Inevitable pt. 37

Baxter yawned and glanced at his watch. Three hours. That was how much of his life he has lost since coming down to this damn lab. He yawned again. "So this is what you do?" The other man lifted his eyes from the microscope he was using to look at him. "Really?" He couldn't believe that someone would choose this? It was so painfully boring.

Ryan frowned, getting more annoyed by the second with his newly acquired shadow. "Well I out grew cops and robbers, so..?"

Baxter frowned too. He wasn't too thrilled about being mocked by a lab geek. His mouth opened to spew a snappy comeback, but Natalie strolled into the room, breaking the tedium. "Hey!" His smile was wide as he met her surprised stare. "You're back. That's great!" He really wanted the hell out of here.

"What are you doing?" She glanced at Ryan, who simply shrugged.

"Apparently, he doesn't have anywhere to be just now."

Baxter walked up to the redhead. "I was keeping an eye on things." He paused, turning to the pile of papers on her desk. "You know? Things."

"Oh, thanks," she answered quickly. "Well, I'm back now, so I'm sure you have more important stuff." He didn't move, and she grabbed the file of evidence from the top of her desk. "I need to run this, so..?" He still didn't move. "That was my polite way of saying get the hell out of my lab, Baxter."

"Oh." He smiled softly. "Right." He left to get back to some real work. Lab techs? He just didn't get it.

Natalie put on her long, white coat and began to process all the findings from the file. She ran fingerprints and fibres, and even analyzed some infuriating pictures that left her exposed to the world. It was good though. She was busy and busy was good. Where the hell are you? she wondered, growing more and more anxious. How long did it take for a man to end his marriage?

Jessica walked past the front desk and scanned the room for her wayward sister. "Jim, have you seen Natalie?" She turned her eyes toward the uniformed officer. He was flipping through a tiny notebook and looking very, very bored.

"Nah." He shrugged. "She might be downstairs?" His posture corrected itself in a hurry once he realized who he was speaking with. "I need caffeine," he blurted, before hurrying to the lunchroom and away from the nosy blonde.

Jessica watched wide-eyed, until he was no longer in view. "What the hell is going on?" she asked aloud. Everyone appeared to be too busy to notice her, and she was used to receiving all kinds of attention from the boys in blue. Some hated reporters, and by extention, her. Others hit on her and made inappropriate locker room jokes. It was their way of testing her..pushing her, but she has never once been ignored in this place. More nervous that ever, she walked over to John's office door and knocked sharply. She knew without a doubt that if he was around, he was either with her sister or knew where she could find her? After another unsuccessful moment, she crossed the room and spotted Bo in his office. He was seated behind his desk and talking quite animatedly with someone on the phone. She didn't care, inviting herself into the room.

Bo frowned, interupting his conversation and covering the receiver with his palm. "Not now. Out!"

"Sorry." Jess stood her ground. In fact, she shut the door securely before moving closer to her uncle. He was not very happy with her at the moment.

"I'll call you right back. I know, I'll call you back." He slammed his hand onto his desk sharply, and surpressed a grin when his niece jumped. "Damn it, I've got a reporter in my office. I'll call you back." He finally hung up, and concentrated all his irritation on his unwelcome guest. "When I tell you to get out, Jessica, you get out."

"Not this time, Uncle Bo. Something's going on with Natalie and I want to know what?"

"That makes two of us."

Both Buchanan's turned to find Michael McBain in the doorway.

Bo sighed and reluctantly waved the boy inside. "Lock the door," he instructed, wanting to keep out more distractions. He only wanted to explain this story once. When he had the room's undivided attention, he retold the events of the morning. "I don't think either one of them are here right now?"

"Well, where are they?" Mike asked harshly. This wasn't really happening, was it? Where the hell would his brother be, if not here, fixating on this crime? "John wouldn't walk away from this thing, or leave it to someone else to deal with."

"Neither would Natalie."

Bo held up his hand. "I know, that's not what they did."

Jessica stood from her chair. "What aren't you saying, Bo?"

He just looked at her and waited for her to sit back down. She did. "They've got something more immediate to deal with." He paused, observing the clear confusion on their expressions. They didn't understand. "They're ending their marriages."

"Oh my God!" Jess uttered, softly. She felt like an idiot. "Uncle Bo..?"

