I feel that it is my duty to record the events that happened on that day. Although the official story may never be released, I feel this obligation. (I understand that many other of the official records have never been released?) After all, what started horribly wrong ended up horribly perfect. Though in my mind, I believe that no matter how the day might have ended, Forget-Me-Not Valley would still never be the same.
Spring 2 Year 2. Half, if not the entire, of the town was lazing around trying to recover from the hangover that came about after the New Years Festival. It's hard to believe that such a small village could 'party so hard,' as Miyabi put it. I enjoyed the time even if it ended being another stressful mess of idiocy, but I've grown to like stressful idiotic messes and the idiots who cause them.
Miyabi was, of course, sleeping in passed the morning hours but I didn't feel like waking her. Thankfully she had been in her own room so I didn't have to put up with her sleep talk or… other strange noises.
After breakfast (Cornflakes) I did what I usually did and that was tending to the farm. I had strawberries growing, not necessarily for the money (we certainly had plenty as it was) but because Z likes them. He told me so. Miyabi also insisted that I plant turnips for her girlfriend. Excuse me—boyfriend, Skye. Aside from crops, we had acquired many livestock, all of which I care about very much.
But soon I'd realize that day wouldn't be like all the other days. I began to worry when I smelt something burning, and looking over to the pasture, I saw what I had smelt. A dark cloud of smoke was hanging over the field. And so, the nightmare began.
I ran to the pasture. I could see that the fields of grass were on fire and I didn't understand why or how. But I hadn't the time to think about it because I was concerned with the animals—they were all running around in a panic, not any more sure than I was of what they should do. Rushing to the gate, I furiously rang the cow bell over and over until our horde of twenty plus livestock (cows, sheep, chickens, ducks and even our goat) began stampeding towards me. I let them loose. They ran all the way passed the farm and into the village and didn't stop for anything.
I grabbed the Mystic Watering Can and ran back into the field. The fire was huge. I was shocked and absolutely horrified at how quickly it was spreading, and then realized there were several fires that had started all around the farm. The golden lumber sheds were not being harmed but the crops and the grass were still in so much danger, and I had hoped that with this Sage can I could extinguish the raging flames.
But then I heard a laugh. It was gruff and sickly satisfied and all too familiar. I turned my head from the nightmarish scene in front of me and there I saw Takakura.
Before I could react, I heard the door open and Miyabi scream, "What the ever living shit is going on! Kaoru!" Miyabi ran over to me but the moment the flame came into her peripheral vision, she froze and could do nothing more than gape in horror at what she was seeing.
"Heh… You know what they say?" Takakura was holding a match between his fingers, and in the other hand, a matchbox. Something about that killed me. I didn't want to think that my father's dear friend would do this to us. No, it was something I couldn't bring myself to accept. I still can't.
"You play with fire, you're going to get burned." With that, he struck the match, igniting a soft yellow flame and he flicked the match, landing it at Miyabi's feet.
"Watch it!" She hissed, slamming her foot down on the match to stomp out the flame. "Are you NUTS?"
"You've bossed me around, treated me like trash and never appreciated a thing I did for ya," Takakura said, so calm and mild that it came off as more terrifying than if he'd been shouting. "Well look at who you can't boss around anymore now that your farm is gone!"
I was speechless, unlike Miyabi who had began going off on Takakura. I'm pretty sure every word she said was some sort of profanity.
Suddenly I could hear screams and shouts from beyond the farm. I wasn't surprised—in fact, I had been expecting it. You don't simply let all your animals free to run around town without stirring up some sort of trouble.
"Holy shit! A fire!" Rock cried out, more amused than concerned. I knew it was him—his voice is unmistakable.
Soon the entire village (it seemed) was in a massive congregation at the entrance to our farm, blocking the escape. To the left was a fire, to the right was a crowd of disgruntled townspeople.
They all began shouting at us at once, enquiring about the fire and why our animals were storming around town in a panic. "Poor Hugh was tramped but your goat!" Chris lamented.
When asked who started the fire, Takakura told them it was us. We tried to protest, but everyone was going off at once that our voices were lost in the frenzy of noise. That was when I narrowed my eyes and looked at Miyabi, so deathly serious. "Run."
I was the first to make a move, whistling for Z. He sped out of the stable and I quickly hopped on. "Dust them, Z!" I cried out the command, and he reared up, letting out a cry of his own before he sped towards the crowd. At the last second, he leapt—leapt straight over the thirty-something people and landed perfectly on the other side. Then he took off again, heading for the Pond.
