SOKKA

IT WAS WHEN THE MAP CAME OUT THAT HE DECIDED HE HAD HAD ENOUGH. He wasn't mad, per se, mostly because he couldn't be. For various reasons, Suki and Asami couldn't go to the vast majority of the meetings and briefings that were going on, and he always stayed out with them, because Asami had taken to combat training with gusto, and anything that allowed him to wave his sword around with someone who didn't beat his ass nine-times-out-of-ten was balm to what little ego growing up with Katara had left him. So, at breakfast, when Suki asked for the latest updates, and Asami seconded the motion, he didn't get mad. It was just that, when what little cheer had existed in the room popped like a particularly delicate bubble, replaced by the dour expressions and low-pitched voices that talk of war always brought with it, he sighed, looked deep into his tea cup, and decided he had had enough.

Something needed to change. Something needed to break. And he was going to make that happen. After all, he was Sokka. The only person he could rely on to do something insane and stupid was Zuko, and with Katara around, the only way to goad Zuko was through Azula…

Through Azula…

Something shifted, deep in Sokka's brain. He frowned at it, plucked at it, turned it around and examined it closely. It hadn't fully formed yet, but still, it was there…

Almost…

He took a look around the room. Everyone but him was bent over the map Zuko and Lobsang had just spread over the table. What was once the Earth Kingdom extended out from Sokka's fingertips. It really was an incredible map, full of the kind of detail that normally made Sokka swoon. Zuko, Katara, and Azula were currently bent over the map, taking turns pointing out things of interest while Suki and Asami nodded and followed along. Occasionally, Lobsang tossed out a random factoid, peeking out from behind his eternal cloud of pipe smoke. The air was thick with smoke, really, both from Lobsang and from the cigarettes Azula and Zuko seemed capable of smoking endless amounts of, enough to make even Sokka's eyes water. Sometimes, his sister would steal puffs from Zuko, and even when she wasn't, she seemed happy as a clam to breathe it all in.

It was enough to make him gag.

He focused his gaze on Azula, who was standing so that he had a full view of…ahem…parts he was a big fan of. He sighed. Alright, maybe I have no room to talk…

He looked back to his teacup. He really should calm down. He knew this, but on the other hand, he called bullshit on it. He had just had enough. Korra was in a freaking coma, Toph wouldn't leave her side, and Sokka knew his sister well enough to see the sadness lurking in the corners of her eyes. Everyone was tired and worn out, and even Azula sometimes cried at night.

And Sokka would know, because…

Because…

He snapped his fingers through the air. I've got it. A fight so ridiculous, no one will get hurt, because we'll all be in hysterics by the end of it.

I'm a fucking genius, that's what I am.

"Hey, Zuk."

Zuko rolled his eyes. "Sokka, I love you like a brother, man, but what have I told you about calling me that?"

Sokka shrugged. "Stop?"

"And yet," Katara said, shooting him a wink to let him know she wasn't serious, "you keep doing it."

"Didn't we determine that he was a slow learner?" Azula pointed out.

"You know what," Katara said, tapping her chin, "we did."

"When was that?" Suki asked, popping an eyebrow as she sipped her tea.

"Back in Gaoling," Azula replied, "when I was helping Katara get ready for a date with my dope of a brother."

That caught Zuko by surprise. "You did something as girly as that?"

Asami let out a low whistle of shock. "I'm with your brother, Zula. I remember vividly the one time I went to you for relationship advice."

"Actually," Katara replied, crossing her arms in that pose Sokka knew all too well, "she was quite the help."

"No shit?" Asami said, looking unconvinced.

"No shit," Azula shot back, flipping her the bird, which only made Asami giggle.

"Which is beside the point," Zuko said, pulling the conversation back on topic, which was exactly what Sokka was relying on him to do, "which is, what did you want, Sokka?"

Sokka shrugged, adopted his most relaxed, nonchalant pose, and said, in the most casual voice he had ever used in his life, which even he would admit was saying a lot, "Oh, nothing, I just wanted to tell you that I'm banging your sister."

Azula turned bright red, Zuko's mouth dropped open, and everyone else in the room looked like they were trying very hard not to fall on the floor laughing. Zuko stuttered for a few moments, before finally choking out, "You are?"

"You bet," Sokka said, preening like a sparrowkeet in heat. "Girl sneaks into my room pretty much every night."

"After asking Suki and I if her hair looks good," Asami observed.

"And whether or not her outfit is just the right amount of slutty," Suki added.

Zuko rounded on his sister. "Really?"

Azula's initial shock had evaporated into thin air. Being who she was, she had adopted a relaxed pose, making sure to shoot Sokka a wink to let him know that she was on to him. That's my girl. "Well, yeah. You don't want to be too slutty, you know? But you also don't want to be chaste and shit. There's a delicate balance there."

Zuko seemed only able to nod, looking like he had bitten into something sour. To Sokka's delight, though, Katara was bright red from the effort to not laugh, tears dancing in her eyes. And the right kind of tears. See? I'm a genius, and the world's best brother. "Right…" Zuko nodded once more, looking utterly lost. "I take it I'm the only one who didn't know this?"

