Alternative Part- 36

More stranger came to talk to me again today, less then last time but all different. They asked me lots of questions like 'how long do you think you have been here?' and 'how do you feel?'. I told them I didn't have any idea and was confused.

They explain that I was on serious medication to help my mind recover.

"Am I mad?" I asked, wondering why I had to take pills if I wasn't mad. No answer came.

One then told me I wasn't mad any more and I couldn't stop the world spinning.

"Is that why I'm confused?"

"In a way, you watched your people die, people you cared about, and now you aren't quite you." said a woman with wispy blonde hair.

"I don't remember my family dying."

No answer.

"Fine." I sigh quietly to myself. Most of the tube from my body were gone, except one in my wrist that gave me mediation. My crazy mediation I guess.

Finally, someone asks me a surprising question. What was even more surprising was I didn't know the answer.

"I...I...I don't know my name. What is it?"

"Seven-eight-three."

"Seven-eight-three?"

"Yes."

I look at the wrist band, and the numbers are written on there, a tag. It makes me feel safer, and easier in the mind.

Most of the doctors walk out, leaving a tiny looking person, just bigger than me, most of his face is covered in a mast and hooded white coat but I can make out two sparkly eyes behind them. He come right up close, behind my ear and whispers, "I'm going to help you. I promise."

When he turns and walks out the door, I can still feel his breath on my ear.

Another quiet night for killings, obviously things are going slowly but with the new rule, there will be plenty of time to place new bets. Lia and I will be falling behind with sponsors, they will be far more willing to bet on two people than just one. That doesn't matter to me but I feel sorry for Lia, despite not liking her, she is the only one who will suffer with this new rule. Cato and Clove will be hunting by now, finding a little team better than being the only Victor.

Peeta must be thrilled, this must be why the new rule was put in place, for Peeta and Katniss. They mustn't want to spilt up two people who care for each other, if only I had though to say how much I cared for Rue, then maybe they would have rearranged the ruling earlier and we could have won together.

I'm not going to win for Rue, I'm not dying for her either though. She wouldn't want that for me, it very selfish of me but I don't care. Screw them. Screw the Capitol. They can't turn me into a public figure, to turn me against my home and force me into things I don't want to do. It isn't fair.

Melissa hated it and killed herself. She was smart, she knew what they were going to do to her, murder her for repelling against them like that. But Melissa didn't care, I wish I had helped her, stopped them, told her I didn't blame her. That would be a lie. I did blame her. And Bell. If Bell hadn't of cared so much about Melissa, as she did everyone else, then she would be here with me. Or not now, but at home with my Mother.

Or dead like Melissa.

Melissa could tell I hated her, I'm not great at hiding my anger like my other emotions, I sat cold-faced at her, refused her apologise at that stand, so she faced me when she died, to tell me she was sorry. Bell must have hated me for that.

Well Bell, you left me for her.

That isn't true either, Bell wouldn't have wanted to leave me. She was twelve and didn't like to leave the house more then necessary, friends were invited to our house, she liked it better there.

Spending most of my night sleeping or thinking about Bell and Rue makes me feel no better or less confused. Everyone leaves in the end. My Mother almost left after Bell died, she had a bag packed under her bed for months, spent hours just watching the door. Since she never mentioned it to me and I pretended not to notice, she wasn't planning on taking me with her.

My Mother, who I looked up to, wasn't in her right mind, she'd yell at me to go away, she stopped eating and started cutting herself. She didn't want to kill herself, she just wanted attention.

That was another reason I liked Rue's family, her Mother stuck by mine, helped her out of the hole she had dug around herself, wiggled her way in the walls she had built to keep people out. I was very grateful, and I know I owe her family a lot more than I can ever give.

My father left when I was a child, I can't remember much about him. He hit me a lot, I was only two and my Mother. He walked out one day and never came back. I'm glad he left. It was before Bell was born. We told her our Father was dead. That was something I'll never regret, better to have a dead Father then one who didn't want you.

The nearest thing to a Father figure I ever had was my leader at work, my boss. He gave me tips on how to work with as little effort as possible so I didn't strain my back. Mr Sparrow was smart and nice, they whipped him to death in front of me and the rest of our crew. For no reason.

Again, it's better to have a dead Dad, then one who didn't want you.

I looked down at my sheet of paper.

Housing

Do you have any pets? No

How many people in the room? One

Special requirements? None

After however long in the hospital, I was going to be moved into my own room, near the hospital as they needed the beds. I had had a check over and was given the all clear, or properly the sane thumbs up. Not that I felt sane or well. I'm sick and dizzy all the time, my head hurts from all the white in my room. It might be nice to have my own room in the hospital.

I'd be living on my own, with nurses and healer coming to check on me, I am old enough. I handed my form in to the doctor in the room, who told me to get changed. I started at him blankly.

"Clothes." he said in a bored voice. "Take off your hospital gown."

"I don't have any clothes." I pointed out. My voice sounds different, but I can't get it to go back to normal, not light and healthy sounded. It sound weak all the time, like I'm tired.

"Three-three, go get her some clothes."

The small doctor from earlier, left the room and game back with these weird white clothes that looked far too big for me.

I looked at both the doctors in the room, the woman walked out swiftly but the one who got me my clothes stayed.

"Umm...aren't you going to leave so I can get changed?" I asked as politely as possible.

"Orders, not allowed to leave you on your own."

Even his voice sound young and childish.

"Fine." I sigh and turn around to get changed, feeling uncomfortable with a boy in the room. He'd properly seen plenty of naked bodies being a doctor but I wasn't going to let him see mine voluntarily I had bandages around me, even one on my arm. They had taken down my morphing so I could feel it was a bit painful. I wondered how it had happened.

"How did I hurt my arm Three-three?" I ask him.

"We had to open it up slightly, it will get better soon. I promise."

"Why did you promise me that yesterday, I mean why..."

He cuts me off, "Not here. Later."

I pull on the white top, it's far too big on me as I expected.

"Oh sorry, I didn't know your size. You look so small but I wasn't sure if that was just..." Three-three trails off, searching through a draw.

"Here." he finishes, handing me a hairbrush.

I pull it through my tangled, limp hair quickly, hoping my room has a decent shower.

Three-three leads me from the room, and I stare at the corridor, it's white but seems airier and lighter, with wooden chair down it too, still no windows. Three-three takes me down lots of corridors, all white and looking the same for about 5 minutes.

"You know, there are lots of colours apart from white to use."

He laughs gently under him breath.

"What?" I demand, "What's so funny?"

"Not funny, just nice. Like you use.."

"What? I used to be? You used to know me?" I ask shocked.

"No, not really. It's complicated."

"Why?"

He stops to face me, I can again only see the shining eyes with long lashes and pale skin from under his clothes. He's a child!

"We met yes but I'm not sure if I knew you. I hope I did." he takes a deep breath. "I know all of this must be really hard for you, I didn't know that...I'm sorry okay?"

"For what? Am I mad at you?"

"Not yet." he sighs, "In a way, I'd rather you were mad at me."

Then he walks a few feet to open a big wide door at the end of the corridor.

"Ready?" he asks.

I nod, ready for what?

The door opens.