A/N: I have two more ideas from Path of Radiance that I'm writing right now, but feel free to make suggestions! *muah*

Ike versus the Fourth Wall, Round Twenty-Four: Path of Radiance Abridged

Music: *cheerful and happy*

Ike: I'm the hero!

Greil: I'm your dad!

Ike: You let me win our duel, didn't you?

Greil: Duh.

Boyd: I'm the friendly rival!

Oscar: My eyes are closed and yet I am the best chef in the world.

Titania: Kill the bandits! The power of my badassery compels you!

Bandit Leader: You killed my bandits so I'm going to kill these kids!

Rolf: Waaaaah!

Shinon: FEATHERED, BITCHES.

Boyd: That sounds stupid.

Shinon: Your mom sounds stupid.

Soren: Hey guys, the country we're in is at war. I say we let it burn to the ground.

Titania: Greil, the power of my badassery compels you to save Crimea!

Greil: You do it, Ike.

Ike: Why me?

Greil: Because Titania's badassery compels us and I'm lazy.

Gatrie: Hey there's some chick in the bushes!

Ike: No! We are not singing again!

Gatrie: *pout*

Elincia: I am a mystical hidden princess.

Shinon: Your mom is a mystical hidden princess.

Greil: Let's go to Gallia to get this Princess to Begnion.

Petrine: Dog's breath!

Mia: HIIIII YAH DUEL AT DAWN MOTHERFUCKER!

Black Knight: *kills Greil in a plot-twist no one saw coming*

Shinon: Your mom killed Greil. *leaves*

Ike: Geez this sucks. I'm sad. Let's talk about your feelings, Soren!

Soren: Wait, it's already our support?
Ike: Nope. I just want to talk about our feelings. For example, my dad died and I'm okay because I'm alive and can avenge him.

Soren: Um. I don't like packing lots of stuff.

Ike: Me neither! Are we BFFs?

Soren: Definitely.

Ike: Awesome.

Titania: We're surrounded again.

Lethe and Mordecai: *own the evil people*

Soren: You saved our lives easily, but I hate you anyway because you suck!

Mordecai: *attacks him*

Ike: *bravely defends Soren; if this weren't a cutscene Ike would have died, but instead he was just wounded*

Soren: Oops.

Mist: Screw you guys, I'm being useful.

Rolf: Waaaaaaah

Cainhegis: It sucks your dad died,

It makes me angry –

Ike: Oh come on guys! I hate that song!

Cainhegis: … but I can't help you,

So leave my country.

Ike: Ugh. Oh well. Let's talk about your feelings, Soren!

Soren: Wait, is this our Support?

Ike: Nope. I just want to talk about our feelings.

Soren: Okay. Uh, this place sucks because they're ignoring the war going on.

Ike: Too true, man, too true. But are you okay? Because you seem angry. I'm worried about you. Talk to me! Tell me your feelings!

Soren: No.

Ranulf: Guys this entire city is going to kill me because I have kitty-cat ears.

Black Knight: Not true. I'm going to kill you because I can.

Everyone: *start screaming in terror*

Black Knight: *kills Zihark*

Mia: Oh Zihark we hardly knew ye.

Ike: Run away!

Nasir: We're on a boat.

Sothe: So am I?

Ike: I have this feeling like I should punt you off this boat for my future sanity's sake, but I won't. Hey look, dragons!

Kurthnaga: I'm a dragon.

Ike: Cool! Soren went below deck and he hasn't come back up! Is he missing? I want to ask him how he's feeling.

Sigrun: Save the Empress!

Soren: We should save her.

Ike: Hey, are you feeling okay? You're suggesting to help someone. Do you want to talk about it?

Soren: We could hold her hostage.

Ike: Oh.

Naesala: I could kill everyone on this ship by myself.

Mist: There's no Empress on this ship.

Ike: Soren and I will search the rest of the ship! *drags Soren away* Now Soren, about this morning. I just wanted you to know that I understand your feelings and how upset you were, and that I feel the same way. Together, we are blunt and say what we want. We're awesome like that.

Soren: Thanks.

