You want to know what suffering is? I'll show you.
Tugging... swirling... pulling. A burst of colours, a twist of space. Darkness, light, black, white. Tumbling over in an endless void, Akira tried to distinguish top from bottom, left to right, but she was hopelessly disorientated. Where was she?
She looked around for her friend, but Shika was nowhere to be seen. Frantic, she called out, "Shika? Where are you? Where am I?"
A disembodied voice replied her, but it did not sound like Shika. It was deeper and more guttural, like a carnivorous animal. A chill passed through Akira's body as she listened to it.
"I am here with you, don't worry," she said in that harsh voice. "You just can't see me. Through the Soul Gem connection, I have linked our minds, so you can see into my memories. You are now in my mind, and are being pulled into the memory of the One Month. The confusion around you will clear up the nearer you get to it. When you're there, you will first see empty whiteness, which will slowly fade to the background of the first phase of the memory. Once the memory unfolds itself, you will find that you are a spectator of the events taking place there. You will have no power to move or speak when it is happening. There will be brief intervals of empty space when the memory transits to another, so you will be able to digest what you have seen. Watch and learn of the One Month. When it's over, you will be automatically taken out back to the real state."
The voice echoed away, leaving Akira alone once more. Any tries to get it to talk again were not entertained. She closed her eye to avoid looking at the dizzying patterns, feeling ice flowers blossoming in her heart. It was not a nice thing to feel.
The thing that talked to her was not Shika, she was certain of it. Its tone was so cold and flat, that even she felt frozen by its intensity, and that was a lot for someone who manipulated frigid ice. Also, there was something bestial about the voice. Akira couldn't comprehend why Shika's internal mind would speak like that, but she had no time to mull over it. A flash of white light burned through her closed eyelid, and she felt solid ground forming beneath her feet. Her hand instinctively shot to her forehead to shield her eyes as she squinted through it.
What she saw took her breath away.
Shika had never known pain of this degree. As she fell to her knees, with an arm clamped around her punctured torso, she strove to keep her eyes trained on her enemy. It was a hulking specimen of a Witch, a formless monstrosity with two large hands and no head. Its body was covered with long, onyx fur, and a single, twisted horn protruded from between the hands. It crawled sinuously on spindly legs that were otherwise too weak to support its hideous bulk.
Trapped in its barrier, which was a roiling disarray of black chaos, Shika could see no way out of this predicament. Her dog, Yuki, lay to one side, her tongue lolling out of her mouth. Dead. Collateral damage during the fight. She hefted herself up by pushing down on the handle of her warhammer. Her legs protested, her arms screamed no, and her backbone wailed, but she made herself stand. Searing pain arced through her whole body. Her vision was failing her. She couldn't see the Witch properly through the red haze that was beginning to cloud her sight.
Is this the end?
Unwilling to accept her fate, Shika struggled to hold aloft her warhammer, but the effort caused her innards to spill out from the torn hole in her abdomen. Coughing blood, she tried to stop them from splashing over the glittering, galaxy-like floor, but she may as well give up. Jerking her head up in a mechanical fashion, she fixed one look of fear on the Witch that hunted her. Where it was faceless just moments ago, the Witch now sported a sabre-lined mouth, spreading it into a huge, perverse grin. Crazy, red-rimmed human eyes materialised above the ugly, cracked lips. Just looking at it made her want to shrink into herself and die.
Shika shook all over. It wasn't long now till she would succumb to overwhelming fear and pain. She was so scared for her life now, she literally couldn't move. Was this what people often called 'frozen in fear'?
"I don't want to die... Please... Save me, someone..." she whimpered to herself, her grasp on the weapon handle slackening and sliding from the slippery blood on her hands. "Akira, I'm sorry..."
'Sorry, darling, you say?'
Shika stiffened at the sound of Akira's clear, modulated voice. Wasn't her friend overseas at Canada now? How could she be here, talking to her?
'Contrary to belief, I'm right here, watching you, Shika.'
The Puella Magi craned her neck with great difficulty, trying to see where the voice was coming from. "...Akira? Is that really you?"
'Yes, dear. It's me. But don't hope that I'll help you. I hate getting my hands dirty. You're such a bore, you deserve to die.'
"W-Wha-?" Shika was stung by the reply. She tried not to reel from the alarm, but hearing that come from her best friend was one of the most terrible shocks she could ever receive. She collapsed to her knees again, her grip on her warhammer lost as she let the weapon clatter to the floor. Her dulled eyes were wide with disbelief. She tried to speak, but only a strangulated gurgle came out of her mouth.
'Hmph. Pathetic. Been done in so quickly by a Witch? You really are useless. Why I teamed up with such a weakling like you is beyond me.'
Shika refused to believe that it was Akira speaking to her. This must be some trick of the Witch, designed to unbalance and weaken her. She looked at the grinning face, and to her revulsion, it split into an even wider grin, saying, 'Oh, you realised that I'm talking to you, dear. Good. I'm borrowing this Witch's body momentarily just to kill you.'
Her limbs felt extremely heavy all of a sudden. "Stop talking in Akira's voice," she muttered breathlessly, glaring at the Witch. "Don't you dare use my friend's voice like that..."
'Oh! Brave words for one who's about to die,' cajoled the Witch in Akira's voice, her long hands reaching out to grab Shika. It picked her up like a monkey snatching up a fallen fruit. 'How noble of you to think about me when I'm about to kill you. However, this really is me, all the way from Canada. The Witch is merely my puppet.'
Struggling feebly in the Witch's large palm, Shika kicked her legs uselessly in the air and tried to free herself, but it only caused her wound to enlarge. Blood was pouring out of her like a crimson river.
'Hush, darling, it's no use to oppose me,' tittered 'Akira'. 'You'll only cause yourself extra, unnecessary suffering. Look at all that blood. It's disgusting.'
"Shut up! Stop using Akira's voice!" screamed Shika, blood leaking down the sides of her mouth. Tears of pain ran down her face. She couldn't take it, Akira not caring for her at all. Weren't they friends? Akira wouldn't say something as mean as that...
Or would she?
'Awww, feeling hurt by me, are you?' she said in a mocking, honeyed tone. 'Yeah, you can't trust me, darling. I'm not your friend. And what do you mean, I should stop using my own voice? It's me, Shika. How can I not use my own voice?'
Shika gulped, tasting metallic blood. "R-Really...?"
