Part 3 – Apart Like Night and Day
My Lieutenant…
"Chire, Senbonzakura!" I heard a deep voice say and out of the blue the air was filled with glowing cherry-blossom petals, sharp like the tip of a katana.
Kuchiki Byakuya appeared before me, appearing out of thin air, with his white haori and silk scarf dancing around him as if they obeyed him just like his Zanpakuto.
The 6th Division's captain moved the handle of his blade in his hand quickly and the cloud of sharp cherry-blossom petals moved along blocking the soaring cero before it landed on us. The petals pierced the red flashing sphere and caused it to disappear.
The Menos Grande screeched with fury and attempted to attack Kuchiki, but the beast was too big and slow to match the Shunpo-master of Seireitei.
I was watching dumbfounded at the black-haired noble rushing around with the cloud of sharp petals cutting through everything it encountered. But I was woken up from the doze when I heard another familiar voice and saw more black-dressed figures flash-stepping around.
"Hoerou, Zabimaru!"
Abarai Renji released his Zanpakuto's shikai level moving his left palm over the blade as it turned bigger and wider glowing a bright red. His Zanpakuto parted into multiple segments which made the blade even longer moving around like a whip.
The 6th Division's lieutenant was grinning widely as if enjoying participating in the battle.
I looked down at my own Zanpakuto which was covered in ice reflecting the little light that made it through the storm clouds my spiritual energy had created.
I was panting, but just because help had finally come didn't mean I had time to rest. The portal was still open. And so I glanced at Kuchiki and Abarai, receiving quick but approving glances from them and headed towards the portal.
Along the way I let my body fill up with energy, enshrouding me with a light blue glow, and attacked the Menos Grande I encountered. Hyourinmaru growled with excitement.
When I reached the portal, I felt slightly weaker. The cold and hostile air radiating from the Hollow world caused my skin to shiver.
I clenched my teeth and raised my katana above my head letting my reiatsu increase as much as I could, keeping in mind the weak souls of the village.
Hyourinmaru burnt in my hands and the sky darkened so much day turned into night and my reiatsu was the only light.
"Hyourinmaru!"
Blizzards fell like comets from the stormy sky and soared towards the open portal piercing through the Menos Grande that were lingering at the portal to enter Soul Society and causing them to either disappear or step back with screeches of pain.
And more blizzards landed into the other world breaking the stability of spiritual energy that kept that portal open.
It was the same way I had closed that portal between Karakura and the Trash world in the Human world. Only now I had not Matsumoto by my side…
The thought lingered long in my mind, but still tried to keep my spiritual energy stable as I forced it towards the portal that started to shrink. The Menos Grande on the other side screeched loud moving their long fingers as if trying to grab hold of the ends of the rip in the sky to keep it open.
But they failed.
When the rip was utterly shut, the ice around my Zanpakuto melted away and so did the blizzards that were still flowing from the storm clouds, turning into raindrops.
I landed on the ground and fell on my knees, my chest burning from the panting.
But from all around me I could still hear the remaining Menos Grande moving around in confusion and screeching. But in no-time, Kuchiki, Abarai and the other Shinigami defeated them.
I tried to stand up, but it hurt.
I limped towards the village where slowly the villagers appeared, having noticed that the battle had come to an end. Fujiki was among them, his eyes on me.
I didn't sheath my katana, in fear anytime another Menos Grande or Hollow would appear out of nowhere.
"Hitsugaya-san!" Fujiki rushed over to me and offered me a hand to keep me from collapsing. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
I heard murmurs from the crowd of villagers and some muttered thank yous looking at me. I nodded in response. But the murmurs ceased and I saw over my shoulder Kuchiki approaching holding his unconscious red-haired lieutenant in his arms.
I gasped.
"Kuchiki!" I walked towards them with Fujiki insisting on holding me.
The tall noble was looking at me through half-lidded eyes, his uniform and haori intact as if he had never taken part in the fight. Behind him stood two Shinigami with normal uniforms and four dressed in the uniform of the Black Corps of the 2nd Division.
"Hitsugaya!" he said coldly in an undertone and I froze when I saw a glimpse of disapproval in his gaze. But before I had more time to digest it, he walked past me to the villagers who moved away to form a path for them them.
"Shinigami-sama!"
