We are sitting in the guest room, temporarily converted into a nursery, trying to get the twins to bed. They are teething, have been fretful all evening and are probably missing their parents. We, actually Louisa, offered to keep them for the weekend to give James and Rosie a much needed break. Alex and Ana play tag with each other. When one dozes off, the other wakes up and vice versa. Finally, in desperation we take them to our upstairs sitting room and flop down with them in the couch, Louisa at one end, me at the other end. She begins reading them some silly story about a wiggly piggie who lives in a tippy tip house on a hippy yip farm. It's all nonsense to me but the sound of her voice seems to calm them. Alex the angel goes down first. Ana the rebel twists around in my arms until she finds a comfortable spot then follows her brother. We're too tired to get up and put them in their cot. Exhausted, we fall asleep holding them.

I can't hear Ana crying, but I feel her hot tears running down my arm. I pull her closer to me. "Ana, Ana, why are you crying? Why are you doing this to us?" I reach to feel if her gum is still tender ...

There are no babies, no Alex and Ana. Louisa is cuddled up in my arms and the tears are hers. Instantly wide awake, I eased myself up against the bed head, turned on the beside lamp, lifted her up against my chest and began rubbing her back. "Louisa why are you crying?"

"It's James. He's no longer my baby. He's going to have his own baby, his own family. It used to be just me and him for a long time and now he's gone forever. It's just us now, Martin."

"Louisa, James has been grown for a long time. What brought this on? I thought you were happy that he and Rosie are together and that they are having a baby?"

She raised her head and looked at me teary-eyed. "You don't understand. He's going to be a father, have his own life separate from ours. When the baby comes, there will be someone else claiming his attention. With his family and work, he won't have any time for us. Then there might be other babies ..." And she went into a fresh round of tears.

Of course I understood. My lovely Louisa was having to face the prospect that our family dynamics was about to change. It had sent her into a meltdown. I knew this had to come at some point. She had been on a high since our return from Cornwall where we had spent Christmas. It had been an emotional time for her because it was also the anniversary of our engagement. I had insisted that we spend most of our time alone, relaxing at the cottage, yet she still managed to chat for hours with sundry friends. On her return to London, she had found a new focus at The Centre that I was happy about. I thought she should have taken a few months off after the Melody and company debacle, but after much persuasion, she agreed to limit her visits to once a week. Then, there was the ongoing excitement about the baby.

Since we had been together, it had been one event after the other and it had taken its toll. She was already thinking about James's birthday in June, which was also our anniversary month and the baby was expected the following month. Because we were late bloomers in the marriage department, we had compacted a lifetime of experiences into a little under two years.

"James is coming for dinner this evening? Would you like to share your fears with him? There's no point brooding." I thought they were groundless, but I didn't say so.

"No, no. I know I'm being silly. You're the only person I can talk to about this."

"You're not being silly. You're having separation anxiety as James moves into another phase of his life. It's a natural feeling and it is just as natural for him to have his own family and new priorities. Deep down, you know that you and James have a special bond and nothing will change that. He's a good son. He cares about you and he wants you to be happy. "

I gently wiped the tears from her face, pulled the cover around her and continued rubbing her back until I felt her relax. She reached up and ran her fingers through my hair.

"You're so good to me. You never laugh at my fears. You don't say much, you're a doer and I like that. I love you so much, Martin. I love James and Rosie and I want them to be happy."

"You have to promise that you'll slow down. London can be a madhouse and it's easy to get on the merry-go-round without even knowing it. Now, why don't you go back to sleep, it's too early for us to be up. We'll talk some more about this later."

I had my own fears. I was dreading the talk I planned to have with James. What would I do if he said he didn't want Rosie to have the baby and was only going along with it because that's what she wanted? Who was I to pass judgement given my sorry history with his mother? Louisa had assured me that when we began talking I would know what to say. James could be an Ellingham through and through, which meant that he could be stubborn. I fell asleep rubbing Louisa's back and hoping that, like hers, my fears were unfounded.

