REMUS POV

I can only look at his face for so long until I drop my gaze, the ache in my heart multiplying at the sight of his expression. His eyes glimmering with hurt and disbelief, his mouth in a straight line, his brows creased with confusion.

Trying to find it in my heart to regret kissing Sirius Black is hard. The way he sighed into every touch, the way his tongue clashed irresistibly with mine, the way his arms felt like home...Those are the kind of things that make everything in life seem like a gift. The kind of things that reduce you to nothing but a giddy heart full of gratitude for everything that has happened in life that lead you to the moment his lips touched yours.

But the way he's looking at me, his gaze boring into my cold skin, makes the regret instant and unmistakable.

Here is Sirius Black, hair fussed and clothes wrinkled and legs straddling me on my bed, looking like I just hit him in the gut.

When he finally speaks, it's in a low, cracking voice that does nothing to reduce my shame.

"Y-you're...You're screwing with me, right?" His eyes search mine with a sort of tainted hope I can't bear to see. "I mean...I thought you..." he trails off. Then, he decidedly yanks himself off me, muttering a string of curses under his breath, running his hands through his hair. He sits at the edge of my bed with his back to me as he seems to be rubbing his temples.

My chest tightens and a wave of pain shoots through me as I shift myself to sit next to him. He flinches as he feels me beside him and it takes all I have to not just tell him I was joking.

"Pads," I mumble, unsure. I don't reckon there's any group of words I can say to make any of this even close to okay.

"What?" he says in a pained voice that makes me feel worse. Screaming at me would be one thing, but his hurt tone is too much to handle. He leans to rest his elbows on his knees, staring at the floor and avoiding my eyes.

"Fuck, Sirius," I mutter desperately, burying my face in my hands. "I'm just...I'm a fucking idiot."

He scoffs and shakes his head in disbelief. "I know I said you're perfect just the way you are, Remus. But maybe work on your situational analysis, yeah, mate?" he says bitterly. "Like maybe if you have a bloody boyfriend, and someone tells you they're goin' to bloody kiss ya, proper etiquette would be to object and not make them feel like a total asshole, yeah? Just a suggestion."

My heart is plummeting further per word, and as I struggle to keep myself composed, I just nod, even though he isn't looking me. "I'm so sorry," I mumble pathetically.

He sighs and looks at me with a stoic expression. Then, he asks something that takes me off guard.

"So, Anthony, huh?"

"Y-yeah."

"You really like this bloke?"

I look at him, trying to find some kind of sign that will tell me what to say, but his face remains unreadable. So I give up and tell him the truth.

"Yeah..." I answer shakily. "I really do."

His blank face breaks into a look of disappointment as he nods. "Okay then."

"Sirius, look," I start, "I really am sorry, okay? I mean...I didn't even know for sure that you fancied...that you fancied me," I finish with uncertainty as I see him wince. "You should have told me...I wish you told me."

"And I wish you told me that Blondie was your boyfriend," he retorts.

"Right," I mumble miserably, my eyes fixating on my hands.

We stay like that for a while, sitting next to each other, but doing nothing to meet each other's gaze. Nothing but heavy breathing escaping our lips.

A few minutes later, he breaks the silence, with a surprisingly kinder tone. "Are you happy?"

I frown. "What do you mean?"

"With Ashwood. Are you happy?"

My immediate answer, given the situation, is no. But I really think about it, beyond Sirius. I think of how safe Anthony's arms feel too and how innocent and caring he is when he deals with me, and how funny and witty everything he says is and how he holds me until I fall asleep when I feel rubbish.

"I am," I say guiltily.

He turns to me, his eyes tired. "That's good..."

"Look, Sirius, let me explain, I just-"

"I forgive you, Moony. Just drop it."

"No, but-" I cut myself off, his words sinking in. " Wait, what?"

He sighs. "Look, if he makes you happy, I don't want to interfere, okay? I just...we're okay, I promise."

"...Right," I manage. "Okay then."

But of course, the skepticism doesn't go unnoticed. He looks at me and smiles sadly.

"Look, you can doubt it all you want, but I'm not losing you again," he says.

I small surge of hope starts to form in my chest and I try to push it away. But I still force myself to return his tight smile.

"Yeah..." I murmur. "I'm definitely not letting go of you again."

His smile turns softer and he nods.

"Okay then."

"Okay then," I echo.