"Thank you, Shinigami-sama!" the crowd muttered bowing formally in front of Kuchiki. It seemed everyone could tell the difference between the status of Kuchiki and the rest of the Shinigami present.
"I need a shelter for the night. My subordinate is severely injured." Kuchiki said. An older man from the crowd showed him to his house, which was one of the few that had not been hit by the numerous ceros of the Menos Grande.
Kuchiki did not even glance at me as he followed the little man with Abarai hanging in his arms.
"Is that man a captain?" Fujiki whispered. I almost flinched having forgotten him standing beside me still holding me with one arm. I moved away.
"Yes." I replied and the other Shinigami appeared next to me with frowns of worry and many signs of fatigue on them.
"Hitsugaya-taicho!" one of them gasped. When he said the honorific Fujiki flinched beside me widening his eyes. He looked at me.
"Taicho?"
I tried not to pay attention to him, instead looked at the two Shinigami who were staring at me. And then I realized that they knew of me leaving Seireitei and leaving an entire Division behind.
"What are you doing here?" the one dared to ask.
I avoided his gaze and crossed my arms on my chest.
"I felt the commotion going on here and came to assist. But where were you all this time?" I asked, turning my voice in its usual cold and hoarse tone.
The two Shinigami flinched.
"Ehm…!"
"Well, two weeks ago there was this captains' meeting where the Captain-Comma-!" the Shinigami paused and looked at the dumbfounded Fujiki. I glared at him and ordered him to leave us in privacy. Fujiki hesitated but then left glancing over his shoulder every now and then before disappearing behind an alley.
I could still feel his faint reiatsu so I guided the two Shinigami away to find Kuchiki and Abarai.
Abarai was lying on a futon on the wooden floor of the small and humble house of that old man. Kuchiki had nicely bandaged Abarai's torso which seemed to have been burnt, probably by a cero. I frowned at the sight.
The old man appeared after some minutes holding a tray with wooden cups with warm tea. The flavor was faint and bitter, but it was all I needed at that moment.
When Kuchiki was done attending his lieutenant's wounds he stood up smoothly and gave me the same look he had given me previously.
"Yukino, I need you to stay with Abarai. Ogata, take care of the villagers and investigate that portal up the hill." The two Shinigami nodded. Kuchiki calmly walked out of the house and I followed him.
Outside the dark clouds had become much thinner, but the sun was already setting making the light dimmer.
I remembered feeling this way when aunt Hikari would have seen me do something naughty, something she wouldn't have approved. It felt the same way now. Though I was not entirely sure why; because I, a captain of the Gotei 13, was incapable of taking care of a herd of Menos Grande. Because I had left Seireitei and had not contacted in a time which felt like years, or because everyone knew why I had left and knew the pain I had caused to my lieutenant…
I sighed silently as I followed Kuchiki along the dirt roads of the village being stared from hidden people and felt a grip in my guts with the image of Kuchiki holding his unconscious lieutenant in his arms.
It made me think of my lieutenant and the fact that I had left her behind tossing the responsibility of an entire Division in her hands. And, on top of that, had broken her heart.
How many times have I rewinded that image of hers with the daffodils caressing her slender ankles and the white petals of the trees falling like snow over her golden locks. How many times have I made myself hear that shattering when she said those brave words to me… that she would be waiting for me…
I'm far away from her, unable and incapable of providing her what she deserves to have.
I brushed a palm over my face and realized that we had reached the bare hill that I had crossed over when I had climbed down that mountain.
I bit the inside of my cheek when I heard Kuchiki in front of me speak, his back turned towards me.
"I heard from Yamamoto-sotaicho that you had left."
His voice was stable and emotionless, but still it felt like he was scolding me, disapproving me. I kept my head lowered, my eyes drilling through the gravels beneath my feet.
"Knowing that it is none of my business and honestly not of my interest either, I shall not ask why you made that decision. But as a fellow captain, observer and participant of everything that's happening in Seireitei I have to inform you that your absence has caused many rumours to float around. Unpleasant ones that could damage the 10th Division."
I finally looked up at him meeting his metal-grey eyes. I still wondered what he was thinking, but his words echoed in my ears.
"Unpleasant… rumours?" I repeated to myself.
Kuchiki nodded.
