"This is only gonna backfire on you, Neal," Rex said, the next morning, "It's only gonna make things worse."
"Well, I didn't know what else to do" Neal said, "It hard enough to keep him learning things I didn't want him to when were in the city. At least then I could try to look into what he knew, and if he was keeping anything from me. Of course, you know how well, that tended to work out."
"No, I don't," Rex replied, "We're not that close. I only know what the documents say, I don't know the unofficial story of anything. You are now confusing me," He gestured with both hands towards Violet, "With her. She's the one who knows!"
The trio had gathered in a corner of the Hub to discuss Neal calling Peter the previous evening. Rex, ever the optimist, thought Neal had made a horrible mistake.
"By that way, exactly how did that work out?" Rex asked, looking at the both of them, "Just so I know what exactly we're up against here."
Neal and Violet exchanged looks, deciding exactly what to say. "Well, I'll put it this way," Violet said, " He had various levels of success, but it also lead to a couple of different catastrophes, including the events leading up to his recruitment."
"Yeah," Neal said, "That pretty much sums it up."
"Well," Rex said, "That's just great. Remind me why we just can't tell Jack and have him deal with it."
"Because I don't know how he will 'deal with it' ," Neal practically snapped, "We've had issues with other agencies in the past, interfering or trying to take over, or wiping out everyone associated with Torchwood. You of all people should know that Rex, you were one of the people they had issues with."
Rex raised his eyebrows, and his eyes jumped out a bit in a questioning look.
"Just because you don't anything about my life pre-Torchwood, doesn't mean I don't know anything about yours," Neal said, somewhat casually.
"Okay, overlooking that for now," Rex said, "Neal, I think the whole team would be in agreement with me when I say one insignificant white collar agent isn't much of a threat. The worst we're looking at here is we'll let him in on the big secret, then slip him some recon, and that will be the end of that."
"That's what I tried to tell him," Violet added in.
"Tried to tell who what?" Gwen asked, walking up with the group.
They all went quiet for a minute, grasping for a cover story.
" Well, come on guys," Gwen said, just wanting to be included, "What are we all talking about?"
Rex spewed out the first thing that came to mind. "I say Neal qualifies as a kleptomaniac, he says that only counts with shoplifters."
"And I don't feel compelled to do it," Neal added in, rolling with it.
"And I agreed with him," Violet said, "Neal, not Rex."
"There's a girl," Gwen said, "Standing by your man. Although, I have to wonder if maybe Rex doesn't have a point."
"He doesn't." Neal said, hopping the conversation would end soon.
"No, really," Gwen said, "If you think about, stealing keeps getting you into all sorts of trouble and yet you insist on continuing to do it. If that's a compulsion, then what is?"
"Well, if you use that logic," Neal replied, "I haven't stolen everything in a while so I don't know how much of a compulsion it is."
Fortunately before the conversation could go any further, the Rift monitor went off.
Immediately everyone ran to see where the Riff activity was at. "Kleptomaniac?" Neal hissed over at Rex.
"It was all I could think of," Rex replied.
Five minutes later, the team had divided up into teams of two scower the park where the Rift activity was spotted to see if anything had come through. Gwen and Neal were pacing pass a set of swings when they heard a growling noise. They both turned to the direction it was coming from and creature stepped out from under a tree. It was as tall as Neal, with human-like skin colored different shades of red and orange with a crest on top of its head the looked like flames, and matching wings on its back. It growled at the two agents but then suddenly stopped, staring at Gwen.
"Jack," Gwen talked into the wrist communicators we have gotten, "We found a creature. It's...well, I'm not sure what it is exactly."
At that moment the creature began to slowly walk towards Gwen, it's arms outstretched and grabbing. Gwen instantly pulled out her gun and aimed it at the alien, Neal did the same. The creature paused for a minute, eyed both of them questioningly, and then pushed Neal aside, focusing solely on Gwen, grabbing at the air and jutting his head back in forth, as if to show off his crest. "Ah, Jack," Gwen said into the communicator, "Something really weird's going on here."
Neal tried to get between them again, but the creature pushed him back again, this time snapping at him.