Moments pass before he speaks again, his voice struggling.

"It's a bit past eight, I reckon," he mumbles. "Your mum went up here to call to us to dinner a couple hours ago, but you were asleep. Wanna grab something to eat?"

I nod. "Yeah, sure."

We both stand up awkwardly, avoiding each other's eyes, but, well, trying to make things okay.

When his hand reaches the doorknob, he freezes with his back to me. I'm about to ask what's wrong, but then he says, in a cautious tone, "Moony?"

"Y-yeah?"

"Fuck, I'm gonna regret asking this..." he mutters. "And I have never sounded as much of a little girl-"

"I beg to differ."

He turns around and rolls his eyes at me. "Shut it, you."

I chuckle and feel a glow of warmth as he grins too. "What is it, Pads?"

His smile falters and he sighs. "When did you stop fancying me?"

That's probably a good time to say "Since I shagged Anthony" or "Since I was so sure that you wouldn't stop being a prick" to put an end to all of this. But of course, being me, I say something stupid.

"Who said I stopped?"

"You said what?"

I wince as Lily's shrill voice pierces my ears through the phone. I'm lucky it's only the phone though; if she was actually here I'd be jinxed senseless by now.

"I don't know what I was thinking, okay?!"

"You can't just tell a bloke you still fancy him after telling him you've been shagging someone else!"

"To be fair," I say cautiously, "I didn't mention anything about shagging."

It's like I can hear Lily rolling her eyes at me. "Whatever, Remus, you know what I mean. When did this happen, anyway?"

"Last week," I murmur. "We've been okay, actually. I mean, yeah, it's been weird, but nothing too bad. We can still talk and have fun and everything, at least, you know? We're kind of just ignoring anything happened...I wanted to tell you immediately, but well, eavesdropping on phone conversations is something that isn't exactly hard for him."

"Where is he now?"

"He's been spending a few nights with Peter."

"That bad, huh?"

"Hey! It's not like he wanted to leave," I countered. "Peter invited us and I would have gone too, but dad's been busy lately and I don't really want to leave mom alone."

"Uh huh…"

I sigh. "What?"

"Why do I get the feeling that's not the only reason you aren't at Peter's?"

My cheeks flush and I try to compose myself. It's not like she can she see me. "What are you talking about?"

She chuckles on the other line. "Nothing, Remus. I just realize now why Anthony didn't want to go out with me and Alice tonight."

Groaning, I shake my head. "Shut up, Evans."

She continues to laugh. "Don't worry, I won't tell on you."

"Thanks, Lils."

As if on cue, I hear the doorbell and my heart starts picking up its pace.

"That him?" Lily asks.

"Uh…Yeah, I think so," I reply. "I should go."

"Hey, Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you going to do?"

I feel my throat dry. "I don't know."

"Are you still in love with Sirius?"

"I don't know…"

"Are you in love with Anthony?"

"I don't know."

"Who do you want to be with?"

"Damn it, Lily," I whine. "If I knew the answer to any of those, don't you think I wouldn't be freaking out as much?"

Lily sighs. "I know, Remus. But you do realize you cheated on Anthony, right? I respect it if you don't want to tell him because you didn't mean to do it and it was a mistake and I know you won't do it again and telling him won't do any good to anyone. That doesn't mean that you don't have to fix this, though. You know that, right?"

Groaning, I can't help but know she's right. The guilt is already forming in my chest and all I need right now is to not be reminded of it. However, it's a bit difficult to not be reminded of it when he's downstairs as I speak. "Yeah…Yeah, Lils."

"Take care, okay?" she murmurs in a concerned voice. "Both of you."

"Of course, Lils."

"Good. Goodbye, lover boy."

I chuckle, shaking my head. "Bye, Lily," I mutter before hanging up the phone.

Immediately, I jog down the stairs and to the door.

When I open the front door, I can barely form the words to tell Anthony how much I've missed him, before he storms in, kicks the door closed and plants his lips on mine.

I smile against his mouth before kissing back, wrapping my arms around his neck as I feel his hands on my waist.

"Well…hello…to you…too," I gasp between kisses.

When he pulls away, his hands still on me, he's grinning. "Sorry. Got a bit excited to see you."

Laughing, I shake my head. "You're a dork, you know that?"

He rolls his eyes. "Shut up and take me to your room, Lupin."

I smirk. "Someone's eager."