James came by earlier than planned while Louisa was finishing up dinner and I was in the study.

He stuck his head through the door. "Is this a good time? We have to talk."

"Perfect. Uhm ... I also want to talk to you."

"Should I close the door?"

"If you wish. We will be private, your mum hardly ever comes in here." I remembered that the only times she had been in here for any length of time was when I had invited her in for our private after-dinner party and our money talk.

He closed the door and went right to it. "It's about Rosie. Well, her pregnancy. We can manage financially, but she's stubbornly independent and feels she has to carry her share of the expenses. Nothing I tell her will convince her that we can manage on what we make now and when the baby comes. She's moody, misses her parents but won't talk about it. A lot of this is hormonal but that doesn't make it any more tolerable. Is this how it is going to be until the baby arrives ?"

I hesitated to answer because I didn't know. Louisa hadn't allowed me near her when she was pregnant. I shuddered remembering the outbursts she had direct at me and the cruel things we had said to each other. Mine was from hurt and rejection. Hers was hurt and rejection as well as hormonal.

"Mmmm ... Honestly, I don't know. I suspect a lot of it is hormonal. Give it a couple of weeks and if there's no improvement, have a talk with her doctor. Your mother may be more helpful here. The important thing is to continue to love and support her."

This was all working out as Louisa said it would, so I took the plunge. "How do you feel about becoming a father? Does Rosie know how you feel?"

"She knows I support her decision to have the baby and I try to tell her this as often as I can. I do as much around the house as I can to take the pressure off her. It's not as if we even see each other that much, now. As for becoming a father, I have mixed feelings. I'm still trying to get used to the idea."

The last thing we discussed was Rosie. "If she has always been independent, she's not going to change now. Your mother is just as independent and the only way she accepts help from me is if I insist. It that doesn't work, I bring it out in the open for a discussion. Find out what is driving her to be so independent."

James already knew. "Her mother is financially dependent on her father and Rosie has always said that she never wanted to end up like her."

After dinner, Louisa wanted to know how everything was going with James and Rosie now that they were about to become parents.

"It's going well, all things considered. The main difficulty is that we are too busy, the time is not right. I never wanted my child's life to start out with unmarried parents and I'm not ready to take that big step. Other than that, I respect and support her decision."

"There's never a right time, James," Louisa said gently. "You and Rosie will get married if and when you're ready. The most important person now is the baby. Do you love her?"

"I do. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her, if that's what you want to know, and I want to help her through this pregnancy. I want her to be the mother of my child."

"Then, that's all that matters."

"I know you're wondering how this happened."

I stopped him. "No, we're not."

Louisa chimed in mischievously. "We know how babies are made, we have had some practice. Your dad is a doctor, remember? And I'm a mother." She was trying hard not to laugh.

"You must think I have been careless."

"No, we don't. Stop beating up yourself. You know how your mum became pregnant despite the precautions we took. Things happen."

I think he felt he had disappointed us and wanted to explain, anyway. It came out in bits and pieces. Rosie had been so busy that she had skipped the pill a few times and he had gotten careless, also from being busy, from taking his own precaution. Their big concern was whether a baby would disturb the delicate balance of home and their grueling work life.

Louisa shared what she hoped was good news. "The Board has approved my proposal for a small nursery/daycare at The Centre. I'll have a significant hand in staff selection and have already found a lovely young woman from Cornwall, Beth who I met at my pre-wedding party, to manage the day-to-day operations. The baby could always come there. It's near to the hospital for Rosie to pop over for feedings when she can. Would this resolve some of your concerns?" she asked.

"Maybe. Rosie and I would have to talk it over. "

"And of course you know I'm always available for babysitting."

"Within reason," I added quickly. "Children belong with their parents, not babysitters."

I thought back to when Louisa was pregnant and how much I had wanted to be a part of James's unborn life and here he was, in love with Rosie, had our support and was fussing about timing.

