Paper Mario X: The Thousand-Year Door
Chapter 36: To Separate the Champ from the Chump
"Man this is the WORST! We're gonna forfeit the match if we don't show up soon! We gotta break outta here man! Right now!"
Sonic scanned the room. "Well there's no windows, the door is locked, and the only things of interest I see is a giant Peach poster over there."
Spike ran over a kicked it. "It's hollow! But we need Flurrie to blow it off!"
"Hello? I'm Sonic!"
Sonic curled up, bounced off the floor and tore into the Peach poster. Spike gave him points and jumped through the hole. Sonic stood still and gaped.
"What the haydes is this?! A little poker room?"
"Come ON!"
"Okay…"
Sonic opened the next door, which was really a locker, that led to a Major League room. Spike frantically ran to the door and tried it, but naturally it was locked.
"Urgh…"
"Here's another door!" Sonic noticed it was in the same spot as the door in the Minor Locker Room. He pushed it opened, and made a face at what was inside.
"It's a bathroom?! We hit a dead end Spike…"
Spike inspected the toilet. "I'm not so sure…"
He stood on the rim and played with the flusher.
"Oh NO! You're not having me go into a potty! As gross as that even sounds, there's also water in a toilet, and there are small pipes, and I'd be in a small pipe filled with water-"
"Do you wanna show that bird who's the better animal or not?"
Sonic glanced at the toilet and sighed.
"I always knew my success would go down the toilet…"
He plugged his nose and dove it, Spike quickly hitting the flusher then jumping in.
"MAN EATING TOILET!"
"LORD HAVE MERCY!"
"THIS IS SO Wro…blub blub blub…"
The sound of a toilet flushing was heard throughout the halls of the Glitz Pit, though only heard by guards.
------
Sonic gasped and spurted, struggling to get out of the toilet. Spike came up behind him and pushed him out.
"Dude, I have got so much respect for plumbers now!" Spike panted. Sonic nodded and coughed.
"Tell me about it…I'll be sure to stop making fun of Mario and his occupation!"
"Right. Now let's get Rawk Hawk!"
"Don't need to tell me twice!"
Ending up back in the Major League locker room-their OWN- the two ran out the door and down the hall.
------
"LOOK! IT'S SONIC!" Link yelled at the top of his lungs the moment Sonic and Spike stumbled into the arena.
"The moment you been waiting for folks! The Blue Blur just entered the arena!" Grubba announced. The entire arena started chanting "Blue Blur", which Rawk Hawk made a face at.
"Looks like we made it…and the crowd is LOVING us! We are STARS baby! Come on-let's go lay the smack down on that big chicken!" Spike stated, ready for action.
"We're going to show him what were made of!"
As they marched onto the stage, they were showered with all kinds of shouts.
"you rock man!"
"YEAH! YOU THE HEDGEHOG!"
"BLUE BLUR!"
"You're late!"
"Just listen to the crowd hoot 'n holler fer the challenger, Blue Blur!" Grubba whistled. "Will his attitude of hurt n' harm be enough to rock Rawk Hawk's socks?"
"It's better be!" shouted Goombella.
"Now, at long last, the battle to end all battles is here! Let's keep it clean boys!"
"Until we splatter the hawk onto the floor…then mop the floor with him!" smirked Spike. "All right Big Blue! We're fighting the champ! I'M…SO…FIRED…UP!"
"Harharharharharhar! You wimps should've stay locked up, safe and sound!" Rawk Hawk mocked.
"What kind of trash-talking are you doing now?" Spike questioned. "Wait…did YOU get that security guard to lock us in that locker room?"
Sonic growled. "I knew you must've been behind it all!"
"You're darn right I did! I also sent you that poisoned cake, suckers!"
Link prepared to pull out another rock. "Oh no he didn't!"
"That's what happens when you mess with me, baby! You meet the pain train!"
"So YOU'RE the coward who's been sending nasty e-mails about the Crystal Star!" continued Spike. Rawk Hawk put on a face of true confusion.
"Huh? I have no idea what you're babbling about now. What's a Crystal Star?" Rawk Hawk blinked. "No wait…I DON'T CARE! I may not play exactly fair, but I got skills punks! And now, you're about to meet 'em all baby! Prepare to be RAAAAAAWWWWKED!"
"You wanna Rawk? Let's rock and roll then!" Sonic snickered.
"Bring it on, Sonic!" cheered Link, Goombella, Koops, and Flurrie. Mario waved a foam finger around.
The Blue Blur started the match naturally- with a Spin Dash. Spike followed up with a devastating Ground Pound. He then jumped up and waved to the crowd with a huge smile. Rawk Hawk cackled and performed a Spin Dash on his own, taking 4 away from both Sonic and Spike.
