chapter thirty-two

Late the next day Nikki and Leo were sitting in his office, the early evening sun low in the sky and filtering in through the gaps in the blinds. For the first time in a long time, Leo felt like he had a true glimpse of Nikki. Not just a moment through the pain and confusion, or a flash of recognition between her bouts of anger, but a true sight of Nikki. It was painfully depressing, really, and Leo couldn't help but wonder why he had wanted this, why he had thought it would be a good idea.

"Remember what you said to me in Budapest – 'It's always later than you think'? I guess you were right." Nikki raised her eyebrows, turning to look out of the window, taking a deep breath and releasing it in a sigh. "I used to think that I had plenty of time." She shook her head slightly. "Even after everything in Budapest, after the shock had worn off I slipped back into thinking we still had plenty of time."

It didn't escape Leo's notice that she had switched from 'I' to 'we'. He assumed she was thinking about Harry, about the relationship they never quite managed to have. It amazed him sometimes that they had danced around it for so many years. There had been a time he thought they were together, but it didn't seem to stick. Although they seemed happy to continue as friends, Leo didn't miss the looks they would both have when another party came into play. Nor the inappropriate comments, although those could only really be attributed to Harry; Nikki was far more reserved and more likely to sit at her desk staring into space than actually say something about Harry's latest woman.

Leo wondered if they realised just how much he saw and heard. When they lost themselves together they seemed to forget anyone else existed. The small part of him that couldn't help but be a romantic, no matter how hard he tried to pretend he wasn't, had wished they would get over all the jokes, the banter, the friendly hugs and forehead kisses and just get together.

His thoughts were dragged back to the woman sitting in front of him, still staring out of the window. As she had pointed out, it was probably too late now. He looked at her closely. Her expression was more relaxed than it had been for a while, but also full of sadness and acceptance. He longed to have the fiery, independent, bloody stubborn Nikki back. Right now, part of him even thought the angry, in denial Nikki would be preferable over this. But he knew deep down that this acceptance was important, and couldn't be undone.

"I should head home." With her words, Nikki finally dragged her eyes away from the window and turned back to face him. He nodded, standing as she did, and opening his mouth as if to say something. Nikki met his eyes, and he paused. Apparently he'd asked her if she was okay enough times recently, and the look told him there was no point asking when they both knew the answer; the actual truth as well as the automated answer that had been given so often it had lost all meaning.

He had considered them close friends before all this, and yet they had become even closer in the past few months. If he was honest, watching Nikki struggle through this and keep on going only gave him a higher respect for her personal strength. It had been hard enough for him, he could only imagine how difficult this had been for her. And amongst it all, it seemed they had reached a new level of conversation without having to speak. There were certain things that did however need to be spoken out loud.

Nikki moved around his desk, reaching out and pulling Leo into a hug.

"Thank you, Leo. Thank you for sticking by me through all of this." She spoke softly, but he was so close to her he could hear every syllable clearly. He merely nodded, knowing any words would be entirely inadequate as he had found so often recently.

It was a long few moments before Nikki pulled back, nodding her head with a small smile covering her lips yet not reaching anywhere near her eyes. She turned to leave the room, glancing back as she reached the doorway.

"Bye Leo." He looked at her again, and in an instant she was gone before he had a chance to reply. Her words, her behaviour, even her body language seemed somewhat final, and Leo couldn't help the jolt that went through him as he wondered whether he'd ever see her again. A few moments later he shook it off, returning his thoughts to the paperwork on his desk that needed to be finished so that he could leave for the day, and leaving all thoughts of his conversation with Nikki to the back of his mind.

...

A/N…so, my tree climbing was cancelled today due to the terrible terrible weather (it is june, right? coz I'm a little confused) and I'm feeling rather fed up, so please feel free to cheer me up with reviews… ;-)