I started this story in the summer before my sophomore year of high school, and I am going to be graduating this year and wow things have changed. Here is the final chapter!

enjoy! xoxo

"It's going to be fine. It's going to be fine."

Nicky had been repeating those five words, those sixteen letters, those six syllables since the two of them had gotten out of Lizzie's bed that morning. Erin, of course, was grinning a little too widely at the sight of her daughters snoozing together under the warm covers.

She had opened Nicky's bedroom door to see if Nicky was asleep and freaked out at the sight of an empty bed. She knew she shouldn't panic, at least not yet, but there had been so many bad things happening to their family that she couldn't help the fear that rose up in her stomach.

Opening the door to Lizzie's room, she relaxed at the sight of both of her daughters clumped under the covers. Lizzie was on her side, but Nicky had completely submerged her face into her sister's back. The sight made tears come to Erin's eyes. She sniffled, walking to the kitchen to let them sleep a little while longer.

She had a bit of a dance party when she got to the kitchen. She put some earbuds in, blasting some good old tunes, and rocking her way around the kitchen island. Letting out a breath, she finally felt relaxed. She felt calmer than ever. She felt good.

She couldn't wipe the smile off of her face even if she tried.

It had started the minute they had walked into the kitchen. Erin had been leaning on the counter, sipping out of her coffee mug when the two of them sat down at the counter. She grinned, and she grinned some more. The two girls looked at each other, then back at their mother.

"You guys are bonding!" she squealed. "It's finally happening!"

Lizzie resisted the urge to roll her eyes at her mother. She understood that it meant a lot to her, and she was overjoyed to see her mom smiling, but she couldn't, for the love of god, keep that straight face for any longer. She was still incredibly nervous. And you know what she does when she's nervous?

Laugh. Uncontrollably. Like a hyena. Need she say more?

Grabbing half of a toasted bagel, she took a bite, walking away from the two of them. She needed to go relax before she went into a full-blown panic attack over her audition.

"Mom, Lizzie asked me if I could go with her to the audition! She asked me!" Nicky squealed at her mother. Her mother just continued smiling.

"I'm so glad you two are finally getting along. It's about time."

"I think we understand each other a little bit more now. Obviously, we don't know each other inside and out because we didn't grow up together. But to me, it feels like we did. It feels like she has been here for my whole life."

Erin felt the same way. She couldn't remember what her life was like before she had both of her daughters under the roof. She finally felt complete. She had everything she needed.

The two of them got dressed, Lizzie putting on a formal dress and Nicky putting on some jeans. Nicky helped Lizzie do her hair, she was wearing it natural again, hoping to grow it out. Nicky brushed through it, clipping it back.

"Aw my girls, you're both so beautiful." Erin admired, walking into the room with her iPhone clearly in camera mode. "Smile girls!"

It almost felt normal. It almost felt like Lizzie had been living there her whole life. She knew that wasn't the case, the woman hadn't raised her. But standing there at that moment, she felt like it didn't matter. They were together now.

Lizzie got the keys to the car, telling Erin to go to work and get caught up on everything (Lizzie knew her mother was slacking and needed to get her head back in. Also, she needed to do this alone. Yes, she was a terrible daughter).

"I love you," Erin said, kissing her daughter's forehead. "Call me as soon as you're out of there. Come to my office if you want! I want to hear all about it."

Lizzie nodded. "Sounds good, Mom."

Erin's face turned to one of pure joy. "You just called me Mom."

"I always call you Mom..." Lizzie started, sensing that this would delay her getting on the road to Julliard. What had she done? Tears were going to start flowing. Ugh! She shouldn't have said anything!

"Say it again," Erin begged, the smile on her face making Lizzie even more guilty. She hugged her mom again. She really was a bad daughter!

"Mother of mine, I have to go. I am taking my younger counterpart and we are going to drive down the highway singing questionable music and I am going to nail this audition. Then you can hug me and hear me call you Mom all you want. Goodbye, I love you, Mom."

She dragged Nicky out the door before any of them could say anything else.

"Aw. That was so sweet." Nicky started.