"What the heck was that man?!" Sonic exclaimed, obviously awestruck.
"I certainly didn't see that coming!" Koops commented.
"Took the words right out of my mouth…" Flurrie hummed.
"This is a true Spin Dash!"
He curled up once again, then threw himself at the oversized bird, making sure to hit him square in the nose. Sonic did a small bounce onto the floor, then twirled and wagged a finger to the crowd. Link lifted up a huge sign that said. "GO SONIC!!!!" A Toad behind him snapped and yelled at him to put it down.
Spike jumped into the air, fluttered over, then did a dozen front flips before pounding Rawk in the face.
"STYLISH!" Sonic called out. Spike landed on the ground and waved.
"Thank you-I know I am!"
"Pbth! Not too shabby! You're better than I thought. This might actually be fun!" Rawk stated.
"Uh…thanks?"
"Don't get your head swelled though, 'cause you got a ways to go! Check this out!"
Rawk pointed a finger to the ceiling, looking awfully smug.
"TIME TO RAAAAAWK!"
"Bawk bawk!" the audience mocked.
Rawk somehow floated in the air for a brief moment, then flew into Sonic. Sonic managed to block, but still took quite a bit of damage. Sonic grabbed his shoulder and winced.
"You okay man?"
"Yeah…urgh, something wrong with my shoulder though…must've been that attack!"
"I'll fix it!"
Spike prepared to jump as Sonic put on a look of horror.
"N-no wait-YOW! …it feels better!"
"I am an expert…"
Sonic rolled his eyes and used Action Chain, hitting Rawk Hawk 4 times. Spike trotted up to Rawk Hawk, nabbed him with his tongue, and gulped him. He instantly spat him out.
"EW! He tastes nothing like chicken!!"
"Man you're kinda annoying! How dare you turn the Rawk back on the Hawk?!? I should've just taken care of you before the battle. I'm getting lazy, I guess."
"Surrender, and we'll leave you within an inch of your life!" Spike demanded. Rawk Hawk shrugged.
"Well, since it's come down to this, I guess I got no choice but to…"
He slammed his yellow boots onto the floor, causing a red bar to descend from the ceiling.
"Okay, what is that?"
"Oh no…" groaned Goombella, looking at his entry into the book. "Earth shaker…"
"Is that like Earth Tremor?" asked Koops.
Link shivered. "I sure hope not..."
Rawk Hawk jumped onto the red bar, and started violently shaking, causing random debris to fall on Sonic and Spike. Spike suffered 5 damage and Sonic 4, only because he managed to block some.
"Wow that was a…" Spike trailed, cut off by his panting. Sonic took the time to consider a plan.
"Hmm…you'd better eat a Shroom to gain some health. I can reach him with my Spin Dash, but then you can't attack later on!" Sonic tossed his partner a Super Shroom, which he quickly began to devour.
"Munch chomp…try…nom…Whirlwind…" Spike chewed. Sonic snapped his fingers.
"Good idea!"
"I wanted to throw my rock…" complained Link.
Sonic rapidly ran around in a circle under where Rawk Hawk was hanging, eventually whipping up a mini tornado. He jumped out of the center and struck a pose, arms spread wide and one leg slightly bent.
"STYLISH!"
"H-Hey! What the…" Rawk started, the force of the little tornado pulling him downward. Eventually, all his fingers slipped and he wailed on the way down to the floor.
"Unrgh…"
"It's a pile of chicken!" Link called out, getting laughter from the people around him.
Rawk Hawk grunted. "GRRRRRRR! Bah! I've only just begun to RAAAAAAWK!"
"Well prepare to end the RAWK!" squawked Sonic, super guarding his attack. "Wanna finish him off Spike?"
"God yes!"
With one last stylish Ground Pound, Rawk Hawk fell to the floor. Link literally picked Goombella up and threw her to the floor.
"THAT'S RIGHT SONIC! YOU BURNED THE CHICKEN UNTIL HE WAS FRIED!"
"I think we can quit with the chicken jokes…" muttered Goombella.
"SonicwonSonicwonSonicwon!!!!" chanted Koops.
"NOOOOOOO!" wailed the rawked hawk. "I…Rawk Hawk…the champ…The undefeated master…I've lost to such losers…"
"Pah! The only loser I see is the one on the floor. Sayonara, Rawked Hawk!" Sonic snickered casually.
"Ahahahahahaha! How'd that floor taste?" cackled Spike, slightly more insane than usual.
