"You have your medal?" She asked curiously.
He nodded and pulled it from his coat pocket. She took it from him, pulled hers from her robe, and then suspended them on the wall above the fireplace on either side of a giant Gryffindor crest.
"I am proud to know you and love you," She said softly.
"As am I," He said. I love you.
She stretched her arms over her head and then stood.
"I'm going to go wash my face," She said, "I've cried far too much today. I'll do that, and then we can go down to dinner?"
He looked at her briefly and then nodded. That hurt significantly less than usual. She disappeared into the bathroom and he reached for his wand in his lap. It slipped through his fingers not once, not twice, but three times, and then it fell to the floor. What the...
He leaned over gingerly to pick up his wand and he froze when he saw his hand. It was shaking badly. He could feel the hand in the sling vibrating against his chest as well. Panic rose in his throat. He heard the sink turn off and he frantically struggled to pick up his wand, but his shaking fingers made the task immensely difficult. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
He gripped his wand tightly in his fist and shoved his hand into his pocket with his wand while simultaneously squeezing his left hand into the tightest fist he could possibly make as the bathroom door opened.
"What are you doing?" Hermione looked at him as he struggled to remain passive.
"Waiting," He said coolly.
She narrowed her eyes and clearly didn't believe him, but sighed and said, "Let's go then."
What is that? Why is it showing up a month after the injury? What does it mean? I won't ever be able to brew again, or trust myself with magic...
His internal worries were soon interrupted as they walked into the Great Hall and Harry approached them.
"The Malfoy's are on their way. McGonagall has allowed them entry into the wards," His green eyes flickered. There is a hate that will never die completely between Potter and Lucius. I cannot blame him at all.
"Have you eaten yet, Harry?" Hermione changed the subject.
"No, I've just got down here," He said looking out over the thinning crowd.
They sat at the end of one of the long tables and food appeared in front of them. Severus pulled his right hand from his pocket and set it against his thigh for a moment to see if it was still trembling. It wasn't. Thank Merlin.
He picked at his food hopelessly and, occasionally, managed to swallow bits of food. His mind was racing. Someone was after him, after her. He couldn't fully use a quarter of his limbs. Now, his hands presented an entirely new issue and worry. Perhaps it is a one time thing.
He did not wish to burden Hermione with this. She had far too much to concern herself with and, quite frankly, she deserved less stress and worry. A strange hush washed over the hall.
"I think Malfoy wants you, Snape," Harry's voice was cold.
Snape's eyes flashed to the giant entryway and met the pale eyes of Lucius Malfoy. He stood and walked toward the older man. There were hushed whispers. People were appalled that Malfoy was there, and that Snape was going to speak to him.
Severus looked at Lucius as he passed him, "We must speak privately."
Lucius raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. He followed Severus to his rooms. Once there, Snape warded the door, and Lucius' eyes wandered over the living space, a faint scowl on his face.
The pale eyes settled on the Order of Merlin awards - his and Hermione's - hung on the wall above the hearth flanking a Hogwarts crest, "How..." Lucius clicked his tongue, "Romantically heroic."
Severus rolled his eyes, "Did Minerva show you the memory?"
"Yes," Lucius said coolly, "I do not recognize the man either."
Severus sighed, "You're not safe at Malfoy Manor, Lucius."
Lucius flinched and his facade dropped. and Severus looked at him carefully. He could see the brokenness of Lucius' spirit and mind. Lucius swallowed uncomfortably under Severus' dark gaze, "Yes. The Headmistress believes we should stay close to Hogwarts. She even suggested we stay here."
"I am sure that was exceedingly painful for her," Severus said plainly, and Lucius' face cracked into a small smirk.
"I do not want to stay here," Lucius said with finality, "I do not want to be here again. Ever."
Severus met his bloodshot eyes and Lucius spoke again, "And I am surprised you would want to be here. Of all people."
"Despite... Everything..." Severus said softly, "This is the only place I have ever felt at home."
Lucius looked at him and his brow contracted, and then realizing Severus did not have the childhood he had, his face relaxed, "I see."
"Where will you go, Lucius?" Severus asked. Despite having met regularly over the course of the last year, Severus had not truly spoken to Lucius in a very long time.
"We have a property quite close to the school grounds. The Headmistress offered to extend the wards to that property."
