Disclaimer: Sadly Twilight isn't mine. I do own Photoshop Elements so I can make funny manips of Rob, like putting him in a pink miniskirt…its quite amusing. Also, while I may write this story, I am not a musician or songwriter - all songs & lyrics belong to the respective artists/composers.

A/N: Edward's back! Now let's see if Bella lets him stay around. Huge hugs to my girls butterflybetty, reyes139, smadril, and Catasrophia. My days have become much more fun since I've gotten to know you all. Hugs, kisses and bewbie gropes to my twifey theonlykyla…you are far too good to me babe, love you! As usual, thanks to everyone for reading, reviewing, and rec'ing.

Chapter 36: Reconnecting

Song: We All Need Saving by Jon McLaughlin

***EPOV***

As soon as I realize Bella was going to the meadow, I bolt. I really should have thought about the possibility of her going there sooner but with everyone being rattled by her running off, all the thoughts flying through my head that weren't mine made it more than a little difficult to think for myself. As I run out of the house I pause for a half a second, thinking I should take my car but then change my mind, knowing I could reach the meadow faster by running. I just have to hope that I will get there fast enough to keep Bella from doing anything she'll regret later.

Running faster than I ever have before, I keep pushing myself to go faster, and try to tamp down the worry and panic that is creeping up inside me because I don't know what I should expect to find once I get to the meadow, my biggest fear being that it will be a repeat of how I found her at Christmas.

As I make my way through the trees and get closer to the meadow I can hear Bella. She's crying and yelling, and I'm caught off guard because she was alone in Alice's vision. I slow myself down and stand just beyond her sight, watching her as she seemingly talks to herself…

"Why is this so unfair? I never asked for this…any of it. I want my father back goddammit! He was supposed to still be here for me, we were supposed to fix everything. He wasn't supposed to die because of me! I can't deal with all this hurt and pain anymore."

I'm desperate to go to her and comfort her, but she's finally getting her feelings out there and I'm afraid my approach will just make her shut down, so I continue to listen and watch…

"I'm not supposed to need you. I'm supposed to be able to handle this on my own. Why can't I just get away from your grip on me…just let me go, let me be a normal person for once. Let me be a person who can deal with problems like everyone else."

As she yells, I look to where she's yelling and I can see the drugs and the syringe on the ground. I'm both scared and relieved at the same time. I'm scared, knowing that she has the drugs on her, but I can tell that she hasn't used…yet…her blood still smells clean, which is why I'm relieved. The fact that she hasn't used them just confirms what I already know – that she is so much stronger than before.

Bella's emotions finally get the best of her and for the first time, I see true rage displayed on her face as she attempts to destroy the meadow, kicking and throwing everything in her path. I hear her scream out "I'm so damn tired of being alone!" as she tries to throw a large rock. She trips and seeing that she's going to fall, I can no longer stay on the sidelines…I have to run to her, catch her, save her from herself.

Soaked, both from the rain and the tears running down her face, Bella collapses in my arms. As I cradle her small frame in my arms, I rock her and hold her close to me as I try to calm her…the only thing I can think to say is "You're not alone love, I promise you that you'll never be alone again."

I can tell the exact moment Bella realizes that it is me who is holding her – she tenses a bit in my arm, but doesn't try to shy away from me. I continue to hold her and rock her in my arms despite the rain and the fact that she's covered in mud, grass and leaves from her outburst and attack upon the meadow…none of it matters right now. My priority is trying to get Bella to calm down and I doubt she wants everyone else seeing her like this right now, so I make no move to leave where we are.

I'm not sure how we stay that way, but eventually Bella's crying subsides to a sniffle and she starts talking.

"I'm so tired Edward. I've made so many mistakes and such a mess of my life. I can't do it anymore, this hurt, this regret…it's eating me up inside and I don't know how to make it stop. I just want to give up, I can't keep trying anymore. I'm so sick and tired of having to lean on everyone else, of having everyone else worrying about me and if I'm going to slip up again. I'm twenty three years old, I should be able to take care of myself without needing help to make it through the day." Bella looks so broken as she speaks, her voice hoarse from yelling as she does everything she can to avoid eye contact with me.

Seeing Bella like this, so fragile and afraid to just try and make a life for herself breaks me. For so long I wanted to tell her so many things and take care of her, and for so long I've made the mistake of sitting by and keeping my mouth shut, that I can't stay quiet any longer, and before I even realize it, I'm pouring my heart out to her, trying to make her see that everything is going to be okay…trying to tell her just how much I still care.

