Its kinda crazy how just sitting and watching the world go by can be sorta relaxing. I find it fun to watch all the birds, lizards, and other little creatures just do what they do best without a care in the world. All they have to worry about is other things trying to eat them and avoiding human contact. They have it better than us humans it sucks being a human because we have to worry about taxes, expenses, and worst of all other people. I bet you the reason those little newts run so fast when they see a human come towards them is because they're scared they will become like one. Can you blame them? I mean I'd rather be a newt running around in the forest then be a human, but at the same time I'd miss being a human. I guess it's always nice to be a human a good percent of the time. Maybe seeing things from a different perspective is what it takes to apriciate what you have. I dunno my thoughts don't make sense right now to me. I'm still trying to process the event of today and all these emotions I'm feeling that I've never felt before. It's just crazy how one person can make me feel all these things I never knew I was even capable of feeling over the course of a few months. I swear I've felt them all happy, sad, anger, rage, lust, joyful, forgotten, loved, annoyed, giddy, excited, confident, scared, betrayed, worry, lost, relieved, stressed, depressed, cocky, jealous, curiousity. There are so many more that I can't even begin to describe. But just like Aksana said I have a case of love sickness and I have it bad, and Candice is the one who gave it to me in the first place. Hell it's like we're an old married couple because that's how I feel.

The best part of all this is that if it weren't for me being an alcoholic I wouldn't have been sent here and all of this would have been avoided, but I was and here I am feeling all the feels. I dunno but I don't care anymore today I just want to watch tv and each fruit snacks. So after watching the sun set I went back inside and to one of the vending machines. I decided on some fruit snacks and those peanut butter cracker things. Then from there I went back to solitary. I guess they don't care that I left hours ago because nobody came to get me. Doesn't matter I'm in no mood to raise hell anyways. I then figured I would take a shower before I went to bed. Its been a while since I last took a shower by myself.. But hey it is what it is.

Two days later

Well today is my last full day here I leave tomorrow afternoon. So that means today is my "going away party" apparently it is tradition to throw a party whenever someone is leaving fully cured. That's cool I guess that means free cake and pizza. I love pizza and cake they can never hurt my feelings, only make me feel better. I can use some because it's been about 30 hours since I last talked or seen Candice. I miss her so much I'm a mess I don't know what to do without her. Nothing is as fun as it was when I did it with Candi. Maybe I will see her in a bit because the "party" starts in a little bit.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm susposed to wear so I just settled on a pair of skinny jeans, a black cami, with a cardigan to go with it. I don't feel the need to get all fancy for something that is kind of irrelevant. I to be honest don't really even want to go that much. What's the point of going if I'm not even in a celebrating mood? None the less I just want to go home I can't take being so close in distance to Candice yet so far. Every hour that passes I think about going to find her and apologize to her for everything. But then I remember I didn't do anything and she is the one who should be apologizing to me she's the one being unreasonable. But I guess I do owe her an apology for some of the things I said when I really never meant it at all. Then again we all say things we don't mean when we're mad, it happens to the best of us. I want to go to her but my pride won't let me do it, and that's probably why she hasn't came to me yet either. If there is one thing I know for sure I know she'll eventually have to talk to me because most of her belongings are at my house. So that might just be our saving grace when it comes down to it. I don't know what she is thinking right now but I know it must be something along the same lines of what I'm thinking... Or atleast I like to hope that she is.

Now that I think about it I hope she is okay. Because this is the longest we have ever been apart while being here. Regardless I still have to see her because I never went down there to actually pack my bags, I just grabed some clothes not all of them. I guess I can do that tomorrow afternoon before I leave. I dunno just gotta hope she didn't go crazy psycho and throw my stuff out I only say that because I once did that to an ex... Except I threw it all in his front yard and set it on fire.. It is what it is. Anyway once I finished doing my hair and make-up I headed over to the room where we have group therapy. It was all decorated with a few balloons, some streamers, tables with black table covers, and a banner that said "Congrats on being sober and drug free!". It was okay I suspose but atleast they tried so I'm not going to be ungrateful. They even had the Cotten candy and popcorn machines out along with a whole table of different food. When I walked in I was greeted by a whole bunch of people who either work there or they themself was a inmate in this horrid prison. More than half of these people here I have never even seen until tonight. I don't blame them me and Candi would come to these parties for other people too, only for the food and because we had nothing better to do at the time.

