Emma

The Rabbit Hole was louder than Emma remembered and she was working hard not to be an old lady about it. She wanted to talk to her friends. Maybe they should have gone somewhere else.

Plus, what bar blasted country music? That wasn't being an old lady; that was just common sense.

"Does Regina have the kids tonight?"

Emma nodded stiffly and took that time to look around for a server. These were just facts in her life now, yet she still found them so hard to discuss with others, not that she had really tried. She had told no one that she still hated it when the children were gone. The house was too big, too silent. It left far too much room for thinking.

"Wait, what do you mean?" Belle asked, looking between them. "Oh, Emma. Does that mean -"

Emma chuckled a little, feeling a small swell of affection for her friend. All of Storybrooke knew and they had for a long time, but Belle was always so busy with her nose in a book that she was constantly months behind on the local gossip.

Mary-Margaret leaned over to whisper and catch their friend up. Emma didn't really want to be a part of it, but she stopped her anyway. "I'll do it, I'll do it."

Mary-Margaret's eyebrows pulled together. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Emma sighed. "I mean, I'm right here and she basically already knows. Just.. ugh, let me get a drink."

She wandered to the bar knowing that she needed to fill in her friend and she might as well give all of them a first-hand account of the things they didn't know. She would need to by the end of the night anyway.

"What can I get you?"

"Um, Maker's straight."

He nodded and grabbed the bottle.

Emma glanced back at her table and was not completely surprised to see Belle, who could put two and two together, looking shocked and wiping a tear or two away.

"Hey, make that a double, please."

"To girls' night!" Mary-Margaret offered once they all had their drinks.

They clinked glasses and drank deeply.

"So." Mary-Margaret began.

"So." Emma sighed. "All right." Ruby gave her hand a friendly squeeze and a shoulder bump. Emma smiled and began to talk.

It was surprisingly easy to simply recite the facts. They didn't include any of the bloody emotions or hurts that went along with them.

When she was done everyone seemed to have drooped a little.

"And now she's staying at the inn?" Belle asked in a shaky voice, trying to hide the tears that were threatening to pour down her face.

"Yeah."

"Wow. I mean, when you came in looking for that from Rumple, I... well, I thought you were going to be wrong. You and Regina you're - you're the pillars that we all look up to - you - you always seemed so happy together -y ou" Belle yelped, much like someone had kicked her under the table... which was good because Emma was beginning to feel like she was drowning again. Were they always so happy? She was beginning to wonder.

"And Henry?" Belle asked to cover her outcry.

This time Emma stumbled. "He uh," she cleared her throat and hoped that no one would comment on the squeak in her voice, "he just hated me so much after I kicked Regina out. He wasn't speaking to me. He was torturing his brother and sister. He wanted to be with Regina, so after a while I just let him go."

"Did things get better with him?"

"No. I haven't heard from him since then. Though, based off of a few small comments Regina has made, I think he's already getting tired of her too. Though I'm not sure, we're not really talking... either." Emma faded out, studying her drink. "So, yeah. He's not speaking to me because he's decided that whatever happened, it must be my fault."

"Emma..." Ruby hedged, "have you thought about telling him the truth? About why and what happened, I mean?"

Emma almost laughed. "Every day. But here's the thing. Regina and I might be separated or whatever but what it comes down to is that Henry loves Regina. I don't want to break his heart by telling him what she did."

Mary-Margaret, the only other parent there, nodded in understanding.

The group fell silent and out of awkwardness Emma finished off her drink and waved for another.

"Aaanyway." Ruby started. I see that Henry and Penny Clark are spending an awful lot of time together."

"I have too!" Mary-Margaret laughed.

Emma shrugged. "Honestly I wouldn't really know."

Their smiles fell.

"Right." Ruby sighed. "Because he's staying with Regina."

In truth, she hadn't spoken to Henry in far too long. He didn't answer phone calls or text messages. It was killing her, but Henry wanted nothing to do with her. Where was the line? He was old enough to decide that he wanted space, but when did she step in and say 'I'm your mother and you have no choice'?

She didn't know.

She was so confused.

But she had never in his life gone this long without speaking to him. He was one of her best friends and she missed him.

"Yup." Emma's lip popped over the P. "But I am still far too sober for more of that conversation right now."

"Waiter, can we have another double?" Belle called.

Her friends were good ones, supplying her with drink after drink until she was feeling as relaxed as she was currently capable of.

"God, when was the last time I was here? I can't even fucking remember anymore."

"Well, you're a mom! You have a good excuse." Ruby shrugged.

"My gooood, I hate that excuse. She's a mom too and she comes!" Emma pointed at Mary-Margaret who shrugged.

"The last time I came here was -" She yelped loudly as if someone had kicked her now.

