Thank you once again to everyone who reviewed. :) To A. Nonymous, I really appreciate your review. I'm sorry the story has been difficult to read, but I am glad to know you feel it's realistic. It means a lot to hear that from someone who's been through some of this firsthand. If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me. I expect you don't want to share your life with a total stranger, but I certainly don't mind being a friendly ear anyway.

I had a lot of trouble deciding on lyrics for this chapter. In the end, the song I chose really only fits the middle section, but I went with it anyway.

X X X

If I never knew you
I'd never love you
If I never loved you
Then I wouldn't cry

~~Hedley—Sugar Free

X X X

I pulled into the DX parking lot and took a deep breath, trying to prepare myself for another long day. I remembered when the shifts Soda and I worked together were the ones we looked forward to. The time always passed faster, even on the slowest days. But that was before. Now, I felt like I was walking on eggshells half the time I was around him.

The sound of an engine brought me out of my thoughts and I looked up to see a Ford pulling away from the pumps. Brad was there and I knew I should get going. I was already nearly late. Reluctantly, I got out of the truck and headed in the back door to punch in. Soda was in the hallway grabbing supplies off the shelf. He turned when he heard the door and nodded at me.

"Morning, Steve."

I was about to answer when he turned and I got a good look at his face. The bruise stood out against his too pale skin. There wasn't much doubt in my mind where it came from. Soda wouldn't have been out on his own, and Two-Bit and Darry wouldn't have let him get in a fight if they could help it.

"What happened?"

"What're you talking about?"

From the way he was avoiding my eyes, I could tell he knew exactly what I was talking about. "Don't play dumb, Soda," I snapped.

He paused and looked down at the box in his hands. "It's nothing. Just drop it, Steve."

He started walking back towards the store. I followed him, not ready to let this go. "Cut the crap. It was Pony, wasn't it?"

Soda whirled to face me. "It doesn't matter, Steve."

It wasn't hard to see he was angry, but I didn't care. This had gone on long enough. It was time to make Ponyboy see reason. I stormed back the way I'd come, heading for my truck.

"Steve!" Soda called after me. "Where're you going?"

"To fix this," I growled, ignoring the hurried footsteps following me. I didn't care if he didn't like it. He couldn't keep protecting the kid. A line had to be drawn, and if he wasn't gonna do it, I sure as hell would.

Just as I reached my truck, Soda jumped in front of me, blocking my path. "Steve, wait."

I slammed my fist into the side of the truck. Soda flinched, but he didn't back down. "God, Soda. Why do you keep standing up for him? He fucking punched you!"

"Do you really think going after him is gonna help?"

"Do you really think doing nothing is gonna help?" I countered, glaring at him.

"Please, just let it go, Steve." His voice was nearly a whisper and as he looked at me, waiting to see what I would do, I could see the desperation in his eyes. "Please?"

With a deep breath, I took a step back. My fists were still clenched tightly, my fingernails digging into my palms, but I forced myself to stay where I was.

Soda was still tense as he eyed me warily. "Will you leave him alone?"

I sighed and shook my head in exasperation. "Why, Soda? Why do you want to protect him so much after how he's acted?"

He was quiet for a minute, his eyes fixed on his feet. "Cause no matter what he does, what I did was worse."

He chanced a glance up at me and as I got a good look at his face, I could see he was barely holding it together. His eyes were bloodshot and I realized he'd probably spent a good part of the night before crying.

"What did Darry do?"

As upset as Soda already was, he looked even more miserable at the mention of Darry. "He said he'd drop it, but this morning…" He shrugged. He didn't need to finish the sentence. I could take a pretty good guess what happened.

Hoping I was doing the right thing, I took a step back and raised my hands in surrender. "Fine. I'll leave the kid alone."

"You promise?"

I sighed and nodded. Yeah, I promise." I still wasn't convinced that letting Ponyboy get away with this was a good idea, but it looked like going after him was only going to make it worse.

We both jumped as a loud bang sounded from behind. I spun around to see Brad standing at the back doorway, glaring at us. "Soda, you got a lineup. Steve, you're late. Get your ass in here before I fire it." He disappeared before either of us could respond.