"Were you heading back when we found you fighting those Menos Grande?" he asked, still not showing a single trace of emotion, neither in his voice nor on his face.
"Yes." I said bitterly. "What unpleasant rumours?"
Kuchiki looked away.
"A Division without a captain is like a field under a cloudy sky. Although the sun is there, hidden behind the clouds, the flowers won't be able to bloom unless they see the sun." he looked at me and furrowed his brows. "However strong a Division is, without the captain they will someday forget the importance of him. It's the captain that holds a Division together, because the Division is still a group of people with no other bond between them."
His eyes stayed longer on mine and the thought crossed my mind that even Kuchiki knew. Just like Gato knew, and, according to the latter, the rest of the seated officers of 10th Division knew.
My heart was drumming in my chest and I lowered my gaze.
"In the 10th Division's case, the sun is none other than Matsumoto. In our case, it's the lieutenant that keeps the Division together!" I said and let the weak smile appear on my lips.
"And you think she's motivated enough to keep doing this job forever?"
I frowned. Kuchiki glanced at me and fixed the silky scarf around his neck which was dancing around with the wind.
"Please consider returning soon, Hitsugaya. Or it might be too late and you'll return to find a broken Division."
My lips parted and my fists clenched.
"What are you talking about? What happened?" I asked in a whisper.
"I'm talking about a captain's duty, which you are ignoring with your selfish actions!" Kuchiki's voice did not raise a single octave, but still the way he spoke made me keep myself restraint.
"I am well aware of my duties! But I also trust my subordinates! I know they can manage without me and, besides, I never said that I would never come back!"
"Yet you never said that you would come back!"
My eyes widened for a glimpse of a second and I approached the noble who was staring at me.
"What are you speaking of? What are you hiding from me?" I growled.
Kuchiki stayed silent.
I was about to repeat my words but instead faced Kuchiki's palm and I froze with the disrespectful gesture.
"At first light I will be returning to Seireitei. The Black Corps will take care of the situation here and Yukino and Ogata are the new Shinigami assigned for this village. You, Hitsugaya, will be coming back with me!" he said and started walking away.
I bit my lower lip.
"You didn't answer my questions, Kuchiki!"
This time the man's glance was ice-cold.
"You act like that idiot lieutenant of mine who rushed without thinking over his actions. And now he lies unconscious because of two ceros that landed flat on his chest! You make decisions on your own without taking nothing and nobody else into consideration. Do not forget your position, Hitsugaya! You are not only a captain of 10th Division, you are also a captain of Soul Society!"
And with that he disappeared with flash-steps leaving behind nothing but the bitterness and sharpness of his words in my chest.
I touched my chin on my collarbone and sighed angrily.
I had no idea how long I was away from home. Weeks, maybe months. But, just like that time ago I had been afraid of leaving Seireitei knowing that I was going on a journey to confront my past, now I was afraid of returning back…
…
As a result, I acted out of cowardice.
I never met up with Kuchiki and the injured and still unconscious Abarai at the south of the village the next break of dawn. Instead I had disappeared into the night, like a shadow, up the mountains seeking for a refuge. Somewhere where it was dead-silent and soulless. Somewhere where I'd feel comfortable.
The winter was approaching and so I encountered thick snow much earlier on the mountain. But it did not stop me from climbing higher and higher.
I hated myself for letting Kuchiki's words hurt me and affect me that much.
I knew perfectly well how much my departure had hurt Matsumoto, but I had never considered that it might have such a great impact on the Gotei 13. I tried to guess what kind of unpleasant rumours Kuchiki had been talking about, but the more I thought about it the more it ached deep inside of me.
And with each new thought, I'd see that deep sadness in her grayish-blue eyes. And the source of that pain and sadness was me…
The scenery around me reminded me of that night I had been running from that Hollow, that monster. Running away from a happy life, running away from confronting reality and running away from my fate.
Or had I been running towards my fate…
I shook my head and fell on my knees listening to the crunching of the fresh thick snow beneath me.
In this familiar frost and silence I let my mind wander away, into those distant memories of my childhood. But the realization that now I was running away from reality and my life in Soul Society did not awaken a single sense of duty or obligation.