Emma looked around at their suddenly purposefully blank faces and remember. "Noo, it's all right. The last time you came here was when you saw my slutty-slutty wife. I know."

"Sorry, Emma." Mary-Margaret's shoulders slumped.

Emma shrugged, trying not to feel the creeping depression. "It's all right, I mean, it happened. I just can't think about it here, you know. Like, I can't handle knowing that when I go up to the bar the guy there will have seen my wife that night... or any other night. It's like at Granny's that day-"

But Ruby cut her off, "Oh, my god, Em, I'm so sorry."

"No, no, it's all right. I love Granny. I know she was just trying to be sweet. What got to me though were the faces of everyone around me. Everyone there knew what was happening."

"Well, that's Storybrooke for you."

Emma fell silent thinking. It was as though her friends could feel they were nearing what Emma had wanted to talk to them about. They all grew studious and silent.

She was feeling an odd disconnect at the moment, her mind fluttering over the words that she had been reading every weekend since it happened. "Do you guys think that cheating, I mean this type of cheating - married with children cheating - is a one-sided act?"

"What do you mean?" Belle asked, looking between the other women.

"I mean..." What did she mean? She sighed and let her head hang back on her shoulders for a second, unsure if she really wanted to discuss this with so many of them. "Do you think - I don't know, I've been reading a lot and... um -" she changed her thought midway. "You two have been in marriage-like relationships. Sorry, Ruby."

Ruby shook her head. "I was with Peter for years before he died, remember?"

"Right. Right. So... I uh, I know that most of you don't have kids or anything but - I dunno. Life gets in the way, right? Kids, school, carpool. It gets in the way and that's totally normal, right?"

Mary-Margaret's eyebrows drew together. "What are you asking us, Emma?"

She huffed and waved her hands for a third drink, finishing the one in her hand. She didn't know how to ask…

"Do you guys still do... stuff... for your guys... even after all of this time?"

They stared at her blankly.

"Stuff..."

When their faces didn't change Emma just came out with it. "Sex stuff, guys, come on!"

"Oh!" Mary-Margaret jumped like she had received a pin in the ass. Ruby laughed her loud wolfish laugh and Belle flushed like the perfect lady she was.

"You mean, do they still do the super-hot, sexy, just for their significant other sex stuff that everyone does in the beginning or has time and in M.M's case, children, put an end to it?" Ruby asked.

"Uh yeah. Have things kind of become... routine? You too Ruby, before Peter died, I mean. And Belle, I know that you're not married but -"

"Oh, we're married." Belle insisted. "In our hearts. We don't really need the paper. We talked about it for a while but it's just not necessary for us."

"Riiiiight," Ruby said, trying to ignore that from their friend. Belle's naivety was an issue to discuss later. "Well, Pete and I were pretty young," Ruby admitted. "But yeah. I mean, it was less probably."

"Less? What uh, does less mean to you?" Emma began picking apart the napkin in her lap.

"Well." Ruby toyed with her cocktail toothpick thinking. "In the beginning it was a few times a day or so but by the end, it was every other day or so. I don't know, we never planned it but that is kind of what happened."

Emma's heart fell. Every other day. "What did you do? For him I mean. Did you still do, I dunno, the fun stuff?"

Ruby flushed, but we on unashamed. "Well. I used to do this thing where I would go to his shop not wearing any panties and then help him with the inventory so that eventually I would bend over just right and - well, you know." Ruby flushed as bright as her name suggested. "Or if we were going on a road trip and he was getting sleepy I would - you know - take it out."

"Like road head?" Belle asked, eyes wide. "I've always been too afraid that Rumple would crash!"

"No, more like just enough to keep him awake. Though it usually meant we pulled over at a rest stop," her eyebrows waggled playfully.

There was such a sweet, loving look on Ruby's face that everyone felt their heart sink as one. It was no wonder Ruby had never moved on to a new 'real' relationship. She had clearly already had her true love.

"What about you guys?" There was a knot forming in Emma's stomach as her worries were solidifying.

Mary-Margaret looked at Belle and then started to talk. "Uh, nothing like that. But yes. We still try for once or twice a week. Sometimes it's... a bit scheduled since we do have a toddler but not always. We just try to make sure it happens regularly. And when David is feeling really stressed or tired I'll - well, you know..."

"Blow him?" Ruby offered.

Mary-Margaret tisked. "All right, yes, blow him."

Emma's nose wrinkled.

"What?" Mary-Margaret cried. "He likes it! It helps and it keeps things kind of intimate. Plus it feels kind of... sexy. Oh and, uh," now she really did blush, "he has this thing...for princesses so - every now and then…"

"No!" They all cried.