"You are a bit oblivious, babe," Katara pointed out.

"She's got you there, Zu-Zu," was Azula's contribution.

Zuko rolled his eyes. "Right. Well…" He turned to Sokka. "I guess I don't have a right to get pissy, so…um…congrats?" He actually tried to give Sokka a thumbs-up, which caused Katara to double over and squeak into her hand.

Sokka just smiled. And they call me a dork. "Aren't you going to do something?"

Zuko rubbed the back of his neck, looking confused. "Like…um…what?"

"Well," Sokka said, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, "like…fight me for your sister's honor?"

That was the first time in the conversation that Zuko looked amused. "Right, because she can't do that all on her own."

"Hey," Sokka replied, "it's the principle of the matter."

"You know what," Azula said, pursing her lips in thought, "I think Sokka has a point. You really should defend your sister, Zu-Zu. I mean, she's been seduced by some hairy barbarian, and she, a princess. It's pretty much your duty."

Zuko pushed off from the table, waving his hands through the air. "Um…how about no. Katara, dear, help me out here."

Katara had recovered herself enough to give Sokka a sly look, while also exchanging knowing glances with her sister-in-law and the other two girls, who looked like they were having the time of their lives. "You know what…I'm with Azula on this one. And while we're on the subject…you know what, Sokka? You never really tried to defend my honor from the dashing young high-born officer from a far-away land who stole your sister's virtue."

Sokka had to snort at that, while Zuko turned to his wife and said, looking rather helpless, "Wait…that's actually a thing?"

Katara gave quite the emphatic nod. "It absolutely is."

"Since when?" her husband asked.

"Since I said so."

Zuko's shoulders slumped. "Shit…"

Suki and Asami cheered, while Azula reached over the table to slug her brother in the arm. "Aw, Zu-Zu, poor thing…she really does have you trained!" She turned to Katara. "How did you do it? I never got, like, anywhere."

Katara put on her most innocent face. "Well, to be fair, I have…shall we say…weapons that were unavailable to you."

"What," Azula replied, grinning from ear-to-ear, "like belly rubs?"

Katara sighed, eyes sparkling. "To start with…"

"Alright," Sokka said, feeling a bit queasy as the girls took his rather genius plan and began to run with it, "that's enough of that. So," he stood, and placed his palms flat on the table, "we're doing this, right?"

Zuko looked to his wife, looked to his sister, to Suki, to Asami, even to Lobsang. He nodded, and realization slowly dawned on his face. Turning back to Sokka, he smiled and said, "You know what? You're on. Dawn, you and me. Loser is the first one who's laughing too hard to keep fighting."

"What," Suki said, pouting, "not going for first blood?"

"Yeah, I'm with Suki," Asami complained, "we're talking a matter of honor here. Someone should at least get a freaking bruise."

"Right?" Suki added. "I mean, as the only ones who aren't getting laid in this freaking temple, we should get our money's worth out of this entertainment."

Lobsang poked up from behind his cloud, raising his pipe. "I'm not getting laid."

Suki leveled a finger at him. "So, you're on our side in this, right?"

Lobsang smiled his usual serene grin and bowed his head. "Naturally, my ladies."

Asami pumped a fist up-and-down in the air. "Sweet."

Sokka felt his shoulders slump. "Wait…I didn't actually want to get hurt." He pouted, and threw his heart into it. "I always get hurt…"

His sister shot him a glare. "Hey, no backing out."

"Besides," Azula said, giving him something that could only be called a leer, "this was your idea."

Sokka sighed. "Fine. Make that bruise good, Zuko."

"Oh," Zuko replied, "I plan to."

And thus, the duel was set, for dawn the next day, and by dawn, they of course meant, whenever we feel like it. Sokka sat back and clasped his hands behind his head, feeling like a genius. No one was talking about the war, no one was thinking about Avatars. Everyone was smiling and laughing, and, sure, it would be temporary, but it was about time for a good laugh.

And besides, he reflected, thinking of what was, to be honest, his primary motivation, if this doesn't get Toph out of that room, I'll eat my left shoe.

So, there I was, writing this story, and I realized, I kind of have the Krew in a holding pattern for the moment, and shit's gotten pretty dark and depressing, so why not take a page from the show's book and randomly have a little fun? Then I imagined Zuko and Sokka having some kind of "fight" for the sole purpose of making everyone laugh, realized that only Sokka would come up with something that patently ridiculous, and one of my favorite chapters that I've written came into being.

Because, see, I needed a moment of amusement, and so did you.

For those playing the home game, exactly how slutty to dress for a date is something that my wife told me about, not too long ago. Apparently, for girls, at least, it really is a delicate balancing act that's far more difficult to work out than one would initially think. For the curious, my wife's move, early on in our relationship, was to always unbutton the top two buttons of her work shirts. Not three, that would be too easy, just two, to let me know that she was amenable to the idea.

For those even more curious, her choice had the desired effect. But then again, two played at that game; it was back in my substitute teaching days, and I often spent a good ten minutes fiddling with exactly how loose my tie should be, to send the same message.

Moving on! In the next chapter, Asami trains. Stay tuned!