Soda offered me a small smile as we headed inside. "Thanks, Steve."

I just nodded at him, still not happy about the situation. I hoped Evie might have a chance to talk to Pony. She had a better shot than the rest of us at making him see reason.

"Sorry, Brad," I said, taking over the pump of the car he was filling up. He grumbled something inaudible before heading into the garage. I smirked at his retreating back. He'd get distracted working with the cars and in a couple of hours he wouldn't care that I was late.

Time passed quickly, a steady stream of customers keeping me too busy to think much. Most were regulars and had the annoying habit of trying to strike up a conversation when, really, I couldn't care less about how their lives were going. It came with the territory, though, and I did my best to keep the fake smile plastered on my face as I pretended to listen to them.

When it finally slowed down, I snuck behind the building for a quick smoke. Brad was already there, halfway through his own cigarette. "Soda holding up okay?" he asked as I sat down.

"As well as you'd expect," I answered, shrugging.

"He looks like crap." Brad leaned back and watched me.

Keeping my best poker face on, I stuck to the story I'd given him on Friday. "It was a pretty bad flu. Knocked him out for most of the weekend."

He was silent for a minute before shaking his head. "I might believe that if you didn't look nearly as bad as he did. I don't know what's really going on, but I know it wasn't the flu. I also know that Soda wouldn't flake out without a good reason. What really happened?"

I sighed and leaned forward, pinching the bridge of my nose. Brad deserved to know the truth, but it wasn't my place to tell him. I had a feeling that if Soda's wrists hadn't already been covered in scars, he would've figured it out on his own. But the marks from Thursday were barely visible through all of the other cuts that still lingered.

When he realized he wasn't going to get an answer, he stood up and headed for the door. "Look, whatever it is, just make sure he's okay."

X X X

I stared at my feet as I shifted nervously, waiting for the light to change so I could cross the street. The DX was visible a couple blocks away, but I didn't want to look at. Guilt had been gnawing my insides all day and it was only getting worse now that school was done. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get Soda's voice out of my head. Somehow, hearing him say it was his fault that I'd punched him just made me feel worse. I was still furious with him for what he did, but it was my fault I'd lost my temper, not his. I wanted to tell him that much at least, even if I couldn't do more.

Without warning, I was shoved forward and I stumbled, losing my balance and nearly falling. "Stupid greaser." I looked up to find a Soc shooting me a dirty look over his shoulder as he crossed the street. The light had changed while I hadn't been paying attention and apparently the Soc couldn't be bothered to go around me. I clenched my fists, but stayed where I was. I was in enough trouble with Darry without adding a meaningless fight into the mix.

When the light changed again a few minutes later, I slowly crossed the street. I was dreading seeing Soda, even for a minute. I'd heard him come out of his room this morning after I'd lost it on Darry, but I'd made sure to stay out of the kitchen till after he'd left the house. It had made me twenty minutes late for my first class, but I didn't care. I hadn't been able to face him. It was only after replaying everything in my head all day that I was forcing myself to go the DX now.

The building gradually came into better focus as I got closer. When I was almost there, I stopped beside the building across the street. I could make out Soda behind the counter inside and suddenly, I wasn't sure I wanted to talk to him. I wasn't sure I could stop myself from blowing up again and the last thing I wanted was to make everything worse.

"Are you hoping he's going to read your mind?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin at the unexpected voice behind me. I whirled around and found myself face to face with Evie. She crossed her arms and stared at me, waiting for an answer.

"No," I sighed. What I wouldn't give at that moment for Soda to be able to read my mind. Or, on second thought, I'd love to be able to read his, cause I sure didn't think I could figure it out without some sort of supernatural help.

"Then what're you waiting for?" Evie asked. I shrugged. "Are you afraid he won't want to listen to you?"

"No."

"Are you afraid he will listen?"

I frowned at her. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, if he listens to you maybe you'll end up saying something you're not sure you want to say."

"You mean I might tell him I forgive him?" She nodded and I shook my head scornfully. "No. Trust me, there's no danger of that."

