When Monday came Belle sat at her desk, checking over Regina's appointments for the day, hardly able to stay awake. Kathryn, who happened to walk by the brunette's desk, noticed how tired Belle looked and it made her a bit worried. So the therapist stopped and cleared her throat, making their eyes met.
"Miss French, a moment in my office please?" she said with a kind, yet serious tone in her voice.
"Ehm, sure Mrs. Nolan," Belle nodded and quickly followed suit.
As Belle closed the door behind her, she sat down in front of Kathryn. She was really nervous, and that probably showed as the therapist smiled at her.
"Miss French, for the first, you're not in any trouble, just so you know.. Okay? I just want to talk with you and if you think I'm pushing too hard, you have the right to stand up and walk out, do you understand?"
"ehm, not really.. " Belle replied with a nervous voice.
"okay.. So far as I have understood it, you're dating Emma's best friend Ruby for the moment, am I right?" Belle nodded. "And I don't want to be snoopy but it looks like this whole thing has taken a real toll on you, yes?"
Belle let out a big sigh as she reached for the tissues on the table. She hadn't talked with Ruby for days, deciding to take a step back, to protect herself. Even if she knew that only made things worse. But Ruby had made her choice in her eyes. And she had chosen Emma, not her. It still made Belle's heart ache.
"It's just a such huge mess. I don't.. I don't even know what to say about it… " the brunette shrugged and Kathryn reached for her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I just.. I was worried already in the beginning about this whole thing with Ruby's feelings for Emma… and there was something that told me to leave already when we had not really started dating.. But I just couldn't. I fell for Ruby the moment we spoke that first time in the bar so I couldn't just give her up. And when Regina took Emma in, it started to feel better. At least for me.. I was so happy… Then everything just turned upside down..."
Kathryn listened carefully and it was hurtful to see Belle like this. Even if she herself didn't know the brunette that well personally,she still cared for her. She had always been kind and helpful to her if she for some reason had needed some help at work. And Belle was such a genuine person.
"What happened then Miss French? If you want to tell me of course," Kathryn said with a crooked smile.
"sure… Ehm.. Apparently Regina took Emma to one of Ruby's cafes and Emma freaked out over seeing Ruby.. Why, I don't know but... They got into some kind of fight and Emma told her she was pregnant and that just broke Ruby." Belle said and dried her tears.
"You probably know this already but, Ruby helped Emma when she was pregnant the last time and Ruby is still haunted by the miscarriage. She was supposed to raise that kid together with Emma in some way, and now all of a sudden, Emma was pregnant again, only this time Ruby wasn't supposed help her with the kid. Regina was…"
Kathryn shock her head at those words, because she didn't know about that actually. She let out a big sigh as she realized how this whole situation sounded like a bad soap opera.
"and if we turn our attention to you instead Miss French, how does all of this make you feel? With Ruby's reaction to Emma's new pregnancy for example?" Kathryn asked carefully and the brunette replied in a matter of seconds.
"Terrible. It feels like I have to compete with Emma for Ruby's love and attention in some kinda way.. and it's really hard. And when Ruby decided to not have Emma living with her anymore, a bit of her kinda broke… She refused to talk about it though, but I heard her, crying every night, until I finally had enough.. So I got her to agree to visit a doctor." Belle said and took a deep breath before she continued.
"And he diagnosed her with depression and prescribed her antidepressants. Sadly she refused and still refuses to take them.. And I feel so incredibly helpless and frustrated over it all " Belle added and her eyes started to tear up again.
"You're doing the best you can, Miss French. I know that. You're a strong woman, but you're only human. And it's difficult with depressed people, especially when they are someone you live together with or are close to in general." Kathryn said gently and Belle just shrugged.
"I just want my happy Ruby back, Mrs Nolan. The girl with fire in her eyes, who always made me smile. She's just a shadow of the person she once was nowadays… " Belle sighed. "I just see her slipping away. She hardly eats, she doesn't work, and it feels like she is pulling away from me. We hardly hang out anymore and when we do, it always ends with some stupid argument.. I know she's hurting but I'm hurting too… but I don't think she understands that… " Belle said as she started to cry again. Kathryn gave her a tissue and received a sad smile in reply.
"Like I said, it's difficult with depression. You can almost describe it as a evil voice inside your head, telling you do to all these things that only makes everything worse. Like pulling away, lashing out and not properly taking care of yourself. It has nothing to do with you Miss French, so please, try to think about that. I know it's easier said than done, but just try"
"I guess that makes sense but.. But that's not the worst thing. The thing that finally made me take a step back from all this… That's when ruby went home with Emma this weekend, just like that. It felt once again like she chose Emma over me.. " Belle said between sobs. "And I hoped I would get some kind of support, at least something from Miss mills, but I guess I was wrong."
"I'm so sorry to hear all this Miss French, believe me. And I guess Regina is too close to this whole situation, I'm not sure she can be impartial when it comes to Emma and the people in her life."
Belle nodded sadly. This was painful like hell and even more since she didn't have anyone to talk to about this (Except for her cat), so this conversation was well needed. And she knew it was exactly like the therapist said. Regina couldn't be neutral, of course she would choose Emma's side in the end. The question now though was, which side and who would Belle chose?
"I haven't even talked with Ruby since she went home with Emma... I don't even know what I'm supposed to say... Should I yell at her? Should I cry because of her or should I just say I understand why she just upped and left? Because I don't. I don't understand how she can choose a friend over her girlfriend.. "
"Regina, do you want to get engaged with me?" Emma suddenly asked and Regina almost lost her balance.
"I can't have heard that right, or did I?"
