A/N: This chapter is pretty much short filler, but I think it's kind of necessary. I do want to get into some stuff about the war against Voldemort, because it's important to later parts of the story. I've been trying to slip it in as we went, very much in passing, but this time I've put a spotlight on it because I think it's important to address. War is a big deal.

So…I hope you like this. It's a tad bit different pace-wise.

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February 2

9:30 PM
Status: Brooding

Eurgh. I am so done with everything.

For the past few weeks, I thought I had my work situation under control. I really did. I was getting things done, understanding the course work and getting it fairly correct. And now…now I don't even know. I'm back under my avalanche and I can't focus and I'm so miserable for it. I hate not knowing what I'm doing. All the lovely happiness from my birthday this weekend has quickly evaporated after this hellish Monday.

There's too much to do and I can't bring myself to deal with it. It's as simple as that. So, at present, I am sitting by the fire in the Gryffindor common room. James and I managed to sweet-talk two other prefects into taking our patrol for tonight, therefore giving us a well-deserved break (James for Quidditch and me for just breathing). The common room is empty, though, because no one's in the mood to loiter.

Because of this, I actually have company. Sirius mentioned that Napoleon was getting a bit restless again, being confined to his hiding place in James's dormitory, so I rescued him tonight and he is currently sitting on my lap like a furry little table, purring as I simultaneously stroke him and write in here.

It's only Monday, and yet a bunch of things have been going through my mind, and I feel like there's no place in which to confide them. I love Alice and Livvy, but they can't help me with this one. No one really can.

See, earlier this afternoon, I was walking to History of Magic after lunch. I was alone, because I was on my way to the bathroom and Alice and Livvy were off to the classroom, and I turned a corridor to see a highly unpleasant sight:

Severus and a small, obnoxious-looking crowd of his friends were muttering in low, scary voices to a lower-school student that I know for a fact is a Muggleborn – and that little boy looked like he was about to piss his pants with fear.

At first, I was unsure of how to react. But then I saw Avery menacingly stick his wand into the kid's gut and I felt my temper rise so fast that I was almost frightened of myself. My gut twisting, I remembered that I was a Head Girl, and I marched up to the boys, clearing my throat.

"What the hell is going on over here?" I inquired. My voice was shaky only out of anger.

"Evans," sneered Mulciber, rolling his eyes at me. "What do you want?"

"What I just said," I snapped back. "I want to know what the hell is going on over here."

"Nothing," said Avery. "Run along, now."

"Ten points from Slytherin," I said, crossing my arms. "I'm the Head Girl, so I demand that you tell me what the hell is going on."

"Nothing," said Avery again, this time withdrawing his wand, the group opening so that the little boy had more room to breathe.

"Good," I said curtly. "Let's keep it that way."

I turned my attention to the little boy. He looked at me like I was some goddess from the skies and I couldn't help but smile a bit.

"Go on," I told him. "Go to your next class."

Gratefully, the boy scurried off, leaving me alone with the Slytherin gang. Snape was obviously among them, but he had not yet spoken. I really didn't think he would. I refused to catch his eye as I glared into Avery's hateful face.

"Leave the Muggleborns alone," I told them, soft but cool and hard.

"Fine, we won't bother the Mudbloods, if it pleases you," said Mulciber with a snort.

The usual chill shot down my spine as he said that hideous word, but I did my best to hide it, glaring at him as I was.

"You had better not," I told him. "There can be serious consequences for harassing students."

"All right, Evans," said Avery in the same tone as Mulciber. "We'll clean up our acts, we swear. Now get lost."

I narrowed my eyes. "Five more points from Slytherin," I announced before I walked off, seething, my blood boiling.

I know the Pureblood thing has been a bit more prevalent than usual lately, as this war with You Know Who gets worse and worse, but I had never really seen it happen in the castle until now, particularly with one of my ex-best friends tagging along like some filthy puppy dog.