'Of course! Do I ever lie? Ugh, you're so daft. As well as lowly and disgusting. I don't even know why someone as rich and beautiful as me am friends with you. Look, I could talk to you all day, dear, but I rather not waste my time on you. I have other more important people to attend to. Why don't you kill yourself, since you're such a good-for-nothing? After you kill yourself, I promise to ah... dispose of your body properly, as a token of our old relationship.'
"Kill myself...?" stammered Shika, feeling progressively weaker. Her blurred mind travelled back to the day when she tried to hang herself in her room.
She had wanted to die, didn't she? To escape from all her sufferings. And who stopped her?
Akira Oda.
'Yeah, I stopped you from committing suicide, didn't I?' drawled 'Akira'. 'It's my fault that you have to suffer like this now. Terribly sorry about that, darling. I shouldn't have prevented you, if I knew what a useless lump you'd turn out to be. Go on then, you can kill yourself now. No one's gonna stop you. Need a way to kill yourself? How about a gun to the head? I can manage that for you.'
A gun shimmered into existence in front of a very dazed Shika. She spoke in a trance. "Yeah, it was your fault that I'm suffering like this now... No one wants to be friends with me... Everyone looks down on me and bullies me... I'm poor and talentless... Maybe it's time I meet my family again..." Her hand reached out to grasp the gun.
'Yes, dear. A wise choice...' growled the Witch, the disguised voice breaking from the anticipation of her next victim. 'After you're dead, I'm free to live my own life, instead of trying to cheer up a loser like you. Go on, pull the trigger.'
Shika raised the gun to her temple, her eyes sad but hard with hate. "Even you think of me that way, and I trusted you...! Well, go to hell, Akira! If you want me dead, then I'll die, and make you regret! I'll make you guilty of causing my death!"
With a mad shriek, she pulled the trigger.
Akira felt as if the bullet had gone straight through her own skull. She clutched at her chest, feeling her rapid, thumping heart as she sucked for air greedily. Wild-eyed, she looked around at the emptiness, shouting out, "What the hell was that?! Goddammit, this must have been fabricated! There's no way in hell I'd talk like that to you! Hell, I can't even possess a Witch's body if I wanted to. What nonsense is this-"
'It is not fabricated, Akira,' came the deep, not-quite-Shika's voice. Akira stopped her outburst, clenching her fists warily. 'Everything you saw is real. That was my first encounter with the Witch, Heinalo, who would become my mortal enemy, as Bellatosa was Tera-san's. If you recall, you had gone away on a business trip along with your parents to Canada during that one month, leaving me alone to face that monster.'
'Heinalo has the ability to adopt the voices of the people that I care for, and use them to trick and hypnotise me into carrying out its bidding. Later on, it showed another ability - shape-shifting, you'll be able to see it soon. I was mentally weak then, and I easily fell prey to petty insults issued in your voice. I really believed that it was you, speaking to me via the Witch. I killed myself, believing that no one cared about me, and that I'd be better off dead. And that was how I died. I admit, I was foolish then.'
Akira furrowed her brows, grudgingly. "I don't understand. If you had died... then why are you alive now?"
The voice chuckled with an eerie, sibilant hiss. 'Watch and understand, Akira. I will see you again once this memory is over.'
"Hey, wait! I'm not done asking-" She reached out a hand, as if that could stop the voice from going away. Unwillingly, she was pulled into the next memory.
A cool breeze was tickling her cheeks as she opened her eyes. Murky banks of clouds hung low in the skies, dyed grey by the gloominess of late autumn. Already, the first large feathers of snow were falling around her like a halo. She found herself staring upwards into the never-ending vaults, where a plane was growing increasingly smaller as it travelled into the horizon. Her gloved hand was holding onto Yuki's leash, whereupon the dog was standing stock-still, staring out into the sky as well. Although the temperatures were near zero-degrees, Shika found herself starting to sweat.
How was it possible for her to be here, with Yuki alive beside her, when she had died barely a few minutes ago? Don't you just disappear forever after you die? Was there really such a thing as the afterlife, and this was what it looked like?
She remembered fighting the Witch, being overwhelmed by it, and how it had talked to her in Akira's voice. It prompted her to kill herself at the end of the battle, and she had done it without hesitation. Shuddering, she pushed down all the raw feelings she had experienced during the fight, not wanting to think about the horrible ordeal. Maybe it was just a dream. Besides, Akira wouldn't talk to her like that... Would she?
Exhaling, she hugged herself and rubbed her hands against her arms, watching the vapour trail out between her cold lips. Afterlife or not, one question was bugging her. Why was she here, of all places?
Staring around at her surroundings, Shika noticed that she was standing in a large field a few hundred metres away from the Kazamino Central Airport. Confused, she dared to venture a thought that perhaps in the afterlife, people needed to take flights too, as illogical as that may sound. To where, she didn't know. Giving Yuki's leash a gentle tug, she led them off towards the airport. Perhaps she would get some answers there.
The airport was deliciously warm after the walk outside. Since pets were not allowed inside, Shika told Yuki to wait at the entrance for her. The Shiba Inu obliged without a word. Shaking off snow from her coat and stamping down her boots, she walked into the main terminal, where a host of busy people were walking towards their destinations purposefully. She immediately felt very small and nervous, looking at the sheer amount of humans congregated there. Aimless, with nowhere to go, she wandered around, feeling too scared to stop a random passerby to enquire about her existence. As her eyes drifted around the place, it landed on the row of world clocks.
TIME: 15:12:39 DATE: 29 OCTOBER
Twenty-ninth October...?
Shika muffled a yelp by pressing a glove against her mouth. Wasn't it supposed to be almost December? The last time she checked the date, on the day she died, it was the twenty-third of November, in midwinter.
She bit on her hand, her mind working furiously. Why hadn't she noticed earlier that it was still autumn here, instead of winter? Something must have happened without her knowing how or why. She was getting more convinced that she was in the afterlife, where time moved differently.
A tap on her shoulder almost caused her to yell out loud. Twisting around to face the person, she blinked rapidly when she realised she knew who it was.
"Ryo...kun?" she murmured awkwardly, taking her hand away from her mouth. Ryo Izawa was a classmate of hers, and he was one of the rare breeds who did not take joy in picking at her. She was relieved yet apprehensive to see him here. "Did you die too?" asked Shika, staring him up and down, as if looking for some horrible wound or indication that he was dead.