"She'll be fine, Jessica. Trust me on that one. Besides.."

"What?" Mike croaked. His voice felt lost to him.

"They're doing what they want to do. What they have to do to be together."

Michael ran a hand over his face. "You sound like you're okay with all of this and with them?"

Bo forced an apprehensive grin. "I'm trying."

Jessica sagged into her seat and shook her head. It was spinning in disbelief. "Any idea who would have taken...who did this to them?" Bo shook his head. "I've got to find her Uncle Bo."

"Well, you came to the right place." Bo pointed out his window.

Jessica was out of her chair like a shot. She flung open the door and went straight to her sister, who was flipping through the filing cabinet near her desk. "Natalie, why didn't you call me?"

Nat was surprised. With everything that has gone on, she should know that Jess would find her, but it has been too chaotic. Her sister reached forward and tucked her red hair behind her ear, and she smiled. "It's been a long day," she offered, as explanation.

Jess nodded. "So I hear." She glanced around the room, noticing how several pairs of eyes had quite an interest in the two of them. She was mad. "You want me to beat anyone up?"

Natalie's grin widened. "I'll let you know." She grabbed the file that she was looking for and closed the cabinet drawer. Her expression shifted when she spotted Baxter, who was making his way over. He looked strange. "Hey," she greeted.

"Hey, what are you doing up here? I thought you'd be downstairs for awhile yet?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I just needed a file that was up here." She stared for a moment. "What's up?"

"Oh nothing, just wondering what the deal was?" He moved away from her. "I'll let you get back to visiting with your sister." Then he walked down the hallway and disappeared.

"What the hell was that?"

"You mean, besides weird?" Nat replied, refocussing on her sister. "Listen, I'm sorry I didn't call you."

"Don't apologize to me Natalie. Not today. Today you get a free pass," she paused, "so enjoy it." Natalie laughed. "Why don't you come for a walk with me?"

"No, I've got things to do here." Despite her better judgement, she glanced quickly to John's closed, dark office. Truthfully, she wanted to be here when he came back. She wanted to see him. She was hanging around waiting for him, and she hated it. "I should get back downstairs."

Jessica saw Michael step out of the office with Bo. He moved away, talking on his cell. "Give yourself a break, will you? Just a walk, a short one, to get some air and maybe a little perspective? What do you say?"

Natalie wanted to say yes. She was tired and lonely, and wanted a break from all the drama. She wanted to leave the station for a week, but that wasn't an option for her right now. "Jess..."

Michael walked up to the women and stared. His expression was grim.

"What?" Natalie asked, feeling a panic wash over her. Oh God! "Tell me."

He blew out a quick breath for courage. "That was John. He doesn't know how long he'll be gone?"

"Gone?" Jessica asked, seeing the eery calm on her sister's face.

Mike nodded. "Yeah. He's in Atlantic City."

"What the hell is he doing there?"

Natalie clutched the file in her hand tightly and stared at it hard. She tried to control the heartbeat in her chest, but it was pounding now. "He went after Caitlyn," she answered, before Michael could say anything. She looked up and met the wide, concerned eyes that were watching her, waiting for her to break. "That's it, isn't it Michael?"

He swallowed, but his throat felt dry. "Yeah, Nat. He said.." Truthfully, he didn't want to repeat what he said, but there wasn't a lot of choice in the matter now. "He said that he was going after Caitlyn. That she left him, and he had to find her." His stomach twisted with every word, hating that he was here, cleaning up his brother's mess while he was gone. "I'm really sorry, Natalie."

She didn't say anything. Instead, she began to walk down the hallway.

"Natalie, honey.." She stopped cold, when her sister turned and stared at her with ice in her eyes.

"I'm fine. Please Jess, I need to be by myself right now." Then she walked around the corner with a determined pace.

Michael stood and stared down the empty hallway for several minutes. He felt horrible. He wanted to throw his phone against the wall, or better yet, against his brother's stone head! "I should have lied."

Jessica met his eyes. "No. She doesn't need lies now. That makes things even more complicated." She turned back down the empty hallway. "Do you think he's telling the truth?"

Mike was surprised. "John? Why would he lie?" He followed her line of sight, looking for a redhead that has long since left the room. "This doesn't track."