I simply hated myself…
…
I could hear her breathing, slowly and deeply as if fighting to keep her calm. The sound caused me the goose bumps, but at the same time I was biting my lower lip and clenching my hand around that scroll trying to find the courage to knock on the sliding door.
But I couldn't.
Every time I blinked I would see her standing so close to me yet so far away in that field of daffodils in the White forest. Her eyes ready to fill up with tears, her lips trembling slightly, and her fists tensed.
"Hitsugaya-taicho… I will be waiting for you!" she had said and then ran away as if being chased.
Her heart had been broken… by me…
I sighed standing there by the sliding door only a few footsteps away from her. Her reiatsu was intense warming up all my senses, awakening desires I too often fought to suppress since we… since she became something more than just my lieutenant…
But at the same time I could not stop having thoughts over Hyourinmaru's offer; to reveal to me the memories he hold of my past, my previous life.
I was tempted. I wanted to know more than anything. The image of those two boys who were probably my brothers… I had to know…
Life was filled with sacrifices. I was aware of that.
But I also knew that there was no point in regretting on regrets.
I had to make this journey, and if I didn't I would definitely regret it. But right now I regretted for even uttering those words to Matsumoto.
I wish I was brave like her…
I leaned over the wall, fighting to keep my eyes dry while the night was beautiful and the cicadas were singing to the stars.
I wished I could say properly goodbye to her and promise her that I would be back. That she'd have to endure this for a short time. That I would be back and express to her the true importance she held in my heart.
For the first time I felt such a need to express to someone how much I needed them.
But I was weak, a coward.
And I knew that I would hate myself for the rest of my life for never knocking on that door and never giving her that scroll face to face. But I did…
…
It was snowing heavily.
The sky was hidden behind light-grey clouds that floated endlessly over the peaks of the mountains and the snow was piling and piling over the steep cliffs until the weight would become too heavy and create an avalanche.
I was just an observer of this routine. Only me, the snow and the sound of the howling wind, as if the mountain itself was crying to the heavens.
The absence of any living thing calmed me, until I felt the faint presence of some reiatsu. At first I stiffened and focused all my senses. My fingers even wrapped the handle of my katana.
But it was none other than Fujiki. He was dragging his feet over the thick snow, wrapped with a thick cloak and wearing socks with holes under his sandals.
I gasped at the sudden and unexpected visit.
"What are you doing here?" I shouted over the wind to be heard. Fujiki revealed his face from under the hood and grinned. I fought the urge to slap him.
"You idiot!" I muttered.
"Finally, I found you Hitsugaya-san! Or taicho, or whatever!"
"Go back to your village! You're lucky that no Hollow attacked you yet!" I said coldly and walked back inside the cave where I had found shelter.
Fujiki followed and took off his cloak which was covered with snowflakes.
"It's not my village! I'm heading north. They say there is a very beautiful town there. And a lake and a forest of pines!" I watched him as he took off his sandals and socks to let them dry out.
"And why on earth would you travel in the winter through the mountains? Are you acting like an idiot or do you have a death-wish?"
We sat down and I placed my sheathed Zanpakuto beside me. I noticed Fujiki's eyes staring at it with awe.
"I always wanted to tell you that you carry a nice sword!" he grinned.
"It's a katana!" I corrected him.
"But it's too big."
"Still it's a katana." I crossed my arms on my chest keeping my eyelids shut.
Fujiki was silent for some moments, though I could easily feel his unsettling aura. He was the type that could not stay still and quiet for too long.
"Why are you here on the mountain in the winter?" he asked.
I clicked my tongue.
"You are being rude!"
"I'm just curious. That captain seemed to be much ruder!" Fujiki leaned his elbows on his knees and brushed a palm over his face.
I opened my eyes and met his.
"I guess they left then?"
"Yap. They did." Fujiki rubbed his chin and chuckled. "You really know how to fight! I've never seen anything like this before!"
I smirked.
"And that was just shikai level!"
Fujiki frowned. As a result I ended up explaining to him the levels of releasing one's spiritual energy through their Zanpakuto. He was listening with parted lips and excitement.
When I was finished he raised his brows.
"And yours has also a name?"
"Yes. Hyourinmaru." I replied simply.
"Hyourinmaru!" Fujiki mumbled.
"Each Shinigami's Zanpakuto has a different name and different abilities. For example mine possesses the nature of ice. My lieutenant's possesses the nature of fire." I explained.