He gave her a bemused look. "Huh? No, I'm very much alive, and so are you, Shika-san. Actually, I was on my way to the arrival terminal to pick up my brother. He just came back from America, and his flight's landing in another twenty minutes. I saw you, so I came over to... Hey, Shika-san?" He trailed off when he saw that his classmate was staring at him with a very weird look in her forest-green eyes. He waved a hand in front of her face.
"Yo, you alright? You look kinda pale," he said, bending down slightly to take a look at her features. They were drawn back and sallow, like she was in shock.
"What? Oh, err, sorry! I just got distracted," said Shika hurriedly, looking away to conceal an embarrassed blush.
"You sure? Did you get bullied by the guys again? I could rough 'em up for you if you want me to," offered the tall, lean boy, cracking his knuckles meaningfully.
"N-No thank you, I'm fine," she replied curtly, trying to edge away from him. His face was uncomfortably close to hers.
He looked slightly disappointed. Leaning back, he put his hands behind his head and said cheerily, "Well, if you ever need someone to give the bullies a lesson or two, you know who to call. Gotta go, Shika-san. Take care, and stay cute as always." He flashed her a mischievous grin, then with a salute, he loped off towards the arrival terminal.
"C-Cute?" choked Shika, her arms flapping beside her flusteredly. Ryo turned around and grinned, shrugging as he called out across the large room. "You are cute. Don't know why you're still single. If you ever want a boyfriend, I'm open, although I'm not as cute as you are, haha!"
Shika pursed her lips, drawing her scarf up higher to conceal her red-hot face. As soon as Ryo was out of sight, she pushed him out of her mind, sighed and looked at the world clocks again.
Twenty-ninth October...
She felt about her pockets, suddenly realising that her phone was in it. She took it out and glanced at the screen. There was a message from Akira.
'My flight is about to take off. I'll send you an email once I reach Canada. Love you lots, take care, dear ~ xoxo'
Shika stared hard at the message, her eyebrows curved up in surprise. Didn't Akira already fly off to Canada? She was supposed to return soon, and Shika was supposed to meet her here on the third of December. Reading the message, she was involuntarily brought back to the battle with the Witch last night, and how it had talked to her in Akira's voice. Surely the kind, caring, and attentive Akira would not say those things to her?
Her jaw dropped a few millimetres as her hand began to shake. She quickly pressed the lock screen button and shoved the phone back into her pocket as she gave jittery glances left and right.
"This cannot be," she whispered to herself, stress lines appearing on her forehead. She was perplexed and in shock. Suddenly, she found that she was doubting Akira. Doubting her own best friend. Afraid that she had been fooled by her all this while. On top of that, she had no idea how she had gone back in time, only to be revived after remembering her own death.
She began backing away from the main crowd, wide eyes darting around like a shocked deer. She accidentally bumped into a tall, mean-looking man, who gave her a reproving glare. He looked like the sort of person you'd see in a dirty back-alley, smoking weed and gambling. Or maybe that was just her imagination in fear-overdrive.
"Watch where yer goin', pup, or I'll beat ya up," he growled, raising a fist as if to hit her. Muscles bulged from beneath his sleeves. "See these babes? I ain't afraid to use 'em on liddle ladies too, so you just stan' there and I'll-"
She didn't wait to see what he would do next. She ran. Turning her back from him, she stumbled a bit, bolted for the entrance, snatched up Yuki's leash from a hook and tugged her bewildered dog along for a good hundred metres back into the field before she finally stopped to catch her breath. She threw a frightened glance behind her to see if the man had chased after her, but there was no one about.
Breathing heavily, she clamped an arm around her abdomen, which had cramped up from the sprint. She winced as Yuki looked at her in concern, saying, "What happened, Shika? Why did you run all of a sudden?"
"Man... wanted to beat me... for bumping into him," she panted. Waving a hand nonchalantly, she tried to reassure her dog that she was fine.
"By the way, Yuki, why are we here?" she asked, once she had regained her breath. She straightened up, taking stock of her surroundings.
"Eh?" The dog was surprised at the question. Her tail stopped its otherwise endless wagging. "We're here to send Akira off to Canada with her parents. You went in without me, walked out some minutes later and took us to this field here, saying you wanted to see her plane fly off. Then, you suddenly blanked out and led us back to the airport. And the next thing I knew, I was dragged back here, fit to choke. I don't fancy this weird exercise I'm getting, runnin' about like hares at a picnic."
"But didn't Akira already go off to Canada? And didn't I die with you after failing to kill a Witch?"
"Whazzat? I don't know what you're talkin' about - what Witch? And Akira was in your house just yesterday. Shika, are you daydreamin'? Girl, you might need some rest."
"No, I'm not daydreaming... I just feel... Oh, nevermind." She unclipped Yuki's leash and rolled it into her pocket, looking up to the stale skies. Yuki looked up with her. A plane was beginning to take off, and she watched it leave the ground, humming vehemently as it fought with the gravity. It was soon flying away, becoming a small dot in the vast greyness.
"That should be Akira's plane," remarked the white dog. "Thirteen hours later, and she'd be in Canada, safe and sound. Let's go home now?"
Shika nodded blankly. Nothing was making sense to her. If this wasn't the afterworld, and everyone was still alive and could see her, that meant that she undoubtedly alive. However, she remembered the sensation of dying as the bullet wound disabled all her bodily functions, as the blood drained out of her body. She remembered the mocking that Akira had given her. She remembered seeing Yuki's dead body in a corner of the barrier.
She had died, and so had Yuki. However, the dog didn't even remember fighting the Witch, much less dying.
But it was real. It wasn't a dream, and she was absolutely sure of it.
Akira was speechless. Her lips parted, like she wanted to say something, but nothing came. Like Shika in the memory, she didn't know what to make of the experience. It was obvious that time had rewinded, from what she saw, but it still didn't make sense. How could someone come back to life and yet remember dying before that? Once you were dead, you were supposed to remain dead. But at the same time, Akira was relieved that Shika had come back to life.
If she had died while she was away in Canada... No, she couldn't even think about it.
'Surprised?' The voice was back.
"Yeah... I am." Akira cast about her warily, still trying to locate the origin of the voice. "But tell me this, Shika, what do you think about this... this time-rewind thing?"
'As tempting it is to say that I was merely dreaming, and that no such thing as time-reversal is possible, I have to accept the fact that it did rewind itself, and by doing so, brought me back to life. When I asked you about it in the past via email exchange, you just told me to get some rest, and perhaps I was thinking too much.'
