Chapter 37

Their ragged, shallow breaths mingled together in the silence of the room as moans of pleasure and endearments left their lips. A final grunt resounded in the bedroom and Lou collapsed on top of her husband, pleased and satisfied. Her mouth found his once again and as they kissed fervently, Kid rolled over and lay her down on the bed next to him. Wanting to feel him inside her for as long as possible, Lou clasped her legs around his waist tightly as they continued kissing. Breathless, they pulled away slightly and Lou brushed her index finger over his face as their eyes stared passionately at each other. "I love you, Kid."

He smiled, caressing the soft skin of her hips joined to his. "I love you too."

"Kid," she called after a while. He looked at her questioningly and she added, "I've been thinking that I would like to give you another child."

Kid was taken aback by her words, and a fit of nervous cough overcame him. "What… what aren't you telling me?" he managed to ask when he managed to control his cough.

Louise chuckled at the expression on his face. "No, I'm not pregnant. I'm not saying we should have a child now, I know, we can't afford another mouth. But I want us to make a baby in the future and be together for him or her from the very first moment."

Kid nodded. He knew what she meant. They had two children, both born under very peculiar circumstances. Kid had missed his son's actual birth and eight years in his life, and even though Alice was his daughter in all senses, she didn't really come from him. Kid had to admit that he had been bothered by all this, but he had learned to value the present and how happy their children made him. For once he also wanted to live fatherhood fully and experience all those moments he didn't have with Joseph and Alice. He wanted to share Lou's joy, when they learned a baby was on its way. He wanted to witness how her middle grew bigger and bigger with each passing day, week and month. He wanted to feel the baby's first fluttering movements in her belly. And he wanted to be there for Lou when she felt tired, nauseous or a bit under the weather. He wanted all that. "Yes, honey, one day we'll have a third child or maybe a fourth and even a fifth."

"Hey, hey, hold your horses," Lou exclaimed among giggles. "Remember it's my body that will have to bear all those pregnancies."

Kid smiled and kept quiet as his hand absently brushed up and down her naked back. After a few minutes of silence, Lou asked, "What are you thinking about?"

He gazed into her eyes with a serious expression. "I… I was thinking about Charlie."

"Oh God," she exhaled unhappily as he uttered the dreaded name. She finally disengaged herself from his hold and sat up, her hand feeling the mattress for her nightgown, which she found under the pillow. As she threw the garment over her body, she added, "What about him?"

Kid pushed his body up and leaned against the headboard next to her. "I was thinking that maybe I should go and see him. After our awkward encounter a few days ago, I think I owe him an explanation."

"Kid, he doesn't need an explanation," Louise replied. "I think one needn't be a genius to imagine why you got so upset."

"Yeah, I know, but I want to talk to him anyway."

"I don't understand why."

"Lou, we need to face this and pretending Charlie doesn't exist won't help us. You said so yourself," Kid insisted.

"And what do you want to say to him?"

"I dunno," he admitted sheepishly. "I'll have to figure it out when I see him."

"As you wish," Lou muttered forlornly. She knew that Kid was right, but the idea of seeing or hearing from Charlie again repulsed her. She had been about to lose her husband because of his interference. Naturally, if she was fair, she couldn't say that Charlie had purposefully damaged her marriage. The circumstances had plotted against her and nobody was to blame. But she knew that if Charlie had left Rock Creek as she had asked him many times, they wouldn't have to go through all this. Lou knew that the problem wasn't over yet and she and Kid would have to deal with it together. Maybe he was right and the best way to cope with their special situation was to face it, but she wished she could send Charlie as far from her as possible.

The young man dismounted his horse and shuffled towards the house. As he looked around the place, Charlie told himself that he liked what he was seeing. It was a nice property Captain Carmichael had here. He imagined that the captain must have worked really hard to get such a piece of land, which didn't surprise Charlie at all. Captain Carmichael was an honest and hard-working man who believed that everything could be achieved by the sweat of his brow. So if someone deserved a good life, the Captain did.

Charlie stood before the door hesitantly. He had wanted to apologize to the captain after their encounter, but he had let a few days go before he plucked up the courage to come bothering him. In these days Charlie had learned where his captain lived and how he and his now wife went back a long way. Apparently, Captain Carmichael had worked for the Pony Express in this very town ten years ago and he and Louise had been sweethearts back then. Charlie remembered a conversation he had with the captain in which he had told him about a girl and he guessed that the girl was Louise McCloud.