As I looked around I noticed Christy was on the far side of the room and she and her band are playing. I'd be lying if I didn't think she had a good singing voice because she does. I think it's cute because they have on matching themed outfits, I find it interesting when bands do that. There are a lot of people here and it's super loud and I kinda have a headache, but I'll suck it up just for the next two or three hours. I figured I'd get something to eat it is my last dinner here so why not. As I was scanning the table with all the food on it I noticed they had lasagna and I couldn't stop the awkward smirk that came to my face. It reminds me of the time Camdice though it would be a great idea to finger me in the elevator and then proceed to announce it to everybody in the Dining Hall. Now that I think about it, it is pretty funny that she did that. But I'm in no mood for that particular Italian dish, I just want the pizza and wings. Luckily they got a pizza with bacon on it so I took from that box, along with a couple hot wings and blue cheese. I guess this party doesn't suck so bad anymore. I then found an empty table and began to eat my food and watch all the people dance and chat with each other.

"Victoria is your hot cousin coming to pick you up tomorrow?" Ask the same meathead who I would love to push off a cliff.

"Get away from me you over mutated bag of crap!" I spat. Why is he even here? Actually why does he even have a job here still?

"Nice to see you two. Anyways I've been doing some research and guess what I found out?" He spoke sitting next to me. Then this man had the nerve to scoot his chair closer to me... I'm trying so hard not to get mad because I'm going home tomorrow and I don't want to fuck up and have to stay even longer.

"Wow I'm surprised you even know how to do research. Let me guess you found out how incredibly stupid you are?" I asked sarcasticly with a sly smirk.

"I found out gay marriage isn't even legal in the state of Florida. So theoreticly your cousin isn't single and I can in fact marry her!" He said with such enthusiasm. I just looked at him like he was crazy some people just don't know how to accept rejection. Why do I have a feeling that this is the most work he has ever done in his life? But since he went through the trouble, I guess I should tell him that Florida isn't the only state they live in. Yea apparently when you are a top notch lawyer and you have a very successful clothing line you tend to be able to afford more than one house in different states.

"You know if there was one thing I like about you it would probably be the fact that you are just so determined to fuck my baby cousin. It's cute but it's also kinda disrespectful to her." I shrugged.

"No it's not it's just human nature."

"No it's actually really disrespectful to them and it makes you look like an ass. I'm pretty sure she made it very clear that she isn't in anyway, shape, or form attracted to you. Her wedding ring might not mean anything in this state but it means a hell of a lot on the entire East Northern part of America, which actually includes the state of New Jersey. And hey fun fact that is where their marriage certificate is from. Do you know what that means?" I asked talking down to him. He's just looking at me. "So that means that they must live in New Jersey too if their marriage certificate is from there huh? Crazy ain't it!? Yea they have a house up in Jersey too, Florida is just their summer home or if they just want to get away from the hustle and bustle of the north. Also because Aj's law firm is down here too. So that ring she wears around her finger is a lifetime commitment to someone and if you're too stupid to respect that then why are you talking to me?" I spoke really annoyed with him. I've had more than enough of him, and quite frankly I have a burning desire to punch him in the face. And he didn't have anything to say to that. "Ha with the attitude you have good fucking luck finding someone who will put up with your ignorant ass." And with that I took my plate and left him to think about that. He is going have a hard time finding someone, but he ain't my friend so I don't give a fuck about him.

Once I finished eating I just sat and watched the crowd. Ok no I'm not I'm looking for Candice. Surely she would come to my going away party right? I mean she wouldn't do me dirty like that, we have too much history. Maybe she is still sleeping she tends to take random naps during the day that last into the night.

"Vic hey why are you sitting down you should be celebrating! You get to go home tomorrow." Questioned Randy as he sat next to me.

"I am excited can't you tell?"