And so the chase was on.
With the villagers screaming after me, Miyabi had the chance to escape (but not before punching Takakura in his private parts, so I was told).
But then I was cornered at the Goddess Pond. To be honest, the mass of angry, red faced villagers scared me. I wasn't sure what to say or what to do, only that I should try to casually explain the situation.
"Everyone, please calm down. I would like to explain myself. There has been a big misunderstanding!"
They didn't believe me. Rather, their accusations persisted (and rudely so) and I was at a loss of what to do next. My farm was on fire. The entire town was against me. I was cornered. Miyabi would have said I was 'screwed.'
Speaking of Miyabi… "Kaoru!" I heard her call out, pushing passed the villagers with none other than the Phantom Thief trailing behind her. Both made it clear of the crowd after squeezing passed Vesta and Patrick. Or was it Kasey?
Miyabi and her boy toy took their stand beside me, causing the crowd to gasp and began exclaiming in shock, "Phantom Skye!"
"So yuh date a daym theif and yuh set yuh damn farms on fiah!" Vesta led the assault. "Ya'll some mighty dang'rous folk!"
"They use explosive!" Patrick and Kasey chimed in, obviously making up false charges in order to fan the fire.
"Explosives!" The crowd gasped loudly.
"And look! They hang out with that rotten thief, too!" I heard Nami's deep voice pipe up.
"Madam!" Skye gasped. "I am hardly rotten, for today I made sure to use the lightly scented lilac perfume—it's quite delicious smelling…" (I try not to be appalled with Skye's meterosexuality, but it's hard for someone like me who has only dated masculine men like Roller.)
The crowd began moving in on us. We were all scared, at that point.
"Oh yeah!" Miyabi suddenly shouted over the villagers. "Well guess what!"
What I am about to record next is unbelievable. In fact, I sometimes think it was a dream, or partly a dream, or perhaps we were all high when it happened. In any event, what I am about record is what changed our Valley forever.
In defense—in one giant, desperate attempt to distract the angry, rabid townspeople from our own 'crimes,' Miyabi pointed an accusing finger at Lukina and finished, "LUMINA IS A MAN!"
Gasps erupted from the crowd. They all looked to Lukina with unbelieving eyes, not sure if what Miyabi had said held any truth.
Lukina was frozen in fear. His eyes were wide and his hands were shaking and something inside of me wanted to smirk, but I didn't. (There was something pleasing about seeing Miyabi's little trick work.)
"I-I'm not a man! How could you say that! How could anyone even think that!"
"Yeah, man, what the hell!" Rock chimed in obnoxiously. "Lumina is a total chick! A total babe! I even got to first base with her!" Then he turned his head away from the crowd, as if looking back and across the valley at something, "Sorry, Ocean!"
The villagers nodded and expressed quiet agreement, unable to believe that Lukina was actually a boy underneath that dress.
"Actually…" Romana stepped away from the crowd and towards us. Everyone's eyes instantly locked onto the old lady (who thankfully was not in her BDSM outfit that day). "Lumina… is a man." More gasps.
"Auntie!" Lukina shrieked in horror.
"Lumina was not born under that name… She—he, rather, was born as Luke. But when poor Luke found out that he could never love who he wanted to love because he was born with boy parts, he had to do something. So he put on the disguise of a woman, hoping that his love would be accepted if everyone thought he was a girl. You see… his parents never died, like he claimed. No, no… they abandoned him and he gladly left them to come here, where nobody knew that he was really a man- Where he could love who he wanted to love without the restraints that Natsume put on their game and their odd favoritism towards lesbian marriage rather than gay marriage."
"Auntie!" Lukina cried again.
"L-Lumina…?" Rock seemed devastated at the truth. "Is that… true?"
With a defeated sigh, Lukina nodded. "Yes. It is true." He pulled off his shawl and began to slowly take off his dress (just the torso of it) until the water balloons he'd used as fake breasts fell to the ground and his flat chest was exposed.
Rock stared at him in such shock. In fact, the entire crowd felt the same shock. Lukina, on the other hand, was crying silently with a flushed face. I felt almost bad for him, I will admit.
"Babe… that's… that's… THAT'S WILD! Wow! Why didn't you just tell me you were a dude! Daaamn! We could'a had like sleepovers and stuff!" Obviously, Rock didn't care what Lukina was, after all. One might think he was too high to care.