Charlie felt like a fool for not making the connection between his captain and McCloud before. She had told him several times that she was a Carmichael now that she was married, but how could he imagine that McCloud's husband and his captain was one and the same? How could he think that Captain Carmichael was here in the west instead of Virginia? He had no idea that the captain had a son or that he had moved here. The last time he had seen him was six years ago before the captain was made a prisoner. How could he know anything else about him?

That morning Charlie had woken up with the intention to talk to Captain Carmichael. He had taken a bath, donned his less tatty clothes and gone to the barber's for a shave and a haircut. And now as he stood before the door, he felt afraid. He wasn't sure what he had come here to say, but he knew he couldn't back out. He had to be a man and act like one, and show that he had grown up. Removing his hat, Charlie automatically lifted his hand to pass his fingers through his hair, a gesture that he favored whenever he was nervous. But his hair was too short now and all he managed to do was to brush his hand against his scalp while his left leg tapped the wooden floor underneath. His hand finally balled up into a fist and unsteadily he managed to knock on the door.

A few seconds later the door opened and Kid appeared, looking at him with a flabbergasted expression. "Afternoon, sir," Charlie greeted with a sheepish smile.

"Charlie," Kid replied with a serious countenance.

They stayed in awkward silence for a minute and at Kid's wondering expression the younger man felt compelled to speak up. "I was wondering if I could talk to you."

Kid nodded. "Will you come in?"

Charlie followed Kid inside and as soon as he stepped into the parlor, his eyes automatically got drawn to the baby, who was sitting on a blanket on the floor surrounded by a few toys. Kid noticed where the young man's gaze fell and he felt uncomfortable. "Lou's gone to town and I'm looking after Alice in the meantime."

Charlie nodded like an automaton, embarrassed to be caught staring at the baby, and to avoid further awkwardness he directed his attention back to Kid. "Captain Carmichael, I… I came to apologize."

"Apologize?" Kid echoed questioningly.

"Yes… I'm really sorry about what happened the other day, about you know, your wife. I… I didn't know she was your missus, honestly."

"She wasn't my missus back then when you two… bonded," Kid said seriously, feeling a disagreeable tug in his stomach as he referred to his wife's past liaison with Charlie.

"Yes… but I wasn't talking about that time… I was talking about lately."

Kid's forehead creased in confusion. "What are you saying, boy?"

"I'm really sorry, but I made passes at her when you were away. I wanted to … you know what."

Kid started to feel nauseous and stared at him crestfallen. What was he saying? What hadn't Lou told him? "Wh… what?" he managed to ask, his eyes as big as saucers and his hands in fists tense at his sides.

"But she said no! She said no!" Charlie exclaimed urgently when he realized that his big mouth could cause more trouble than good. "I kept bugging her even though she refused all the time. It's the truth. Your wife is faithful to you, Captain. And I swear I won't try anything else with her! I wouldn't have if I had known she was your wife."

"Charlie, no matter if I'm her husband or not, you shouldn't chase married women. You run the risk that a jealous husband will shoot you dead."

"I know and I'm ashamed of myself."

Kid sighed. "It seems that by some whim of destiny we're joined together, Charlie. We have little Alice in common."

"Sir, I don't intend to take your place."

"You have your own place, don't you think?" Kid remarked, tilting his face to the baby meaningfully.

"I… I don't know," the younger man stammered. "It puzzles me to think about her… it's kind of strange."

"Would you like to keep seeing her?" Kid asked with no little difficulty.

"I am curious, actually, but I don't want to be any inconvenience to you," Charlie replied sincerely.

"It won't be any inconvenience. Lou and I are fine with all this," Kid replied painfully. "Would you like to spend a little time with her now?"

"Uh…" Charlie answered awkwardly, not sure what reaction was expected from him. "I… I guess."

"Come on," Kid urged him despite himself.

Self-consciously Charlie walked closer and the girl stared at him for a few seconds, and then automatically stretched her arms to the man hovering over her. "She wants you to scoop her up," Kid added.