"Don't start." Lizzie bit, getting into the front seat of her mother's car. "I am way too anxious to be thinking about that right now. She aggressively tapped the radio buttons until something semi-decent came on. "Let's sing." She said, putting on her sunglasses and rolling in reverse.

...

Nicky watched her sister's leg shake nervously for the whole twenty minutes they were sitting in the waiting room. Watching her older sister be anxious was making her anxious. It wasn't even her future. Although she had to admit she really was rooting for her older sister. She deserved this. She deserved to get what she wanted after all that had happened to her. Everyone deserves to be happy. Especially Lizzie.

"Elizabeth Reagan." The scary Julliard called, making both Reagan sisters' hearts skip a beat.

"Good luck Lizzie. I believe in you. I love you, somewhat," Nicky bit, trying to put her sister at ease. She was going to freak herself out if she kept inducing anxiety on herself.

Lizzie's feet felt like blocks as she made her way onto the stage. She recognized the man she had met at her show next to the other two adults sitting in a sole row in the middle of the auditorium. She cleared her throat. This was the part where she went off-script and blew it for herself. It was the only way she could clear her nerves. They would probably think she was crazy. She was okay with that.

"Um, hi." Lizzie started. "I don't know if people talk during these things, they probably don't, but I just need to say that my life was completely flipped upside down a few months ago. I found my birth family, got involved in a mafia war, and watched my mother get sexually assaulted on a multitude of occasions. It changed her life, it changed my life, it made us tainted in a way that only victims are. But my mother is not a victim, and this song, that I wrote, is about that."

She sat down at the piano and played the first cord.

-

Jackie and Joe had found some sort of pattern in taking care of Jovanna. They were still awaiting a court date to be reinstated full parental custody and were really just trying to get the girl to trust in them. God knows that had been hard.

Jackie was actually incredibly jealous of the fact that her daughter had, of course, taken to Lizzie the instant she saw her. It was unbelievable that the girl recognized her. Lizzie said she had been with them for a few months before the fall-through, and that Jov clearly must have been happy there because it was the time she associated with being happy.

The front door of the apartment opened. Jackie looked up from where she was sitting, watching Jov play with some blocks. "Where are my two favorite girls? I have a surprise for you!" He called from the doorway. Jov looked up from her action with curiosity in her eyes. Jackie craned her head to see her- whatever Joe was- coming towards them with a bag in his hands.

"I come bearing fried chicken and french fries!" He sing-songed, placing the bag on the table and shuffling to go get plates and forks.

Jackie placed Jovanna in the high chair and began cutting some chicken for her to eat. She quietly chewed her french fries, watching her parents interact.

This was her mommy and daddy. She still couldn't believe she had found them and found Lizzie. Lizzie was the one person she had always remembered no matter where she ended up. Lizzie was her best friend.

Jackie began fishing through the chicken box in hopes of finding the wings when she noticed something shiny hanging off the wing.

Oh my god.

"Joe...?" she started, looking up from the ring that hung off. "What is this?"

He turned around from the counter. "Is there a ring on your wing?" He chuckled cornily. He grew more serious then, coming over to her and getting on one knee.

"Will you marry me?"

Jackie couldn't form words. "Joe..."

"I know it's sudden and crazy and it could go to hell. But life is short. People die and fake their deaths and they don't get to say how they feel. I love you. I love you with every fiber of my being and I want to spend every moment I have left loving you. I want to grow old with you and make pancakes and go swim with dolphins and lay on beaches and give Jovanna the life she deserves!"

"Joe... we don't work. What if the adoption fails? They'll take her away from us and we won't be able to come back from it. I'm not a Reagan. I don't fit at your table."

"You will because you'll be my wife."

"You're what?"

"My wife. We can go to City Hall tonight and make it official."

"And if it goes to hell?"

"Then we work through it."

...

Lizzie dropped Nicky off, mumbling about having errands to run. In truth, she just needed some time to process.

Her piano playing had been raw, as it should have been. She poured everything into the song. She felt herself on another wavelength. After a while though, itu became too much. The thoughts racing through her head. Her mother crying out in pain. Her uncle being shot. Jackie. Jovanna.

She had collapsed to the ground, letting the sobs engulf her.

"I am sorry." She had exclaimed. "I am beyond... sorry."

