Chapter 37.- Keeping Up With The Act

September/22th/2023

Thirty Fifth Floor of Aincrad – Mishe

Kayla

I'm fucking sick and tired of this shit. How much longer am I gonna keep this bullshit up? Day in and day out, pretending…I think I'm starting to lose it.

"Kayla?"

It's almost been a year. It's almost been a year and I can't take this anymore.

"…Kayla…?"

What's even been happening back there? In what freaking hospital am I even at? Who is covering the expenses? The thought of the woman whom I blatantly refuse to call 'mother' comes to mind and I feel the sudden urge to hit something. I don't even hate her; there's just something about her that's too...something. I can't think straight today.

"Kay-"

"What the hell do you want?!" I scream.

I wince and am silent, avoiding strangers' glares as they walk past. Today is just not my day.

"Are you alright?" Owl asks, with that annoyingly calm tone of his.

Beside me, Eli stares, befuddled. I have nothing against her; on the contrary, she's like the little sister I never had.

"Yeah, I-I'm alright," I answer, my voice quavering slightly.

"Sure?" Owl prods.

"Yeah, honest," I say.

He crosses his arms and stares at me with those big dumb eyes.

"Are you really sure?"

"Yes! God dammit!" I scream.

Owl stares at me as if assessing my flaws. Without realizing, I clutch at my hair, flustered and aggravated. I see Elina approaching me, mouthing things that I can't even hear. It sounds muffled, kind of far away.

"What?" I mumble.

She steps closer, worried. Slowly she lifts her hand up and tries to reach out for me. Her hand finally reaches me and she takes hold of my arm. I feel electric as she does so and I pull my arm away violently taking a few steps back.

"I..uh.." I stammer.

Owl and Elina seem uncertain, but there's something else there as well. Their stare is almost painful, as if they were staring at some kind of freak they feel pity for. Is this it? Is this my breaking point? They keep talking but I just can't make out a word of what they are saying.

"I have to go…I have to go!" I say and turn around.

At first I start stumbling, tripping over my own feet down the street I regain my balance, sprinting as fast as my legs will let me. I have to escape from these people, all these fucking people, the streets that cage me and their residents. I'm heaving, barely catching any breath. I turn right and left as the streets come to an end looking for an exit. Finally I find it, a street that winds down to a dirt road. Still running at full speed the change between the cobblestone streets to the muddy ground makes me lose my balance and I fall face first into the mud.

"Fuck…fuck…"

I press my hands on the mud and push myself up a bit. I get on my knees and slowly move back until I'm sitting on the cold, muddy ground. Lightning crosses the sky and with it comes a slow trickle of rain. I look up at the sky and feel the tiny drops of rain fall on my face. I chuckle not knowing really why, using my hands to support myself I get up and start walking down the road.

"What a lovely day…" I mumble.

Vast plains extend before me, with nothing but farming plots and a scattering of houses for as far as I can see. I can feel mud, through my clothes and on my skin. I pay no mind to it as I bring up my menu. With a few actions on it I dismiss myself from the party and keep walking. My feet are now making that squishy sound as the dirt get wetter with every drop of rain that falls on it.

What the hell even happened? What triggered this? I've had some lash outs before but it never been this bad. I rub my hands together trying to rid the mud off of them. I fail to do so, simply smearing it instead. I bring up my inventory and scroll through it to find a handkerchief, keeping this princess like persona does come in handy I guess. The pure, white piece of cloth appears in my hand and I proceed to taint it with my filth. Once I finish just cleaning my hands the handkerchief is dirty beyond recognition. I bring the already dirty modesty up to my face and try to clean whatever I can. I pull it away to look at it and see that it's the same as when I finished cleaning my hands. There's a nearby boulder, not too far away from where I'm standing. Dragging my feet I make it to the boulder and sit on the ground, where there's actually some grass. I lean my back on the rock and look up as the rain keeps falling on my face. Finally alone with my thoughts my ears start paying attention to something else. The music, the floor's field music. It's a piano, slow and calm. Some people would say it sounds sad but it's very relaxing. As if synchronized with the falling rain the piano keys sounds off at a very slow tempo. I come across an item I haven't taken out in almost a year now. The mirror, the damned pocket mirror.

