Chapter Thirty-Seven

Of Romulans and Warrior Kings

New Day

Sarek sat at his desk with his fingers steepled as his son, in his lecture attitude

explained to Sarek that it had taken quite an effort to center himself after Nyota's experience this evening. For him what was so troubling was the constant un-Vulcan question What if?…

'What if he had not heard the snake's movement?

'What if his reflexes were not quick enough to prevent injury to Nyota?'

'If she had been bitten, what if the antidote used on Vulcans was not effective on Terrans?'

'What if she had died?'

That final thought sent a cold shiver down Spock's spine. A life without His Nyota, would not appear to be worth living. Spock was not sure if the conclusion he had just reached was logical or based on emotion, but to him, it was a reality.

Spock remembered his grandmother had sent him a message through their bond…

'Tonight you experienced what you had not even experienced during your kahs'wan, tue fright. Your devotion to your intended is commendable, but it also can become a reason for problems if not tempered by logic.

As a people, we understand kaidth, what is, is. It is simply acceptance of what cannot be changed, or controlled. The choice of Star Fleet that both of you have made will at times put your lives in danger. Do not allow the unknown to prevent you from experiencing what you can control to the fullest.

I am very impressed with your choice of bondmate. May both of you have long life and prosper. Return here with your bondmate when you are able. '

Spock continued to speak to Sarek,

"Father, tonight has greatly affected me. I wish to know have you ever imagined life without my mother? At this point I am unable to see me wanting to continue to exist without My Nyota."

Sarek studied his son and eventually said,

"Spock I have almost reached that point three times in my married life. You are aware of the difficulties that existed twenty-five years ago involving procreation between Vulcans and Terrans. Although your mother and I were touted as the first Vulcan/Terran pairing, on colonies, outposts, space stations there were others. All of us shared a common defect, non-viable pregnancies.

On outpost XV, I heard of a Terran male and Vulcan female who conceived a child, the child survived the thirteen month pregnancy only to die within hours of its birth.

Now in this time, these hybrid children survive and are even able to procreate. You might remember dialysis was the secret to keep both mother and baby alive.

Your mother was pregnant two times before your conception. The first pregnancy caught us by surprise. We were both traveling together while I was on a trade mission when My Amanda suspected that she was indeed carrying a child. She was overjoyed, I was cautious.

Upon our return home her suspicion was confirmed and after seven months she even started decorating, what Terrans refer to as a nursery. I had never seen your mother more beautiful, content and happy.

It was the beginning of her eighth month that, in the early morning hours I sensed her pain while in our bed and returned to our bedroom to find the bed covered with her blood and your mother holding her stomach.

"It is too early, it is too early. Our child cannot come now."

She was hysterical. Her state just added to the crisis situation. Your brother was lost and your mother almost died. It took months for her to come to even a small degree of her former self. I would sit by her bed and hold her hand, as I sent her conformation of my concern for her welfare. Even once she was physically recovered there was this specter that was between us.

Three year later she was again filled with life, your sister. She carried herself in anticipation of a tragedy, and it came. At first she put on a bold face, but I could hear every unspoken word.

I felt I had cheated her out of one of the most fulfilling roles a woman can play-being a mother. Then came her mental retreat. She stayed in a dark room, in her bed for over two earth months. I sensed she was attempting to will herself to die. It was my constancy that saved her. I suggested another route and after reasoning with her she became accepting.

It was at this time we involved the Vulcan Science Academy in the hope that a way could be found for us to experience a viable pregnancy. After many test, your mother was artificially inseminated and monitored daily, the end result was you, my son, a child of two worlds.

These first two instances helped me to see a life without your mother would hold little interest for me. It was her human mind that drove me to great creative lengths.

Both instances when I thought she would die, the first because her physical body might demand it, or the second, when her mental state might drive her to it, I attempted to imagine life without her, and nothing even came into my consciousness.

When she was pregnant with you she came to me one evening while I was in my office. She was heavy with child and had difficulty walking, but I had never seen her more beautiful. She sat on my lap and ran her fingers over the contours of my face and said,

"If I die, you must live on as a memorial of me. You will be my katrak ark. Our entire life is stored away in that awesome mind of yours. You must stay alive so my memories do not die with me.

She then kissed me and walked back out of the door. It was those words that made me look beyond kaidth. The living are given the task of telling the 'is', the life of the one that has gone.

From our beginning your mother has understood that if we live out our normal life spans she will proceed me in death. She has instructed me to marry again. Possibly become a father again. The thought is distressing to me, but I will carry out your mother's wishes for they are based on her knowledge of 'my time'. My carrying out instructions would actually be her interpretation of kaidth.

My Aduna has thought about everything, given me detailed instructions but her most detailed have to do with you and Your Nyota. She has hoped for grandchildren and anticipates their presence in her life, but she has said, 'time and unforeseen occurrence befalls us all.'*' So, her instructions include that her grandchildren be told about her and that we describe her great love for them even in her absence.

Spock knew that sometime in the near future he and Nyota would have to have a similar talk. It would be all about planning their future together.

The period of isolation would begin at middle night and he rushed to see his Nyota one last time before she would be shut away.

*This is a quotation from The Holy Bible Ecclesiastes 9:11