"You sent me emails when I was in Canada? How come I don't remember such a thing?" said Akira, incredulous.
'Because in this timeline, I didn't send you any. Don't you recall getting mad at me for not sending you emails when you came back?'
"Oh yes... I remember that very vividly. You scared the living daylights out of me when you didn't reply my emails. Why didn't you?" demanded Akira.
'I'll let the next vision answer that question. In the first timeline, when I first came back to life, I sent you a ton of emails, trying to get to the bottom of this mystery. You helped me as much as you could, but you know, you being a scientific and logical person, you kept telling me that I was going through post-traumatic stress.'
"Huh, sounds like something I would definitely say..." she muttered.
'I didn't believe you entirely. I knew that what happened was real, but I couldn't exactly go around asking people if I had gone back in time. They'd send me to the psychiatric ward. So, as I struggled to cope with the unpleasant knowledge of knowing how dying felt like, and repeat one month's worth of events, I began to grow very wary. I'll stop here. The next memory is near.'
Her voice faded off, leaving Akira alone again. The white-haired girl pondered about Shika's words, trying in vain to recall non-existent memories. Why could Shika remember things from past timelines, while she couldn't? Even Tera had that ability... In a way, it was a blessing to not remember. She couldn't imagine the agony of repeating one month of similar events for what seemed like eternity.
Shika and Tera had indeed gone through a lot.
Shika was curled up in her bed, her fingers playing agitatedly with her hair. She had just woke up from a nightmare. It was the Witch who had killed her in the past timeline, and it was showing her images of her dead family. They screamed like ghouls, trying to drag her into a fiery pit to burn her alive. It also showed her being bullied at school - her classmates throwing her bag and books into the lake, the boys harassing her for money, the girls making rude remarks about her old uniform. Everyone surged at her and grabbed her, ripping her into bits with small knives.
She shuddered.
"Yuki? Are you awake?" she said in a small voice.
The dog pricked up her ears. She was lying at Shika's feet. "Yeah, I'm awake. What's wrong?"
"I'm scared."
"What happened?"
"I dreamt that I died."
Yuki got up and padded over to Shika, plopping herself directly in front of her human friend. "Hey, don't worry, it was just a nightmare."
"Mhmm... Sorry, Yuki. Let's go back to sleep."
Not five minutes later, her Soul Gem began to hum alarmingly. She sat up, alert, watching a Witch's barrier descend around her room. Yuki was sitting up slowly, growling.
"It's a Witch. Hurry and activate your Magi power."
She was about to do so when she saw a terribly familiar shape take form in front of her. To her utmost horror, the Witch was the very same one that had killed her one month ago. Unable to stop her shaking, she couldn't even summon up her magical energy to transform. The Witch fixed her diabolical eyes on her, grinning the same wide grin.
'Shika dear, what a surprise to see you awake!' it said, using Akira's voice again. 'I had wanted to creep up on you to ambush you in your sleep, but now it seems unnecessary.'
"Y-You..." stammered Shika, shuffling further away from the monster. "W-Why are you here again?"
'Again? I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about. We just met for the first time actually, dear.' The Witch edged closer on its spindly legs, arms reaching out for Shika. Yuki roared, pouncing upon the arm and biting into its hand.
"Shika! What are you doing?" barked the dog urgently. "Activate already- Yaaipp!" The dog was bashed away by a merciless swipe of the other hand. Before Shika could even cry out in distress, the Witch hefted its bulk and jumped upon the dog, crushing her to death.
Shika recoiled in terror, crying out for her dog, but there was no reply. She was dead.
The Witch snatched at Shika with her gnarly fingers, drawing her up to face her eye to eye. The girl didn't even struggle. Her entire body was paralysed with fear. 'Hmm? A Puella Magi who doesn't even fight? What a useless piece of trash," remarked 'Akira' carelessly. 'I bet your magical energy is pretty low too. Still, better than nothing.'
The ruthless hands squeezed inwards, and there was an explosion of blood.
"Oh my god..." Akira slapped a hand across her mouth, feeling very sick. Her eye was watering. "Oh my god, what a terrible way to... God, I cannot take this..."
'I'm sorry you have to see me dying...' said the voice, for once almost sounding like Shika. 'But if you cannot take this, then the coming memories will be harder on you. Please, stay strong. Now that I let you into my memories, it will be hard to let you out before you have seen it all. We will bear this together, like you said... Right?'
Akira managed a nod. "Right... I promised that I will help you. And I will fulfil that promise."
'I'm happy to hear that,' she said softly. 'Is there anything you needed explaining from this memory?'
"About Yuki... Why didn't you just transform her to fight for you while you collected yourself?" enquired Akira, still a bit shaky from the previous vision. "I know that you were stuck there due to fear – who wouldn't? – but why didn't you engage Yuki? I've seen you activate her abilities without needing to place your Gem on her body."
'Do you recall the days when Yuki was still unable to fight?'
Akira nodded. "Yes, I do. Just nine months ago, she was a normal Shiba Inu, not taking part in battles. When I came back from Canada and we fought a Witch together, you can say that I was surprised to see the dog as big as a horse and fighting like a wolf. Before that, Yuki was never a fighter. I remember asking you how you did it, enlarging her like that so that she could fight, but you just gave me a vague answer. Something like, you just discovered it accidentally."
'I was unsure of how to explain it to you that time. You can't say that it was an accident, but you can't say that it was by intention either. It will be explained in the next memory, though.'
"How many memories are there?"
'A lot. I chose the important ones for you, so you won't need to stay here for longer than needed. The next one will be slightly different. Instead of a being a third-person spectator, you'll be hearing my narration, and seeing the unfolding events together with it.'
"Fine by me... I dread to see you dying again," admitted Akira, staring at where she thought the voice was coming from. "I'm ready. Let me hear your narration."
Darkness covered Akira's sight, as the memory continued.
I'm alive again... How is this possible? Why am I back here, in the airport field? Yuki is at my feet, staring into the sky, as I am.
It's late autumn again, one month back in time. Need I go into the airport to check the date?
I think I'd better.
I walk into the lobby area and look at the world clocks.
TIME : 15:12:39 DATE : 29 OCTOBER
It's exactly the same as last time. I have been pulled back to one month ago again.
There's a tap on my shoulder. I look around to see Ryo standing there with a grin on his face. There he goes, telling me that he's here to pick up his brother from America. I excuse myself politely before he could start flirting with me. I don't want to start blushing like I did before.
