AN: Getting close to the end of this journey and trying to wrap up each character in a 'satisfying ' way. Then on to the next adventure.
Estella tilted her head back and let the hot spray of the shower wash over her. She smiled like it was the fountain of youth raining down. Her smile widened when Race slipped in behind her. She had secretly hoped he would. She knew the bubble they were in was delicate. It would burst soon, but she wanted to stay inside a bit longer.
Race rested his hands on her hips and licked her shoulder suggestively. Then her neck in kind. She moaned and leaned into it. Completely turned on. "I came in here to get clean, Bannon."
Race spun her around with ease. Pulling her flush against him. She laughed happily and pressed her palms into his sides to stay steady. To just touch him again. She memorized the feel of his slick skin against hers. She lifted onto her toes and brushed her lips over his. Not quite a kiss. A challenge. An invitation. A desperate plea. "Roger."
He kissed her passionately. Loving it when she said his name like that. Needing her again. Pressing her into the cold tile. Running his hands down her body in a slow and deliberate fashion. Brushing his thumbs over her nipples. Ghosting his fingertips across her ribs. Tracing the dimples above the curve of her ass. Moaning into her mouth.
He made her head spin. She tore her lips away to catch her breath, but the heat and the steam enveloping her made that hard. His tongue on her neck made it even harder.
"Shower sex?" she giggled. "What…are we? In college?"
Race gripped her ass in response. Lifting her off the ground and guiding her legs around his waist. "You don't wanna fuck like we're still twenty?" he challenged gruffly. Thrusting inside her without waiting for an answer and groaning loudly. Painfully aware that it could be the last time. Trying not to rush to the finish line.
"Uh," she called out. Digging her heels into his lower back and her hands into his hair. Moving with him in perfect sync. Fantasizing about trying again. Older and wiser, but still jumping each other constantly. They never had problems in the bedroom. Even at their worst, no one felt better between her legs.
'Christ,' she thought. Overwhelmed again.
Then he bit her earlobe and brought her fully into the moment again. "Bed!" she screamed. "Take me to your bed," she begged. That was where she wanted it to end.
Race stopped moving and breathed into her neck heavily for a few seconds. Then he turned off the water and carried her out of the shower and across the bathroom. She started to kiss him as soon as his feet hit carpet. Her body was tingling between his roaming hands and the shock of air conditioning on her overheated skin.
He was grateful for the slow down and the cool air. He wanted to be in control and had lost it in that shower. Race slowed everything down. The way he kissed her and his gait. He kneeled on the bed. Careful not to slip out and lose the connection. When he felt her limbs loosening as if to fall back onto the pillows, he tightened his hold on her. "Stay," he whispered against her lips. "Stay."
She froze at his words, but then held on tighter and resumed kissing him.
He eased down until they were in the center of the bed on their sides. He pulled back only enough to see her face. Pushing wet hair away to get a better view. She slipped her free hand from his hair to around his torso. Pressing their chests together as her hips reared back. They came back together slowly. Neither had to say it. It's how they both wanted it. It was slow and amazing.
She was drowning in his eyes and the anticipation of pleasure. It was building and her heart was racing. Alarm bells went off in her head. It felt too good to stop, but it also felt too intimate. More than an accident or an indiscretion that could be rationalized away with excuses of alcohol and relief over their daughter.
"Fuck me," she whispered in an effort to take things back to where they started.
Race rolled over to take control before she could. He pinned her hips to the bed lightly and kept moving slow. She whimpered in frustration, but did not try to speed him up. She gave into it. Got lost in it and enjoyed every second of it until he collapsed on top of her in a satisfied heap. Her breathing was heavy and uneven. Overwhelmed did not begin to cover it. She reached up and wiped away her tears before he could notice them.
"Stel?" Race panted.
"Hmm?" She cleared her throat.
"You okay?" he wanted to know.
Estella did not trust her voice, but she leaned her head against his and firmly nodded 'yes' in response.
XXX
"Uh…Oh my god," she called out for anyone to hear and then crashed back onto the mound of pillows. Enjoying the fancy hotel bedding. Feeling glorious. "Oh my god," she covered her face and sighed. "That was amazing."
"I aim to please," he grinned down at her. Pulling hands away from her beautiful face. "I'm so glad you called, Max."
"Me too," she grinned back. "I can't remember the last time I was able to make noise freely during sex."
"Hazards of having a ten-year old," he teased.
"One of many," she agreed. "…but so worth it. I had to make sure you were alright," she sobered.
"I enjoyed your method of confirming," Phil flirted.
"So," she bit her lip. "How long you in town for, agent?"
XXX
Race was still on top of her. He knew he should move, but wanted to keep her there until he figured out what to say. What to do. He had never imagined being in this position again. Well…he had imagined it. Just never saw it happening. They had spent the entire day together. Sleeping. Fucking. Eating. Joking. Never talking about whether they SHOULD be doing any of it. He knew that he needed to make a decision and fast. Let the day be a one-off fun memory or risk more?
All he knew for sure was that any risk taken would have to be taken by him. She would not risk her heart again without assurances and he could not blame her.
"Do you think they're home yet?" she asked quietly in his ear. Breaking his train of thought.
Race pressed his lips into her neck for a long moment before reluctantly rolling away. He leaned over the edge of the bed and picked up his burner. Lying down next to her again and and making sure they were touching before bringing the phone to life. Texts from both Jonny and Jade were clearly visible on his screen. Estella cleared her throat.
'Shit.' Reality crashed down on him.
"They're home," he confirmed.
"Did he say how she's doing?"
"No," Race sighed. Turning his phone so she could read the message for herself.
She turned her head away. "I trust you."
Race sighed again and dropped his arm. "It just says 'home.' No details offered." He thought about calling, but decided against it. They would call if they needed him. A hard pill to swallow. He licked his lips and blurted the next thing out with no thought. "Stel…I needed Jade to do me a favor. She was only letting me know it's done. She and I are not together."
"I didn't ask," Estella shrugged.