"Folks, I feel like my eyes just popped outta my head! We got ourselves a miracle! Technique vs. technique! Raw power vs. raw power! A clash of super humans…or animals! Folks, this was truly, honestly, without question, no doubt, absolutely…The most legendary, amazin', improbable, history-makin' 'bout of all TIME!" Grubba ranted.
"Meh, it was exciting…but I liked the fight with Mario better!" shrugged Link.
"And the victory in this match for the ages was…THE BLUUUUE BLURRRRR! Congratulations, Big Blue! Yer the champion, son!!! Give him a hand folks! The new Glitz Pit champ! The BLUUUUE BLUR!"
Sonic raised his arms with the crowd's clapping and cheers, then gave a thumbs up with a wink. The audience was absolutely going insane.
"YES! WE RULE!!! EPIC WIN!" screamed Spike at the top of his lungs. "WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!"
Mario: Stars playing "We are the Champions" song while smirking at Sonic's pose.
It was exactly what he would have done.
Major League Room-
"YES! THE BELT IS MINE!" Sonic cheered, holding it up above his head. His arms startled to shake slightly. "…and is it ever heavy…"
"So shiny…" awed Link and Koops. Grubba and Jolene continued congratulating him.
"Tell you what: I'm gonna go ahead an' get you set up in the champ's room right away."
Grubba told Jolene to show him where it was, and Grubba disappeared in a hurry. No one took note of it and simply went about their business.
Champ's Room, after Jolene's Boring Speech-
"YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! We finally made it Big Blue!" Spike shouted again. Sonic chuckled and rubbed his ear.
"Calm down! I know it's awesome, but there's no need to blast my ears off!"
"Sorry…" then Spike thought of something else. "Y'know, Rawk Hawk sounded really clueless about the Crystal Star…We still don't have any leads on that thing. Where the heck could it be?"
Just then, Link kicked opened the door after showing the guard his special access pass.
"Ohmygod Sonic! Guess what Mario did?" Link chattered, dancing in the doorway. Sonic place a hand on his hip.
"Okay-what?"
"He totally got everyone to hate on Rawk Hawk, and promoted you two-you have even more fans now!!!!"
The moment Mario walked into the room, Sonic and Spike tackled him.
"Thank you so much Mario! You really didn't have to-"
"You rock so hard man! That's so awesome to the infinite power!!" Spike exclaimed, unable to hold the overwhelming excitement in any longer. "If I ever become my own, fighter, I'll call myself the Great Gonzales Jr. in honor of you doing this!"
"Why can't you be the Black Blur?"
"One, that's what people want me to do, and two, I can't be Blue Blur because I'm not blue…"
"Good point."
When the duo finished thanking Mario and backed away, they heard something echo throughout the room.
"Hang on! You guys hear that? A voice is coming from somewhere!" Spike gasped.
"Ghost!" yipped Koops, jumping into Flurrie's arms.
"It's coming from up there!" exclaimed Sonic, pointing to the air vent.
The Mailbox SP suddenly started ringing, and everyone in the room screamed.
"H-H-H-Hey! Do you have to have that thing turned up? That scared me silly!"
"Ha! You guys need more courage…"
"Let go of my arm Link…"
"Read the message!"
Find the ghost in the champ's room.
From X
"There is a ghost!" Koops wailed, shaking uncontrollably. "X even said so!"
"Okay, that is NOT cool! Ghosts are scary!" Spike cried.
"So much for the macho attitude…" muttered Link.
"Oh, get a grip. I bet it's just someone stuck in the vents or something!" sneered Sonic. "Mario…what're you doing?"
Mario had started climbing on top of a pile of presents for Sonic, waving down to everyone. Sonic realized what he was doing while Link noted a gift toward the bottom.
"Hey! This one is for stupid Rawk Hawk!"
He opened the door just as Rawk Hawk was conveniently walking by, hit him in the head, and shut the door. As eager fan girls screamed and waved at Sonic before the door closed, another spotted Rawk Hawk on the floor and sent an angry mob after him.
While everyone else shook their heads, Spike followed Mario and helped him get up to the vent. Mario whipped out his awesome and amazing Super Hammer, twisted up, and made full contact with the vent cover.
"Hey! Wait for us!" Link called, using his height to climb up without help. Spike returned and helped Sonic, while Flurrie carried Goombella and Koops.
"I hope you two know you're becoming dead weight!"
"Just because the Yoshi is cooler than us doesn't mean we're any less important!"
"Hurry up you three!"
In the Vent seconds later-
"See? No ghost, no trouble…" Sonic pointed out.
"But I can still hear the sound!"
"Me too!"
Mario made his way through the rest of the air duct, the sound getting louder and clearer with each step. Eventually, Grubba's voice was easily understandable. Everyone froze, either with fear, or actually trying to listen.