He laughs and I take myself out of his grasp. I grab his hand and lead him up the stairs and into my room.

With a rush, he pushes me down to the bed and closes the door, before joining me, kneeling to straddle my hips as I hold onto his. He places his hands on the mattress on either side of my head and lowers himself so that our faces are only a couple of inches apart.

"Miss me?" I tease light-heartedly, trying not to think of the last time someone straddled me on this bed.

"How'd you guess?" he counters, smirking, before giving ,e a quick peck.

Smiling, I cup his face gently with the hand not on his hip. "Missed you too. How long are you staying?"

"Just for the day," he mumbles. "So we'll have to make the most of it," he adds with a wink.

Chuckling, I roll my eyes. "Seriously? My parents could come home anytime today, you tosser."

"You said you came out," he says, shrugging.

I laugh, brushing a few strands of blond locks from his face. "Just because they're okay with me being gay, doesn't mean they're okay with walking in on their son fucking his boyfriend."

"Okay then, how about if it's the boyfriend doing the fucking?"

I shake my head, trying not to smile. "You're impossible."

He grins and kisses me on the forehead before straightening and pulling me to sit up too. He places his hands on my shoulders and snogs me again, on the mouth this time. Responding immediately, I do my best to not imagine anything else as I feel his soft lips against mine. When we break apart, he's beaming at me so adoringly and innocently that the guilt starts to pool in my chest again.

"I was just kidding, okay?" he murmurs. "We don't have to do anything like that. I'm just glad I can see you."

"Glad I can see you too, Anthony," I say, fiddling with his hair.

He rests his forehead against mine. "How's your summer going? Anything new?"

"No," I lie, thankful that we're so close that he can't see me clearly. "You?"

"Parents again," he mumbles.

"What is it? Are you okay?" I whisper into the space between us.

"Not really," he replies, the teasing tone in his voice gone. "They've been setting me up with these dinners with pureblood girls from Beauxbatons. I'm going to be seventeen soon, Rem, and they're not done with this medieval arranged marriage shit. Keeping this," he says, gesturing his hands between us, "is getting so much harder. My mother has really been getting more and more insistent. It's just such rubbish, you know?"

"I'm sorry," I mumble frowning, bringing my hand to his face and rubbing my thumb along his cheekbone. "What do you usually do when a relationship becomes hard to hide?"

"I break up with the bloke," he says simply.

With a start, I pull away, narrowing my eyes. Scoffing, I shake my head. "So you're telling me that you went here to break-"

Anthony's eyes widen in panic and he grabs me by the shoulders before I can push him off. "No, oh bloody hell, of course not," he interrupts. "That's what I did. Back when I was in relationships that didn't feel like...like this."

Calming down, I sigh. "Sorry, I just...assumed..." I trailed off. I just assumed that maybe you could be as bad of a boyfriend as I am, I think to myself. "It's just that...you've been with quite a lot of blokes, you know? And I have nothing against that, really. However, I just feel like just another number sometimes when you talk like that. Like it's easy for you to let go."

He looks at me in disbelief, and plants another quick peck on my lips. It composes me even more, enough to listen to him.

"Just another number? Easy to let go? Okay, it might have been easy in the past and I never thought I'd have to deal with actual, serious emotions with my relationships, I admit that. But I am so in love with you, Remus," he whispers. I freeze as he does and drop my gaze, my heart wildly thudding in my chest in an unbearable rhythm. "So don't think for a second that I'm going to let you go just because I-"

Apparently realizing what he just said, he cuts himself off.

He lets go of me. "Fuck. I did not just say that. Oh Merlin, did I just. Oh shit, I am so sorry, I just... I wasn't thinking and-"

Before he finishes, I press my lips against his, holding on to his waist. "Don't be sorry," I mumble between kisses. I feel him ease into my grasp, clutching at my shirt and pushing me down the bed once more, our kisses growing deeper and our breaths hitching in synchronization.

The whole time, I don't stop kissing him, needing to keep my mouth too preoccupied to say I'm sorry I'm not in love with you.

The next afternoon, I'm alone at home and Anthony has just left.

Sitting down at the edge of my bed, I rest my elbows on my knees and bury my face in my hands. I rub at my eyes and try not to think of the past 24 hours. How ridiculous is it that months ago, I was sulking in a wow-I'm-getting-no-action rut and now I am being a total wanker to the perfect boyfriend right after having to turn down the bloke I was in love with - and probably still am - for over three bloody years. Why did I think getting involved with people would be a good idea again?