"I know," he offered patiently. "But I want you to know."
"The bed is soaked," she then deflected with a small laugh, making a move to leave.
Race grabbed her hand in a lightening quick move. "Don't go." He watched her relax back hesitantly and close her eyes. The indecision clear on her face. "Please," he whispered.
"Do you always leave this big of a mess? The poor maids," she deflected again.
He was taken aback. "Do you really think this is a regular occurrence for me?"
She did not respond. Race forced himself to take a calming breath. He would not let himself be baited into an argument. Knowing they could easily fall into comfortable habits.
"Do you?" he pushed gently.
She sat up and pulled her hand away from his. She got off the bed quickly and pulled his shirt over her head to cover up since it was the closest article of clothing. "I don't sit around thinking….about your sex-capades," she spoke with her hands as she rushed around the room to locate and gather her own clothing.
Race stood and did not bother covering up. "My sex-capades?" he scoffed.
She glared at him and put a hand up like she was offended. "Will you put some clothes on please?"
"We've been naked for hours," he dismissed. "And no…I don't do this all the time. I'm not actually twenty. You just bring it out in me," he finished.
It worked. She stopped her frantic collecting of discarded clothing and he saw her soften. "What have we been doing?" she asked quietly. Crossing her arms over her chest in a protective manner.
"Having great sex," he stated bluntly and then laughed at the look on her face. "Why do you look so surprised? You were there."
She rolled her eyes. "That's not what I meant…"
"I know what you meant," he interrupted. He swallowed hard and thought about the ring he had been carrying around in his pocket for years. About the regret he had been carrying around in his heart. About his discussion with Jonny on not repeating mistakes.
'Don't be an idiot,' he told himself. 'Don't be a coward either.'
"Stel…" he trailed off.
"You don't have to think of some…gentlemanly way to blow me off," she offered. "I'm a big girl... I knew exactly what I was doing."
Race laughed.
Her jaw clenched. "What?"
"I'm not sure where to start, but I can assure you I'm incapable of being a gentlemen right now," he teased.
"I somehow doubt that," she huffed.
"I don't want to blow you off," he confirmed quickly and took a step toward her. "And I don't want to write this off," he added softly. "I wanna talk about it." He saw the surprise on her face. Her arms dropped and she sat on the bed.
"Okay," she said all breathy. She tried to hold back a grin as her gaze shifted to the ceiling. "I'm really gonna need you to put on some clothes first though."
XXX
Estella stared at him for a while. Trying not to panic. And trying not to objectify him. His idea of putting on some clothes meant boxers. She was sitting on the edge of his bed. Still in his shirt. He was staring right back at her from an armchair a few feet away. She waited. Impatiently.
"You are…as beautiful as I remember," he complimented. Starting with a compliment could not hurt.
She smiled and looked away. "Remember me a lot?" she teased.
"Certainly more than I should," he admitted.
"So?" she pushed. "We've been here before, Bannon."
He nodded. They had. Eight years ago. A night they had both pretended was a dream. "I thought about asking you to stay in Rockport that night. Stay…stay," he clarified and closed his eyes. "I wanted to."
"Why didn't you?" she asked.
He shrugged. "Because I knew you wouldn't and I didn't want to hear you say no. You were in the middle of the biggest dig of your career…and you weren't even close to ready on trusting me again."
She nodded. "I thought about asking you to come with me. Having the best of both worlds for once," she whispered.
"Why didn't you?" he wanted to know.
She laughed. "Because I knew you wouldn't come. You weren't gonna take Jess and leave those boys behind."
"No," Race agreed. "I wouldn't have left them. But they're all grown up now, aren't they?"
She smiled. Hoped and smiled. "So?" she pushed again.
A knock on the door interrupted. "Fuck," he growled in annoyance. "Stay…I'll get rid of whoever it is."
"Bannon," Phil called out loudly and knocked again before Race reached the door. "Open up."
Race opened the door and leaned against the wall. Blocking Phil's view and his ability to enter the room.
Phil cocked his head and gave Race a knowing grin. "I see you haven't been sleeping either?"
"Either?" Race raised an eyebrow.
"No comment."
"You brought it up," Race shot back.
"Never mind. Anyway," Phil sobered. "We need to talk. Jade decent?"
Race closed his eyes and hoped she had not heard that. "It's not Jade," he sighed.
"Oh?" Phil's eyes perked up in interest. "Well…we NEED to talk," he got back to business.
Race sighed again and then opened the door wide. "Stel…you decent?"
"Why?" he heard the alarm in her voice and heard her scramble off the bed.
"We have a visitor?" Race announced.
Phil walked into the room confidently and gave Estella a shit-eating grin when he saw her. "Hi."
"Hi," she said through her teeth. Ready to throw Race through a window. "What the hell, Bannon?"
"We need to talk," Race told her.
"You couldn't do that in the hall?" she challenged. "Or the lobby or a fucking phone?"
"No," Race responded simply.
"I hate this spy shit," she spat.
Race furrowed his brow. "This is protecting my kid shit," he promised.
She unclenched her jaw. "I'll give you the room," she conceded.
"Stay," Race urged and then turned to Phil. "Tell me."
XXX
"Why did you let me listen?" Estella asked as soon as Phil was gone.
Race swallowed. Genuinely nervous to say it. "Because I wanted you to stay." He gave her a meaningful look. "I want you to stay…stay. I know it sounds crazy and way too fast. But I regret the way we ended. I've ALWAYS regretted it. And I regret not asking you to stay eight years ago." He paused to catch his breath. "Stel, if I'm making a complete ass of myself…please put me out of my misery?"
XXX
Jonny awoke with a start. Like fighting his way out of a bad dream, but he could not recall anything about the dream. It took him a minute to focus and understand that he was staring up at his own bedroom ceiling.
His racing heart settled when he turned and saw flaming red hair. She was on her stomach and facing away from him. He leaned over and kissed the back of her head. "I love you," he whispered. Then he turned the other way and looked at the clock. It was a few minutes before midnight.