Taking out my phone, I see the same message from Akira. While I was beginning to feel freaked out seeing the same things all over again, I managed to keep myself from going into a full-blown panic like last time. The same man whom I had bumped into last month walked past me, flexing his muscles. I stayed clear of him.
I hurried out to find Yuki sitting there waiting for me. I took her off towards the field, where I asked her if we had died. She gave me the same reply.
"Shika, are you daydreamin'? Girl, you might need some rest."
No amount of rest was going to save me. It's happening all over again. Why am I being thrown back in time? Why does no one else remember but me?
When I got back home, I took my journal and flipped through it. In the last timeline, I had neglected writing in it as I was too shaken by everything. But now, I think I'll continue my journal. I have a bad feeling that this wasn't going to be the last time I would see myself hurled back one month in time.
The writings stopped on the twenty-eighth of October. Yesterday. I quickly took a pencil and began scribbling in it:
'Today is 29th Oct. I have been warped back in time from one month ago, i.e. from November. A Witch killed me and Yuki then, but now I'm here again, alive and recalling every single thing as if it had taken place just hours ago. It does feel like it happened hours ago, actually. This is horrible. I'm scared. Dying is terrible and painful. Why is this happening to me?'
I broke off, unsure of what to write next. I left it alone.
Tomorrow, I would have to attend classes in school. My teacher would ask me why I look deathly pale. My classmates would make fun of my haggard looks. Ryo would saunter over and give me a keychain from America. At least, that's what I think will happen. If time is indeed rewinding itself, then everything should be the same.
It's just that no one would remember it.
The next day, my predictions came true. My teacher asked me why I looked deathly pale. My classmates made fun of my haggard looks. Ryo sauntered over and gave me a keychain from America.
I noted all of this down in my journal. Who knows I might need the information later?
But then again, if time really did warp back, would my writings be lost too? I decided to just continue writing. Even if it weren't brought back with me, keeping a tab on the daily happenings has a way of keeping me calm.
For one week, everything was uneventful. I decided to send some emails to Akira, asking the same questions from before. I got the same answers. On the payday for my rent, the landlord came bursting into the house like he did last time, waving the bills in my face. On the tenth November, there was a snowstorm. On the fifteenth November, Ryo gave me a call to hang out together. On the seventeenth November, someone left a box of kittens outside my house.
I am now very convinced that I am stuck in the flow of time. The events that took place this month was a paper copy of the past.
I won't deny it. I am scared. I am scared out of my wits. Because that would mean the Witch that killed me would be back near the end of November. Would I succumb to fear and die again, or would I be better prepared, now that I know its tricks?
It was now twenty-third of November. I had a nightmare. It was the same one I had before the Witch ambushed me. This must be it. The Witch must be coming soon.
I transformed, urging Yuki to run into the forest to hide. She stubbornly refused.
The Witch came very suddenly this time. It smashed down upon us, laughing. This time, it used a different voice. It made my blood boil.
It was talking in my mother's voice.
I was angry. I didn't know what was happening. I fought it like a mad beast, paying no heed to my own safety. It was the wrong move. With no strategy in mind, I was beaten to the ground.
And... no... It's taunting me... It's mocking me in my mother's voice. My father's voice... My dead brother's voice... Akira's voice... It's using the voices of everyone I love to mock me!
Stop! Stop talking!
Ugh! It's snatched me up again! I can't b-breathe! It's squeezing me...! Ugghhh! Aaagghhh!
Akira jammed her palms to her ears as the terrifying sound of snapping and breaking bones, followed by an unpleasant squelch and piercing scream blasted around her. Gasping, she bent over on her knees as the scream died away, her single eye wide with shock.
"W-What the hell?! Why are you dying again?! Shika? Oh god, this is awful!" she cried, collapsing to her feet and burying her face in her hands. "Please tell me it's going to end. I can't bear to see or hear you dying anymore, Shika. Please!" she sobbed, tears dripping down her nose.
'It's hard, isn't it?' said deep-Shika, her own voice a bit wavery. 'There's not much more. I know it's hard on you. It's much harder for me, since I'm the one experiencing it...'
"Shika... why didn't you tell me about this earlier? How could you bear all of this by yourself?" shouted Akira, balling her fists in anger. "Did you not trust me to believe you? Did you think that I'd sweep you aside and leave you to suffer alone?"
'I have no doubt that you'll help me, but Akira...' She paused, and for a second, Akira could make out a hazy outline of a person standing in front of her. 'I was afraid I'd burden you with this. You have enough problems already, dealing with your family issues. Besides... I was afraid you'd laugh at me and stop being my friend, thinking that I'm mad, and be happy to get me off of you. Also, in all the emails we exchanged, you seemed so sceptical, I was afraid I'd lose your friendship due to my 'insanity'. When the Witch spoke with your voice, it impacted me quite severely...'
The storm-eyed girl wiped away her tears indignantly. "Just because a stupid Witch used my voice to mock you, doesn't mean that I feel that way towards you. As for being sceptical about things, since when wasn't I? And you don't need to worry about burdening me, because what are friends for if we can't share our problems?"
The hazy outline buzzed in a static. 'You know me. I don't like to share my problems with others... including you. I'm sorry, Akira. I'm sorry for making you worry. I really am. I'm just so awkward when it comes to talking about my feelings.'
Akira adjusted her legs beneath her, sitting in seiza. Sniffling, she tried to regain some of her dignity. "It's alright. You finally opened up to me, and that's all that matters." Then, in a softer tone, she added, "I'm just glad you're still alive. That's all."
Shika remained silent. The outline became clearer, and Akira could distinguish a humanoid shape. It spoke quietly. 'There's still a bit more to the memory. It will be seen in a third-person perspective again, and is quite jumpy, lengthy and fragmented... Also, don't be shocked when you see how I change over the timelines.'
"I'll try not to." Akira made peace with herself, readying her mind to accept the next chunk of memories.
Timeline 4:
The moment she regained her consciousness, Shika went straight back home with Yuki, not bothering to walk back into the airport. She checked her journal. It stopped at the twenty-eighth of October, so that meant that her dutiful recording in the last timeline was fruitless. Nonetheless, she would keep it up just to calm her fraying nerves.
Now, she began to worry. She didn't walk back into the airport, so that meant she didn't meet Ryo. Would that change something in the future? She hoped not.
