So, I have no excuse really why I didn't update last week...other than I hadn't written the chapter yet. To be honest I didn't intend the last chapter to end where it did so I was kinda confused as to what to do in this chapter since I wasn't where I thought I was going to be. So, I made a roundabout recovery. Honestly this first book is going to be fifty chapters long before we move on! I'm going to have to push for this climax to get it here faster. Anyways, I hope this chapter's alright, it went in a direction even I didn't expect but am happy to roll along with.
Oh, and in other good news, more fanart!
Umbachhia has done another image for the story that I'm happy to link to. I'm happy this story is still inspiring others to create art, or stories, and I'm more than happy to be able to share it with everyone else who is apart of this baby community. Enjoy it and give them lots of love! Here's the link (please type this in first with no spaces (I had to type this up weird so please try to figure it out): H tt PS (colon) / / drive . google . (C om)
/file/d/1LQOKbHudI3hLcgx6ycKLe_hwnGmmGaKL/view?usp=sharing
With that being said, enjoy the chapter!
Disclaimer: I do not own 'Be More Chill' or any of it's adaptations or content.
Replaced
Chapter XXXIV
~Useless~
"Alright, I think it's time to freak out," Michael said, freezing the SQUIP as they went to put their food in their mouth. Reese made an unhappy sound, lowering their fork in displeasure.
"Please, Michael. We're eating," they chastised.
"Yeah, and?"
"You're making me lose my appetite." The teen snorted with a roll of his eyes. He understood that dinner may not be the best time to be discussing things, but he honestly didn't want to wait any longer.
After picking up Jeremy at the cafe, he spent at least three hours at his friend's house for safety. Once there they texted everyone the situation, and of course the reaction was negative. No one knows what to think, or what to do, and unfortunately their answers lie with the SQUIPs. For gossiping computers they really did love keeping their mouth's shut when it comes to their business, and it was driving Michael crazy, especially since he felt like the responsibility of getting answers was all on him. Despite Kert being the oldest, it always seemed like Reese was the one in control. They knew the most, or at least they were leading the charge. If there was anyone who knew what was going on, it was them.
When Michael returned home he tried to bring it up, but Reese was unwilling to answer. He could tell they still needed time to think about what happened earlier. So, he gave them until dinner.
"This is serious, Reese. We need to talk about this!" he exclaimed.
"I understand, but timing is crucial. What part of dinner seems appropriate for this?" the SQUIP countered.
"You agreed when you left last week that you would tell me your plans when you got back."
"Yes, it was supposed to be a date."
"Welcome to the date."
"Is that what this is?" Reese questioned while motioning to the box between them. The basement didn't have any dining tables or eating spaces aside from the counter in the kitchen area. Usually the two ate with their plates on their laps in front of the TV, but this particular night Michael had found an old cardboard box and placed it between the two beanie chairs. He even went so far as to set it like a normal table, aside from any table cloth.
The teen grinned, "Yep."
"How romantic," the SQUIP sighed, any displeasure on their face turning weary, "You're not going to let it go, are you?"
"No. My friend's are being followed days after you get back? Something's wrong." Reese let out a long breath as they dropped their fork, completely giving up on trying to eat.
"Yes, something's wrong, but despite what you may believe I don't always know the answer. I have theories, but in the end I don't know what's true."
"But you have to have a plan, right?" the teen pushed.
"Michael, I think you give me too much credit," the SQUIP mumbled. Running a hand through their hair they continued, "I may speak as if I have the intellect to figure this all out, that our plan regarding the company is a very complicated and detailed operation, but it's not." The teen's brows furrowed.
"What are you talking about? You're crazy smart," he argued, his confusion only deepening when Reese went silent. Slowly the computer crossed their arms as they tried to organize their thoughts.
"Michael, my computing skills have greatly diminished. I'm not connected correctly, and even with access to the internet…I'm not retaining information the same way. My brain's…been returning to its previous functions and habits. Though my memory is still fantastic compared to most I can't act as though I'm still functioning like a SQUIP anymore…I don't have all the answers. If you don't believe me, our plan for infiltrating the building is beyond simple. Get in, get evidence, ensure that the other SQUIPs are safe, get out and report. Simple. We're taking our time going through the details and making it as safe as we can…but that is also why it's taking so long. We have to both keep ourselves safe while researching, but also…we're having a harder time planning and calculating the way we used to." Michael stared at them for a long moment, processing what they said.
"…That was something I didn't expect to hear," he admitted. Reese gave a small shrug.
"I'm trying my best, but without a host…I can't function to the best of my abilities."
"…And that's not gonna happen," Michael sighed. The SQUIP nodded as their eyes fell to the floor. The teen leaned back on his hands, looking up at the ceiling as he tried to think. "…But you still have theories, right? About today?"
"I do."
"What are they?"
"…They could have found out our plans and realized we're back here. They could be seeing if any of you have had contact with us regardless of our whereabouts…or it could be completely unrelated."