Sanaki: Pay attention to me, the Empress of Begnion!

Ike: Awww so cute!

Sanaki: Shut up! Stop the slavers in my country or else I won't help you.

Sigrun: The slavers live in the desert. Do you know about the desert?

Ike: No, but Soren does, even though he's not here.

Sigrun: Oh, is something wrong with Soren?

Ike: Maybe. He's mopey but won't talk about his feelings with me :(

Sigrun: That's too bad.

Ike: The desert! Let's talk about your feelings, Soren!

Soren: Wait, is this our Support?

Ike: Nope. We're not doing supports in this parody. I just want to talk about our feelings.

Soren: Oh. Well, I think I'm okay.

Ike: Right, but you're not paying attention to the fact that we are in the desert. I'm worried about you.

Soren: Okay. Well, sexpot ahoy, Stefan is here.

Stefan: I'm a Branded.

Muarim: I'm a former slave.

Tormod: I'm a kid.

Sanaki: Go kill the fat old slaver guy. He bought a heron.

Sephiran: Not me. He didn't buy me.

Oliver: Oh, the glorious beauty of the man-bird! Such sheen! Such colors of beautiful pearl! Such –

Reyson: *crotch!kick!flee!*

Oliver: Chase the man bird into the forest, my unnaturally populous army!

Ike: Let's talk about your feelings, Soren! I noticed from intensely watching you that you always know where you are, even in this forest of no color.

Soren: Is that so.

Ike: I'm impressed! You should teach me how.

Reyson: I'm going to kill everyone in this forest with my songs!

Tibarn: How? The forest is dead.

Leanne: Chirp chirp.

Reyson: Hey it's my sister!

Tibarn: *kills Oliver*

Oliver: *for super-duper dead, incredibly dead, you have no idea how dead he is*

Boyd: Our experience :(

Reyson and Leanne: *save the forest with singing*

Tibarn: Uh, sure. That works.

Sanaki: Now that that detour is over, go back to the original plot of the game.

Elincia: Yay, I can stop twirling my thumbs now.

Shinon: Your mom can stop twirling your thumbs now.

Soren: Ike? Are you all right? Do you want to… want to talk… about… hack, cough…

Ike: About your feelings?

Soren: No, yours.

Ike: Oh. Nyah, lots of stuff going on. Like wow, I'm a general.

Mist: Ike my medallion is gone!

Ike: QUIT CRYING MIST I'LL FIX IT GEEZ!

Soren: *heaps a horrible verbal smackdown on poor Elincia*

Ike: *tells him to stop after it's over and Elincia is in tears*

Ranulf: Hey guys! Gallia sent reinforcements, but we'll give you the credit for winning the war because we're nice like that, unlike Begnion, hint hint.

Ike: Soren gave me a lecture about it earlier.

Ranulf: Man, has he gone crazy yet? He's gonna snap soon.

Ike: We can talk about his feelings now?

Ranulf: WTF dude?

Ike: Soren, hide me in your tent! Preferably in your bedroll!

Soren: *tells Aimee Ike's deepest secret of his love of spicy meat, which of course he would know*

Nasir: I gave your Medallion to Ashnard because he's holding my granddaughter's husband hostage. Phew.

Ena: If you hear ominous music, that is because I am a dragon and I will destroy you.

Rolf: *kills her with a bow*

Ena: Ouch. Maybe not.

Elincia: I'm finding some body-guards, a sword and a Pegasus and I'm taking a level in badass.

Black Knight: Let's fight, Ike. It's totally a fair fight.

Ike: Yes!

Mist: No!

Black Knight: You win. Depending on what language we're in, I let you or I didn't. Cool, huh? See you next game. Bwahahahaha.

Ike: Phew, that was tough. I had you worried, didn't I? It's okay Soren, I understand your feelings. The Black Knight is no match for me, or the power of our feelings-

Titania: Okay that's enough.

Ashnard: Heil myself! *fights Ike*

Ike: *fights back, wins*

Ashnard: Argh!

Ike: Yay, we win! The day is saved, the world is a better place, and the ending is happy. This definitely won't get worse.

Sephiran: ^_^