The rest of the month passed by as usual. Shika was mentally preparing herself to meet Heinalo, training hard by herself by locating Wraith bands and the occasional Witch. Maybe if she reacted quickly enough this time, she'd be able to kill her opponent before it even got to her.
But something unexpected happened. The Witch came earlier than she liked. Shika was caught off guard, and utterly defeated by her foe.
Status : DEAD
Timeline 5 :
Shika was shocked. Heinalo had come before the predicted date. Did that have something to do with not meeting Ryo in the airport? She decided to just go in and be 'surprised' by him.
This time, events took a different turn. Ryo invited her to follow him to meet her brother, since she was in no hurry anywhere. She was doubtful of accepting the offer. Would this change the arrival date of the Witch too?
Nonetheless, Shika followed him, glad to have some company. For the rest of the month, Ryo got close to her, and she was happy to have him with her. She felt safe with him, like she did with Akira.
But she let her guard down. Heinalo had lured Ryo into her barrier as a trap for Shika, and she had fallen into it stupidly. She was forced to see Ryo eaten alive by the Witch. Going into a rage, she attacked the Witch blindly, but was defeated in the end.
Status : DEAD
Timeline 6 :
Shika felt tears prick at the backs of her eyes as she recalled Ryo being slain. No, this time, she mustn't get him involved. She entered the airport, let him greet her, then refused flatly to follow him. If she didn't get close to him, then the Witch wouldn't have anyone to bait her into its trap.
She continued her training, discovering plenty of new tricks and magics. But this time, she felt painfully alone. She didn't contact Akira anymore, knowing that the replies she would get were the same as before. Besides, if she did not maintain her relationship with Akira, that would mean when the Witch used Akira's voice on her, it wouldn't have much of an impact. She didn't have Ryo to talk to, and she had no other friends besides Yuki. Was this the right choice for this timeline? Was isolating herself from human contact a wise choice?
She decided to go along with it just for this timeline. After it was over, she could easily mend the bridges between them again. Antisocial as she was, she still needed a friend or two.
She could give herself no quarter for messing up again. She must not die anymore. It was too painful, and to remember it was equally torturous. She was going crazy thinking about it. Besides, what would happen if time did not rewind after she died? She'd stay dead forever, and what would Akira think? She would be alone, and she would have no one to turn to anymore.
No, she must try and survive this for Akira's sake.
The Witch came on the same date as the first timeline. So that meant that meeting with Ryo in the airport, and denying his offer to tag along was essential in setting the appearance date of Heinalo. However, this time, the Witch looked different. Instead of its monstrous form, it took on Akira's shape. Unable to fight her best friend, Shika was killed by the very rapiers that often accompanied her in battle.
Status : DEAD
Timeline 7 :
Shocked by having been killed by Akira, Shika forgot to meet Ryo at the airport. She stumbled back home and locked herself in her room, eyes wide with barely-contained terror. It was taking a toll on her mental health, dying repeatedly like this. What more, she had been killed by the person she trusted most.
Hungering for social contact, she finally caved in and emailed Akira, wanting to prove to herself that Akira still loved her and would never consider killing her. To her relief, Akira replied something very different this time, and she hugged the phone close to heart, as if taking comfort from the words. Maybe it was so because she sent an email that was different in nature. Also, she made an effort to meet up with Ryo because, in all honesty, she enjoyed the time spent together in timeline five with him. It was sad in a way that he did not remember their friendship from then, but it couldn't be helped. He was pleasantly surprised to see her, and she felt pleasantly comfortable with him.
Feeling better, Shika commenced her training again. She was not getting any stronger though. Frustrated that there was no improvement over the timelines, she was afraid she may not be able to defeat the Witch. On the thirteenth November, she took Yuki out with her on a Witch hunt on a whim. She knew this Witch well. It appeared in every single timeline on the same day and time, regardless of other events, and she always used it for her training.
Somehow or other, during her Magi activation, the Witch surprised her, causing her Soul Gem to fly out of her hands. Yuki ran after it, picking it up in her jaws to return it to her mistress. By this time, the Witch was raising a hand to grab at a hapless Shika. And at that moment, through an emotional flux and undying love for her mistress, Yuki transformed, absorbing some of the Gem's magic to turn herself into a beast the size of a large horse. With enhanced speed and strength, and with the new ability of being able to kill Witches like a Puella Magi, the canine tore into the monster before it could harm Shika.
Thus began a new chapter of training for Shika. After the battle was over, Yuki automatically switched to her normal form. When Shika tried to enlarge her again, it didn't work.
For the rest of the month, Shika tried over and over again to transform Yuki, without much success. Because she didn't meet Ryo at the start of the timeline, that would mean that Heinalo's arrival was unpredictable. She would have to be on full alert at all times.
She sent a final email to Akira, saying that she was the best friend she ever had, and should she never see her again when she returned from Canada, she was sorry. It was the closest she ever got to crying then. As for Ryo, she thought recklessly, 'Well, if time is about to rewind and there's a high chance I'm dying again, I'll just let him know that I fancy him cause he won't remember it anyways.' She jabbed the send button and threw the phone away, blushing hard. He then replied that he had already fancied her from the start.
At least there was still some joy here in living hell.
When Heinalo came, it was not in a shape that she anticipated. It was now using Ryo's body. Shocked to see him, she was taunted into bad form and killed by the boy she thought had cared for her.
Status : DEAD
Timeline 8 :
Enough was enough for Shika. Being killed by two of the people she loved twice in a row was maddening. She stormed into the airport, said a very cold 'Hello' to Ryo and went back home. She did not bother emailing Akira. She did not answer her phone when Ryo called her out of concern.
If the Witch was going to manifest in the body of her close friends, what was the point of having them? If she did not emotionally attach herself to anyone, then the Witch wouldn't be able to exploit them to kill her. Also, she eliminated any thoughts of her dead family, for bringing them up would give more chances for the Witch to use them. Her heart was hardening. If Heinalo was using her emotions to toy with her, then she would retaliate by not presenting her emotions at all.
It was hard, not keeping contact with them. Every time she almost messaged them, she stopped herself. When Yuki asked why she was distancing herself like this, she did not reply.
Continuing with her training regime, she now brought Yuki along on every excursion. Sometimes, she managed to transform her. Other times, not so. But she was not about to give up. Yuki had tremendous power, and it greatly helped her in battle.
