Craig

Okay so he isn't in love with me anymore, at least that's what I got from the conversation we just had a while ago, he doesn't want to lose me as a mate and he thinks that he would've if he'd not snapped out of the feelings he had for me. So am I the only one who thinks that sounds just a little bit suspicious? When he asked if we could go back to how things were, that John Paul was fine with it, what was I to say? So I'd agreed, and I suppose as long as he seems to be over whatever it is he felt for me, then we can try to get back to how things were before his revelation. But I'm still suspicious and will be for a while.

Now we're sat in the living room, him on the sofa, me in the chair, he's been on and on about the footy and I've just been nodding like a fool, oh he's picking up the remote. Yeah I really should pay attention to what people say to me when I am being talked to, but I can't help it if my brain goes into overdrive. I just can't stop thinking about last year when John Paul said he loved me and then took it back, this is sort of the same, just he says his feelings for me are gone, but well JP said he'd been wrong and then turns out he wasn't… So maybe Rich thinks his feelings for me are gone, but then he'll discover that they aren't?

Oh he's looking at me, what's that, oh, right yeah, I nod my head and he gets up to go get us a drink. As he leaves the room I shake my head and just wonder how I keep attracting guys, I mean one guy was weird enough, and as much as I love John Paul, and I do, with all of my heart, it was really weird to have him tell me he was in love with me, and now I have Rich, it's almost the same pattern with both of them, saying they do, then they don't. Aaaargh, well I know for sure that it's only John Paul, I'll never fall for Rich, I'll never love him, never care for him, never anything for him. I want John Paul, I am with John Paul, we didn't go through all that stuff last year for me to drop him for this guy I barely know.

He returns with cans of coke and I smile as I take the one he holds out for me, open it and take a long sip from it as I turn my attention to the TV as Rich finds us some footy match to watch. I smile as he makes a comment about one of the players and reply trying to not show my inner turmoil and I don't think he suspects anything.

For a while we just watch the game and I do find myself relaxing slightly, though I am still on alert and I really just want John Paul to be here with me to calm me down. As if he heard me John Paul chooses that exact moment to walk into the room, his face lightening up in a smile when he sees me. He walks over to me and sits down in the same chair as I make room for him, before I shuffle about and end up having my legs on top of his as he holds me around the waist.

"How did it go?" I ask him and he looks at me for a moment then shrugs.

"Alright I suppose, she seemed okay, once I told her," he shrugs again, "I think I gave her a scare though, since I didn't really know how to tell her and her mind went into overdrive." He chuckles as he glances over at the TV before looking at me again. "She thought I'd gotten AIDS and was calling her to tell her that." I splutter and almost choke on the cola I had just taken a sip of, making him rub my back till I stop and look incredulously at him.

"She actually asked you if you had AIDS?"

"Yeah," he shakes his head and shrugs. "Suppose I got her worried when I took my sweet time in telling her I'd moved away."

"But…" I frown, what a weird thing to ask about, "But she's okay with you moving and all?"

"Yeah perfectly fine," he presses a kiss to my cheek, "But even if she hadn't been, it wouldn't have mattered, I know I've done the right thing." He squeezes me, pulls me closer to him and holds me there and I let him, let him love me, show me that he loves me like that. It's just a wonderful feeling to be able to do this and not feel ashamed.

"She's not mad at me or anything?" I wonder as I look at him making him chuckle and shake his head, "You know, for taking you away."

"Sweetheart no, and you didn't take me away, you didn't have to, I'd have come anyways, you know that." He tells me, "She was really good about it, even said you could call her for any motherly advice you might need," I raise my eyebrow at this, "You know, if Frankie doesn't come round," he continues and I just nod my understanding.

"Well if I ever need motherly advice I'll take her up on that, though I'd probably call Steph or Debs first, you know, since they are family and know me better."

"Yeah, of course… mum practically said you were family now though," I must look shocked at this as he chuckles and brushes his hand through my hair, "I told her how you stood up to Frankie, how you protected me and well that earned you loads of admiration from her, and I think she figures we'll be together for good… Well as I say she thinks you're part of our family now." He says and then suddenly clams up as he looks nervously at me, I raise my eyebrow questioning his sudden worry and he just looks away.

"John Paul?" Cupping his face I turn him to look at me and see the worry in his eyes, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he shakes his head and smiles, but I can see through that and just look into his eyes until he relents, "Sometimes I just forget that this is all new, you know, and mum was on about us being together and I was telling her you'd be one of us lot, or I'd be one of your lot and…" he bites his lips, "I don't want to freak you out or anything, I mean… This, me living here, you asking me to do that, that's a huge step already and…"

I chuckle and shake my head, making him frown, "shut up and kiss me, you idiot," I chuckle as he tries to pout and pull his face towards me as I kiss him, "You can't freak me out JP, don't worry about things…" I shake my head before continuing, "You're not the only one who's thought those thoughts." I tell him as I rest my head against his, "We'll get there eventually, so don't worry about it and just enjoy this, enjoy our relationship." Looking at his face I see this curious smile spread all over his face before he nods, kisses my nose and then turns his attention over to the TV, pressing a kiss to his cheek I snuggle down closer to him, letting him hold me tightly, as I too get back to watching the footy match.

Thanks for reading.