Chapter Thirty-Seven

Regulus needed to find Sirius.

He needed to talk to him; to explain himself.

And he needed to not get hexed.

He still couldn't believe that Sirius had hexed him.

Regulus aimlessly wandered the corridors. Classes didn't seem important to him anymore. The only thing that was important now was finding his brother.

At long last, he did.

He rounded the corner and saw Sirius and James walking up ahead. The latter had his hand on Sirius' shoulder and was gently talking to him.

"Hey," Regulus croaked, "HEY!"

Even he was surprised by the volume of his voice.

Sirius turned, looking dangerous but unarmed. James had quickly grabbed his wand from his beltloop. Sirius glared at him but James refused to give it back.

"If he makes one wrong move," James declared, "I'll hex him."

Sirius grunted. Both brothers were well aware of the fact that the other students had slowed down and were now eagerly listening in.

"You left," Regulus growled, "You left, Sirius."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sirius spat.

"You ran away," Regulus cried, "Remember?"

Sirius groaned in frustration, "Yeah, I remember. 'Course I remember. What does that have to do with anything?"

"You left me there," Regulus whispered, "You left me behind."

The anger on his brother's face melted into something else as he said, "I asked you to come with me. I begged you. You refused."

"I…I couldn't," Regulus stammered, "You knew that I couldn't."

"That's not my fault," Sirius firmly said, "Because for the first time in my life, I had the chance to break away. I wasn't going to let that go."

Regulus angrily shook his head. Sirius just didn't get it.

"You selfish bastard," Regulus muttered.

Sirius was expressionless as he murmured, "Yeah. I'm a selfish bastard, alright."

He spun on his heel and stomped away.

"No," Regulus groaned, "Don't give me that!"

Sirius stopped and growled, "Give you what?"

"Your stupid expressionless answers," Regulus snapped, walking closer, "Would it honestly kill you to actually show some emotion for once?"

Sirius was quiet for a moment before saying, "You cry enough for the both of us."

Regulus flinched at the remark. His eyes were already stinging. Nevertheless, he stepped forward and cried, "Come on, Sirius! Talk to me, for once! Stop concealing everything!"

"There's nothing to talk about," Sirius calmly said.

"Sirius, please!" Regulus begged, "I need your help!"

Sirius stopped again, clenching his fists. Even though his back was still turned, Regulus could tell that he was hesitating.

Then: "You should have thought of that sooner."

"Forget it," Regulus sighed, "Why would I think that you would help me?"

He turned away himself and muttered, "Selfish bastard."

Something hit him in the back of his head.

He glanced down and growled, "A quill?"

He spun around and Sirius quietly said, "James took my wand."

The crowd had gotten larger. Remus and Peter had appeared on either side of James. He had his arms out, preventing them from going any further.

"That's alright, though," Sirius continued, "Because you and I both know that I don't need my wand."

He swirled his hands through the air and the golden ball of energy appeared.

"Neither do I," Regulus growled.

He slashed his own arms through the air and a small ball of energy appeared in each hand. He held onto them and lowered his arms onto either side.

Several students gasped.

James swore and backed away, pushing the other Marauders back as he did so.

The brothers began to circle around the corridor.

"You know what?" Regulus hotly said, "I stand by what I said. You cannot possibly blame me for what I did…"

"I can and I will," Sirius cut over him.

"…because you ran away and suddenly I was caught in a family where all we talked about was the Dark Arts…"

"This isn't my fault."

"…and they talked to me every single day until…"

"For once in your life, own up to your mistakes!"

"…I finally decided to make Mother and Father pr—what's that supposed to mean?" Regulus shrieked.

"You know perfectly well what it means," Sirius coolly replied, "But hey, I'm just the selfish bastard, right?"

He dropped the ball of energy and the corridor shook. Regulus was secretly grateful that he didn't transform it into the wave of energy. He didn't want to deal with that. He closed his hands and his own energy faded away. Sirius spun around once more and stomped away.

"What do you want from me?" Regulus shrieked.

"I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND!" Sirius roared, whirling around.

The lights overhead popped.

"Everyone, clear out of here, NOW!" James screamed.

His words were magic. People ran in every direction to avoid Sirius' rage.

"I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND!" Sirius repeated, "I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING THAT I'VE HIDDEN FROM YOU!"

He stepped forward and hissed, "D'you ever wonder how I fixed everything? How I fixed the vase that one time? Did you ever wonder how I fixed everything that you ended up accidentally breaking or spilling or saying? Did you ever wonder why you didn't get in trouble for all of the pranks that we pulled? Oh granted, you got your share of punishments but it certainly wasn't a fair share. Did you ever stop to wonder why? Did you ever wonder why I was always 'sick'? Why I could never leave my room? I wasn't allowed."

A lump was swelling in Regulus' throat. His own words rung in his head; he had told his brother to stop concealing everything…to show some emotion…because Regulus remembered dozens of conversations where Sirius had been blank-faced and quiet. Regulus remembered dozens of days where he knew that Sirius was hiding something.

"What are you talking about?" Regulus asked in a small voice.

"Oh, come on!" Sirius spat, "You're intelligent. I know that you know; even if you've been trying to deny it for the past decade. Mummy Dearest banned me to my room every time I stepped out of line. Which was quite often, apparently."

His face was half-hidden by the shadows as he continued, "And I really wish that they just left me there. But they didn't. They hexed me. S…so many hexes. Some legal. Most not. To be fair, the illegal ones didn't really start until after my seventh birthday. You remember yours, right? The birthday that you forgot. The birthday that I helped you forget. Well, I didn't forget. They wouldn't let me. No, you see, they continued that special right of honor, even after my birthday ended. Especially when I misbehaved. Which, again…was apparently quite often. And the screaming. God, the screaming. You've only heard it a handful of times in your lifetime. You don't know how lucky you are. Imagine having to endure that, day after day, along with the torture and pain…when you did nothing wrong."

Something changed in his eyes as he whispered, "I did nothing wrong…and I still took it all…because of you."

He swallowed and croaked, "But yeah…I'm the selfish bastard, alright."

Regulus was speechless.

He had wanted his brother to open up for years.

And here he had.

Only, now…now Regulus had no idea what to say…

Finally, he stammered, "W…why? W…w…why would you do all of that?"

"Why?" Sirius whispered, "Because…you're my bloody brother!"

He wiped his eyes and mumbled, "And that's what big brothers do."