Although having been detached from her friends for a month, Shika found herself still feeling fazed when Heinalo appeared in the form of Akira. She tried to transform Yuki, but could not do so. Forced to face Akira again, the battle was long and unpleasant. The end result was the same. She was overpowered by the Witch and her minions and destroyed.
Status : DEAD
Timeline 18 :
She had come a long way from the first timeline. Ever since timeline eight, she had not contacted Akira nor Ryo, and this resulted in Heinalo appearing in her beast form.
Shika was beginning to feel her emotions slip away from her. It was making her go crazy. Unpleasant thoughts drifted around her head constantly, and suicide was always on her mind. Already, she had committed suicide in three past timelines just to end it all, only to find herself revived in another. Shuddering as she recalled the sensation of being hanged, being shot and being cut, she glared outside her room window, awaiting Heinalo's attack that was scheduled to happen tonight.
Even if it came at her in Akira's form now, she would have no qualms in hurting her. Who was Akira to her anyways? It had been so long, they might as well have never met.
By now, she could easily transform Yuki. All she needed to do was to touch her Soul Gem to her dog and imagine her in battle form and will it to happen, and it always succeeded. She could even manipulate Yuki's size, and for extra magic, she could put armour and fang-and-claw enhancements on her battle companion. Being a battle expert by now, she learnt how to control her magic usage so that her Soul Gem did not corrupt so quickly. Her earth-controlling skills were also improving. While it had been a chore to move a table-sized slab of earth last time, now it was like a breeze of fresh air.
When the Witch came in Akira's body, Shika threw herself at it, riding upon Yuki, with such ferocity that there was actually a small window for her own survival. But at a crucial moment, she faltered at the killing blow, still unable to destroy her once-best-friend. It cost her her life.
Status : DEAD
Timeline 41 :
Suicide and death by Witch were coming hand-in-hand by now. Sometimes, she would kill herself before the Witch even came. Other times, she would kill herself in front of the Witch out of blind fury. And most of the times, the Witch would just end up killing her if she hadn't already committed suicide.
Dying had become a natural thing for her.
Every day, she would walk around with a murderous edge in her green irises. If anyone attempted to talk to her, she would glare at them until they receded nervously. She would stare into space mindlessly, thinking about nothing. She did not pay attention in class; she did not bother with club activities; she did not want any social contact with anyone.
As a result, her classmates shied away from her. Her teachers sent her off to counselling. Her neighbours threatened to report her to the mental hospital.
She had become a depressed, hostile freak in their eyes.
So what? Who needed friends if they came to kill you? Who needed emotions if they were used to mentally shatter you? She was fine being alone, completely emotionless.
Heinalo was surprised to see that Shika no longer responded to taunts issued in her friends and family's voices. When she attacked the Magi in Akira's form, Shika retaliated twice as hard. Her face was deadly saturnine, her eyes were like steel gimlets. There was no sign of fear in her expression, nor hate, rage, or sadness.
She was empty.
Unable to target Shika's weaknesses, the Witch fell to the warhammer, and was buried under the vengeful earth.
Finally.
Breathing heavily, Shika stared at the spot where the Witch had sunk, feeling nothing at all.
Status : ALIVE
Timeline 68 :
The days were passing by mindlessly. Ever since her first victory against the Witch, she began to have renewed hope for survival. She stopped killing herself needlessly. Once in a while, she would think about Akira, usually when she received emails from her, asking how she was, and why wasn't she replying. But she didn't know how to respond to Akira. She was obviously not alright, and she didn't want to respond for fear of rekindling their old friendship and having it exploited against her.
In the end, she ignored the emails, though she made sure to keep them safe in her inbox.
Sometimes, she thought about her own emotions, and it felt like to have them again. As long as she was trapped in this never-ending loop, she could not afford to have emotions for fear that the Witch would begin using them against her again... So she pushed away such thoughts, and curled up in her ratty old sofa, staring at nothing.
Status : ALIVE
Timeline 87 :
How many timelines had she gone through now? She had no way of telling.
When would it all end? She had no idea.
Now that she could kill the Witch easily, she began to grow comfortable with her school mates again. They still bullied her though, but she no longer let that get to her. Ryo was still trying to make advances on her, but she let them slip. She had no interest in romance now... Perhaps even for good.
Teachers stopped thinking she needed counselling. Neighbours stopped threatening to send her to the mental hospital. Everything was seemingly smoothing out back to normal, and Heinalo was just another normal Witch who needed exterminating.
She began to email Akira again, and instead of talking about depressing things, she tried to have normal conversations with her. It was hard at first, trying to learn how to socialise all over again. But Akira was very supportive, and somehow understood that Shika was going through a difficult period in her life.
A warm feeling spread through her body while reading Akira's messages. However, she had no name for it. She didn't know what feelings they were.
She really hated Heinalo for doing this to her.
Status : ALIVE
Timeline 99 :
She had killed Heinalo so many times now, she could have achieved it in her sleep. She was still very much detached from her emotions, though she could see an improvement now. Every timeline, she would chat about different topics with Akira, so as to expose herself to more feelings and expressions. It was like she had become an infant, having to learn everything again.
Her relationship with Akira was mending quickly. There were still some times where she was awkward and said weird things, but Akira seemed not to mind. But, with each step she made to getting closer with Akira, she began to feel fearful that Heinalo would be able to use that closeness to kill her.
The Witch came in Akira's form again that month, presumably because of their reformed bond. By now, Shika had killed 'Akira' so many times, she was no longer afraid to go all out on her. But in this timeline, she could not bring herself to raise her warhammer against the shape-shifting fiend.
There was hesitation in her heart again after re-establishing her friendship with Akira. And that was enough to kill her.
Status : DEAD
Timeline ? :
After that episode of being killed by her mortal enemy, Shika stopped emailing Akira again. She prayed and prayed that the loop would end. If not, she might start committing suicide again out of sheer madness.
The torture was real. Without Akira to talk to, the days became long and daunting, and people started to avoid her again.
Not letting any of this affect her, Shika concentrated on her training, telling herself that this would be the final timeline. She would need to survive this. She cannot fail. This was the final timeline. And after that, she can go back to being normal.
That is, if she ever remembered how to be normal.
...She knew she was lying to herself. The probability of time rewinding itself was ninety-nine percent. But it was a reassurance nonetheless, and she needed reassurance now - the end of the month was drawing nearer.