"No it doesn't." Jessica's mind was running away with her. It was replaying every moment she ever spent around John McBain. At Rodi's, when they were playing pool - after the game, when he tried to hide his attraction to Natalie - here in the squad room, when he would spot her from across the room. "From the moment your brother moved here, he's been gravitating toward Natalie. It was the same with her. It doesn't make sense. His choosing Caitlyn over her, after everything?"

"Well, we're not going to know until he gets back here. I tell you what, though? He's going to get a nice punch to the jaw for that jem of a message."

"Two punches," Jess corrected. They looked at each other.

"Should we go find her?"

"No," she answered firmly. "Let's give her some space. After everything today, she'll need time to wrap her head and heart around things." She took his arm. "Come on, you're going to buy me a burger." He just nodded, letting her lead him from the building.

John pushed on the heavy oak doors with his shoulder. They were thick, and the carvings in the wood were slippery from the rain that soaked them overnight. He pushed harder, finally stepping over the threshold. His eyes instantly went to the basin of holy water that greeted him, and to the initials that were carved into the nearby wall. He smiled softly.

J.M. 1980

His fingers dipped into the cool liquid, and he turned toward the front of the large, old church and made the sign of the cross.

"Well, at least you haven't forgotten that?"

He took the outstretched hand that was greeting him and shook it with vigor. "It's good to see you." Then he was surrounded by big, burly arms that wrapped themselves around him tightly. He chuckled.

"It's great to see you, John!" He stepped away, grinning from ear to ear. "What, are you a stranger to his house?" he asked, leading his friend further into the room. They took a seat in an empty pew. There was silence, and it wasn't hard for him to see that he was troubled. Deeply troubled. "It can't be that bad?"

John lost the smile on his face. "It's bad." He squirmed for a minute, before looking into the waiting eyes of Father Rourke. "Once a sinner, right father?"

Roarke shook his head firmly. "You came here for a reason. Talk to me, John." Still nothing. "Is it Caitlyn?"

His head shot up at the mention of her name, and he knew that he couldn't hide from the truth anymore, not in this place or with this man. "I.." He faultered for a moment. Where did he begin? "I've broken my wedding vows, father."

The man didn't bother hiding his surprise. "Which one, John?"

He looked him in the eye. "All of them."

He glanced away for a minute, needing to wrap his head around this news. This was John McBain. He was honorable. He was good. He was Thomas's son. "You know there's forgiveness for you, if you want it?"

"Yeah, from him maybe?"

"But not yourself, right? Christ almighty, you are your father's son, aren't you boy?" He turned to a statue of the holy son and said a quick prayer for his misuse of language. "If you're not here for forgiveness or absolution, then why are you here?"

He thought about that long and hard. He just ended up here. On the drive through the city, he took a detour and found himself on Tungsdale. He passed the pool hall where Natalie had learned to play and to hustle. Then he was here. "I don't know?" he finally said, speaking the truth. "Maybe to find answers? To understand?"

The older man smiled warmly. "Well, I can help you with that too. You know, I'm not just a priest, but a man, and a friend since you were born. So talk to me, John."

"I fell in love."

There was an awkward pause. "With someone other than your wife."

He nodded. "She's everything, father."

"Tell me about her. How this happened?"

John talked for quite awhile. He talked more than he's talked in a long time, but there was a lot to get out. "She's beautiful and fiery." He chuckled softly. "She's a pain in my ass."

"She sounds like a wonderful woman."

"She is," he answered without hesitation. "She's everything."

Roarke stared hard, trying to piece together his thoughts before speaking them. "John? Do you still love Caitlyn?"

"I think I'll always love her."

"That was the quick, appropriate response." He watched his friend frown, waiting for an explanation to his comment. "Do you feel love when you think of her?" There was silence. "You know what I'm asking?"

"Yes," he answered simply. "Yes. She's Cait. I love her."

"Then it sounds to me like you have a choice to make."

John shook his head. "No father, I don't. I don't think there ever really was a choice?"

"What does that mean?"

He took a deep breath. "It means that I believe that Caitlyn was supposed to lead me to Natalie."

He was surprised again. John McBain always found ways to do that, starting at a very unruly, very young age. "No doubts? None?"