"Unrelated?" Michael echoed, looking at the SQUIP surprised. Reese didn't meet his gaze.
"If I was to be completely honest…that has the highest percent in likeliness."
"Are you serious?"
"I am, but I'm defective so we must take my analyse with a grain of salt." The teen frowned at the unflattering word. Defective. It's been a long time since he heard the computer utter that word.
"You're not defective, you're just human."
"As long as I have this pill in my head I am a defective SQUIP and a dysfunctional human being," Reese countered. They sounded unwavering in their opinion, their face serious. Michael's brows furrowed.
"…Don't say that," he whispered.
"It's the truth, I'm not shying away from that."
"It's not true. What's gotten into you?" the teen questioned concerned, "You're being more…than usual."
"More what?" the SQUIP asked with a tilt of their head.
"Self-deprecating? Moody? Pick your favourite." Reese's eyes hardened as they stared the boy down.
"I apologize if you don't think I'm being helpful. I don't know what exactly you're looking for in me. I already told you I can't conjure up answers."
"Hey, calm down, okay?"
"I'm very calm."
"You're not. You're acting like-" Michael paused. Looking the computer over he let the tension in his body ease, "It's Jeremy, isn't it?"
"What?" Reese said, their voice nearly a hiss.
"Are you still connected?"
"Of course, my pill's still in his head."
"That's not what I meant."
"I don't think you understand how our connection works."
"Well, explain it. Something's clearly up, you've been acting weird ever since you talked to Jeremy. Did he say something? Or is it your SQUIP thing?"
"SQUIPthing?"
"You know-"
"I don't think I do." Reese abruptly stood, startling the teen. Michael blinked wide eyed at them.
"What are you-"
"Honestly, your guess is as good as mine when it comes to the events of today," the computer cut off, "And since I'm in a SQUIP mood, you can figure it out for yourself." Without another word the computer retreated into their room and shut the door behind them. Michael stared at the closed wood in shock. He didn't expect the conversation to turn as it did. What was wrong with them? The only explanation that made sense was Jeremy…but its been hours since the two interacted, so why? Was he missing something?
Letting out a long breath he flopped down onto the floor, eyes pointed to the ceiling. "My guess is as good as yours, huh…" he mumbled to himself. He tried to think over all he knew, but his mind kept circling back to Reese's meltdown. Glancing at the door, he nibbled on his bottom lip. Despite their weird behaviour, he knew he hurt their feelings. He wasn't being sympathetic, instead treating it like it was a common 'SQUIP' attitude. He could have handled it better. Letting out a sigh he looked back to the ceiling. He'd have to wait now to apologize. There as no doubt in his mind that the SQUIP wouldn't want to see him right away.
But - seriously - what's wrong with them?
~oOo~
Wrong. Wrong. Defect. Pitiful. Terrible. Wrong. Wrong.
Everything about you is so terrible.
Everything about you makes you-
Reese covered their ears…but there was no use. The words were in their head. They let out a small sound. Their eyelids were beginning to hurt from how hard they were shutting them, as though it would somehow block out the voice.
Everything about you makes you-
Giving way to logic, they tried to relax, opening their eyes to the room around them. It took a minute for their vision to focus, but it hardly mattered. The room was near black, the only light coming from under the doorway, which was far from where they sat. It was a bit childish, curling up in the corner beside their bed, but it was also the most human thing they could have done. That thought didn't bring much comfort, but it was a touching nonetheless. Curling their knees closer to their chest they let their forehead rest against them, taking in a long breath.
Everything about you makes you-
"Blue," a familiar voice cut through their thoughts. Reese made a small sound, slumping more into their position. Should they answer? They had no doubt that Kert had either felt their distress through their mind, or Michael contacted Rich. The voice was a good distraction, but they were hardly in the mood to talk.
"Please, answer me," the SQUIP begged, their voice soft and coaxing. Reese always hated how easy it was to fall for that voice, to let the honey texture prod them into spilling their secrets. Even now, they couldn't resist.
"What?"
"You're upset." Reese snorted.
"Yeah, I am."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"If I say 'no' will you leave me alone?"
"No."
"Then why ask?" they sighed, closing their eyes once more. Kert ignored the question.
"Reese, talk to me."
"…I don't know what to say."
"Take your time." Reese thought over their dilemma. What was wrong with them? Why couldn't they answer any question? They should have been able to answer Michael's questions - they should know why Jeremy and the girls were being followed today. They should know more…
Michael believes they know everything, even to do with the corporation, but in reality…that wasn't true. In some ways they were just as clueless. They tried to know better than that, but recently…they've taken a step back. The week away had damaged them more than they wanted to admit to Michael…or anyone else. Kert had been kind enough to take control for them despite their own turmoil, but Reese didn't want to confess that to Michael. They didn't want him to think that they were weak, or something was really wrong with them.
…They didn't want to tell Michael they lied. Lied about trying to be braver and facing their fears. In reality - though the idea of going to the play brought anxiety - it seemed almost too easy to attend compared to facing their past.