"Wow everything got still-"
"Shoosh!"
"Hyuk hyuk hyuk hyuk! Well, THAT'S in perfect condition, as usual! Yep, as long as I got THAT baby workin' fer me, this ol' bod ain't NEVER gonna get weak!"
Everyone put on confused looks, but still held their breath.
"But I'm gonna have to watch my tootsies fer a little bit…first I let that King K ijit walk in on me when I was with…THAT…"
Everyone growled.
"An' now I can't shake the feelin' that Jolene and Gonzales' crew are onto me…Well I guess I'll burn that bridge when the time comes. I'll just disappear 'em! Yep, just like I did to them others…like Prince Mush, the first champ!"
"I heard about him…" Sonic explained under his breath. "The very first champ here…he was so great, everyone wanted to fight him for the honor of losing! Then, one day, he vanished into thin air and then Rawk Hawk saw his chance to be champ…"
"What a loser-Rawk Hawk, I mean…"
"Yeah I know…"
"Wait!" Spike gasped sharply. "So…HE'S behind all those missing fighters?"
"Apparently so."
Grubba started up again. "I better lock this room tighter 'n a peanut butter jar at a squirrel convention! An' I'll just go ahead an' hide the paper relatin' to THAT in the desk drawer…You know what? Since I'm thinking' aloud here… Good fighters ain't nothin' to mess with. Even Rawk Hawk lost to the Blue Blur. This new champ might have to disappear purty soon. For my sake…"
"I knew I was going to be next!"
Sonic was tackled to the floor with 6 pairs of hands.
"Like I'm going to let anything happen to you after the volcano incident…brr…" Link stated.
"Don't remind me."
"Huh?"
"Don't remind me!"
"I can't understand you with all the hands on your mouth!"
"…"
"Guys! Grubba's gone!" Goombella informed. "Knock down the cover Mario!"
Mario saluted and bashed it down, Link jumping and rolling out, landing in a James Bond pose.
"Link, no one's even in there…" Sonic sighed while rolling his eyes.
"You heard him! Tighter than a peanut butter jar at a squirrel convention! There could be hidden lasers on the floor!"
"If there were, you'd be dead, and I would've sensed it…"
"You rest you case."
"Let's check out that drawer of his…" suggested Koops, climbing down and falling. Once Link was convinced nothing was booby trapped, he headed to Grubba's desk and threw open the drawer.
"Let's see…pen, Star Piece, suspicious paper, stapler-ooh! Piece of gum!"
Mario: Too many mushrooms…
"It's my lack of action okay? I haven't fought since Bowser, Eggman, and Ganondorf attacked the arena, and even then I still wasn't fighting!"
"Well you're better now! Go train or something!" Sonic told him, casually pulling the suspicious paper out of the drawer and handing it to Mario. "You could be owned by me!"
"How about we don't?"
Mario's eye widened at the contents, and everyone gathered to see.
OH NOES!
"Yow! A machine under the ring that uses the Crystal Star? These are the blueprints!" Spike confirmed. Sonic blankly turned to Link.
"…and you were distracted by a piece of gum-"
"It's bubble gum!"
"I dunno what the rest of this nerd-talk says but I think the Crystal Star powers it!"
"didn't you just say that?"
"Technically, but not necessarily."
"I see."
"If this paper's right, then the machine can suck the power out of people! Yuck!"
"Okay, that IS nasty…" gurgled Goombella.
"My word! What monstrosity!"
"How is that even possible?"
Spike suddenly clicked. "Oh crud…you think King K and Bandy Andy got all…drained or something?"
Sonic jumped onto the desk and kicked everything off it. "That fiend! He'll pay within an inch of his life!"
"Normally, I'd agree, but isn't that a bit dark for you?" Link questioned.
"Yeah…I'm just setting the mood."
Just then, Grubba opened the door and saw:
A. people in his office
B. reading his secret paper
C. and someone standing on his desk.
Everyone pulled out weapons or took fighting stances.
"GREAT GALLOPIN' GULPITS! How in tarnation did YOU get in here son? Well, slap me an' call me Sassafras! Yer starin' at my secret paper too!"
"Shut up! You make me sick! Why'd you drain King K and Bandy Andy huh?" Spike roared.
"Wow-took the words right out of my mouth. Kid must be my Soul Partner!" Sonic slightly chuckled.
"Whoa, nelly! This ain't good!"
Grubba sped out the door, heading for the arena.
"After him, Big Blue! You too Gonzales and Missing!"
"I retired days ago-I think we can let the "Missing Link" name die down now…"