And she had run out of the room crying.

She drove all the way to Manhattan, parking in 1PP with the excuse that her grandfather was the Commissioner.

She went up to his office, giving Baker a polite hug before walking into his office and plopping down onto one of the chairs.

Her grandfather looked up from his paperwork. "Elizabeth." He greeted. "How did your audition go?"

Lizzie shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it yet. Give me a couple minutes."

He nodded. "Okay. Do you want something to eat or drink?"

She smiled at him. "No thanks, Grandpa. I just need some time to process, and this seemed like the best place to do it."

"You're right. It is."

They sat in silence. Frank continued filling out his paperwork, and Lizzie paced the office, contemplating her thoughts. When her phone buzzed from its spot on the table, the both of them stared at it, not moving.

"Well, you should pick it up! It could be Juilliard!"

She didn't want to. Because she already knew.

She put the phone up to her ear. "Hello?"

"Hi. Is this Elizabeth Reagan?"

Gulp. "This is she."

"Hi, Ms. Reagan. We're regretful to inform you that because of your late application, you were unable to obtain a spot in our program. We believe that you will be a good fit for the school and encourage you to try again next year."

She didn't remember what happened after that.

She ran.

She ran some more.

She took the car and drove.

Eventually, she was sitting by the river, just staring at it.

It wasn't the fact that she didn't get in that bothered her, it was more so that the things that happened to her seemed to follow her wherever she went.

She didn't know how long she sat there until the sound of feet behind her broke her from her trance.

Erin sat down next to her daughter, letting the wind calmly play with her hair. Her daughter's face didn't ring upset, so she was just going to let her start the conversation.

"Let's backpack through Europe." She started, turning to look at her mom. "It's the one thing I haven't done yet. We can go and we can take Nicky and just explore all of it. We only live once and we've spent too much time being upset about how things ended up. We need to enjoy the rest of our time. Please, Mom."

Erin stared back at her child. She was right, in a sense, that they had spent too much time being unhappy and being in situations that could have ended their lives. They needed to forget these things, to pack them away in a spot where they only came up in remembrance that did not come with nervewracking pain.

"It's a good idea, Liz. I think that we could all benefit from it. But what about school?"

"I didn't get in, Mom. And honestly, I'm okay with it. After everything that's happened, going to college doesn't seem like the right move right now. I am going to go to college, of course, I am, but it doesn't have to be now. I don't feel ready yet."

Erin scooted closer to her daughter, letting her rest her head in the crook of her arm, a spot that felt like it was made just for her. "And that's okay. Not being ready. Maybe you could take a gap year and use it to study abroad, do a mission trip, teach English, whatever. And we can all go and then when you're ready to go back to real life, you can come back."

Lizzie nodded, hugging her mom some more. "Life's a beach."

"But the view is great, isn't it?"

...

Lizzie trudged her suitcase behind her. They were probably going to miss the flight because her sister was a piece of dog poop that overslept and didn't roll into the car at the right time. And her Uncle Danny had gotten up to drive them to the airport and everything.

"And you're sure you don't want us to come with you?" Danny asked for what seemed like the thousandth time. They really were overprotective.

"Danny, we are going to be absolutely fine. I will call you every day, I promise. And if I don't call you, whichever Reagan I choose to call will most definitely inform you of my wellbeing."

Ah, sibling love.

"Lizzie." Her uncle Danny called to her from where he stood by the car. She had trudged out the luggage and was standing next to the door with her half-asleep sister. Lizzie parked her luggage and walked back to her uncle, smiling at him.

"Have fun. But stay safe. And call me if there are any mysterious characters on your European voyage."

"Will do, Detective Reagan." Lizzie giggled, putting her arms up in mock salute. He smacked her playfully on the arm, before pulling her in for a hug.

He put his lips up to her ear. "I am so proud of you kid. Every day. I love you."

"I love you too, Uncle Danny."

And the three Reagan women walked into the airport, leaving Danny Reagan alone in the parking lane, leaning on his car. He took a deep breath before getting back in.

And he drove away, the lights on the takeoff track fading into the distance.

thanks for taking this journey w me :) I just finished my first real full length book.