"Wait a damn minute!" Vesta growled. "You mean to tell me dat you was a damn BOI this whole tiem!"
"W-well , hey! Don't start such a fuss over it!" Lukina fought back. "I know quite a lot about you! Like how you were secretly housing a serial killer and vampire under your roof, hm?"
The crowd reacted flawlessly yet again, and Vesta growled. "WHAT! Aint no way—how da hell you know about that, boi? Folks! Keep it down, here! I gots a secret to tell ya too! I know ah dirty lil secret 'bout that there Gustafa! He be havin' this lil' plant on his head that makes em all loopy! Makes em sing all dees stupid songs all day long! Makes em think he can fly!"
Gustafa laughed, "Grooovy, sista! But you should totally know I'm not the only far out dude on this planet, maaaan. Rock's got a nice stash of some RADICAL stuff!"
"W-wha?" Rock blinked. "Oh, you mean the Crass? Hell yeah, I got that! Me and Cliff smoke it up every night, babe!"
"Rock!" Cliff gasped, face going read. "I-It's not my fault!" He pleaded in defense, bless his soul. "I've had a hard life…! I've… been through things none of you could imagine…! A shark ATE my BAHJINGER!"
"He's right, you know," Gray interjected. "He's been through tough shit."
After that, Miyabi went absolutely crazy. Takakura may have set our farm on fire, but Miyabi created a fire of her own—a very unsettling, frantic fire that began with her firing off insults and ended in something quite shocking. "You know what? Just listen to me, everyone! I'll tell you everything!
"Cliff and Gray are gay. They've been together for a while now. The rest of Mineral Town? All freaks! That Mary chick supposedly pukes vomit. Rick and Popuri were probably dropped on their heads as kids and now suffer from mental handicaps. Dr. Trent lost his mind completely and rambled on about how he met some freaky fish monster with boobs. Kai is a pirate—a hot pirate. Thomas is an egotistical freak who will stop at nothing to look good in people's eyes. Zach and Lilli are having an affair and let's not forget how Zach is pumped up on heavy dosages of steroids. And you know that Chinese creep he lives with? Won? He's in the Black Market. Oh, don't even get me started on Gotz—that guy not only murdered his entire family during a blizzard, but has some sick obsession with ENGLAND. And Miss Drunk Off My Ass (Karen) is in love with the Harvest Sprites—just like her mother. Oh, hey, want to know why Ann always won the Cooking Festival? She 'paid' the Gourmet in scandalous ways. But that's just Mineral Town. Wait until you hear about your fellow townsmen.
"Yes, Lumina is a man. Yes, Rock smokes and deals drugs. But did you know that Van was also in the Black Market? That he was in contact with a notorious Internet meme character and he was a lying, cheap, asshole? Did you know that Romana is in love with Sebastian and they some weird crap together? Kasey and Patrick are about as innocent as they look—those crazy guys like keeping live explosives around. They even tried to blow US up once! Hugh and Wally? No so innocent. They've seen some 'naughty' things they shouldn't have. Chris knows what I'm talking about. Daryll keeps a mermaid locked up in his basement. is hardly a doctor. Instead of giving poor old Galen the pacemaker he needed, he just slapped a hunk of metal in the guy's chest and called it a night! Nina, believe it or not, is a frequent buyer of Rock's drugs. Oh! Don't get me started on Carter and Flora. Those two are freaks. Carter, who's been dead, licked fossils as some kind of sick obsession. Flora was homicidal—always trying to find new ways to kill that sucker even though he'd never seem to die. Muffy's boobs are fake and Griffin is just some poor old bachelor who's probably the most normal one out of all of us. If you're wondering where Tim went, he's probably dead in a ditch somewhere because Ruby killed him. As for Cody…? He… is obsessed with Chihuahuas. There's a freakin mute princess thing at the bottom of the mine, Nami talks to 'aliens' and… And guess what? Your 'awesome' Goddess is head over heels in love with the Witch Princess!"
When Miyabi finished, I was stunned, really. I hadn't expected her to spill everyone's secrets like that. One by one, everyone was picked apart and the quiet little village of Forget-Me-Not Valley was no longer so innocent. I believe everyone was as shocked as I was. It was probably for the best, because when they were finally out of their shock and could talk, they talked up a storm. Yelling, fussing, snapping, and shouting, they all began tearing at each other, defending themselves or exclaiming their disbelief with the things they've heard. We (me, Skye and Miyabi) tried to calm them but our voices were lost over theirs.