"Gwen, talk to me, what 's going on?!" Jack said, somewhat panicked, thinking that something horrible was happing.
"He's grabbing at the aid and moving its head around," Gwen said, "And whenever Neal tries to get in-between it pushes him back."
"And what does it look like?" Jack said, getting an inkling of what was going on.
"Ah, about the average size of a human male, red skin, there a red and orange crest on its head that kind of looks like flames, oh, and it has wings on the back, sort of like a bat's."
"Oh," Rex said, somewhat slowly, "I think I know what's going on here."
"Would mind telling us?!" Gwen said, backing away from the creature not really sure what to make of it.
"It's called an Oni, and basically," Jack began, "It's flirting with you."
"What?!" Gwen shouted.
"What?" Neal repeated.
"Yeah, it sounds like the beginning of their courtship ritual." Jack explained.
"Please tell me I didn't just accidently challenge him to a duel over her." Neal said.
Gwen looked at him, looking shocked in insulted.
"No offense," Neal said, "I'd just rather not die today."
"My hero," Gwen said sarcastically.
"Don't worry, it's not gonna come to that," Jack said, "They have no concept of monogamy. Pushing him out of the way means 'wait your turn.'"
"Look, ah, Oni who's name I don't actually know," Gwen began, "You seem like a really nice guy but I ah, have a husband, and our relationship is better than it's been in months and we have a baby together, and..."
"I told you Gwen, they don't have any concept of monogamy, much less marriage," Jack said, "Explaining any kind of committed relationship to them is like explaining poetry to fish. And even if you could, I doubt he speaks English."
"Oaky, so what do we do?" Gwen asked.
"Neal get in-between them, but this time, bear your teeth, and don't move no matter how hard he tried to get you out of the way. And Gwen, after he does that nod like you're agreeing with him on something." Jack instructed.
Neal did so, feeling rather ridiculous and somewhat worried as to why he was doing this. Gwen nodded. To the pair's surprise, the Oni backed away. Seizing the opportunity, Gwen raised her gun and tanked the creature. It wavered on its feet for a few seconds then fell over, semi-conscious.
"Thank God those things are strong," Neal said, backing away from Gwen, "I don't even want to think what those gestures meant."
"Well, " Jack began, "You essentially just told him that..."
"He said he didn't want to know, Jack!" Gwen cut in before he could get any further, "And I don't either, if I'm gonna be able to look Rhys in the eye later! Just-get over here and help us get it back to the Hub!"
After they got the Oni back to the Hub Jack took it back to the planet of the same name. But it wasn't over yet. The rest of them that had heard of what happened but hadn't had a front row seat, wanted to hear the awkward story. "So let me get this strait," Martha said, as they all gathered 'round, "The creature started doing a mating dance to get your attention?"
"Yes," Gwen said, rather embarrassed by the whole situation.
"And it fought Neal was also trying to hit on you," Rex added in, though he had been with Jack and had heard the whole exchange.
"Yes," Gwen said, "Can we please stop talking about this already?"
"But for the record I was not hitting on her." Neal cut in.
"Don't worry, guys," Martha said, trying to ease her friends' humiliation, "We all know that."
"Yeah, but, what was that whole...ceremony or whatever that Jack had you two do?" Rex asked.
"Ceremony?" Violet perked up, "What ceremony?"
Gwen and Neal exchanged looks, and then Gwen let out a heavy sigh and said, "Jack told Neal to get in front of me and bear his teeth, and then told me to nod, like we were agreeing on something."
"Okay, that's not weird at all," Violet said, and tone that told everyone that in fact it was weird.
"Looks like you might have some competition, Vi." Rex joked.
"You don't," Gwen said, trying to reassure the already self-conscious girl, "The whole thing was awkward for both of us."
"Oh, I got that," Violet said, laughing.
Except for the odd jives about the earlier incident, the rest of the day was rather uneventful. Even so, Neal still felt like collapsing on his bed the minute he got into his apparent. He turned the unlocked the door and opened and saw a surprise visitor had somehow gotten in. "How did you get in here?" Neal asked, " I didn't give you a key. I didn't even tell you where I live."
"Hello to you, too." Calla Strigoi replied.