"Then why are you here?"

"I was just gonna say sorry for last night."

She tilted her head. "What happened last night?"

Shit. I should've realized she wouldn't know and kept my mouth shut.

"Pony, what did you do?" she asked, the urgency clear in her voice.

I glared at her. I was sick of being the bad guy all the time. "Why are you assuming I did something?" I snapped.

"Why else would you need to apologize?"

I opened my mouth to retort, but nothing came out. She was right; there hadn't been any other way to take my comment. I stared at my feet, not wanting to see her face. "I punched him."

"Oh God, Pony," she sighed.

I looked up to find her watching Sodapop across the street. He was leaning on the counter with his head in his hands, looking nothing less than defeated. "I didn't mean to," I whispered. Seeing Soda like that was horrible, especially knowing I was part of the cause.

"Then why are you still standing here?" she asked, turning to me. "If you're sorry for what happened, he needs to know."

She was right, I knew she was, but I stayed put. I didn't know how Soda would react if he saw me. If he begged me to forgive him again, I didn't think I'd be able to stand it. On the other hand, if he'd given up, I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle that, either. The bottom line was, at that moment in time, I hated him. I hated him for always being there for me, for everything he'd ever done for me. I hated him for shutting me out. I hated him for how he was making me feel right now. It wasn't fair, and I hated him for that, too.

"Talk to him, Pony," Evie urged quietly. She moved to cross the street, then looked back over her shoulder briefly. "Before it's too late."

I watched her go, wondering if she was right. If I waited too long, would I get another chance?

X X X

I let the Curtis' front door slam behind me as I trudged into the house. I was too exhausted to care how much noise I made, and no one would be home anyway. Darry and Soda were at work and Ponyboy was still avoiding the house like the plague. I was only there so I could watch Soda once Two-Bit brought him home. A quick scan through the house told me I was right; I was alone. I collapsed onto the couch, hoping to catch a few minutes of sleep. Ever since I'd seen the bruise on Soda's face the day before, I'd wanted nothing more than to go after Pony again. I'd been awake half the night and when I'd finally fallen asleep, it had been far from restful.

Just as I felt myself drifting off, the door slammed again. Startled and half asleep, I jumped up, lost my balance, and fell off the couch. I groaned and picked myself up off the floor, rubbing my elbow where it had connected with the hard surface.

"Why the hell do ya gotta be so noisy?" I grumbled. I looked up to the doorway, expecting to see Soda or Two-Bit, but instead found Pony. He seemed as surprised to see me as I was to see him. He recovered quickly and brushed past me to the kitchen.

"I didn't know you'd be here. It's not like it's your house."

My fists clenched as I glared at his back. "Watch your mouth, kid."

He shrugged. "I'm just telling the truth. I live here. You don't."

"You live here?" I scoffed. "I've been here more in the past week than you have."

"And you think that makes this your house or something?" he asked, turning to face me. "You may be Soda's best friend, but he's my brother. So why don't you just leave me the hell alone and mind your own business?"

I'd been pissed off at the kid before this, but now I was furious. "He's your brother?" I yelled, and I felt a small sense of satisfaction when Pony flinched. "You sure as hell aren't acting liking it! You haven't even tried to forgive him."

"Why should I?" he spat.

The urge to punch him flared and I clenched my fists harder. "Because you're fucking killing him, Ponyboy!"

Pony shook his head. "He's doing that all on his own."

"And you don't think you're helping the process along, kid? God knows why, but he loves you more than anything. If you keep treating him like shit, then by the time you're ready to forgive him there won't be anything left."

His face clouded over for a few seconds before he shrugged it off. "Why the hell are you even here, Steve? Soda's not home yet and I'm sure you didn't come here to see me."

I bit my lip, trying to keep my temper in check. "Haven't you figured it out yet? I'm waiting for Soda cause it's my turn to watch him. While you're off being a selfish little prick, the rest of us are trying to keep your brother alive."

"So you have been watching me?"