From the chaos, Kate tugged at the pant leg of my trousers and snickered devilishly. "I told you it all end soon, didn't I? I told you. There's no hope for you or this miserable town. When chaos erupts, Forget –Me-Not Valley will need a savior. Daniel will rise to power and choke this rotten village with an iron fist of darkness—" I couldn't resist myself; I punted that brat right into the Goddess Pond.
A flash of light, a loud "Dum da da DAAA!" and shimmering sparkles followed. The Goddess, thanks to the human sacrifice, had risen from the Pond to greet us for the first time since being sent away to that alternate universe.
Everyone gaped at her in awe and fear.
"My my my! Such a horrible little town this is! I was hoping that all of those dirty little secrets would be kept hidden, but…" She sighed. "Oh well. It looks like my only option is to rid this village of all of you and turn it into the perfect little vacation spot for the Sprites and me! Oh, and I suppose a honeymoon destination for me and the Witch…"
Everyone panicked at that. Truthfully, I was quite afraid, myself.
"Well! Any last words, ingrates? Oh come now, it won't be fun unless you plead for mercy, heehee!"
"You can't do this!" Miyabi growled. "I brought you back—you can't turn on me!"
"Bitch, I am the Harvest Goddess. I can make it rain cucumbersif I wanted!"
Just when all hope seemed lost, I heard something. It was the booming sound of rap music coming from inside the tree. Everyone, even the Goddess, turned to stare in anticipation at Sprites Inc.
Miraculously, the door was thrown open and out sped Hops, Tep, Jum and Roller in the swankiest Lamborghini anyone could imagine. The hood was down and Tep, the driver, had the music on full blast. In the passenger's seat was Hops, shades on and head bobbing. Jum and Roller were in the back, Jum looking as if he's puke and Roller carrying a large Uzi.
What Roller did next was incredibly daring. It made me realize just why I fell in love with that man in the first place. He is all around the most amazing creature on this planet…
Roller leapt out of the car almost as soon as they'd left Sprites Inc. Meanwhile, the little car came to a screeching, swerving halt right in front of the Goddess Pond. Still in the air, Roller front flipped and when he was at level with the Goddess, smirked before warning her. "Roller's got the power."
BANG.
A magical Sprite bullet pierced into the chest of the Harvest Goddess. With eyes wide and mouth open, she fell back, sinking down to the bottom of the Pond where she belonged.
… Silence. It was deathly silent for the longest time, and then…
The people turned their heads towards Miyabi and me, glaring at us intensely. "You did this…" Thomas stepped up. "You killed the Harvest Goddess!"
"What? No! It was Roller!" Miyabi defended desperately.
"You were the one who brought him back here from the other universe, weren't you?" Thomas was persistent in his accusations. I do believe he didn't take kindly to Miyabi calling him 'egotistical' earlier. "And now that I think about—everyone was living peacefully until you two troublemakers came to this town!"
Roller then landed flawlessly on the trunk of the car and called attention to himself. The gawking crowd turned to him, no less in awe then they'd been when they watched him bring demise upon the Goddess.
"Listen up! Roller has an announcement! Roller says that we all have problems! Even Roller has problems!" Hops and Tep and Jum all nodded in agreement.
Something about Roller's empowering words stirred courage in me. "Yeah! So what if we've got our problems? We're a community—a town. We've lived with each other without knowing just how much alike we all are."
"So what if I tried to get in a bunch of guy's pants?" Miyabi joined in. "I've learned from that shit. I've got the sweetest boyfriend in the world and it took my short comings to show me that. Plus… all you crazy people are fun. I mean… just think about it. Did you all have fun when you were acting like perfect fakes? Was life very exciting? Hell no! You guys stood in the same spot for hours on end, you guys went through the same exact routine every single day! But look what's happened since we've came! You guys are… trying new things, right? Life isn't the way it used to be, but that doesn't mean that's a bad thing…"
Well, I'm sure you've heard enough of our speeches. I'll admit that it took a while to convince the villagers that life probably wasn't as bad as everyone thought, but people started to agree with us one by one. They knew what we were saying was true—Forget-Me-Not Valley really had been flipped upside down, but really, nobody actually minded. Thomas was the only person to hate us persistently.