"Jonny." The soft whimper caught in her throat and made him turn back. "I don't…" she trailed off.
"Ace?" He rolled over and hugged her. She was shaking a little. Jonny realized she was the one having a bad dream and that must have woken him. He got out of bed and walked over to her side. Kneeling down in front of her and threading a hand into her hair. "Wake up, love." He kissed her forehead. "Wake up."
She shot up at his touch. Like he had pinched her. Panting frantically and jumping out of her skin when he squeezed her hand.
"It's me," he rushed. Turning on the bedside light so she could see him better. "You're safe, Jess." Jonny sat on the floor and watched her scramble from his bed and over to the window seat. Kneeling on the cushion and pressing her face into the coolness of the pane. He would have laughed if the circumstances were different. His sheets were soaked through with her sweat.
'Must've been an intense dream,' he thought with worry.
Yet another reason he did not want her to leave. He would not be there to comfort her when it happened again. He shook that thought from his mind and stood. Focused on doing something to make her feel better. He went to his bathroom and drew her a bath. He tried to make the atmosphere relaxing for her as he waited for the tub to fill. He wanted to give her a moment alone, but needed to keep busy so it was the perfect excuse. He checked the temperature of the water three times and dimmed the lights before making his way back to her.
He found her slumped in his window seat. He joined her and stared for a moment. She steadfastly looked out into the darkness and that made him smile. "I love you, stubborn."
Eventually, he offered a hand which she took and let him lead her. Jessie relaxed a little as they walked and grinned when she saw what he had done for her.
"You have bubble bath at the ready, babe?"
Jonny shrugged. "I like to treat myself when lighting my special candle," he joked.
She giggled and relaxed more. Then she wrapped her arms around his waist in a bear hug. "Thank you," she said quietly. "You're so good to me."
Jonny kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back. "The bubble bath is gentle so shouldn't irritate your skin at all," he assured.
'Right...great,' she thought. Jessie pulled away at that and walked over to the tub. Then she turned to him awkwardly and rubbed her arms. "I..." she trailed off.
He could tell she wanted him to leave while she undressed. "You hungry?" he asked. "I'm hungry."
She nodded. Jonny took three big steps into the room and kissed her soundly.
"I love you," she whispered against his lips.
XXX
Jessie undressed slowly once alone. She sat hard on the toilet when she was down to her bandages only. She fought off the tears and the urge to replay the dream in her head.
'He didn't even ask about the dream,' she thought sadly. 'Did I break him?' Confusing as it was…that thought freaked her out as much as getting pressed for answers. 'You're so fucked up.'
She sighed heavily and pushed those thoughts away. Removing her bandages one by one. Tossing them into the trash. Staring at them angrily when the can was full. Another thought to push away. She slipped into the tub without looking down at herself. Sinking to the bottom and not coming up until she needed air.
She enjoyed the soak for several minutes and successfully shut off her brain. She almost dozed off until she heard soft knocking.
"Can I come in, babe?"
"Yes," she swallowed nervously. Bringing her knees to her chest self-consciously. All the bad faded when she saw him struggling with the food tray though.
'He's so freaking cute.' Her heart constricted.
"I think this'll work," he announced. Balancing the legs of the tray over the edges of the tub and then sinking to the floor with a flourish. "Perfect," he waved a hand over the food.
Her heart about leapt from her chest when she saw his lit strawberry candle in the corner of the tray. "Jonny Quest," she breathed. "You're TOO good to me."
"I love you," he whispered. "I can't say it enough, beautiful."
She cleared her throat. "This is quite the spread."
"Only the best for mi lady," he smiled and then stood as quickly as he had sat down. Afraid that he could not watch her eat without trying to pump her for information. He wanted to keep that promise. So he needed to keep moving. "I'll let you enjoy this," he announced. "I'll go raid dad's supplies for bandages and I'm sure I can find some ointment until we get your prescription filled too."
"Stay," she called after him. He froze and spun around to focus on her face. "I want you to stay."
Jonny sat back down and grabbed a piece of cheese from the tray. Reminded of the picnic he had packed for her their first night on the island. Wishing pointlessly for a do over.
Jessie rolled her eyes patiently. "Get in, Quest."
He paused. "You sure?"
"Yes," she smiled sweetly. "We can't let this candle go to waste."
"Hey…don't make fun of my candle." Jonny undressed quickly and got in at the other end of the tub. Facing her.
She stared at him for a moment. Conflicted...but happy he was there. "This is weirdly romantic, baby."
"Eat," he ordered.
"Yes sir."
XXX
Jessie carefully shifted to his side of the tub after moving the food tray to the floor. She wanted to be close to him. Closer. She eased until her back was to his chest, but she was very tense. Both her hands were gripping the edges of the tub. She tensed more when Jonny gently ran his hands down her arms and rested his palms above her wrists. He rubbed his thumbs across her skin in a soothing motion. She watched for a minute and the tension left her body without a fight. The evidence that she had been tied up against her will was fading.
He kissed her temple. A long kiss.
She felt herself getting choked up and tried to swallow it away. "They really don't bother you?" she asked quietly. Insecurely. "Please be honest."
Jonny kissed her shoulder and answered just as quietly. "Honestly...only so much as they remind me that I didn't get there before he hurt you, Jess."
She got quieter at that and he waited. Wishing for the millionth time in their relationship that he knew what she was really thinking so he could say the right thing.
After a few more minutes of silence. "I had an awful dream," she finally whispered. "It felt…SO real, Jonny."
He watched her fingers grip the sides of the tub again and leaned forward a little in response. Linking their fingers and waiting for her to continue.
"I remember," she sniffed and the tears were clear in her voice. "The first time you told me I felt perfect. I'll never forget…the way that made me feel," her voice hitched.
"What?" His heart dropped. Not expecting that. "Baby…"
She interrupted him. "The dream...it was just like it all happened. Except I was awake the whole time. I guess since I know what happened my brain can easily project it now?"