The small item is now in my hand, at first I tilt it away, refusing to stare into it. I can barely see its reflective side, it shows the clouds as little droplets form over it from the falling rain. Swallowing my own spit I tilt it again, this time to face me. Tied up blonde hair, a dirty face, big blue eyes. It's me, yet I don't recognize myself. I untie my hair and let it fall down to my shoulders, a little past them actually. Now that's more like it, this dirty, unkempt look is more like I always looked like. No matter how much I feel a princess, I will always be a dirty looking peasant.

"You are going to catch a cold."

I focus my eyes past the small mirror and see Ruri, standing but a few feet away from me.

"We can't even get sick…" I mumble.

"But you are still gonna be wet, and trust me I would prefer it if that was my fault," she says.

"Why are you always fucking blabbering the most perverted shit?" I reply.

"I'm sorry," she says softly, "Are you ok?"

"No."

"What's wrong then?" she asks.

"I…I don't know how to…uhm…" I mumble, "Who am I, Ruri?"

"I don't know."

"Heh…thanks for nothing…" I say.

"I know Kayla," she says, "And you know Ruri, but I don't know who you really are."

"Huh?"

"No one is really being themselves here, maybe it's for right, maybe for wrong," she explains, "But no one here is really being who they are in the real world."

When did this perverted girl ever start making sense? Her words are all true, so much so that it pisses me off a bit. I bite my lip and bend my legs to hold them close. I wrap my arms around them and try to hide my face.

"So, who are you then?" Ruri asks.

"I…I'm not sure anymore," I reply.

"Oh come on, of course you know," she says.

I peek at her but cover my face again rather quickly. I breathe out loudly, making sure to make it sound like I'm annoyed, because I really am.

"I know who I am, logically you know who you are," she says, "I'm Ran, Matsuda Ran."

"Ran?" I say, laughing just for a short second.

"Yeah, it's not exactly a pretty name is it?" she says and chuckles.

"I'm uh I apologize, I did not mean to mock you," I say.

"Of course you did, my name is dumb," she says, "You need to stop being so formal, geez."

"Well shit, I'm sorry then."

"There we go," she teases.

"So, Ran," I mumble, "Asides from that, what are you like in the real world?"

"Oh, girl, I'm plain as hell," she says, "Most boring person you'll ever meet."

"Really now?"

"Nah I kid, I'm practically the same, just not as outspoken because of my parents."

"What do you mean?" I say, relaxing my legs and turning my head to her.

"My parents are super uptight, and annoyingly traditional," she says, "Do you really think some guys that run a traditional inn in the middle of nowhere would really be ok with someone like me?"

I suddenly feel a tad bit uncomfortable and I'm very nervous about the words that are about to come out of my mouth.

"You mean like how you like…uh I mean," I cough out of just feeling uncomfortable, "How you like..uhm you know…"

"How I like girls as well?"

I start coughing a bit loudly, took me by surprise.

"Nah they don't know, I live with my aunt, she does know though," she says, "I went to live with my aunt when I turned twelve. I couldn't stand living in that claustrophobic town."

I find myself very interested in all of Ruri's words, I guess it has something to do with the fact that it has been ages since I last heard about someone's life. She notices me just right down staring with curious eyes and I see her smile.

"My aunt is nicer than my parents and hell, living in Tokyo is way better than living in the country," she says.

"I actually liked living in the country when I was little," I say softly.

"I would've never guessed you used to live in the country," she says with surprise.

"Long time ago, with my parents," I huff.

"Right, right," she mumbles, "So…uh are you like American or something like that?"

"Huh?"

"Oh come on you are going to tell me now you are Japanese?" she yaps, "Your features just look a little mixed, I wouldn't say you are Japanese."

"I am Japanese," I mumble, "My dad wasn't though, and he married my mom who was Japanese."

"Was?"

"Yeah, they passed away," I confess.

"Oh, uh…I'm sorry."

The details are far more interesting in theory but I'm nowhere near the mood to be ok with discussing them.

"So, do you live alone?" Ruri asks.

"Nope, a really close friend of my mother takes care of me," I say, as I start to remember that woman I've always been nothing but mean to, "She always wanted a child…she couldn't have one. So she took me in because my mother didn't have any family left."

I'm already rambling and for some reason I don't feel like shutting myself up.