Severus took a deep breath, "Yes, that would probably be safest."
"You're sure about this, Severus?" Lucius asked and Snape looked at him in confusion. When he followed Lucius' eyes, he landed on Hermione's name on her award.
"Quite," He said lowly.
"You saved her, didn't you? That day at my home," Lucius' eyes didn't stray from the engraved name on the medal, "You knew where she was the whole time, yet you allowed yourself to suffer the Cruciatus under the guise of failure."
"Yes," Severus said.
"Why?" Lucius asked curiously, "If you had been found out..."
"Because I love her," Severus answered firmly, "And I do not believe for a moment that you would not have done the same for Narcissa or Draco."
"Before the war, yes. Now, yes. Then..." Lucius' face darkened, "I am a coward, Severus. A broken coward."
"I've never known cowards to call themselves out," Severus said. Though I cannot say I disagree.
"Narcissa is the better part of me. I do not know that she even loves me anymore, yet she stays," Lucius said sadly.
"Your wife loves her family - her husband and her son. That was always her only allegiance," Severus said. That much I know for certain.
"She never took the Mark, you know?" Lucius said, "She never said a word against any of it. Went along with all of it. She was raised the same way I was - magic over muggles. She kept us moving when I was..." He stopped and then continued, "She believes what we were raised to believe, but I think that motherhood... I think our son... She has changed so much, and I have changed so little."
"You could not change until you had been broken," Severus said, "Now, you have a world of opportunities before you." Don't waste them, fool.
"So it would seem," Lucius said evenly, "Yet we will always be hunted like animals."
"Yes," Severus shuddered. Can you blame them?
"You're sure about this girl, Severus?" He asked again.
Severus narrowed his eyes at Lucius and Lucius continued, "She's a..."
"Don't!" Severus snapped, "Don't call her that," His black eyes glittered dangerously.
Lucius jumped, "I was merely going to say Gryffindor, Severus. Draco had warned me you'd likely kill me if I said anything else. Besides... I know what Bellatrix did... To her arm," Lucius shivered as Severus looked at him.
"I am sure about Hermione," Severus said.
"You have always had a thing for..." Lucius looked at him, "Gryffindors."
Severus' mouth barely moved, "Indeed."
"Though this one seems more tame. The other... She was reckless. Wild," Lucius mused.
"Hermione punched your son in the face at 13-years-old. She is no fairy princess," Severus smirked.
"Did she really?" Lucius' eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hairline.
"Oh, yes," Severus said.
"You..." Lucius looked at him and struggled to find the words, "You did all of this... What you've done... You did it all... in one way or another...For love?"
No, but it's far easier to say yes than to explain it to you. Severus looked at him and his dark eyes flickered, "Yes."
Lucius smirked, "You are a mysterious man. I would have thought you the one with the least capacity to love, but it seems you had the greatest capacity."
Severus said nothing, and his eyes moved to the wall.
"You will, I think, be a better husband and father than I ever was," Lucius admitted.
"There is yet time," Severus said.
"For?"
"For you," Severus said confidently as his mind reeled over Lucius' words, "Tea?"
Lucius nodded as he stared at the medals on the wall. Severus moves to the kitchen. His wand tapped the tea kettle once, and he reached for the tea cups in the cabinet. It fell and shattered across the counter. When he looked down, his hand was shaking uncontrollably again.
Lucius appeared beside him, "Tremors? How long?" The alarm in his voice added to Severus' anxiety.
"I only noticed them today."
Lucius waved his wand and the teacup reassembled itself, "You didn't have them before?"
Severus looked at him, "No?"
"I did. After my imprisonment...It's the Cruciatus," He said, "A long-term side effect, and mine is coupled with my experiences with the dementors..."
"Does it go away?"
Lucius frowned, "It has not yet. There are Potions you can take. Yours is probably different. The venom..."
"Why now?" Severus said, "I suffered that curse for years. Why did it take until now for this kind of side effect to surface?"
"The Healer I spoke with said that each witch or wizard responds differently. Some have tremors after they experience that curse for the first time. Some take more than one experience. Eventually, the Cruciatus wins," Lucius said quietly, "They all had it. The Death Eaters. You never noticed?"
"I tried not to notice any of them," Severus grumbled.
I am broken.