"Makes sense," he agreed slowly, kissing her temple again. Still distracted by her perfect comment. "I'm so sorry you have that picture in your head. I wish I could take it away. I'd take it all on for you if I could."
"I know," she grinned. It made her feel better knowing that. "You make the dream feel less real, Jonny."
"There's more?" he could not help but ask. He felt her nod, but she was slow to continue.
"You shot him," she added quietly. "…and then ran over to me."
"I did," he confirmed. "As fast as I fucking could."
"But," she tumbled. "You...looked at me. Like I was disgusting. You were disgusted. You walked away." She sounded out of breath once she finished talking.
Jonny closed his eyes and sighed when she started to cry after admitting that. "Do you want to know what actually happened?" He waited until her breathing evened out before answering his own question. "I found you because you were screaming. I already told you that, right?" She nodded.
"At one point...you stopped screaming. That was just as bad," he swallowed. "Because I couldn't go to you and make sure you were okay. Once I knew he was gone though...you were the ONLY thing that mattered." He kissed her shoulder again. "You're the only thing that matters. I couldn't hold you close enough." He slipped his thumbs under her wrists and pressed his lips against her neck. Right at her pulse points. "I wasn't focused on scars," he whispered. "I was focused on your heart. That it was still beating. That I was gonna get to tell you again that I'm so in love with you."
"Of course…in the moment you felt that way," she acknowledged. Almost dismissively. He knew what she was doing and tried not to be annoyed by it. "I need you to promise me..."
"That won't be necessary," he interrupted with a huff.
"You don't know what I was gonna say..."
"Yes I do," he interrupted again. "Jess…"
"What?" she challenged.
He could feel her gearing up to argue. But all he wanted to do was diffuse. "I wish you could see inside my head for two minutes…so you'd understand once and for all."
"I'm not perfect anymore," she said bluntly. Ignoring his words.
Jonny laughed. "You were never perfect, Jessie. Just perfect for ME."
"I don't FEEL perfect anymore," she growled. "Stop being obtuse."
"I'm not," he defended. Running his hands up her arms very deliberately. That was not the right move.
"Don't!" she screeched. Pulling away violently and getting out of the tub in a rush.
He watched her go to the sink and hunch over it. Once the shock of her reaction wore off, his body reacted against his will. From behind, she looked like nothing had happened to her. Then she started to cry again. It broke his heart. "Shit," he mumbled. "Jessie...come back? Please?"
She shuffled across the room to grab a towel and cover up instead. Leaning against the wall and eventually looking at him with eyes that were soul crushing. "Just...will you promise me, babe?" She sounded exhausted. "Don't ever stay with me just because..." she trailed off and made a move to leave before she could get the words out.
"Don't walk away," he rushed and it had the desired effect.
She slumped back against the wall with her arms crossed. Eyes closed and shaking her head like she was mad at herself. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
Jonny sighed in frustration. "You have nothing to be sorry about, Jess."
"I feel so embarrassed and stupid," she admitted.
"I'll drop some knowledge on you, girl."
Her face morphed in front of his eyes. "What?" she laughed.
"That sounded cooler in my head," he justified.
"No," she kept laughing. "Never say that again...but go ahead and drop away."
He took a deep breath. "I want you, Jess. I need you and I love you," he whispered simply. "Always."
She shook her head. "Jonny..."
"I love you. I need you. And I want you," he repeated. Standing.
Her eyes went right to his erection. Then she was anxious for a whole different reason. "Jonny..."
He shrugged. Not embarrassed. "If you won't take me at my word...take me at the physical reaction I can't control from just LOOKING at you," he exclaimed. "I want you, Jessie. All the time. Even when it's inappropriate. Because you're my beautiful girl. Who I love more than breathing. A few scars don't change that. NOTHING will change that," he insisted. "It's exhausting that I have to keep convincing you how I feel," he then admitted without meaning to. Stepping out of the tub and grabbing a towel to cover up too. Almost angrily.
Jonny was turned away from her. Staring at the opposite wall. Trying to figure out what to say next.
Jessie stared at his bare back and digested. "I know you love me," she started. "I know the lengths you'd go to make me happy. You're such a good man."
Jonny laughed without humor. "You think I'm saying all this because I'm a GOOD man? You think THAT'S the reason I go outta my way for you all the time? That's ridiculous, Jess."
"It's not…ridiculous," she argued.
"Yes…it is," he clenched his jaw. "Reality check…NO man is that good. Including me. My motivation...is YOU. The way you make me feel every single day. I still..." he trailed off.
"What?" she insisted.
He smiled to himself. "...feel like I'm thirteen at least once a day when I look at you or talk to you. Shocked that I actually got the girl. Desperate to keep her."
"Jonny..."
"You're a dream girl," he interrupted. "My dream girl and I thought I lost you. Why don't you understand that?" he growled. Still talking to the wall. He turned to catch her eye before continuing. "You're my WHOLE world and I thought I'd never see you again. Can you try to put yourself in my shoes?"
"Yes," she whispered. "I don't even like thinking about that."
"You're beautiful to me. Always. All of you. All the way. Anyway I can get you. I don't give a FUCK about a few scars. Do you really think I'm that vain?" he asked heatedly.
"No," she sighed and then grinned at him lamely. Moving to sit on the edge of the tub. She looked at her feet a while before saying anything. "You have to admit that I look a hot mess right now though," she pushed him. Mostly joking.
Jonny ran his tongue over his teeth, but answered patiently. "Babe, anyway I can get you," he repeated.
"Even when I'm old and wrinkled?" she teased.
Jonny smiled. Grateful that she was no longer crying. "I'll be just as old and wrinkled beside you. Happy for a long life with you," he shot back playfully.
She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "You'll be one of those annoying guys who's still sexy at seventy. Like Harrison Ford or something."
"Why would that annoy you?" he chuckled. "Wouldn't you benefit from that? And I didn't know you had a thing for Harrison Ford?"
She huffed. "I don't really. He just popped into my brain."
"Interesting," Jonny grinned.
"Even when I'm sick with the flu?" she redirected with a grin.