"Oh I see," Charlie replied and after casting a look at his captain, he clumsily took the girl in his arms.

"Da! Da!" Alice exclaimed in a loud voice, bouncing in his arms nervously.

"She wants her duck," Kid said again and coming closer he gave the girl the toy, which she grabbed at once. It hurt like hell to see Alice in Charlie's arms but he had to get used to the image. This is the way things should be, but the knowledge didn't diminish the pain he felt. Taking a few steps from Charlie, he tried to find a distraction and started to look at the books in his bookcase.

The front door opened after a few minutes. "I'm back!" Lou announced as she stepped inside and threw her reticule on the sideboard carelessly near the door. And before Kid could react, she walked to him and kissed him full on his mouth. Kid gently disengaged himself from his hold, feeling self-conscious since Charlie could see them. "Did you miss me?" she asked, not noticing his shyness. Kid didn't respond to her flirty question and when movement on the other side of the room caught her attention, she noticed Charlie. "What's he doing here?" she asked unkindly, pointing her finger at the younger man, not happy when she saw that Alice was in his arms.

"How are you, Mrs. Carmichael?"

"Oh, so I'm Mrs. Carmichael now," Lou exclaimed sarcastically. "Since when do I deserve such respect? I didn't see any before, but I guess being married to your beloved captain changes my status."

"Lou, please. There's no need for that," Kid tried to appease her.

Louise looked at her husband with a serious expression. "Can we talk in private, please?"

They stepped out of the house onto the porch from where they could still have a clear view of Charlie and Alice through one of the windows. "Kid, what is he doing here?"

"He came to talk. And I really think he has a right to see Alice if he wants to."

"Kid!"

"Whether we want it or not, he's her father and I don't wish for anybody to go through the same as I did… having your child grow up without you."

"Kid…" Louise exhaled, feeling as if she had been slapped hard on her face.

"Lou, I'm not reproaching you anything. You know I'm over that and I really don't hold a grudge. I'm happy, you make me happy," he said, his hand cupping her face and his thumb caressing her soft skin.

"Then what's that face for?" Louise still questioned.

Kid dropped his hand from her face and lowered his eyes to the floor. "I… I'm jealous… I'm jealous of him."

At his words Lou didn't know whether to cry or laugh. "Kid, I told you already. I was never interested in him in the way you think. And I'm definitely not interested in him now."

"I don't mean that!" Kid exclaimed. "He's Alice's father, something I wish I could be with all my heart."

"But Kid, you are!" Lou enthused. "Charlie… he… well… he created her, but Alice is yours. Being a father is more than just a moment of excessive contact," she continued, blushing furiously at having to explain to her husband what she had done with another man. "Who was by my side when she was born? Who cared that she had enough clothes or clean diapers when we were marooned in that town Alice's birth took place? Who makes her laugh? Who's the first to stay up when she has a bad tummy or she's teething? Who, Kid? Nobody but you."

"Lou, I don't know. I have all kinds of crazy ideas. Maybe I'm not making sense, but I'm scared. I'm scared that when she grows up she will hate me because I'm the reason she's not with her real father."

"She's with her real father, Kid! You!" Lou exclaimed, hating to hear him sound so glum and defeated. "I know that and so does Alice. And even if you weren't in our lives, do you think Charlie would be in Alice's the way you're implying?"

"This is so difficult, Lou."

"I know, Kid. Do you actually think I'm fine with all this? I feel a strong pressure here every time I see him," Lou explained, pressing her hand against her chest. "He brings me back to times I'm fighting to forget. This is like a test trying my strength, and I tell myself I can be stronger than all that because we're together."

Kid smiled at her passionate speech and drew her against him, hugging her. She was right. They needed to stick together and be stronger than this situation. A long road awaited them, and Kid knew that his fears wouldn't disappear. There was another person fighting for Alice's affection and not any person. It was Charlie, somebody who he loved and happened to be his little girl's father. Maybe if that person wasn't Charlie, if it was somebody else, it would be easier for him to cope with all this mess. He wouldn't feel so bad if he got angry or wished Alice's father vanished off the face of the earth. All these opposed feelings baffled him and left him defeated, and as fear coursed all over his body, he held onto Lou tightly, hoping she didn't feel him tremble with fear and apprehension.