"You dress up for him?" Ruby asked, her eyes huge and amused.

"Well..."

"Like who?" Emma asked, intrigued even though she was sure she didn't want to know the details.

"Snow White," she said in a very small voice.

Ruby's jaw hit the table. "You told me that was in your closet because you didn't have space in your Halloween storage! Ew, you wear that out every Halloween!"

"Well-"

"I've hugged you while you were wearing it!"

This lightened the mood considerably. Somehow none of them could keep a straight face when they thought of Mary-Margaret dressing up as Snow White for her husband's kicks.

"Does he dress up like Prince Charming?" Ruby asked, intrigued.

"Well…"

The table exploded into laughter making Mary-Margaret blush and slap at them.

They thought that was going to be the best until - "Belle?"

Belle had been surprisingly quiet.

"No way, I can't."

"Belle!" Mary-Margaret cried. "I told!"

"He's the Mayor."

"Belle!"

"He would kill me."

"Oh come on." Emma pouted.

Belle looked around at her friends and seemed to give in. "All right, fine, but you have to promise."

"Promise." They chorused.

"Okay well, Rumple... has very specific tastes."

"Okay," Emma frowned.

"He uh, well, he likes to - bemysubmissive." She said it all at once and then swallowed the rest of her drink.

"WHAT?" Ruby shouted.

"Shhhh!" Belle hissed. "It's nothing that serious. Just, you know whipping... trampling... CBT... wax... collaring."

They were speechless.

"Wait, wait, wait," Ruby stuttered, "you're afraid to give him road head but you'll whip him?"

"It's different! No one is operating a two-ton machine!"

"And this happens how often?"

"Oh, I don't know, once or twice a week in between normal sex."

"After all these years?" Emma asked, her stomach like acid.

"Yeah."

"And you're – you're into that?" Mary-Margaret asked in a whisper, her eyes frozen and huge.

"Well, I wasn't at first, but yeah, it's fun. He loves it and I love giving it to him because he loves it. It's what M.M. said. Intimate."

Intimate.

This was exactly what Emma was afraid of.

There had been no intimacy.

They all sat back, quiet for a long time before Ruby turned to Emma. "Why do you ask, Em?"

"Speaking of Gold," Emma said with a shudder. "Do you know what favor he made Regina do after I caught her?" She just - she wasn't ready yet.

Belle looked surprised. "She didn't tell you?"

Emma scoffed. "We're not communicating very well these days."

"Right. He made her give him - I don't know - he filled this stone with some of her essence, I guess."

"What the hell did he want with that?"

"I don't know. Oh, it was so pretty. I haven't seen it around through so he definitely had some use for it."

Emma frowned.

"Hey Em, have you started thinking about dating again?"

Ruby's question completely threw everything else from her mind.

"Dating?"

"Yeah. Dating. You're separated. Regina... dated. Why not?"

Dating.

Did she want to fucking date?

The night had been a good one for the most part. They had spent a long time trying to think of other women in town that Emma could date and while she was sure she wouldn't date any of them. It was kind of fun.

They weren't out late but they were definitely fairly drunk when they left the bar.

"Are you sure?" Ruby asked Belle for the fourth or fifth time.

"Yeeeeees, Ruby, I can make it home by myself. Look, it's right there. You can see it."

Ruby frowned.

"Thank you though." Belle said and kissed her cheek.

Emma had been fairly quiet the rest of the evening, lost in her thoughts.

She let her friends turn her in the direction of the city and started off toward Granny's, the next stop.

"Emma," Mary-Margaret asked after a while.

"Hmm?"

"What's wrong?"

She looked up, caught. Her head had been swirling for so long that she hadn't realized they had been watching her as they walked.

"Nothing."

"Emma."

She took a deep breath and let the question she had wanted to ask escape from her before she could think about it. "Do you think that cheating is one sided?"

"You're going to have to explain that," Mary-Margaret said, plopping on a bench and pulling them down with her.

"I ran into this chic today when I was out shopping."

"Uh-huh." Ruby winked.

"No, not like that. But she had a bunch of kids with her, I mean a shit load."

"Okay." Mary-Margaret hiccupped.

"But she was hot."

"...I don't think I'm following you here, Em." Ruby said with a shake of her head.

"She was really fucking hot. She hadn't just let herself go."

"So…?"

She growled a little, frustrated that they didn't understand. "Do you guys remember me when I first came to Storybrooke?"

Ruby scoffed and whistled making Emma frown.

"Careful there, Ruby, your newfound gay is showing."

"Tell us what you're trying to say, Em," Mary-Margaret said in her softest voice.

Emma sighed, and to her humiliation felt her breath hitch, "I'm just starting to wonder if maybe this wasn't entirely Regina's fault."