Fujiki chuckled.
"So… you have a lieutenant! All captains have a lieutenant?"
"Of course."
"And where is yours?"
My lips parted at that question and I looked away trying to hide my nervousness.
Fujiki must have noticed because he apologized.
"She is back home. She takes care of the Division… while I'm away!"
Fujiki furrowed his brows.
"Ok. And why… why don't you go back? Are you on a mission here or something?"
"Something like that."
"And what's that mission?"
For some reason I did not want to slap him anymore for being so rude and asking too many questions. If it had been anyone else, I knew I would have lost my patience long ago. But being asked those questions by a stranger, it felt like the perfect punishment for me to finally come face to face with them; the questions I tried to avoid.
"Something I've been waiting for a long time. Something I had not the chance to face before and, when the opportunity came, I… I had to grab it. But…" I sighed and lowered my head. "… but now I'm afraid to go back."
"And why's that?"
When I looked up at the young man with the black strands over his eyes I wondered if it was indeed Hisashi-san. Maybe Hisashi-san would have been much more polite, but he would know when something was troubling me and he would find a way to make me face it.
Just like he had when my father and my two brothers had intruded in my life with my aunt and grandparents.
"I shouldn't have left in the first place." I muttered after long moments of silence.
"But you said you had been waiting this for a long time. So, now that you faced whatever it was, you can go back, right?"
Somehow it sounded strangely simple coming from Fujiki's mouth, when inside my head everything had become a maze.
"I know I must go back, but-!"
"Must? Don't you want to go back?"
I frowned.
"Of course I do!" I said hastily.
"Then get up on your feet and head back. To your home! To your lieutenant!"
I raised an eyebrow with the grin Fujiki gave me.
"Is she beautiful?" he chuckled.
I couldn't restrain a chuckle myself with the look he gave me. I shook my head and looked away feeling my cheeks warm up.
"Yes… she is!"
"Then go away, or I'll kick your butt and send you back flying!" Fujiki tapped my knee and laughed. "Idiot! I made that mistake once. And it's the only thing I regret from my life… before I died!"
I looked seriously at Fujiki whose dark eyes looked sad suddenly.
"If I had the chance to redo something, that would be it! I would have made the question I wanted to make her ever since I met her! But I had been a coward. And although I knew that she wanted to be happy with nobody else but me, I was the one who shoved her into another man's arms! Me, the worst idiot in history!" Fujiki chuckled and rubbed his forehead.
"Do not hesitate. Go, go back and tell her all you want to tell her! It doesn't matter if you regret now for leaving in the first place, because it will be hundred times worse when you will be regretting for the rest of this life for not returning to her!"
I felt my eyes grow tearful as I stared in Fujiki's warm eyes. I quickly looked away to keep the tears back.
When I blinked I saw her standing in the field of daffodils… when I blinked again I saw her wearing that plum-red kimono falling beautifully over her curvaceous figure… and when I blinked again I saw her big eyes in the colour of dawn looking back at me piercing my soul and making my heart beat wildly as the fog of the hot springs enshrouded her…
I wanted to hear her laughter again, I wanted to see the funny faces she made, I wanted to feel her fingers touching me absent-mindedly, I wanted to feel her lips on mine…
And I wanted to tell her about Jin and Michio, about our childhood's adventures, about our tree branch and our games. About my beloved aunt Hikari and her garden which she so loved. About Hisashi-san and about his horses… about a whole new life that belonged to me…
But even then, when I had gathered up all the courage to finally head back home, fate still kept me from returning...
"What's her name? This lieutenant of yours?" Fujiki asked with a big grin.
"Matsumoto. Matsumoto Rangiku!" I said with a smile.
Fujiki's expression turned puzzled for a moment.
"What?" I asked.
"Does she happen to know a Matsumoto Osamu?"
…
Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed it!
I would like to take this opportunity and say that it is really important to tell the people you care about how much you love them. Most of us-including myself- take this for granted and think that actions are enough to express your love and affection to those favourite people of ours. But, isn't it beautiful how you feel when someone tells you that they care about you and love you? So, please take the chance of every minute you have with that person(s) and tell them!
Sorry, it was just something i felt like saying XD Take care!