"Not about who I want. That is the only thing that's crystal clear."

Roarke sat back and stared straight ahead. He had performed John and Caitlyn's wedding, as well as his father's before him. He baptized the entire McBain clan, and attended Michael's graduation from medical school and John's from the academy. He was Thomas's best friend since they were five years old. It was his duty to look after his family, and he enjoyed doing it, but now he was torn. The priest in him wanted to encourage the young man to try and salvage his marriage, his sacred vow. The man in him could see what he actually wanted with his life - a very different path from the one that he started out on. He decided to give it one last try. "John, if you love your wife like you say..."

"..then I should try and make things work, right? I can't do that, father. It wouldn't be fair."

"Okay, let me ask you this? If you're as confident with this as you say you are, then why are you here?"

He was confused. "I told you, I.."

Roarke raised his hand, stopping him. "I mean, in AC. Why come chasing after a wife you say you don't want?"

John blinked. "She left without a word. Harrison whisked her off before I had a chance to talk with her. I haven't treated her the way she deserves, so the least I can do is say goodbye and explain, apologize."

The old man stood and stepped into the wide, empty aisle. He needed to stretch his achy muscles. "Is that the best thing for her or you?"

He stood too, growing angry. "You think I'm being selfish?"

"No." He shook his head quickly. "I think you're trying to do the right thing. You always try to do the right thing, but first you need to know what that is John." He watched his friend sit slowly. He looked worn.

"I never wanted any of this to happen. The first time I saw Natalie I knew that I was attracted to her, and the first time I spoke with her I knew that I wanted her. I tried to stay away from her, but it seems like the more I tried the more we were thrown together, and then the first time I kissed her I knew there was no going back in time - no more pretending. I should have talked to Caitlyn then, but I was afraid. I didn't want to face the truth or let her go, and now she's in hiding and I'm pouring my heart out to an Irish priest, needing to understand what seems impossible to understand. How can I see her and talk to her if I don't know what to say? If I can't sort it all out in my own brain?"

Roarke laughed, crossing his powerful arms over his chest.

John frowned. "What's so damn funny?"

He sat and met the angry blue eyes that were piercing their way into his soul. "John, you committed adultery. Of course you're confused, but I think you're making this even more complicated than it has to be."

"You just finished telling me that it was complicated."

He blew out a frustrated breath. "Stop trying to analyze everything I say with that cop brain of yours and just listen to me." He stopped, but wasn't interupted again, so he continued. "You say you know what you want."

John nodded. "Natalie."

"You say that you're not willing or able to let her go."

"No."

"And that you owe Caitlyn more than what you've been giving her?"

"Yes."

"So it sounds to me like you're not as confused as you think you are." He sat again, sinking into the pew a little easier. "Maybe you've gotten some of that clarity you've been seeking?"

John smiled softly. "I forgot how sneaky you can be."

"You mean wise, my son." They both laughed. "Okay, maybe this can help you? Why haven't you and Caitlyn started a family? Had children? I know it's something you want very badly in your life."

John stiffened. "That's getting personal, don't you think?"

"More personal than confessing adultery?"

"Touche." He ran a hand over his face and brushed a stray hair from his eyes. Why haven't we? he wondered, contemplating. "I don't know, really? It just never seemed like the right time for either of us."

"If this Natalie were having your child, how would you feel?" He saw a slow, bright smile spread over his friend's face. That was all the answer he needed. "If Caitlyn were having your baby?"

John's head snapped up sharply. He looked shocked, not sure how to feel? "I'd never turn my back on my child."

"What of the mother?"

He frowned. "I can't stay with her when I'm in love with someone else. What kind of home would that be for a baby?"

Roarke stood again. "I think you just got your answers. Now all you have to do is get your cowardly butt off of my pew and go face your wife." He watched John stand to shake his hand again.

"Are you disappointed in me?"

Roarke looked directly at him. "I don't know why I should stop now, it's been that way since you could terrorize me on two legs." He reached out and hugged the young man tightly. "Come and see me again soon. Maybe bring Natalie with you? I'd like to know this young lady of yours."

John smiled and walked toward the oversized doors. "I don't know if I want her meeting you?" he shouted back, before stepping from the building. He had another Atlantic City stop to make. Then he was going home.