Disclaimer: See Prologue

A/N: Long time, no see…again.

"Should have shot him."

Lupin nodded. "I have since learned how to fire one if you're ever up for it." Sirius coughed meaningfully. "All right, I won't, but I can teach you to."

"Great."

Sirius was inclined to agree. "Just think how cool you'll look with a wand and a crossbow."

Lupin smirked. "Oh, pity you didn't have one then."

November 1978

"Officially the best birthday ever."

CLICK!

Lupin sighed. "If you mean the most embarrassing, then yes."

Sirius grinned. "It was embarrassing for you, Moony. I had a wonderful time."

"Yes, because I was embarrassed."

"Touché, mon ami."

"And stop pretending to be a Belgian detective. It's grating on my last nerve."

"Quelle domage."

"Sirius, it's really annoying me now. It wasn't even funny last night and it certainly isn't any better now."

"Mais non. Mais non. C'est…fucking hysterical."

The sigh was deep and profound and for a moment, Sirius wondered how long Remus had sounded so…well, female. He daren't turn round. There were only two women who held slight affection for him when they were exasperated, one was Lily Evans who would surely have at least said hello to Remus, and the other he did not want to see whilst wearing eyeliner.

"And there I was honestly thinking you'd developed some culture, Black."

"Wishful thinking, madam," said Lupin, turning to face her and smirking at Sirius as he did so. "Unless, of course, you refer to a strange and sudden penchant for Agatha Christie novels."

"I was not pretending to be Poirot."

Lupin raised his eyebrows. "I did not accuse you."

She giggled and took a drag from her cigarette. "I'll say this for you, Black, life's never boring with you around, is it?"

Lupin scoffed. "If you would like to take him off my hands, Miss Nott, you are more than welcome."

His worst fears now absolutely confirmed, Sirius resigned himself to death. He couldn't live in a world in which his ex-girlfriend knew he waltzed around the street pretending to be a short fat man whose head was decidedly egg-shaped.

"Why ever would she want me around when you have such a mutual hatred of me? You'd have loads to bitch about."

Electra stared blankly at him. "Do you hate him, Remus?"

Lupin paused a moment. "No comment. It's a close call some days. I call them weekdays."

"Well I certainly don't."

Sirius' eyes widened. "You don't?"

"Why should I?"

"Because I told you I loved you and then pretended to be lying."

Electra laughed. "Exactly. That's the way you work. I had to back off, date someone else, and you would come crawling back." She smiled sweetly.

Sirius was stunned. "This is an accident meeting."

Electra nodded slowly. "So it wasn't you who checked my address with my neighbour then?"

"Of course not."

Lupin met her eyes and nodded. Electra beamed at him.

"Must have been Regulus then. Sorry."

Sirius ran a hand through his hair. "So…are you er…busy on Saturday?"

"Well, I have work."

Sirius wrinkled his long nose. "On the weekend?"

"Well, that's the point of being an Unspeakable. You never clock off."

"Is that a euphemism?"

Electra laughed. "I've missed you a bit. No, it's not. Though I finish at six."

Sirius looked as though all his birthdays, Christmases and Halloween feasts had come at once. "Well, we could maybe get something to drink."

Electra winced. "Drinking on an empty stomach?" She shook her head. "I'd only end up in bed with you and then where would we be?"

"In bed."

"You can take me out to dinner if you like."

"Even better. I'll cook."

Luckily, Electra was too busy fishing for a piece of paper upon which to scribble an address, to catch sight of Lupin's open mouth and wide-eyed horror.

"Great." She grinned at them and wiggled her fingers goodbye. "It's a date."

Sirius was still beaming like a lunatic despite the stony expression on his friend's face.

"Sirius, two flaws, but they are both so, so major. For starters, that's not your address, it's James', and perhaps most importantly, you can't cook."

Sirius smirked. "I know. But you can."

"No, no, and thrice, no. And for that matter, I'm not playing the role of naked butler either."

"But that was so funny."

Lupin raised his eyebrows unnaturally high. "How much is it worth to you?"

"Remus, you're supposed to be my best mate."

Lupin lit a cigarette. "I'm also skint."

"I notice your nicotine habit hasn't suffered," snapped Sirius.

"No, I know. I've been taking them from you when you're asleep."

Sirius smiled smugly. "Then you owe me. Come on, Remus, please. We're friends. I would do it for you."

Lupin softened. "You owe me. You owe me big time."

"Great. So now I just have to persuade Prongs to take the lovely Miss E. out for the night. Do me a favour, Moon-"

"Absolutely not."