"I'll get sick with you," he shrugged with a smirk. "Any excuse to spend more time in bed with my girl."
Now she was smiling big. "Even when I'm fat and pregnant?"
Jonny knelt in front of her and placed his hands on her hips. "ESPECIALLY when you're making my babies," he whispered. "Our babies. The only humans I'll ever come close to loving as much as I love you."
"Close?" she raised a skeptical eyebrow. It felt good to banter with him. Flirt with him. It felt normal and she needed that.
"Well," he hedged. "They'll only be half you after all…"
"You're cra…" she started and then a fresh wave a tears came. Jonny pulled her into his lap so he could hold her close. "This is a dumb conversation," she laughed into his neck. "I love you. I love you. I love you."
"Did I make you feel better?" he asked. "Because that's all I care about, beautiful."
She sighed happily and leaned back, wrapping his face in her hands. "Expertly...as always."
"I love you. I love you. I love you," he told her with a big grin.
She kissed him and he instinctively pulled her closer when she deepened it. She could feel the evidence of his erection and sat back. Gripping his forearms and trying to catch her breath. "Baby...I realize I'm sending you mixed signals, but I don't...I mean I'm not sure if..."
"Okay," he cut her off sweetly. Kissing her forehead. "I actually had a similar thought in the hospital. And you're NOT sending me mixed signals," he finished firmly. "I don't think that."
"You had a similar thought?" she prompted. Eyes searching his wildly.
He cupped her face gently and gave her a long chaste kiss. "Let's go to bed," he said against her lips. "Then we can talk about anything you want or nothing at all. Okay?"
"Alright...I think I sweat through your sheets though," she commented. A little embarrassed.
"Then I guess you better help me change them," he shrugged and winked. "Let's go."
XXX
"This is incredibly domestic," she laughed, tucking her corner of the sheets under his mattress and evening out the comforter.
He stared at her for a long moment.
"What?" she asked.
"You just look so fucking cute in my clothes," he grinned. "I love it."
She was wearing one of his hoodies and a pair of his sweats. They were both way too big on her. "You're such a dork," she rolled her eyes. Turning off the nearest light.
"Incredibly domestic," he repeated. "Is that good or bad?" he asked, turning off the rest of the lights and getting into bed.
Jessie followed and curled up against him. Relaxing immediately. "So good, Quest."
"Well…you can help me change my sheets weekly if it makes you happy?" he laughed.
She rubbed his chest lovingly. "It'll be like this permanently soon," she mused. "I can't wait, Jonny. Falling asleep with you every night. Even when we're fighting, I still wanna fall asleep with you. Okay?"
"Hmm," he closed his eyes. The emotional day had taken its toll. "You may feel different when you're actually pissed at me, baby."
"Maybe," she grinned.
"But I can't wait to find out," he shot back and kissed the top of her head. "I say we start right now."
"Everyone will be back tomorrow," she pointed out sadly.
"Fuck it…who cares," he announced. "I don't. Not any longer. I don't wanna spend another night apart by choice."
She giggled. "Okay…fuck it," she agreed. "Silver lining."
Jonny stroked her hair. "Silver lining, huh?"
"Gotta find one, right?"
He took a deep breath. "I don't think you have to, but it's a noble instinct." She traced a finger across his collarbone and then his ribs. Lulling him to sleep.
"So," she prompted.
"Mmm," he grunted.
"You saw me in the hospital and thought 'I shouldn't sleep with that'?"
His eyes shot open, but he answered calmly. Exhausting day. "The opposite obviously."
"Obviously?" she challenged.
"You have the shortest memory in history when it comes to me wanting you, Jess. Need me to prove it again?" he flirted.
She laughed. "No. Keep your dick to yourself. I was kidding anyway," she deflected lamely.
Jonny let her get away with it and decided to answer her question. "My first instinct was that it'd be really easy to distract ourselves with sex. We're pretty good at it, babe."
Jessie scooted up until her head rested on the pillow next to his and stared at him for a while with a soft smile. "I love you."
"I love you back," he whispered.
"So?" she pushed again.
"I concluded that taking a beat might be the best move," he answered honestly.
"Might?"
"I don't know the right answer. I'm as confused as you. I'm just taking it one conversation at a time. Trying not to be an asshole. Trying to trust myself."
"I trust you," she assured.
"I thought about talking to a shrink," he admitted. "Very briefly considered it," he amended.
"Really?" she asked. Surprised, but not judgmental. "To figure out how to deal with me?"
"To figure out how to help you," he corrected. "Which would help us."
She ran a hand through his hair and down the side of his face. "You don't need a professional for that," she told him confidently. "But I'd go with you," she added. "If you wanted."
Now that surprised him. Such an easy agreement. He gripped her chin and pulled her face closer. "Can't hurt to keep the option open." He kissed her softly. Just a goodnight. But she inched closer and deepened it greedily. He could not resist. He followed suit. Moaning when their tongues connected. Breathing heavily when she pulled back. But she did not give him a chance to catch his breath or even think clearly.
She rolled on top of him. Planting her hands on his chest and looking down at him with big green eyes. "I need you."
"Baby," he warned. Gripping her hips before she could move. "You said..."
Jessie gripped his shirt in response and pulled until he was sitting up with her. He lost his train of thought with her face inches from his. Several doubts and insecurities raced through his head. But the loudest thought was that the girl he loved more than anything was safe and said that she needed him.
"You're so beautiful, baby. Are you sure? You said..."
She kissed him again. Moving her hips over his in a teasing fashion. Coaxing a needy noise from him that she was proud to own.
"I said I wasn't sure," she whispered against his lips. "...now I'm sure."
Jonny's brain was telling him to slow down, but his body won. Focused on her warm breath traveling across his face.
'Safe and warm,' he thought. Remembering how desperate he was to feel this again when he could not find her. Desperate.
His grip on her hips loosened and he encouraged her movements instead. Rolling his hips too and burying his face in her neck when she threw her head back and cried out his name.