I groaned as I heard Soda's voice behind me. I turned around to find him standing in the living room, his expression furious. Behind him, Two-Bit shrugged at me, as unsure what to do as I was now that we'd been caught.

"Soda, how much did you hear?"

"I heard enough," he answered, glaring at me. "I knew Darry was watching me, and I could deal with that. But I was hoping I was wrong about you and Two-Bit."

"We were worried. What did you expect us to do, Soda?" Two-Bit asked.

Soda whirled on him. "I expected you to trust me! I said I wouldn't do it again. I've never lied to you before. Shouldn't that count for something?"

"That was before, Soda," I said, stepping forward. "This wasn't just some little white lie. You can't honestly think we'd just forget about it and move on."

"So, what? You were planning to be my permanent shadow or something? I don't need a fucking babysitter!" Before anyone could react, he'd stormed down the hall and slammed his door shut.

"Nice going," Pony muttered before following his brother and slamming his own door.

Sighing, I turned to Two-Bit. "Now what?"

"Hell if I know," he said, sitting down on the couch. "I don't think there's much we can do. He ain't gonna listen to us right now."

"So we should just do nothing?"

Two-Bit nodded. "There's nothing left in his room he can hurt himself with. He'll get hungry eventually and come out. Till then, all we can do is wait."

I didn't like it, but he was probably right. Soda was stubborn and he wasn't going to listen when he was this angry. "Fine. I'll start dinner. Maybe it'll help if he smells food. What do you want?"

"Pizza."

I rolled my eyes and ignored the comment. Two-Bit always said pizza, even when it wasn't what he actually wanted. "C'mon you lazy sack of bones. Get in here and help."

He gave me a goofy grin as he got up to follow me into the kitchen. He was better company than he was help, but right then, it was what I needed. I found a roast in the fridge, which I assumed Darry had planned to cook tonight. I hoped having dinner on the table when he got home would put him in a good mood, cause he sure wasn't gonna be happy when he found out Soda knew what we'd been doing.

Ponyboy came out of his room while we were waiting for the roast to cook, dressed for work. He paused for a minute and glanced between us before heading silently out the front door.

"You think he'll stop acting like such an idiot anytime soon?" I asked, watching him cross the street to the bus stop.

"Cut him some slack," Two-Bit said, shooting me a glare. "He's just a kid. He doesn't know how to deal with this."

"He's the same age Soda was when Sandy cheated on him and got knocked up. He's older than when my mom or your dad took off."

"And what would you do if your mom walked through that door right now? Give her a big hug and tell her it's okay, that what she did doesn't matter?"

I tried to come up with an answer, but nothing came to mind. He was right; I'd be livid if my mom showed up.

"Just back off Pony for a while, okay, Steve?"

I sighed and nodded. "Fine."

"Good. Now, are you supposed to be doing something with the rest of that food there?" He pointed towards the vegetables and potatoes on the counter. I rolled my eyes and grabbed his arm, pulling him up and forcing him to help finish making the dinner. Darry made it home just as we were pulling the roast out of the oven.

"Since when do you cook?" he asked me as he eyed the dinner.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Why does everyone find it so hard to believe that I know my way around a kitchen?"

Darry chuckled and poured himself a glass of milk. "I believe it. I've just never seen it." As he looked around, his smile quickly disappeared. "Where's Sodapop?"

Two-Bit and I glanced at each other. "He's in his room."

Darry looked between us, sensing the tension. "What happened?"

With a sigh, I explained how he'd found out that we'd been taking turns keeping an eye on him.

"And he hasn't come out since?" Darry asked, worry lacing his voice.

"No. We were hoping he'd come out to eat."

Darry sighed and glanced towards Soda's closed door. "I'll go check on him."

I started chewing on a worn down fingernail while we waited to see if Darry would be able to convince Soda to eat. He was gone less than a minute before we heard him swear. My stomach plummeted to my feet and I looked at Two-Bit to find my fear reflected in his eyes. It took us a matter of seconds to reach Soda's room.

"God damn it," I muttered as I took in the sight before me. The window was wide open and Soda was nowhere to be seen.

X X X

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