"She later had a child, literally a few months after she uh…"adopted" me," I chuckle, "A bit ironic I guess or something…"

I sigh and look up at the sky.

"So you have a sibling?"

"Yeah…yeah I do," I say, "A little brother…I…I love him very much."

A soft cry escapes my lips and I widen my eyes in surprise as I feel them starting to tear up. I want to laugh as well, I couldn't believe my words, I couldn't believe the way my body is expressing these feelings. I want to see my little brother, I want to see that woman that has always called me her daughter…I want to see my mom.

Ruri moves closer to me, placing herself close next to me and gently embraces me from the side. I don't start wailing but I whimper and breathe loudly like a neglected dog. I push myself closer to Ruri, losing any sense of both mine and her personal space I hug her and bury my face in her chest. She strokes my back with her hand and with her other just gently holds my head in place.

"There, there," she mutters.

I hold her close, relishing the feeling of warmth emanating from her body.

"Anything else you want to say?" Ruri asks.

"Nagata Sumiko," I say, "My name is Sumiko."

Ruri chuckles.

"Sumiko?"

I stop hugging her and punch her arm.

"Ouchie," she playfully complains.

"You idiot," I say.

She smiles and hugs me again. Something in the back of my head makes me want to push her away but at the same time I find myself really enjoying her soft embrace. Slowly I hug her back and feel how little by little I start breathing easily.

"And what's Sumiko like?" Ruri asks.

"A total bitch," I reply.

"I had a feeling you weren't all nice and gentle," she says.

"Hah…well you would know, no?"

She extends her hand towards me and I find myself staring at her face as a gentle smile appears over it. I smile with the corner of my mouth but quickly take her hand and get up from the wet ground.

"You aren't all that bad, trust me," she says, again that sweet, gentle smile crawls over her face.

I swallow my own spit. How come she is not coming off as annoying anymore? Rather than anything else, her presence is soothing, which worries me slightly. I clear my throat out of sheer awkwardness and very slowly start walking back to Mishe.

"What makes you say that though?" I ask wearily.

"Well!" she shouts and starts walking next to me, "You can pretend to be a lot of things Su. Mi. Ko. But! I've seen some of your true colors slip through even through this mask of yours. You are gentle, sweet, and caring, even if you don't realize it or accept it."

"But-"

"I mean of course, you probably do need to swear, kick and scream from time to time, but I've seen how you care for everyone else," she says, "And that's genuine…or you know, I would like to think so."

I feel my cheeks get a bit rosy and try to hide them with my hands, to no avail. To think this girl could actually have things like this to say. I turn to her for a brief second and again see that warm expression, that faint curve on her lips, her odd…beautiful eyes staring right through me.

"Uhh…I well yeah but…" I stammer, going nowhere with my words.

"Honestly, I can't imagine that all your kindness is just a lie or façade," she says, "Even if we almost never see eye to eye, I…like you, you know?"

I take hold of both of her shoulders and turn her around in the middle of the rain to look at me.

"Why do you keep saying that?" I question.

She stares at me dumbfounded, tilting her head like a confused little animal that doesn't know what's going on. But she is playing dumb, she is playing with me, she's always been.

"What do you mean?" she ponders.

"Why do you always say you like me? Why? Why do you joke with things like saying that you love me?!" I howl, "How can you love this mess?"

"Because I'm not joking," she says.

My hold on her shoulder just tightens. She brings her hands up to mine on her shoulders and gently places her palms over my clutching hands.

"I know I'm always saying these, random, inappropriate things, hell I'm quite sure you are not even into me, or girls for that matter…" she says, almost sounding like she is sulking, "But my feelings are real."

I stay silent, my hands still grabbing her shoulders. My brain is some kind of short circuit. My eyes are solely fixated on her though, in her eyes. I feel like they are trapping me, pulling me in closer, little by little. I am moving, closing the distance, inch by inch I get closer to her, as I do so my grip just gets tighter on her and I fear I might hurt her. She doesn't back away, flinch or show any signs of wanting to escape.

She starts to move closer as well, she closes her eyes, perks up her lips a little and I'm already past the point where I'm not thinking anymore. But just as I'm getting ever closer with my hand I grab her jaw and with my other hand I pinch her cheek.

"Ow Ow," she complains.