"Rough day?"

My head snaps up and I find Peter, arms crossed, leaning against my doorframe. Feeling a surge of gratitude and relief to see him - or honestly just anyone who isn't Sirius or Anthony- I bolt up and go over to him, taking him into a hug. He hugs me back, and when I pull away, he looks at me curiously. "I'll take that as a yes?"

I sigh, returning to sit on my bed again and he follows to settle next to me.

"Where's Sirius?" I ask, suddenly anxious. I'm really not in the mood to see him right now.

"Working on his place. I offered to help, but he wouldn't have it and told me he'd join us afterwards. Said he'd let me drop from his bike if I insisted. Of course, he was joking, but he really was set on going by himself. I think he needs time alone. Anything happen between you guys again?"

The tone in his voice in the last sentence makes me feel uneasy. "Well…Nothing, really. I mean, you know…" I trail off, expecting him to cut in.

However, he just has an amused look on his face. "Go on…"

"And things have just been…off," I say vaguely.

"What do you mean?" he asks, although he doesn't look curious at all. He, without a doubt, already knows everything with all of us doing a crap job at being discreet. Deep down, I guess I've always decided that his knowing looks and jokes aren't something to be dismissed. Maybe that's why I never felt the need to tell him. Of course, it's also because I've had my share of uncomfortable talks in the past months. Though, I have a feeling I can no longer avoid it now.

"Well, Sirius and I just have a lot of misunderstandings…" I mutter.

"About anything in particular?" he asks, getting worse at suppressing a smirk.

I frown at him, refusing to give in. "Well, there were some things, but that doesn't really mat-"

"What things?" he continues to prompt.

"About how…" I start, trying to find something to say. But seeing his accomplished expression, I shove him lightly and shake my head. "You're not going to make things easy, are you?"

He just chuckles. "Sorry, I got tired of pretending like I didn't know."

My cheeks burn at the thought of just how much exactly he knows. "You git, what do you know?"

He leans back on his elbows, his face scrunched up trying to recall everything. "Correct me if I get anything wrong, but"- he takes a deep, exaggerated breath before continuing- "You two got drunk, he kissed you, Sirius started seeing Margaret, you two ignored each other, then tried to start talking again, then started acting like pissy little shits, then you told him you had a big ol' hard on for him or something - ouch! Just kidding! Anyway, you confessed, he acted like a prick, then you acted like a prick, then all of us almost got killed, and you two made up, and now he fancies you," he finishes. Then, he adds, "Which is kind of a problem because I'm about ninety-nine percent sure you and Anthony are shagging."

By the time he's done talking, my face is buried in my hands again. When he says everything like that, it all sounds so much more exhausting. I lift my head to mutter, "Ninety-nine percent?"

"I reserved one percent just in case you actually just spent most nights in their dorm because it's closer to Dumbledore's office and it wouldn't be as difficult to summon restricted books from there through the windows," he says, shrugging. "Of course, I doubted the latter on the night before we left for summer holidays when we had nothing to study for. I was in the Common Room with Alice and I saw you go up to the dorms, but when I went up to our room hours after, Sirius said you hadn't been up all night."

"Oh bugger," I mumble, rubbing at my face. "And how did you know everything else, exactly?"

"Remember the Gryffindor victory party?"

"Yeah?"

"When I was tipsy, but not nearly as drunk as James? And I had to sit with him and an even more wasted Sirius? Who we all know gets particularly honest when he's downed a bottle or two?"

"That's why you were complaining about us 'bickering like a married couple' the next morning," I mutter, shaking my head in disbelief, trying to keep myself from retreating under the covers and never resurfacing from my sheets ever again. "So, you're okay with all this? With me?"

He snorts. "If I can handle being friends with a werewolf, don't you think I can handle being friends with someone who wants a dick up their arse?"

Wincing, I punch his shoulder. "Jesus Christ, do you really have to put it like that?"

He chuckles and puts an arm around me. "No, but really, it's fine. I mean, it doesn't really matter. I just want you two to be okay."

I smile gratefully at him. "Thanks, Pete."

"What happened recently, though? Anything bad?"

"Well…I mean, we're good and everything, but…Bullocks, it's complicated."

"I've got time," Peter says simply.