I hear whispers of bad things happening when I actually take a flip through the newspaper, but seeing proof with my own eyes…that made everything so much realer to me. The big, ambiguous war – the one so few people talk about – is suddenly starting to seep into the world I know, the one in here. It's starting to divide up my school, the place I love so dearly.

I'm so caught up in the intricacies of my own life that sometimes I forget there's a cold, complicated world out there, too, and it affects every facet of my existence, if I dare to look close enough. What other horrible things am I going to see, as I grow up in a place so uncertain? How more encounters like the one I had this afternoon am I going to face as the days plod on? It's really difficult to say.

I'm deathly afraid, to be quite honest. I mean, I know I'm not really part of this conflict, but I feel like I could be, if my luck decides to change, just for a moment. I have not forgotten that I am a Muggleborn myself – which means I could be hunted, like that little boy in the corridor, and taken from the face of the earth, from the people I love, simply because of my ancestry.

I don't like knowing there are people who want me dead just because I didn't come from their world. I'm just as good as any of the Purebloods or half-bloods here. I'm the top of my class, which has all sorts of different people in it. I have friends that sport extremely varied ancestry and they're all wonderful people. Why should it matter where you come from, so long as people are glad you're here?

I've never understood that. Never. It doesn't make any sense to me. But I mean, much of what people – Wizards and Muggles alike – do doesn't make much sense, so I suppose it's just one of those things that you fight to finish, no matter what.

These thoughts have kind of haunted me throughout the afternoon. I could feel their weight in my stomach, heavy and so obvious, as I went about the rest of my day, and I felt fragile, in a way. I longed to tell someone about it, but I couldn't – somehow, it felt wrong, inviting my friends into these fears and insecurities.

Alice, as far as I know, is a Pureblood, while Livvy is a half-blood. Both of them have parents who can do magic. They've never had to worry that people will hate them for being part of this world. They don't understand how it is to be considered an outsider to magic, as I and the other Muggleborns do. I mean, they do understand some of it, but it's difficult to put yourself in a situation where you're the one some people hate, where you know that you're going to run into problems with people who take this stuff seriously.

We live in a highly insulated environment here at Hogwarts. Blood prejudice and Dark magic don't seem to exist here. The usual scuffles of young people learning magic together ensue, of course, but otherwise, everyone's fine and getting along. But it's not like that once we leave and experience what it is to be an adult Out There and I find that I don't think I'm ready to leave the comfort and protection of Hogwarts. I don't want to put myself out there and have to wonder at my own security.

There are a lot of particularly bad people out there right now and the idea that our paths could cross terrifies me more than I can say.

I know this mood will pass, that I'm going to forget about it and be okay and live on, but I don't know. I really just don't know. I don't think this issue is something I can evade for too much longer, considering everything. I graduate school in just four more months.

But, either way, I do think it's time for bed. I'm tired, it's past ten now, and I need to drop Napoleon off in James's dormitory. Hopefully he's still awake, or else Napoleon will have to camp out with me tonight. We'll see how that goes.

Good night for now, then. I'll write again as soon as I can.

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A/N: Now, never fear, ladies and gentlefolk – the next three chapters will feature some very fun development revolving around the idea of…drumroll please…Valentine's Day!

While Christmas was slow growth for various love affairs, V-Day is different, involving some further cuteness for Alice/Frank, some difficult questions for Livvy/Russell, and some earthquake-like-rumbles for Lily/James.

And, as for the proper LJ action (which I knew you were going to ask about), my outline has declared that Chapter 44 brings us an ultimatum and Chapter 46 resolves the ultimatum. But that doesn't mean this story – or their story – is over.

So…stuff is coming up, I swear. But plotting things is (as I'm sure you've noticed) not one of my strong points, so some chapters do feel a lot slower than others. I'm trying, obviously, but I pray you forgive my missteps and trust me for the rest of it.

Cheers, guys! You're the best!