"Useless," they whispered.
"Don't say that," Kert chastised. Reese stayed silent. After a moment passed, the older continued, "…Is this about last week?" The lack of response was all the confirmation they needed. "…I can't stop thinking about it, either."
"…Did you tell Rich?" the younger asked, barely sounding.
"No…I'm waiting for the right moment." Reese nodded lightly. "I imagine you've said nothing to Michael."
"What could I say? 'By the way, Michael, I was a piece of trash even before I met Jeremy!'"
"That's being harsh."
"It's the truth. That's why we're here, isn't it?" It was silent, and the blue eyed SQUIP could feel the weight of their words pressing down on them. Quietly, they reiterated, "Not that you or Ari are trash…"
"I wasn't going to argue with it," Kert mumbled, "I was literally crumpled beside a dumpster when they found me. I might as well have been trash."
"Kert-"
"I know that these memories are still fresh for us, but what brought this up? I sensed a sudden distress earlier. Did Michael ask?"
"…No," Reese whispered.
"…Jeremy?" The SQUIP didn't answer. No, Jeremy didn't bring it up. In truth, neither said anything in regards to it. It was just that the computer was always thinking about it, reviewing their own life and what it means. Talking with Jeremy had only brought up their failures as a SQUIP for not being able to do more than hurt him, but it was also a reminder of how useless they were now…and that they essentially meant nothing to their owner. They were nothing but an obstacle Jeremy had to overcome…their plan to become a villain worked too well, it was now hurting them more than they could ever have predicted.
Nothing.
They were nothing. They couldn't be a human, because there was so much of them that was a SQUIP, but they couldn't be a SQUIP because there was too much of them that was human. It was contradicting, and it was tearing at them. Worse was they snapped at Michael, someone who was graciously helping and tending to them without asking questions about that week. Would they be doomed to keep going down this never ending road of hurting those around them because they are incapable of controlling themselves?
Worse yet…would they be doomed to repeat the same history that kept threatening to befall them? A useless piece of…nothing.
Everything about you is so terrible.
"…Everything about me makes me…"
"Reese," Kert hissed. Reese jumped, completely forgetting they were talking to the SQUIP in the first place. They could feel the older entering their mind with an alert eye. "I'm calling Michael."
"Don't!" they pleaded, "I-It was nothing!"
"You never told me you were repeating those words to yourself, Reese," Kert growled, "And I imagine it wasn't the first time, was it?" Reese didn't answer, looking at the ground guiltily.
"…Don't tell Michael…he has enough on his plate."
"You clearly need him."
"…I can't…I don't know what to say…"
"The truth is a good start."
"…I don't know what to say…" The SQUIP curled up tighter, glancing at the door. What could they say? They have already put so much on Michael. The teen already had to bear the weight of hiding a human being from death, the knowledge that there was other trapped humans locked up somewhere, the turmoils of his friends, his own fears and trauma, and the distress the SQUIP was already leaking through. They couldn't add more to that. They were already being selfish by taking advantage of Michael's kindness by staying in the teen's room every night…it had only been a few days since they returned, but the fact he let them sleep there every night was beyond their understanding. Maybe he pitied them…or genuinely was concerned for them, but either way they were already pushing their luck, they couldn't add more to it. They should just stay curled up there for the rest of the night and leave Michael alone…instead of ruining his life more.
"Alright, I'm done being considerate. I'm calling Michael." Reese sputtered as their alarms went off.
"Don't! You promised!"
"I didn't promise anything!"
"You said you'd give me all the time I needed to think!"
"You clearly need Michael's affection and I'm not going to sit back and let you wallow in misery! We've had enough voices tell us we're worthless, we don't need to add our own to it!"
"Kert, wait-"
Synchronizing…Synchronizing…
Reese felt a gasp slip through their lips as they straightened.
"Someone's near," they alerted, eyes shifting around the room as though a figure might appear.
"I don't feel them," Kert informed, voice filled with alarm and concern.
"Me neither," Ari's voice suddenly chimed in.
"Were you listening the entire time?" Reese questioned in disbelief.
"…I didn't want to interrupt," they mumbled sheepishly.
"Reese, Michael," Kert addressed. Reese's head snapped to the door. Scrambling to their feet they rushed towards it, swinging it open in one movement. They barely needed to scan the room for the teen because he was exactly where they left him, except now lying across the floor. Michael's eyes snapped to theirs in surprise.
"Reese-"
"Someone's here." The teen sat up as his eyes blew wide.
"W-What? Who?" he exclaimed, scrambling to stand. Reese's brows furrowed.
"A SQUIP. Its the same one as before, the one before Ari," they said wearily.
"Is it…?" Michael pressed, slowly. The SQUIP bit their lip in thought, glancing at the staircase.
"…There's only one way to find out," they whispered.
Synchronizing…Synchronizing…Synchronization complete.
A/N: I know for sure one of you viewers are flipping tables right now in excitement (can you guess who you are?). It's finally happening! And so begins the climb to the clmax.