"James, you have been given an incredible chance to be a father, to co-parent with a woman who loves you and has chosen to have your baby. Give it some thought. We'll help as much as we can and your mum will see that the baby gets the best care at the nursery."

"I'm sorry for sounding grumpy. I just don't want him or her to start life as I did."

There it was. Every now and again, the pain of his childhood would seep through and I would feel incredibly guilty.

"James!" Louisa was angry. Everything went quiet, James held down his head. "You had your difficulties, but your life wasn't as terrible as you think. " She softened her tone by putting her hand around his shoulder and leaning on him.

I felt I had to apologize to James, again. I didn't agree with Louisa. Perception is everything. "I'm sorry, James. I did the best I felt I could do. Now you can rewrite that history by giving your child what you would have wanted - both parents present, hugs, photos of silly or important events, bedtime stories, seeing your child through illnesses that you both are eminently able to handle and be there for the simple everyday things that will take on special significance because it's your flesh and blood. Be grateful, James."

He looked at us and said, "Sorry."

Louisa got up from beside me and sat between us on the couch. She put her arms around us and in her most cheerful voice, insisted, "We're going to do this as a family. What's in the past is in the past. Martin will speak with Rosie and help her to work out her schedule. You just be there for her."

Then she began tickling him. Soon they were rolling around on the couch and he was hollering at me for help.

"Dad, get your wife off me."

"My wife, your mum." I was pleased that Louisa had rescued me from that awkward moment when I had cringed from my son's unspoken accusations.

When he was leaving, Louisa handed him two packages. "These are dinners for a week. All you have to do is heat them up."

I could see that he was embarrassed. "You don't have to do this. Rosie and I are not on the dole. We can manage. You shouldn't exert yourself doing for us what we can do for ourselves."

"Nonsense. This is the least I can do to make sure that my grandchild has a good start. Instead of cooking, you and Rosie can use this extra time to relax. And when since did you refuse food from your mum?"

He hugged her and whispered sotto voce, "You know the way to my heart, don't you? Thanks."

Resolving matters with Rosie was easier. When I checked with Mrs. Green about the lunch reservation, she handed me an envelope.

"These are the people Rosie has to talk to, paperwork, possible make-up classes, etc. There's a list of her chief and supervisors. You know them and may wish to have a word with them. You do so at your own risk. If she gets wind of it she might kill you. I have registered her in the antenatal clinic and spoken with her "gynae."

I opened the envelope and quickly glanced at its contents.

"I'm sorry, I'm not clear about how this became your job." Sometimes it seemed that Mrs. Green knew more about my life than I did.

"Mr. Ellingham, we have been working together for many years. I know your strengths and your weaknesses. Surgery is your strength. Period. Maybe marriage, but it's early days yet, so let's leave your strength at surgery. Over the years I have helped James in ways you would never guess …"

"You didn't need to. It's not your job. You have enough work to occupy your time instead of taking on jobs for my family. "

"I had to," she fired back "and you definitely need my help to navigate the hospital bureaucracy."

That was true. Although I had promised Rosie to help, I didn't have a clue about where to begin. I was going to speak with Viola, but Mrs. Green had risen magnificently to the occasion.

"Now, please don't keep Rosie waiting. She has rounds, you have surgery this afternoon," and with that Mrs. Green shooed me off with a twinkle in her eyes that did not escape my attention.

"Thank you," I said gratefully.

"You're welcome."

I left thinking that perhaps Mrs. Green had too much time on her hands. I was never sure what the hell she actually did, and didn't want to find out. Not now with my grandchild on the way.

Rosie was sipping a cup of tea when I joined her at the restaurant. It was secluded, reasonably quiet, had good food, and we could talk without fear of interruption. Mrs. Green has wisely asked for a table in a quiet area and I sank down in my chair grateful for the calm.

At four months pregnant, she was glowing. Her loose-fitting clothes hid her pregnancy. Her thin frame had filled out and she had allowed her hair to grow out, so it now framed her face, almost like a blonde halo.

"You look ... healthy. Everything alright?"