"No you're sitting at a table all by yourself eating cotten candy."

"I love this stuff it's fun." It isn't a lie. I love how it just melt in your mouth.

"Jamie told me what happened.." He spoke in a more mellow tone.

"What did she tell you?"

"That you and Candi got into a big fight and now you aren't talking to each other." Well I guess everybody knows everything around here. "And that it was really bad because ya'll don't share a room anymore. Plus I haven't seen Candice in like two days, I'm not even sure if she has came out her room since."

"Well that's all true, not sure of the last part but I haven't seen her since the fight." I murmured. I don't want to do this right now. My head hurts, this music is blaring in my ears, and the people are talking loud also and it isn't helping my cause. None to mention that stupid scumbag managed to piss me off and ruin my mood.

"You know she still loves you right?" He said and I just gave him a questioning look. "Jamie went to check on her earlier today and she said she had on one of your hoodies and was snuggling Chester."

"Oh cool. But it's still not fair I have to fight for her just to pay attention to me. I get no love from her anymore as long as that blonde bimbo is running around brainwashing her."

"Well if it makes you feel better Candice stopped talking to Torrie. In fact it was some time later the day you two had a fight and Candice confronted her."

"Yeah and what happened?" I asked sarcasticly with an amused grin. I wonder what lie she came up about me to make Candice turn against me.

"The truth came out and then Candi slapped her." Wait what!? "I only know because I saw it happen. You were right she is a crazy psychopath."

"Ha and nobody believed me when I said it.. It's nice to know Candi finally knows the truth, but it doesn't matter because she was the one who didn't believe me. She took the side of a stranger and left me in the dark."

"Why you gotta be so damn stubborn? You two need to talk before you leave tomorrow. Vic you know I love both you and Candi like family, but I hate when you two are fighting. What happened to all of us being a family and being there for each other no matter what?"

"I'm not being stubborn Randal. I'll admit that most of the time me and Candi fight it's my fault and I'll apologize to her, but this time it's her fault and I'm not apologizing this time. I did nothing wrong so if anything you should be asking her why is she so damn stubborn." I said with honesty I didn't do anything wrong this time, she was the one who never let me explain the truth of what really happened.

"Look I don't care who started it, all I know is you better not walk out those doors tomorrow without atleast saying good-bye to each other." He said sternly. I guess he must have realized how much Candice and myself need each other. "I'm sorry if it upsets you but you needed to hear it. You need Candice just as much as she needs you and that's probably how it's always going to be. Anyways I'm going to go get some cake. Congrats on being able to go home, I'm not too far behind you on that." And with that he gave me a quick hug and walked away towards the desert table. I'm not upset with Randy all he did was tell me the truth and I needed to hear it. I honestly can't get my thoughts together right now I just want to go to bed. Candice didn't even show up so I guess I wasted my time coming here. I figured I'd grab a piece of chocolate cake on my way out I have a right to indulge on my feelings with desert. Besides it's not like anybody would notice I disapeared anyways.

XXXXXXXXXX

The next morning

Well today is the day that I Victoria Marie Varron gets to go home and away from this awful prison they call rehab. Aksana is coming to pick me up at four in the afternoon and it is eleven in the morning now. I have a lot of stuff to do starting with my final one on one with Shelby. I'd rather not have to see him today but I don't think I even have an option. It's not that deep though I could care less.

…

My one on one lasted all but ten minutes. All we did was go over my coping tecniques and paper work, nothing note worthy. Anyway now I figured I would go play racquetball since I never used the court since I've been here. I have no idea how to play all I know is I have to keep hitting the ball against the wall... Sounds easy enough if I my right shoulder didn't hurt still. So that only lasted for ten minutes plus it's boring playing by myself. So I just went to the gym I can still do legs. I was in there for maybe an hour give or take. But it's two o'clock now and I still have to pack the rest of my stuff.