He was rock hard in an instant. Heavy conversations could not compete with her warmth. Especially after spending a naked hour with her in the tub.
Jonny reached back excitedly and grabbed the collar of his black t-shirt. Ripping it off and waiting to see what she would do next.
She planted her hands on his shoulders and trailed them down his chest and stomach slowly. Tracing his muscles with a focus only she could achieve. The anticipation made his head swim. Especially when she started to trace right above the waistband of his basketball shorts.
He took turns watching her hands and her face. Digging his fists into the mattress and leaning back on them a little.
He bit the inside of his lip when she slipped her hand inside his shorts and boxers.
"Jess," he fell back against the bed. "Don't stop."
She grinned and traced his dick with just as much focus. "I wasn't planning to stop, babe. I want to make you feel good."
Jonny swallowed hard. "You always do."
"Even when I drive you crazy?" she teased. "And make you tell me in a hundred different ways that you love me?"
He released a long breath and smiled when she pushed the covers away and removed his shorts and boxers at the same time. "Yes! Even then."
Jessie ran her hands over his thighs next. Purposely ignoring the part of him that wanted her attention the most. "I love you so much," she told him.
"I love you too." He watched her closely. He almost lost it when she held his gaze and leaned down. Licking him.
"Christ," he exclaimed. Throwing his head back.
"Okay baby?" she baited him. Taking him inside her mouth before he could answer.
"Yes," he panted. "Just…trying to tell my inner thirteen year-old to calm the fuck down," he chuckled. "And act like he's had his dick sucked before. Fuck...I love you, Jess. That feels amazing."
Jessie laughed. Sitting back and then running her index finger from the center of his chest to his belly button. Wanting to tease him. Loving the way he was looking at her.
"Mmm," she sighed. "I like his enthusiasm, but so glad he's attached to the rest of you, babe."
Jonny sat up too and wrapped his arms around her waist loosely. Kissing her forehead, her nose and finally her neck. Toying with the hem of the hoodie, but waiting still.
He kissed her neck again. Trailing his lips all over lazily. "I'm the only one naked here," he pointed out. "I want you naked, beautiful."
He felt her hesitation when his fingers met bare skin. So he moved them back to safe territory around her face. He had no clue if her hesitation was due to not being ready or not feeling perfect anymore.
And that was a problem because his response was different depending. But he was not sure. So he stuck with a safe response. "We can just go to sleep, love."
Jessie put her hands over his and smiled. "It's not what you think," she huffed. "I just realized that I haven't shaved in a few days."
Jonny fell back and laughed, putting his hands behind his head. He was not expecting that. She never failed to surprise him. He looked at her for a long moment in amusement before his eyes flicked to his dick. "Trust me...not turned off."
He sat up lightening quick and kissed her deeply until he needed to breathe. With no fear now that he knew for sure. He kissed along her jawline next and then whispered in her ear. "Let me show you?"
"Show me what?" she asked. Seeking out his lips before he could answer. Grinding against him slowly and making him break out in a sweat. He made her insecurities fly away.
Jonny's hands made their way back to the bottom of the hoodie as she kissed him. He ended the kiss reluctantly. "Show you how much I love you," he panted. "How beautiful you really are," he licked her neck. Hoping to convince her. He really did not want to stop. "Baby?"
"Show me," she agreed.
"I need you," he admitted. "I need to show you." He lifted the hoodie over her head easily. Tossing it to the floor without a care. He did the same with the white undershirt she wore beneath it. He knew she had not put on a bra, but avoided looking right away. Even though he wanted to. She pressed against him. He closed his eyes and absorbed her heat. "My heart is pounding so hard," he noted. Opening his eyes.
"I can feel it," she whispered.
Jonny smoothed her hair back into place first. Observing that it was almost dry. He searched her face for any hint of hesitation, but found none. So he grinned happily and wrapped an arm around her tightly. Remembering, against his will, how cold she felt when he had found her in that springhouse.
A wave of emotion tried to take him, but he pushed it down. Getting out of the bed and taking her with him easily. She let out a surprised noise and then looked at him expectantly when he eased her feet to the floor.
They were standing right next to his bed. Then he sank to his knees in front of her. Reaching for the waistband of her pants.
She kicked away the sweats once pooled around her feet and started running her fingers through his hair.
He closed his eyes again and bowed his head toward her slightly. Leaning into her touch.
"Jonny?"
"You're everything," he answered quietly. Guiding her toward the bed until she was sitting with him between her legs. "It all came flooding back while you were gone," he kissed her knee. Right below a visible cut.
"What did?" she asked.
"All of it," he kissed the cut itself next. As gently as he could while running his hand atop her other thigh.
"Are you sure this doesn't hurt?" he asked with worried eyes.
"I promise Jonny. It honestly feels like...," she collected her thoughts for a moment. "...like I have hundreds of mosquito bites. Uncomfortable and ugly...but not painful. He..."
Jonny discreetly moved his hands from her skin. Fisting the sheets behind her back and waiting for her to answer.
Jessie noticed and she noticed his breathing change too. She put her palms out and waited until he took her hands. He did and pulled each to his lips in turn.
"Tell me," he mumbled.
"I'd need to see the case files to be sure, but Keri said something to me in the hospital that really rang true."
Jonny held his breath.
Jessie licked her lips first. "Basically...that he didn't pay a ton of attention to me," she whispered and Jonny held his tongue. He did not agree with that assessment. "I think because I wasn't fully conscious and that made everything less fun for him. That feels right..." she trailed off. "I saw...," she swallowed hard. "I saw Lisa...god it's hard to say her name."
Jonny sat frozen. Still intermittently holding his breath.
"I heard what he did to her. I couldn't watch, but I saw what she looked like before he moved her to the other table...you saw Brenda...that was part of it. The ritual of it all. I think I threw him off a bit. I guess my point is that it could be SO much worse and I do recognize that when I'm not acting like a vain insecure little bitch."