"Fine then," I sigh, before starting. "It all started when we got off that death trap you two bought behind my back…"

"Remus, this is still horrible. You are horrible. You are not forgiven."

"Sirius, look, you weren't supposed to-"

"Nope. I don't want to hear any of it," he mutters, crossing his arms.

"Such a child," I mumble, returning to my book.

James, who has been home for a couple days, looks up from polishing his broomstick. "I leave you two for a couple weeks and you're already fighting again? Who snogged who this time?"

I feel my face burning up and I don't have to take my eyes off the pages to know that Sirius is blushing too. You can almost hear it in his voice, although it isn't obvious. The past week has been surprisingly decent.

Sirius and I haven't mentioned the incident in my room at all. Everything gradually felt normal. We can be alone together without panicking and everything. We spent most of the last week rediscovering the fields behind my house and the woods beyond them. It's been a blur of diving into lakes and climbing trees like children, Peter changing into Wormtail and creeping up on Sirius during those times when we're exploring after dark, and Sirius getting bored and chasing butterflies as Padfoot. Everything has been so perfect that James has been a bit grumpy about missing everything - although he could hardly feel that bad about anything ever since he and Lily finally started dating. (However, I still can't get the feel of Sirius' lips on my mouth out of mind. Unfortunately, even when I visit Anthony. )

"We aren't fighting, you git," Sirius mutters as he continues to flip through one of my books.

"Yeah," Peter pipes up while he flicks through one of my few Quidditch magazines. "Sirius is just mad that Remus made him read a book about a baby deer with a dead mom deer or something. He's been rereading it a lot, as if that'll save the doe. The best part is that, every few pages, he just randomly declares that he hates Remus now."

"Even though I have no control over who lives or dies in books," I add dryly.

"Say what you want, Lupin, but you told me Bambi was a fucking children's story," Sirius groans. When I look up, he's already on my floor, lying on James' lap, making it difficult for him to work on his broom.

James takes one look at a very melodramatic Sirius and looks pointedly back and forth between me and Peter. "Really? I've only been gone for a few weeks and you've got Pads reading a book about dead animals? And a dead deer of all things?"

I laugh and look up to see that even Sirius is smirking at James too.

"Wow, James, bit too early isn't it?"

James raises his eyebrows at Sirius. "What?"

"You just get a girlfriend and suddenly you sound all mature," Sirius replies, setting aside the book and looking up from James' lap.

Cracking a smile, he shakes his head. "Shut up, you arse. Being in a relationship doesn't mean I turn into a bore!"

"Yeah," I say. "Just means that you need to loosen up because Lily isn't giving you any action."

James treats his broomstick immaculately, so it really does say something that I have to dodge it because he throws it at me.

"Shut up, Lupin," he sneers. Then, with a smirk, adds, "Just because you and Anthony can't keep your hands off each other - to the point where you haven't spent three consecutive nights in our dorm during the last two months of school - doesn't mean Lils and I have to take the same approach."

I roll my eyes as Peter starts laughing and I throw a shoe at James, who's grinning victoriously.

Ever since I told Pete about everything a week ago, everything has felt less suffocating. It feels good to have one less secret to have to worry about when James and Peter are both there, even though now they've joined forces in torturing me about it.

"You two are jerks," I mutter, throwing my other shoe at Peter, but I find myself laughing too.

However, I stop when Sirius gets up and mutters something about getting a bottle of Butterbeer, before hurrying out of the room.

Peter and James stop laughing too.

"Shit," James mutters. "I'm sorry. I forgot about…the incident. This is why informing me through letters doesn't work, nothing ever sticks to mind."

"Did you expect us to Apparate to Spain and randomly show up at your hotel room to say 'Oh hey, how's vacation? By the way, Sirius and Remus totally made out and Remus totally killed the mood by mentioning that he and Anthony-'"

"I think he gets it, Peter," I groan, getting up.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna go talk to him."

As I walk out of my room, I can still hear James and Peter.

"I bet you two galleons this is going to end with another silent-treatment."

"Oh please, Prongs, two galleons on them making out again."

"You're on."

"Hey."

"Hi." Sirius has his back to me as he preoccupies himself with pouring the Butterbeer into a glass, which is stupid because he always drinks it straight from the bottle. "Did you want one?" he asks, turning around. He smiles at me, and I hate how gorgeous it still looks even though it's full of bullshit.