"I don't know what I'm doing…" I say.

What the fuck was that? Why did I even do this, I was going in for it. Why did I stop it in such a dumb way? More importantly why was I going for it? Ruri is now looking at me again, I keep pulling on her cheek and just down right feel like digging a hole in the ground all to myself.

"Why are you doing this?" she mumbles through my pinching.

"I'm not sure…you make me feel so damn confused…" I utter.

"Is it the good kind of confused?"

"Shut up…I don't know."

"Let's go back to the house," I say and let go of her face.

"Ooh, already?" she asks tainting those two simple words with a lewd tone.

"Ah! Shut up, let's just go," I yell and grab her hand to pull her along with me.

Rain is still pouring down, it seems to be lightening up but it is still more than enough to drench all of my clothes. That piano still slowly trails off in the background. I feel so much better now but the feelings of anxiety and heaviness are now replaced with a strong confusion and me feeling lightheaded.

"Kayla?"

"What?"

"We are going to wrong way," she says with a giggle.

"I knew that," I say as I turn around.

Thirty Fifth Floor of Aincrad – Mishe - Wheathercock Pavilion

"So…what are we going to do about this?" she teases.

"About what?"

"You know about this deal of me making you feel confused," she hums.

"Shut up already," I complain.

Not even sure if I'm hungry I just poke and prod my cheesecake with the fork in my hand. I'm such a mess. Things in that dumb rock got out of hand, I'm not exactly sure how to feel anymore. I feel like I'm drunk, but with what? I've been drunk, but this is a feeling that's wholly unfamiliar, and unsettlingly so. What is it? I'm rambling again.

Aimlessly I keep prodding my slice of cake, just trying to avoid Ruri in a way. Owl and Elina already sent me messages to see if I'm alright but the only one that stuck around is Ruri. I feel a comforting warmth and look at the table to see Ruri's hand covering mine.

"Kayla…I swear to you, what I said is real."

"Oh come on, for all I know you might as well be joking," I say.

She gives me a very sour frown and looks down at her hands that are over the table. She sighs very deeply and then just leans back on her chair. Could it be? Does she really feel that way about me? My hearts starts beating strongly and I feel my cheeks get warmer by the second.

"I…well…come on, how do you expect me to trust you?" I mumble.

"Alright, let's get someone else to judge," she says.

"What?"

Ruri quickly turns around, scanning the small bistro she grabs a poor bystander that was just on her way to the door of the place.

"Pardon me, I need you to verify the authenticity of what I'm about to say; would you mind?"

"Wh…what?" says the brown haired girl with twin tails.

Out of nowhere a small blue dragon flies and lands on top of her head. The cute little thing growls at us and then proceeds to leisurely rest its head on top of the poor girl. Ruri practically forces the girl to sit on the chair next to her and the poor girl just goes with it.

"What's your name?" Ruri asks.

"Uhh…ahhh..Si…Silica!"

"Right, Silica please tell me what you think of the following," Ruri demands.

"What are you trying to prove?" I say, really starting to get annoyed, "Just drop it alright?"

Ruri leans forward and takes hold of both of my hands. She pulls me a bit as she sits back down, this makes me bend over a little over the table. Once again I find myself staring at her beautiful eyes. What now?

"I know, I don't always say the right stuff…or for that matter anything appropriate, but one thing that comes out of my mouth is true," she says and takes a deep breath, "I…whenever I see you or whenever we talk, however short the moment may be, I can honestly say my heart skips a beat."

I feel my cheeks blush, and want to raise my hands to cover them but Ruri is holding them tight. I struggle a bit but she keeps them in place leaving me with no option but to keep staring at her.

"I mean…hell, you are pretty hot," she coughs and then clears her throat, "But what I know from Kayla is that even if some of it is an act, she is caring, warm, and sweet. Even if you haven't been true to yourself…to who you really are…I like you. I like you enough to say all this dumb stuff whenever I'm near you, enough to track you down when the others told me you weren't acting alright, enough to pull down a stranger to hear me say this and assure you that what I say is real."

"You're serious?" I mutter, the incredulity leaving my tone.

"I am, Kayla…even knowing that the chances for you to feel the same are slim to none…I just want to say one more thing."