Jonny was taken aback. "Don't talk about yourself like that," he warned. "You're amazing. You're a fighter." His eyes filled with tears again. "Fuck," he growled, looking down and fighting them off. She pulled her hands from his and tilted his chin up.
"I'm right here," she told him. "Because of you."
"Thank you for fighting. Thank you for not leaving me," his voice shook. "It would've broken me in two. Losing you like that."
"You saved me," she whispered. "Now we have forever."
He smiled. "I've...always seen my future with you so clearly," he continued. "There were too many moments where I thought it was slipping away and...I'm sorry, babe." He stopped himself from continuing.
"I love you," she comforted.
"I've lost so much fucking bodily fluid in the last few days," he sighed. "Just not the kind I like."
"You're disgusting," she laughed.
"Sorry," he sniffed. Wiping his face with both hands and then wagging his eyebrows at her dramatically. "Still want me," he teased.
"Forever and three days," she told him softly. "Thank you for saving me so I can have you."
Jonny closed his eyes and took that in while she caressed his face and hair. Soothing him. Then he started to kiss her upper thigh. Gently and lovingly. Letting his hands roam the rest of her legs carefully. "I worship you, beautiful. Does this hurt?" he asked. Resting a hand over the bruise on her hip.
"A little tender," she admitted. "But I don't want you to stop."
"Tell me if anything feels uncomfortable," he insisted.
Jessie closed her eyes too. Focused on his words and his hands and his lips. Letting him erase all the bad. "Touch me everywhere. I want you to touch me everywhere." She wanted him to erase Clay.
"I want you," he kissed right above her belly button.
"I want you too," she murmured.
He kissed a straight line down at that. From her belly button to her clit. He kept his ministrations cautious until she fell back with a happy noise. Then he finally let instinct take over and smiled against her when he felt hands in his hair. Her hips arching toward his mouth.
"Jonny," she moaned. "Uh."
He put everything into making her feel good. Reality fully sinking in that it was all going to be okay.
She felt the same. And fell even more in love with him for the way he was taking care of her.
He stopped when he knew she was close and looped an arm around her waist when she sat up to protest. He pulled her to his chest and felt her legs encircle him. Then he stood and knelt back onto the bed.
She knelt too and he kept her flush against him. Running his palms down her back and over her ass. Greedily touching her as requested. Painfully hard again. Staring at her intensely.
"Baby," she whimpered in frustration.
Jonny gripped her waist and laid back. Pulling her on top of him. Eagerly angling their hips together.
"Jonny," she braced a hand on his shoulder.
"Okay?"
"Yes," she panted. "Just wasn't expecting..."
"I want to see you," he answered.
She was sinking onto him as he said it. He watched the look of pleasure appear on her face and then let his eyes roam as she took control. Rolling her hips. He did the same.
"You feel incredible," she moaned. Moving faster when he pressed a thumb against her. "Jonny!" Chasing an orgasm. Feeling warm all over and alive and lucky and in love with him. She did not have to wait long. He had gotten her mostly there with his mouth. She threw her head back and focused hard on his ceiling as her toes curled and the rest of her reacted around him.
Jonny watched her for every second of it. Her fists clenched and digging into his chest. Her hips moving. Her nipples bright red. Her long neck thrown back.
He sat up and caught her head in hands when she slumped forward. Her hair enveloping her face. His hands moved to her hips once her forehead was rested securely against his. Encouraging her to move. Needing the release. "Please," he begged.
She kissed him. Chastely at first, but then slipping her tongue in his mouth. Moving her hips anew. Boring her eyes into his when she needed air. "You make me feel alive," she whispered. "You make me feel beautiful." Then she licked his lips.
"God...you are," he moaned. "My beautiful girl."
"My hero," she whispered in his ear.
XXX
"That was..."
"Yeah it was," he agreed. Breathing heavily. Stroking her hair. "I love you, Bannon. And I missed this so much. So much," he added sweetly.
She could hear the smile in his voice. It made her heart happy after seeing how upset he was earlier. "It's only been a few days, babe."
"Not since we've been home," he responded tiredly. "It's different."
"Quest..."
"Hmm?"
She wanted him to come with her, but stopped short of asking. It was too selfish. And he would not ask her to stay for the same reason. So she was right back to where she started. 'Should I stay or should I go?'
She inched up until her head was on the pillow by his. She got lost in his blue eyes. "I'm so glad that I met you," she said simply.
"Yeah." The smile creeped onto his face slowly. "I'm pretty fucking glad about it too."
"You're right," she told him next. "It is different. I've missed being here with you."
"Rumor has it that my bed is your happy place," he teased.
She kissed him. Only intending on a quick peck, but he slipped a hand behind her head to keep her close and his tongue into her mouth.
His actions made her moan softly and that made him hard. He nuzzled his nose to hers after pulling back.
"I want you again," she announced.
He rolled on top of her without another word. Staring down only briefly before claiming her lips in a heated and sensual kiss. She gripped his neck and locked her ankles around his calves.
Her breath hitched when he used a knee to push her legs apart so he could settle between them. She wrapped them around his waist and cried out when he was inside her again. Still feeling so sensitive.
He made love to her with focus and confidence.
"I love you so much," she sighed happily.
"I love you more," he panted.
"What did you miss most?" she asked.
Jonny pulled one of her hands from his neck and pressed her palm into his leather head board. Carefully guiding her index finger to an imperfection in the brown fabric. And then another.
"Staring at these," he swallowed hard. "Focusing on them...while I'm inside you. You feel so good," he groaned.
"So do you," she whispered. Running her finger across the tear in the leather on her own. His hand fell to a breast to stroke and tease. "So good..."
She wrapped her arm back around his neck. Using it as leverage and moving with him. Slow and steady. Letting what he made her feel overwhelm all else.
XXX
"That was...hmm," she trailed off. Curling against him. Part of her wanted to head to the bathroom and wash up, but she could not motivate herself to leave his arms.
Jonny stretched beneath her and grinned stupidly. "Yeah...it was. Girl...you make me so happy," he declared.