"Yes, Martin, I'm fine and hoping I can make it through the next five months. Thankfully, my morning sickness is tapering off. If only Dr. Snow was not so disagreeable. If only my legs were not swollen from being on my feet all day. If only I could find clothes that fit. If only James did not hover over me so much," she said with a rueful laugh.

"I get it. Dr. Snow is not as bad as you think. I'll have a word with her. She had twins during her residency. "

"Twins! … Oh, my God. I'm sorry for complaining. "

I could see what James was talking about. She had moaned a bit, yet, it was all sweet music to my ears. This was the nearest I had ever come to having a pregnant woman in my life, and one who I got along with, and I was determined to savour every minute of it. I liked Rosie. She reminded me of a young Louisa. I knew she would be a good mother and make James happy. I felt protective about this feisty daughter that I had inherited and knew Auntie Joan would have liked her.

After our lunch arrived, I found myself telling her about Joan and Ruth. She actually laughed at some of their escapades which in telling her, I thought were actually funny.

"James told me about your childhood and how you and Louisa got back into each other's lives. You both are our inspiration for the kind of love James and I would like to experience."

"Lots of work Rosie, peaks and deep valleys." This seemed a good time to talk about her and James. "Have you and James discussed the changes the baby will have on your life and how you're going to deal with them?"

"Yes and no. I know he has reservations and that I treat him horrible sometimes. Blame it on hormones, I can't seem to help myself sometimes. He has been very supportive and I'm grateful, although I might not have shown it as much as I should. I will try to do better in this department. Why? Has he said something to you?"

"Not directly, but I know this will be a testing time for your relationship."

She didn't say anything more, and I was relieved. I would never disclose what James and I had discussed. Call it parent child confidentiality.

She hadn't made any reference to her parents, so I brought it up.

"Any news from your parents?"

"Not a word from either of them. A few days ago, luckily I was home, a few boxes arrived from them. If that was their way of making a point, they have done themselves a disservice. It's like throwing me out of their house."

"Oh?"

"I love them, I really do. They are my parents. Their marriage is not going well, it's actually spinning out of control and I suppose that having failed to control their wreck of a marriage, they are trying to control me."

"Have you thought that it may take them some time to come around, if ever?"

"Yes, I have and I don't care anymore. I have been a good daughter, a good student and I'm working hard to be a good doctor Can you believe that in this day and age an abortion would be a deal breaker? What if this is my only chance to have a child? Their only chance to have a grandchild? I love your grandchild more every day in ways I never thought was possible. I can feel it growing in me, taking on a personality and becoming a real person."

She reached inside her handbag. "I saved this for you and Louisa."

It was a sonogram of our grandchild. Luckily, its sex could not be ascertained from the picture because neither parent wanted to know. I still had James's sonogram, the one I had taken from Louisa to look at more closely. It was faded now, but I had memorized it so it didn't matter. It was safe in my study, tucked away among the many pictures she had sent me of James.

My grandchild, already perfectly formed. Healthy. I looked at Rosie with shining eyes. Seeing my joy, she took my hand and placed it on her belly. "The baby has been active all through lunch. Feel here ... There it is."

I removed my hand. It seemed so intimate a gesture.

Rosie was adamant and reached for my hand again. "Don't be silly. We're doctors, remember?"

I felt the baby kick and smiled. She smiled back at me, with tear-filled eyes. "This life growing inside me is what makes me strong."

"I'm sorry, I asked about your parents. Let's not dwell on that."

Lunch over, we discussed some practicalities. It didn't seem as difficult as I had expected, but I warned Rosie that she might have to defer her graduation. "This will not be the end of the world. A break may be the best thing for you and the baby."

"You don't have to worry about me making the wrong decision about my baby. My priority is my child and I think I'll be able to handle both. Some friends have formed a study group for me and will fill me in if I have to miss classes. Dr. Snow is arranging for me to be Skyped into a few classes, but interaction with patients, as you know, is a vital part of my training."