Result : UNKNOWN
It was a lot of information to process. Akira stared at the space in front of her knees as she remained in seiza, her forehead wrinkling up.
' I know... It's a lot to digest, and perhaps not as interesting to watch as the previous ones, but did you get all of that?'
Looking up, Akira half-expected to see Shika there, but was greeted by a flickering green-black haze. She nodded. "Yeah, I think I understood what happened, but it ended abruptly. What happened at the end of that timeline?" Ever objective, she wanted to tie up the story first before voicing any thoughts.
The green-black haze shimmered slightly, condensing briefly into a humanoid shape before falling apart again. 'That was the last timeline I went through. I killed the Witch for good, and survived to see the next month. I survived to see you come back from Canada too...'
Akira smiled slightly at how the voice had become increasingly similar to Shika's.
Deep down, she was very disturbed by what she had seen. Witnessing Shika break down emotionally like that and commit suicide repeatedly... it was horrifying. How could someone do that to herself, and still seem so sane? But she kept calm. If she couldn't stay calm watching this, then who would help Shika?
"Is there anything more to the memory, Shika dear?" asked Akira softly, gazing directly at the green-black haze.
It flickered, as if trying to take shape but couldn't. 'That's the end of the visible memory. After the month ended, I was so relieved. But weirdly enough... I felt no joy. I felt nothing beside from the initial onset of relief. I was horrified. Had I lost all sense of emotion? I couldn't even cry anymore, let alone smile properly. I was so detached from everyone and everything... But even so, I didn't feel sad, nor angry about it. I was just fine. And that scared me, being fine. I should have been freaked out after losing my emotions, but no. I did not even care about them.'
'I spent an equivalent of eight years emotionally isolated from everyone. I died repeatedly from being killed by people I love; I killed myself repeatedly just to avoid that and because I was getting mad from it all, and to save myself from that... I reduced myself to a mindless husk. To save myself from dying, I had to stop being human, and I threw away everything unnecessary for my survival. I cut myself off from everyone I loved, so that they may not hurt me in the Witch's form, and so that I won't hurt them if I ever die for good. I gradually lost myself to that long war. That is why, when you returned to Japan and I greeted you, I seemed off and distant - not myself. Do you remember that, Akira?'
The white-haired girl acknowledged the truth of Shika's words. "Yes, I do. You had not contacted me at all for a month, so I assumed something had happened to you to cause you to be like that. When I asked you what happened though, you brushed me aside. But now I know..." The expression in her single grey eye softened. "I'm sorry. I failed to notice your suffering. I was not a good friend to you. Instead of pressing for replies when I was in Canada, I cut you off completely when you did not reply me. I assumed that you needed time alone, and respected that you didn't want to talk to me."
'It's not your fault, Akira.' The green haze floated closer to Akira. When she looked up, Akira could almost make out a face. 'As you saw just now, I cut you off, not the other way around. I was the one at fault. Don't blame yourself for what happened to me. I brought it upon myself... All those unstable emotions I experienced after you came back; the blank stare that I always wear; that so-called scary face and dead eyes... But hey, you helped me get back some of my lost emotions unknowingly. You taught me to feel again, and I'm still learning. And... you also helped me to cry again, at the Central Park... If it weren't for you, I'd be dead inside forever. So... thank you.'
Tears were pooling in Akira's eyes. She blinked them away and managed a smile, then stood up slowly. "For as long as you need me, I will be by your side. Even if it takes a lifetime to get your emotions back, I will help you... By the way, you never told me you had a crush on Ryo Izawa, you cheeky deer," she said with a feeble grin in an attempt to lighten the mood.
The green haze followed her upwards movement, shimmering as if in embarrassment. 'I-I can have secrets of my own, c-can't I? Besides, I'm over him already...'
"Are you now?" replied Akira with a weak smirk. "That aside, is there anything else you want me to see before you kick me out of your brain?"
The haze was solidifying rapidly into a peculiar shape, glad to have the topic changed. 'I do have one last thing to show you. We all have an inner form, our psyche, and it manifests in a shape that best suits our internal and external personality,' she said, as Akira involuntarily took a step back in surprise at the gathering haze. 'It takes a long time to discover it, and it is a surprise when you do. Not many people can actually find their inner selves.'
'After revisiting my memories and learning more about myself, I understand now what had happened that morning, when we went to scout out Homura Akemi's warehouse. I went stiff after looking inside, remember? Something in that place had resonated with me and called out for me, and that something is linked to what I am becoming now inside...' Her sentence broke off, unsure of itself. The haze was getting denser and more visible. 'At first, I had not wanted to show you my inner self because... it's highly unpleasant. However, after re-experiencing my own life with you, I decided to let you see it because I trust in you. But... you will be shocked. Do you still want to see it? You can say no.'
Shika's words caused the hairs on the nape of Akira's neck to prick up. Nonetheless, she gathered her courage and said boldly, "Yes, show me your inner form. If all of us have one, then we shouldn't be afraid to let each other know."
'I thought you'd say that,' she chuckled. 'One day, you must show me your inner form too, when you've discovered it...'
"Of course I will, don't you worry," said Akira, giving a reassuring nod.
The haze that was Shika shone brightly with Akira's trust in her, and swirled into a huge pillar, blasting wind in all directions. Blobs of black matter flew at the haze and crashed into it, sending sparks flying. Limbs, wings and torso were squelching into being with each collision, turning into a thing of nightmares. A final screeching blast of wind raised a cloud of black dust around the newly-formed creature, obscuring it from view.
Strong wing beats were heard behind the clouds. With the dust billowing over her, Akira shielded her face with her arms, gasping reflexively as she beheld the being that hovered silently not two feet away from her, dark, membranous appendages outspread on either side.
She had the form of a hybrid beast, a human-dragon with trailing, patchy wings, claws as long as swords and spiny horns protruding from the back of her head. Luminescent green-black scales ran down her shoulders to her thighs, and she wore black, feathery garments that spilled behind her like a fairy tale gone awry. All around her, there was a sinking black aura. Although her facial features were the same as in real life, one could tell that she was no longer human. Akira felt a shock-wave of energy and destruction discharge from the creature, and stumbled back, feeling overwhelmed and scared by its presence, even though she knew it was her friend.
Her slanted eyes were hard and slitted. When she opened her mouth, it was lined with fangs. As she exhaled, smoke swarmed out from her nostrils.
She was inhuman.
And she said, with a finality in her voice, 'I am... Corruption itself.'