"Bella, you are so much stronger than you realize. You have got to move on from your past, let it go. The way you are right now...so ready to give up…this isn't the Bella that I know. The fear and self-doubt that you have Bella, it isn't real. It's just all that you're allowing yourself to feel, but that's okay love. You will get past this, it's not permanent Bella. That's the way feelings go…but it's up to you to make the decision about how you handle them. You have all the power, you just need to realize that. "

Bella shakes her head at me, her doubting of my words clearly written on her face.

"You're wrong Edward, I'm weak. I don't have power or strength. All I have is the ability to make my life miserable, and a world of pain and regret to live it in. I mean seriously Edward; I haven't really caught a break in the past five years. Why should I think anything is going to change?"

Hating that she doubts herself so much, I lift her chin so that she is looking me in the eye. I want her to understand the sincerity of what I'm saying. She needs to know that I mean it and not just feeding her some pretty sayings to make her feel better.

"I know you've had it rough Bella, and a lot of that is because of me and I intend on trying to earn your forgiveness for that. But you need to realize that right now is just a passing storm. The clouds will lift one day Bella, and things will get better and you will be happy again. You need to stop telling yourself you can't lean on someone else Bella. We all need saving sometimes."

Finally, as Bella processes what I'm saying, I can see that she's starting to believe me, even though she still has some doubts.

"It just feels like it's all too much sometimes Edward. And it's not fair. Why does it have to be so hard for me." Bella's words become muffled as she leans her head against my chest. The physical contact feels wonderful, I feel as though that piece of me that has been missing has finally been put back into place, and I can't help but pull her closer to me."

"Bella, I know it's been beyond hard for you, but I don't know why it has to be this way and
I don't know the cure to make it all magically better. But please believe that we have all felt this before and I for one won't let you go through this alone. "

As soon as I mention my being there to help Bella, she tenses again. My nerves skyrocket again, afraid that she's going to shut me out again, something I don't know if I will be able to handle.

"Let me help you Bella. Please, don't shut me out again." I know I'm pleading with her, but I don't care. She's so broken and after everything I've heard her say, I can't bring myself to stay away any longer. As I look at her, waiting for a response, I start to worry…what if she says no?

"Okay" she whispers as she pulls herself even closer to me. It feels so good having her in my arms again, having her close, knowing she's not pushing me away this time. "I just have one question Bella" I whisper and I raise her face so she's looking at me. "I love you Bella, I've never stopped…I just need to know where we stand, if we even have a chance…" Before Bella even gets the words out, the look in her eyes tells me everything I need to know.

Bella's eyes – which have seemed so hard, and cold and vacant from everything she's been through – soften, offering me a glimpse of the Bella from five years ago. She brings her hand to my face and as she caresses my cheek I lean into her, loving that the all too familiar spark can still be felt between us, and when she speaks, for the first time in a long time I hear a gentleness in her voice.

"Oh Edward, I never stopped loving you, even though I tried to convince myself I did. There's a lot of hurt between us, hurt that we're both guilty of causing, but I'd like to take things slow. Maybe work on getting a friendship back and let things progress naturally. I hope that's enough for you Edward, because I can't offer much more than that right now."

As soon as the words are out of Bella's mouth I feel like I can finally breathe again. I had felt so dead inside for so long without her, that knowing that there is at least a chance makes me feel like I'm flying, and I can't help the giant grin that spreads across my face, and as Bella sees my smile, her face begins to mirror mine, a smile forming across her lips. I feel Bella shiver against me, and it reminds me that she is still covered in dirt and soaking wet.

"Why don't we get you out of this rain?"

Bella nods in agreement, and just like we used to, I move her to my back and take off running back to where she left the car. Once there, I gently place her into the passenger seat and help her buckle her seatbelt before moving to the driver's side and making our way back home.

Along the way, the toll of the day catches up with Bella and she drifts off to sleep. Once back at the house, I gently carry her into the house where everyone is waiting. As soon as they the way we both look, I can hear their worried thoughts flying around again.

"What the hell happened to her?" hisses Emmett.

Smiling and I make my way past my family so I can get Bella to her room, I stop for a moment, turn to look at them and say "Progress."

A/N: Yay! Bella didn't use and didn't totally freak on Edward What do we think about what Edward had to say to Bella? Thoughts on Bella's response to Edward's question at the end? Remember…if you review, I'll send you a snippet from the next chapter which should be up on Saturday or Sunday.

Now for the important reminder!

I've been nominated in 3 categories in The Sunflower Awards. I'm very excited to just be nominated along with all the other amazing authors and stories that were nominated as well. The Sharpest Lives was nominated in The Best Angst Story category and Best Bella Category, and my o/s A Walk In The Park has been nominated in The Best OneShot Category. Voting is now open. You can go to thesunflowerawards(.)blogspot(.)com/ to check out all the nominees and to vote.

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