"well… I know we haven't been dating that long time but hey, I wanna show you how much I trust you.. And especially how much I love you, and yes I know it's the just the second time I have said that out loud but I really mean it," Emma said as she tugged on her lower lip . She took Regina's hands and placed them on her little baby bump. "besides that, it can't be any crazier to get engaged than the fact we're already accepting a little kid, right?"
Regina met Emma's beautiful eyes and smiled at her. The blonde was right. And the therapist loved her so much and knew this was a really big thing to ask for Emma. Well, it was of course a big and important question for everyone but for the blonde to express her feelings like this… It was huge!
But Regina quickly felt unsure about this whole thing, because she was for some reason thinking about ruby all of a sudden. Emma frowned at her silence and looked down on the floor.
"Hey Regina, I'm sorry… I shouldn't have asked.. It's too soon. I'm sorry. I just… I guess I wanted to show you how much you mean to me.. But if you don't want to, that's okay," Emma's voice was laced with shame and sadness. Regina quickly wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, pulling her into a tight hug.
"I would love to get engaged to you Emma Swan," she said and the blonde met her eyes, suddenly looking like a little kid in a candy story.
"Really?"
"Really." Regina repeated with a smile. "I know we said that we should take it slow but since this little kid came into the picture that kinda changed now, now didn't it?"
"Yeah I guess," Emma shrugged.
"Let's go to bed dear, I can see you're tired."
"Yeah. And I wanna cuddle with my beautiful girlfriend," Emma said, smiling.
As the two of them walked into the bedroom, there was almost a sexual tension surrounding them. Regina had never tried anything with Emma (even if she had wanted so so many times) The therapist didn't push anything because she wanted the blonde to be the one who made the first move. And Regina wanted her to be in control and that night, Emma made a move. Finally.
As they stood in just their underwear in front of the bed, the blonde gave Regina a mischievous smile as she reached behind her girlfriends back and unhooked her bra before Regina had the chance to react.
Regina didn't say anything as Emma pushed her down on the bed. The move was meant to be sexy, but the blonde accidentally lost her balance and stumbled down onto her. The two of them broke out in laughter and Emma stood up and unhooked her bra while Regina laid down on the bed more comfortably.
When Emma laid on top of her again, Regina moaned as their bare skin touched. It was an unreal and wonderful feeling.
"Is this alright?" Emma suddenly asked as she met Regina's eyes.
"More than okay dear, it's wonderful," Regina purred and that answer made the blonde become secure with herself again. Their lips pressed together and soon enough both Emma's lips and hands started to explore Regina's body.
Emma took her time as she let her hands touch Regina's body. Her breasts were beautiful and her body was perfect.. Suddenly the blonde realized that Regina was hers and hers alone, and that made her so happy. This was gonna be her happy ending. Regina was the one.
After a short while Emma laid down beside Regina before she went to far for her own good, because even if she wanted to taste Regina's forbidden fruit so to speak, she knew how easy she could trigger her anxiety. So instead, she decided to take it slow. And she knew Regina would understand.
"I'm proud of you Emma, do you know that?" Regina said as their eyes met.
"Huh? " the blonde asked with a frown as the therapist pecked her lips.
"You're starting to acknowledge your own feelings and that takes a lot of strength. For now example, you stopped yourself before you got triggered considering your… " Regina stopped herself, just to make sure she choose the right words, before she added "Past experiences. So I'm really proud of you"
"Well I guess you snap up stuff when you're together with your former therapist huh?" Emma chuckled and cuddled close.
They laid next to each other in silence for awhile, before Regina's fingers brushed against the blonde's scarred arms.
"Regina please don't.." Emma whispered and was about to pull away when the brunette cupped her head in her hands, gently making her meet her eyes.
"Emma listen to me, you don't have nothing to be ashamed of my dear, you are beautiful. Every inch of you is absolutely wonderful. Both body and soul, and that means your scars as well, my dear "
Emma couldn't help but smile at the sweet words, even if some would call them cliché. But not to Emma. She wasn't used to hearing stuff like that so to her it meant the world. Sure, ruby had told her similar stuff, but Emma hadn't loved her in the way she loved Regina.
"I'm so happy you never gave up on me Regina, even if I have been a total asshole to you numerous times… " Emma said and sat up in the bed, even if she never lost eye contact with Regina. The therapist sat up as well and pulled Emma close. She knew she had difficulties with talking about feelings like this, even happy ones, so she knew she couldn't let Emma walk out in this moment. Because this was something she shouldn't run away from. Even if every instinct in Emma told her to.
"Yes it has been difficult sometimes but love isn't easy all the time, my dear." Regina said, in a low and gentle tone. "And I have never loved anyone before I met you"
"What, you haven't?" Emma asked with a frown. How could that even be possible?
"No I haven't but I knew the first day I laid eyes on you in my office that there was something absolutely wonderful with you. And I was right, I guess. I mean look at us. Engaged and about to be parents"
Emma felt the anxiety wash away by those words and once again a smile spread on her lips.
"I love you Regina."
When Regina came to work that Monday, she frowned when she didn't see Belle by her desk. The therapist reached down in her purse to check her phone, to see if Belle had sent her a text about staying home today but there was nothing. And just as Regina put away her phone, she heard a door open. She looked up to see Belle walk out of Kathryn's office. Why have she been inside there?
"I gotta go Mrs Nolan, but thank you for the talk" Belle said as she closed the door behind her. When she saw Regina by her desk she offered her boss a gentle smile.
"is there something wrong miss French? " Regina asked carefully when her assistant sat down by her computer.
"Oh no not at all. I just had a chat with Mrs Nolan, nothing to worry about" Belle replied as she started to type on her computer. "And if there wasn't anymore, I got work to do"
"Oh no of course. Back to work" Regina nodded as she left her assistant. What was that about?