When I think back over everything that's happened, I too am not upset. I'm glad I met Miyabi a year ago. Because of her, we've been involved in so many crazy things. I think I still would have found out everyone's secret without her, but… She was a good friend, despite her being an obnoxious, rude, slut. I like her more than I let show.
I don't regret getting involved with Rock's drug operations, I don't regret meeting Cliff, I don't regret falling in love with Roller, I don't regret challenging Van or adopting Z or fighting off pirates with Kai or putting up with the general stupidity of everyone—and I don't even regret singing the English national anthem for Gotz.
Simply put, I had fun. I had more fun with Miyabi and Rock and Cliff and Skye than I would have if Miyabi had never showed up insisting that she would get the farm even if that meant living with me. Something tells me I would have been doomed to a routine lifestyle of planting seeds, watering crops and brushing livestock without her and without coming to know everyone's secrets.
I know everyone else feels the same way. We don't regret anything.
I should now explain what happened to everyone, shouldn't I?
Miyabi and I were able to keep the farm. Though it had burnt down, our house was unharmed. For the most part. We both dedicated ourselves to nursing the land back into health. I think Miyabi is just going to laze around again, though. On the bright side, we were able to retrieve all of the animals back!
Skye proposed to her after the arguing at the Goddess Pond died down, and they had the wedding right then and there. Everyone watched. It was sort of sweet, in a way.
Hops and Tep announced that they were leaving the CCC. Hops had plans to work in a real casino in the city and Tep said something about needing to 'roll with this crew.' Roller was dejected, which made me a bit sad, but Jum promised to stay by his side and not abandon him.
Takakura disappeared. No one really knows where he went. I can't help but wonder how he's doing right now. That bastard.
Rock and Lukina are engaged. I still don't if Rock actually likes other men if he's just too high to care, but I guess we'll find that out eventually. Oh, and Rock is carrying out his 'operations' once again—yippie (sarcasm.)
In order to avoid his uncle, Gray moved into the Inner Inn and is currently rooming with Cliff. I have no idea if their relationship will grow or not.
Kate has been grounded for three months and was scolded for making contact with the Underworld and befriending demonic teddy bears.
Remember how I said Thomas insisted that we be kicked out of the Valley? Well, due to his piss poor attitude, he was banished from not just Valley, but Mineral Town. I'm not sure where he'll go now, but I thought I heard him mumble something about Sunshine Islands.
We're going to hold elections soon so see who becomes the new mayor. Miyabi plans to campaign.
As for everyone else? Vesta finally decided to buy a nicer television, Chris and Wally have began marriage consoling, is training to become a certified physician, Cody became a Chihuahua breeder, Daryll finally parted with Leia after she began speaking with odd Japanese phrases and collecting strange comic books known as 'yaoi.' Gotz has since repented for murdering his family and will continue living in Mineral Town all alone—doing God knows what. Kasey and Patrick decided to use their love for explosives for good rather than evil—one day they decided to excavate the ruins. We haven't seen them since. No one has any idea where Rick is either, but no one really cares. Ruby apologized for killing her husband while Romana and Sebastian got engaged. Sadly, Sebastian had a heart attack shortly after the proposal and is now being hospitalized. The wedding is on hold. Won has taken control of the Black Market while Lilli filed a divorce against her missing husband.
As for me?
I'm living in Takakura's former house. I know Miyabi and Skye would like having the farmhouse to themselves, especially now that they plan on having a child. Speaking of, I'm still single. I don't know who I'm in love with, to be honest. I've loved Roller before, I've loved Rock before (it was the Witch's spell—please don't insult my intelligence by assuming I would willingly love him.), I've loved Cliff before and I've loved Trent before. Perhaps I'll stay like this forever. I don't mind, really. Z likes it better that I'm single, anyhow. (Secretly, I want to be with Roller again.)
I feel almost relieved now that everything is over, and I'm glad to be sleeping on the bed instead of the floor. It's much quieter here and only seldom do I hear Miyabi and Skye's… 'antics. Everyone else is settling down a bit too, and the Valley is falling back into its normal routine despite a few kinks here and there. I feel a but more connected to everyone know that we're 'real' with each other, as Tep put it before he drove off.
Maybe one day someone will knew move in and he'll have to figure out all of our secrets just like Miyabi and I did. That's funny to think about.
And… it just occurred to me, but… Miyabi spilled everyone's secrets, even her own. However, no one knows about mysecrets.
Hm, oh well~