First I gotta take a shower can't go home sweaty and stinky. Besides I want to go out for dinner after I leave this place. When I got back to my room I hoped into the shower. I then got dressed and put all the clothes I do have in my bag, I gotta go downstairs to get the rest of my stuff. Which is all in the room where Candice is staying. I don't want to but I have to talk to her... I might be mad at her but I love her still. And in my head she is still my girlfriend no matter what. I dunno I just hope she feels the same still. I just don't know what I am even suspose to say to her if I do end up seeing her like;

"Hey I'm leaving in a bit now apologize for being unreasonable." Ha no that would make me an even bigger asshole than I naturally am. That'll probably earn me a palm to the cheek. Maybe I'll say "Remember when I said Torrie was trying to break us apart?" No see that might even be worse. Or perhaps I'll say "It wasn't my fault this time." Nah I don't want to get all cocky about it because it really isn't that serious. Shoot maybe I'll just say "Sorry." But the problem with that is I refuse to be the first one to say it this time.. I can apologize for all the mean things I said, but I won't apologize for this whole stupid situation we are in. To be honest maybe I shouldn't say a single word and just listen to what she has to say. I don't even know if she will even talk to me. But then again she doesn't really have an option at the end of the day. I dunno but I better go get my stuff now it's a little past three-thirty now and I don't know what to expect with Candice. So I grabed my stuff and headed down to my old room, from there I'm just gunna go down to the lobby and wait for Aksana to come get me. I took my time getting there, I honestly have butterflies because this is all new to me. I've never had a love as strong as how I feel about Candice, and I don't know what I'd do if I lost her.

When I got to the room I stood outside for a bit just trying to get my shit together and prepare for what might occur in about ten seconds. So after a deep breath I knocked on the door... Why am I knocking it's my room for fucks sake. I just opened the door and it was dark with the curtains closed, so I walked in and closed the door behind me. I then turned on the light and sat my bag on the bed, which was empty. Actually both beds are empty in fact I don't even think she is in here because the bathroom is empty too. Well that's a relief to some degree I guess. All my stuff is still here so that's good too. Well I better get to work packing.

It didn't take long for me to finish because I didn't fold anything I just threw it all in and closed it. I don't like to fold clothes it was usually Candi who folded my clothes, only because she didn't like how diorganized my stuff was. It took me about ten minutes in total to pack and oddly Candice didn't even appear during it. Well I'm not even sure when she will come back so I guess I will leave her a note. It's just like talking to someone in person only that said person can hear you say it over and over again when they want. So I grabed a piece of paper and a pen and wrote down what was on my mind.

I hope nobody sees the note other than Candi because that possiably was the most unbadass letter I've ever written. It is so sappy probably but it's the truth of what I feel inside. After reading it five more times I folded it in half so it stood up on its on making it obvious that it was sitting on the bed. And with that I grabbed my stuff and headed down to the lobby. It's almost four now so it won't be that long of a wait to go home and I can't fuckin wait.

Ten minutes later

"It's about damn time you got here, I was starting to think you forgot about me." I spoke to Aksana as she finally pulled up to the place.

"Hey it wasn't my fault. Blame Aj she decided to get a little hands on... And well I don't think I have to explain the rest." I just shooky head.

"You two are something else. Anyways let's get out of here." I spoke picking up my bags and headed to the car. Aksana took one from me so she helped lighten the load that was my luggage. "Pop the trunk please." I spoke looking at Aksana. She took out her keys and pushed the button on it cause it the trunk open. I then placed my stuff in the trunk as Aksana walked over to the driver's side and got in. I then closed the trunk. And walked up to the passenger side door and opened it. But before I got in I turned around to look at this building that probably saved my life and my future.

"VICTORIA WAIT!"

Awe that made me sad a little bit Vic hasnt seen Candi in two days almost and now it's time Vic to leave. Wheres Candi and why didn't she go to Vic's going away party? Randy always there to talk some sense into Victoria. I wonder what was on the note she left for Candice. Most of all who was that screaming after Vic? Well I know who... Do you? Lolz :) I

So like what's good with the Diva's division now that Aj is out the title picture completely? Maybe it is some bodies time for a lift...?¿? I hope it is maybe.. I dunno I'm a bit out of mind right now. Look out for the next and possiably the last chapter in a bit hopefully before they new year. Happy holidays. ~Joz #FuckItUp