She laughed and kissed his chest. She thought again about asking him to come with her. She thought again about staying. But she ignored both. "So what's with the marks on your headboard?"
He grinned again. "Courtesy of you," he sighed wistfully. "And two memorable afternoons together. They remind me of all the rushed afternoons we've spent in this bed, Jess. Taking advantage of every moment alone. No matter how short."
"Rushed...but fun as hell," she whispered. Kissing his chest again. Then she sobered. "Thank you for..."
"You don't have to thank me," he interrupted.
"You don't know what I was gonna thank you for."
"Doesn't matter what I did," he yawned and hugged her closer. "I did it because I love you."
XXX
Jonny stared at the celling for an hour after she fell asleep. Listening to her breathe. Feeling it. Tracing his fingertips across her naked back. She kept readjusting slightly. Like she was trying to cuddle closer to him. He liked that. "I love you," he kissed her sleeping face.
He was accepting...trying to accept that she would be leaving in a few weeks no matter how hard he wished otherwise. It was somehow harder after the last few hours. As hard as they were, he had never felt closer to her.
He slipped from the bed slowly. A careful extraction to avoid waking her. He watched her for a few more minutes and then put on boxers and left the room on a mission.
XXX
"Ready to kill me yet?" Estella asked.
"No," he smiled patiently. Tiredly.
"You're being very quiet," she pointed out.
"It's three in the morning," he shot back. "I'm just trying to stay awake for at least ten more minutes."
"I'll make it worth your while if you can stay awake at least twenty," she flirted.
He grinned broadly. "I can't believe I agreed to this."
Estella sat back in the passenger seat and looked at him with appreciation. "I feel better being in the same place as her."
"Me too," Race agreed. Stopping outside the gates of the Compound to override IRIS from announcing their arrival. He did not want to wake them.
"I know you had to call in a few favors," she sighed.
"Worth it," he concluded.
Estella focused on the Compound as it got bigger. It never failed to impress her. "I haven't been here in over a year," she realized.
"Why are you whispering?" he whispered back.
"Not sure," she laughed. Sitting back.
Once parked, he grabbed her hand and led her from the garage to the kitchen. It felt scandalous to even be holding hands in the open. He let go when they got there and began rooting around drawers until he found a pen and paper to leave them a note. She wrapped her arms around him in a bear hug as he wrote. He pulled a hand to his lips and kissed it when he finished. Then he led her from the kitchen and straight to his room. On a mission.
He walked through the archway kissing her. Kicking his door shut.. Intending to hold her to her promise. His lips moved to her neck when they were halfway to his bed and his hands to her shirt. Her scream made him whip around to find the source.
"Shit. Don't shoot," Jonny dropped to the ground.
It took Race a moment to register what he was seeing.
"What're you doing in here?" Race demanded. "Get up. You know I don't walk around here with a weapon."
Jonny stood awkwardly and shrugged. "Sorry. After the last few days...can't be too careful."
Race raised an eye brow. "I'll ask again. What the hell are you doing in here? And why aren't you dressed?"
"I'm gonna go check on Jess," Estella announced awkwardly and left without further warning. Clearly embarrassed.
Jonny watched her go and thought about telling her that Jessie was not in her room. But he quickly decided that would not help his cause. Race was giving him an expectant look when he turned back.
"I couldn't sleep," Jonny explained. "I wanted to do some research and didn't feel like getting dressed and going to the lab. You have the best work station in the house and I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow..."
Race nodded and glanced at his computer screen. "You're putting together a PowerPoint presentation at three in the morning? What are you researching?" he wanted to know.
"Apartments close to Stanford," Jonny continued. "I'd obviously prefer that she just wait for me at this point. It'd be great to head out there together. The thought of her leaving…," he trailed off. "Well…it doesn't matter how I feel about it. We both know that's not gonna happen," he laughed sadly. "No matter how hard I wish otherwise."
"Probably," Race agreed. "But it does matter how you feel."
Jonny stared at the floor a long moment before responding. "I can't push pause on her life and I certainly can't forget anything that just happened. So I'm trying to reconcile the two. Hoping to convince her that one of the places I found is better than the dorms. The security is stronger and we could even add to it. The dorms...I really don't want her staying there without me. Probably an overreaction, but...I don't know."
"I get it," Race agreed. The extra peace of mind would be nice. "You need a presentation to convince her?" he then half teased.
Jonny smiled. "Just organizing my thoughts. I am concerned she'll argue for the sake of it though. She tends to do that when she thinks I'm being overprotective."
"I think she'll be willing to compromise," Race offered knowingly.
"If I get her in the right mood maybe," Jonny smirked and then headed for the door. "Anyway. I'm headed to bed."
"Jonny?"
Jonny froze, but did not look back. "I won't tell her. I won't go out of my way to bring it up anyway."
"I know," Race sighed. "But you won't lie if she asks."
"Pretty much," Jonny pivoted. Leaning in the doorway and staring at Race. "I know it's none of my business, but if your intention is to keep this private you're not doing a good job."
Race raised an eyebrow. "You're in MY private quarters. Uninvited."
Jonny shrugged that off. "You two have been acting different since the hospital. I noticed, but didn't think about it too hard. The only reason Jess hasn't noticed is because she's distracted. She won't be too distracted to notice much longer. If anything, she'll be looking for distractions and this would be a great one. I know it's none of my business," he said again. "...but don't get her hopes up if there's no reason to? She's been through enough."
Race crossed his arms. "It IS none of your business."
"Sorry...can't help it," he closed his eyes. "She'd never admit it, but she's just like every other kid in the world who wants their parents to be together. And I can't help but try and protect her if I can."
Race sighed. "If she asks you about it, send her to me?"
Jonny nodded and then smiled. "All that being said...I think you should go for it."
"Oh really?"
Jonny looked both ways down the hall to make sure Estella was not coming. "Yeah," he grinned. "I see the way you look at her. Like you want to fight with her and kiss her all in one breath."
Race pursed his lips and then gave a sarcastic response. "Good luck with your presentation tomorrow, kid."