I smile back, though. "Nah, it's fine…You okay?"

"Yeah, definitely," he says, his grin growing more exaggerated. "Why'd you ask?"

"Sirius, come on, you sure?"

"Really, Moony. I'm okay. It's okay."

I sigh, crossing my arms. "Cut it out, Pads. I know you."

His face falls and he rubs his eyes with the heels of his palms. "Are we really going to talk about this, Remus?"

"I just…I don't want to make you feel like you can't be around me when they mention Anthony, okay?"

Frowning, he groans. "Look, I don't really want to talk about how I feel when anything is mentioned, Moony," he mutters, looking away.

I walk up to him, making him look me in the eye, which he does. "Sirius, come on…"

"Look, I'm sorry if I'm not in the mood to hear about how much you two have been shagging," he says bitterly. "I didn't even know that you two…You know…"

Before I can help it, my gaze drops to the floor, and I'm unable to look at him. "Right…Ah…I'm…I don't know what to-"

"Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?"

"You told me you still fancied me, Remus," he says, his tone frustrated. "That's what's been irking me. If you still like me, then what are you doing with him?"

"I…I don't know, okay?" I mumble, looking at him again. "I mean, don't tell me that you know what you'd do even if I wasn't him, Sirius. I mean…you can't even say it."

"Say what?"

Rolling my eyes, I rub my temples. "How do you feel about me, Pads?"

His face drains of all color, and he suddenly preoccupies himself with the empty Butterbeer bottle, peeling off the label. "You're my best mate, Remus."

Scoffing, I shake my head. "You know what I mean, Sirius."

"Look that…thing….that we did. That-"

"It's called snogging, Sirius," I deadpan. I feel another surge of hurt as he winces.

"It was at the spur of the moment, okay? I've been so vulnerable about everything and…well, I might…have feelings that…" he sighs, closing his eyes. "Remus, please, just, I can't say it. Not to you. It will make all this too…real."

"Make what real?" I challenge.

"The fact that I could very well ruin what we have again, okay?!" he snaps, his eyes looking so desperate that I feel my guard crumble. "I don't want to fuck things up again, Remus. I'm full of shit and I'm so confused and so unprepared for whatever these feelings are. This is new to me, okay? I can never compare this to how you felt when you first liked me in third year because I acknowledge that you've gone through so much more shit than what I'm sulking about. But please try to understand that it's only been weeks of attempting to come to terms with whatever this is for me, not years, and I already have to be careful.

"I can't even sort out myself, Moony. What makes you think I can trust myself to not mess things up again? I'm so lost, okay? With all this shit with my family and living on my own, I really don't know how I can handle this too. Not that you're a burden. You're never a burden. It's just that with everything that has happened, I feel like if I take this whole thing on immediately, I'll end up being even more impulsive and shitty and hurt you again. And I can't do that to you, especially when you're so happy with him. I can't ruin a good thing just because I end up acting on something I'm not even sure of. I'm clueless, Moony."

I close my eyes, trying to compose myself. Trying to come to terms with the fact that demanding answers from him isn't justifiable. That it isn't fair to force him to come to terms with whatever he's feeling when, even after years, I still can't come to terms with my own emotions about anything anymore. Opening my eyes, I see his panicked expression. I hear an intake of breath, as if he's about to start talking again.

However, I gently grab him by the shoulders and murmur, "Hey, there, calm down. I'm sorry. You don't…you don't have to explain anything. It's not my place to demand answers from you when I myself don't have any. We're still…You're still my best mate. Whatever happens. Like you said, the past few months have been shit for our friendship and I don't want to relive that just because I feel like I need to know everything. I just need to know that we're okay."

Slowly, a soft, grateful smile grows on his face. So beautiful, I never want to forget it. "We are."

"Good," I mumble. Before I know what I'm doing, I pull him into a hug, and he's hugging back.

As I hold him tight, I hear him say, "I know you aren't demanding that…That I tell you how I feel and everything…And I honestly can't tell you because I'm never good with these things…"

He must have felt me nod, urging him to go on, because he does.

"But…you know, right?"

I think of the ache in his eyes when I told him about Anthony. Of the times these past few weeks I caught him staring at me. Of the way his hands felt so sure on me as he kissed me.

"Yeah, Pads," I mumble before pulling away. "I know."

Preview: "Sirius...this has to stop. We can't do this anymore."