a big issue with him.

"I just don't get it. How could you even like him like that, he's so pompous and annoying."

"Oh yeah, and how would you know that?" I asked him becoming amused despite myself.

"Oh come on, I know his type. Perfect fucking suits all buttoned up with his tie tied up way too tight. Not a hair out of place, and obsessed with shinning his tacky patent leather shoes all the time. Completely boring and predictable."

"Yeah, you always have hated those perfect types of guys." I said sarcastically. "But you're not perfect, not as him or as you."

"Oh I bet I could show you perfect." He said jokingly before tackling me over and kissing me forcefully while I laughed into his lips.

We went out with Angela and Ben that weekend, and it felt so amazing having a completely fun and peaceful evening with Edward. It seemed as though before we always ran into trouble in one way or another, so this was a welcome change.

We all laughed and reminisced about our high school days, which were much more recent in Edward's memory than in ours. Edward and I snuck off to be alone a few times, and had sex in the bathroom, for old times' sake. With Edward, there was no waiting when it came to sex; anytime, anywhere, we could always find a place to be alone. It wasn't a desire, it was an intense need, one that couldn't be put off until we got home the way it could when I was with Tony.

Edward said that he was going to stay until the procedure, so he could make sure he got it, and he actually did. He was with us all week, and finally the day came.

We both said goodbye to Carlie and we told her that we loved her. But Edward had a hard time leaving her because though he'd never admit it, I knew he was scared that he'd never see her again.

Carlisle and Esme were coming with us to California so I wouldn't have to wait alone, and I was so glad that they were, I was sure that I'd go crazy without them.

We arrived at Stanford Hospital in the late morning, and Edward became increasingly quiet the closer we walked to the wing of the hospital where the procedure would take place.

"Well now, if it isn't my favorite patient ever, Edward Cullen how are you doing son?" A doctor said while putting out his hand for Edward to shake.

"Dr. Eleazar, what are you doing here?" Edward asked him while shaking his hand.

"Well, things got too cold up there in Alaska, so what better place to go than to sunny California." The doctor told him. "Carlisle, Esme, wonderful to see the two of you as well."

"Yes Eleazar, it's been too long my friend." Carlisle responded.

"And this must be Bella?" The doctor asked Edward tentatively.

"Yes this is Bella. Bella this is Dr. Eleazar, he was my physiologist at the loony bin in Alaska." Edward introduced us.

"Wow, I do have to say, that those sketches you used to do are exact." The doctor said while looking at my face.

"Dad, you need to stop hogging my patient." A woman said to the Doctor with a warm smile.

"Edward, you remember my daughter Kate?"

"Yeah, of course….Is your sister around?" Edward asked almost as if he was worried.

"No, Tanya is still in Alaska, so you're safe." She joked.

"But I'm here, how are you doing man?" A man with sandy colored hair said as he came up from behind Kate and wrapped his arms around her.

"Garrett, good to see you." Edward greeted him.

"Ok, well if we keep standing here and gabbing like this, we're going to lose our time slot with the machine. Are you ready?" Kate asked Edward.

"So, you're doing the procedure?"

"Yeah, is that Ok?" She asked him.

"Yeah totally. So what are the chances that you're just going to completely fry my brain?" Edward said in a joking manner.

"This procedure is still in its experimental stage, but I haven't lost a patient yet." She joked back at him. "Now this is not a barbaric procedure like it used to be, you will be completely put to sleep and feel nothing. Now with most of my patients so far, they have all gotten their memories back almost immediately. But don't worry if that is not the case for you, every mind works differently so this is just one of those wait and see kind of things."

"Cool, let's do it." Edward said eagerly.

"Edward." I whispered as the gravity of the situation took full force on me.

He turned to look at me then wrapped me in his arms. "It's OK Love, everything will be fine, you'll see." He said softly.

"I can't lose you again." I said with tears streaming down my face.

"You won't, I promise." He said with conviction as he looked deeply into my eyes.

He kissed me passionately, before giving my one last parting look and leaving with Kate and her father.

I felt like I was going to be sick, my life was hanging in the balance right along with his, and I knew for a fact that if he were to really die, I would too. I loved Tony very much, and was happy with him, but Edward was my entire soul and I needed him more than anything. And my only peace in all this came from the idea that Tony and Edward could finally be one.

*Please Review. One or two chapters left…I think ;-) *