"And your schedule? I know it's out of your hands. Still, are you and James able to be home together, especially at nights?"

"At first, yes. Now it's crazy. James will be on night duty for a while. The plan is either to sleep at the hospital to be near him or do all-nighters in the library. I hate being home alone."

"Neither sounds acceptable. I'll speak to Louisa, I'm sure she won't mind what I'm going to suggest. Please consider spending the nights you're alone with us. We will feel better if you have company. We have the space, you will have your privacy to study. Think about it and talk it over with James."

Satisfied that I had done all I could, well, Mrs. Green really, we left for our respective obligations at the hospital. Before we left the table, she reached up and gave me a peck on the cheek, catching me off guard.

"Thank you, Martin, I feel so much better. I don't know what I would have done without you and Louisa. I'm finding out that your bark is worse than your bite. You do know that the registrars live in fear of your reviews?"

"And so they should if they want to be great doctors," I retorted with a half smile. I really liked Rosie.

"Call me when you wish. I'll do whatever I can to help, and even if you're not staying over, come and visit us. "

Louisa was fairly hopping about with curiosity when I got home after a procedure on which I was the consultant became touch and go when the patient went into cardiac arrest shortly after getting on the table. The team had done their best which had been more than enough.

"Dinner is ready. Want to wash up?"

"Yes, thanks. I'm starving and still on an adrenaline rush. I'll have to start slowing down. I hate bringing my work home," I said as I hugged her.

"Yes, you will," she agreed. "Especially now that you're going to be somebody's grandfather."

That I still couldn't imagine.

After dinner, I shared my conversation with Mrs. Green and Rosie. She was ecstatic at the possibility of Rosie spending nights at our home. "You're quite a softie for suggesting it. I know the real you under all your grump and reticence. I'm surprised that you showed that side of yourself to her. You must really like her."

I brushed her suggestion aside. "She needs all the help she can get. Something has to be done to make sure she stays on course and that help is near if something happens. She wants to take care of herself, I'm sure. With her schedule and the changes in her body, it's going to be hard." I couldn't help pointing out that she seemed mature for her age.

"And so she should. She's actually two years older than James and girls tend to mature much quicker than boys."

This was news to me. "I don't understand. They started and ended med school at the same time."

"So they did. Remember that James had skipped two years in high school and he got into Imperial through their special Early Enrollment for Gifted Students programme."

Then I remembered. After James completed his application, I reviewed it and asked Mrs. Green to make a copy and mail it. Without my permission, she read it and returned it to me with a note asking that I redirect it to a different department and included the address. I was livid. I was trying to keep my relationship with James private. Luckily for her, the information was correct. When a colleague from the Early Enrollment panel called to verify that James was my son, I tried to be as polite as possible in answering his questions. I in turn had questions of my own.

"How did you know he was my son? Please don't think I want any favours."

"James doesn't need favours. His remarkable grades and outstanding extra-curricular performance would have gotten him in anyhow. I had called his mother and his high school to verify certain details on his application and discovered that his biological father was a doctor. After our initial interview with him, I just put two and two together. Martin, as you know, nothing is private around here and your reclusive life makes you an irresistible target for gossip."

I realized Louisa was still talking. "I'm sorry for Rosie's parents. They are missing so much. We get to be with Rosie, to welcome the baby into our world, be a part of its life, to spoil and cuddle like real grandparents. You get to hold your grandchild and to be there for every event. This is your chance to see what it was like for me and James."

Surprised at what she had said, she smiled apologetically. Those were almost the exact words she had told me when I was about to leave the village for London, leaving her heavily pregnant with our unborn child.

This time, I would do everything in my power to show my grandchild that he or she was wanted and welcome. I vowed to make up for not being there for James with my grandchild.

Louisa broke the sadness that had descended on us by kissing me on my cheek. "I understand. Those dark days are not worth remembering."

My beautiful and forgiving Louisa. Her warm eyes full of love stared back at me. I knew she would teach me how to look after my grandchild as she had taught me so many other important things.