She stops and pulls my hands a bit closer to her, she shakes a little even. Holy shit…is she nervous? Is this really for real? Part of me can't believe and the other part is blushing like an idiot, unable to stare somewhere else that's not her eyes.

"I love you."

Ruri let's go off my hands and turns her head to the poor brown haired girl she forced to sit down. Breaking me off that alluring trance of her pretty eyes I shake my head quickly and place my palms on my cheeks.

"So, Silica, what do you think?"

I also turn my gaze to the girl and see quite the funny image. She is blushing even harder than me. She fans her hands and herself quickly and with shaking eyes and a quivering voice answers.

"Th…tha…that's a pretty nice thing to say to your…your friend," Silica says, "You must really like her,"

"Yeah, I love her," Ruri repeats.

"Oh geez, I thought I heard that wr…wrong for a second," Silica replies, "So…so..so you two, girls, you two?"

Ruri just nods and the poor girl practically blows a fuse as she falls back on her chair. The blue dragon flies just in time and starts growling and whimpering on top of Silica.

"Well…how's that for genuine?" Ruri says with a smile.

My head is a mess of words, feelings and the right way to react to this isn't anywhere to be found in there. I get up slowly and stumble to the door. I open it and go into the fresher feeling street.

"Kayla!" Ruri comes out yelling.

She is clearly behind me, but I just stop on my tracks and keep my back pointed at her.

"You know, this is bullshit, this thing you are trying to pull," I say, a bit unnerved, "I let you in, and now you decide to tell me you love me and all this other crap. It's not fair."

"It's not crap," she mumbles.

I turn around furiously, with my fists clenched I just angrily make shake them at the floor.

"Oh come on, how do you want me to beli-"

Her face is all too close too soon to mine and she starts kissing me softly. I lift my hands in the air, like if I was getting mugged or something. What the hell is she doing and why does it feel nice?

"Mmhh Sto-…stop," I mumble between the short time she gives me to breathe.

She backs away slowly, her cheeks slightly rosy and her eyes with what I can only describe as an annoying hint of passion. I just touch my lips and look at my own feet.

"How's that for genuine?"

"Oh shut…" I mumble but then look up at her, "it…it felt nice."

She gets closer with that smug grin that only she and Al can do.

"There's more where that came from," she says and tries to go in for more.

I stop her by putting my hand in between my lips and hers, and then kind of savagely pushing her face away from mine.

"Listen now, you pervert," I say sternfully, "If we are doing anything, we are doing it at my pace, alright?"

Her eyes spark up as I say this and she lunges herself at me to hug me. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't even know if I want this. A relationship with another girl? What would people say? The world is pretty liberal as of late but I never saw myself in this kind of position.

"Yes, I can do slow, I can definitely do slow!"

In the middle of the street I awkwardly stand with Ruri clinging for me. My body swaying from side to side with her. I look up at the sky and feeling confused and kind of happy, I just let out a long sigh. What the hell am I doing?

"It can't be that bad…"

"What?" Ruri asks.

"Nothing."

Crysina here!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Thank you to mangachiaki for beta-reading this chapter!

Hiya! I think I'm a bit late in updating this, I mean yes it still is Sunday but I regularly have a stricter upload schedule that being 11AM my time. Either way, so finally another chapter about Kayla. As most of you may know, Kayla is way different on SAO compared to how she is in real life. She's been living with this made up persona of hers for almost a year now, and that takes it's toll on people but thankfully fan-favorite girl Ruri was there! Anyways, I apologize for the length on this one it isn't exactly short but it is one of the shorter chapters I've done lately. Also I didn't even realize it but I'm well over the 7k views mark YAY! You guys are cool.

IC0: More Ruri! And a little surprise, Ruri chapter will come soon! Also I swear action is coming. Devilparrot: I'm flattered to be deemed in such high airs. I am very sorry but Daath is not coming back. BeastZoroark: I'm really super glad Ruri seems to be liked by everyone. rfpaulino: ONWARDS! Commando2341: The worse is yet to come, I mean what.

As always if you like what you read, want to give me some constructive criticism or whatever that you have in your pretty head, please leave a review. I enjoy reading what you guys say and I like interacting with my readers like I do i these ANs.

You all take care and I'll see you all next week! See ya!

Next Chapter: "The Blight of The Living"