I regret to inform you that the chapter after this one will be the last. I just want to say thank you so much to everyone who read this story and reviewed, it made me feel so good and it amazes me that you guys enjoy it so much! I'm posting more stories in the future, definitely the first chapter of my new one right after this ends, and I hope you enjoy those too! (If you guys really want to get the feel of the story, try listening to Simple Plan's song "Untitled (How Could This Happen to me)") love you all!
Carlos avoided James. Now that James knew Carlos' secret, he couldn't face him. It made Carlos panic. What would James do? Would he ignore it, or would he tell everyone? Carlos rested his head against the bathroom wall and closed his eyes, taking deep breaths as he tried to sort things out. James cuts, he knows how bad these things can get. Now that he knew, Carlos thought, James would panic and tell someone. And once Mrs. Knight or Kendall or Logan or anyone knew, things would get even worse than they already are. James is already in a fragile state, and now with two of the four of them spiraling down a dark path, who knows what it will put everyone else through. Carlos wanted to keep it hidden to keep everyone else safe. He feared Kendall and Logan might start, too. Carlos never wanted James to know for one particular reason: he didn't want James to think it was his fault for him starting. Because it wasn't.
Meanwhile, James lied in his hospital bed, his eyes red and puffy from crying. His fault, it was all his fault Carlos was cutting himself. When did this start? How? And most importantly...why? James knew that answer, he knew for sure it was him. If he wouldn't have become depressed in the first place and started slashing at himself with razors and pieces of metal and trying to cover it up, this never would've happened, he never would've triggered Carlos and push him so far as to slice himself up. James knew how bad it felt, how terrible and awful you have to feel to do something like that to yourself. Although James himself did it, he didn't want to wish that pain on anyone. He would see pictures of his fans' wrists on Twitter and see tweets about being suicidal and it would break his heart, even after so many of them were telling him how awful he was.
It wasn't making anything better for James, all this overthinking. He wiped his eyes and took several deep breathes. It's not going to get better by just crying like this, James thought. Instead of freaking out, like he's been doing the last several months, maybe he should sit Carlos down and talk to him, straighten this all out. Maybe he wasn't even cutting himself at all, maybe James was just paranoid and freaked Carlos out. Yeah, that's gotta be it.
But James was still dying inside. As much as he tried to convince himself that everything was ok, that everything would be alright, he still felt lonely, lost, and confused. There was so much to deal with at the moment, and so little space to do that.
The doctors all said James was doing miraculous, that this truly was a medical miracle. James wasn't even the slightest impressed with how well he was recovering. All he cared about was getting out of there, making an attempt to start his life over, and to find Carlos. He thought and thought and thought all about if he should tell the doctors or the guys what he thought was going on with Carlos, but he refused to believe it. He refused to believe that Carlos was harming himself, and he just wanted to see Carlos' arms to give himself some relief.
Meanwhile, Carlos was in a panic. He refused to visit James' room, making up excuses to why he couldn't, saying he was "busy" or "just wasn't feeling well". But really, he couldn't face James, he knew James would say something about his long sleeves and force him to show him the cuts. For one thing, he didn't want to bother James with any more misery, he was already going through enough. Second, he didn't want James to feel like it was his fault. That was his biggest concern at the moment.
The day that James was supposed to be coming home from the hospital, Carlos paced the floor of his bedroom, biting his nails, pulling at his hair, doing anything he could to contain his nervousness. Occasionally, he'd pick up his blade and twiddle it between his fingers, the thought of harming himself crossing his mind at all times. He squeezed his eyes shut and placed his hands over his ears. The thoughts won't go away, the thoughts of blood and pain. Now Carlos felt horrible for not completely understanding what James was going through when he started cutting. Now that he started, now that he saw what it did to him, what it felt like, how it relieved him, he understood the addiction and how it sucks you in, never letting you out.
A sound from outside distracted Carlos from his thoughts. He dashed to the window and peeked through the blinds. He saw Mrs. Knight, Kendall, Logan and...James...getting out of a car and entering the Palm Woods. Carlos began to shake and nervously bit his lip. James was bandaged up in certain spots and had some stitches on his face.
Months before, James' face was everything to him. His entire body, his whole appearence, it was like a temple. But now, it was all cut up and scarred and James just didn't cvare about it anymore. If this car crash would've happened months ago, James would have been more concerned about the stitches ruining his beautiful face rather than the fact that he almost died. Carlos' face twisted into a slight grin. He remembered those times, those happy moments where everybody was just like they were supposed to be: happy and at peace.
Anxiety flooded through Carlos' veins. James would most definitely confront him, and he'd definitely force Carlos to pull up his sleeves, which would reveal the terrible secret hidden underneath. Carlos swallowed hard. He'd hidden this secret for so long, and he figured everyone was so focused on James no one would notice. And it worked up until now.
He paced back and forth as they disappeared into the building. He started breathing heavily and rapidly, and began to shake. They'll know, everyone will know his dirty little secret in just a few short minutes. What bothered him was why James didn't tell them already. Maybe he already did, maybe he did and they are just messing with him. The anxiety kept rising and rising inside of Carlos so much that he didn't know what to-
"We're home!"
Carlos' eyes widened. A door slammed from downstairs, and the sound of footsteps making their way across the floor echoed louder and louder in his ears with each step. Voices rang all the way up the steps, and sent chills up Carlos' spine.
"Carlos?" Katie called up the steps. Carlos was too nervous he couldn't think straight. When he didn't answer, everyone downstairs became concerned. "Carlos? Are you up there?" Katie called once more. Again, nothing.
James hid his urge to start shaking. What if he was right and Carlos was...
"I'll go up and get him." Kendall said. But just as he was about to go upstairs, Carlos came rushing down the stairs, yanking his sleeves down over his arms.
"I'm right here, no need to yell. Just using the...bathroom." He said, a somewhat convincing smile on his face. "Sorry, guess I just didn't hear you."
Mrs. Knight smiled and gently touched James' bandaged shoulder. "I'm going to go make you boys some lunch." She replied. "Why don't you all relax on the couch for a while. It's been a long week." She left them, and the boys were left staring at each other, so much tension in the room you could cut it with a butterknife.
"You guys are freaking me out with the silence." Katie said, a smile on her face. She turned to head to the pool. "Do something fun, like you guys always used to." Her face suddenly turned a little downhearted. "You guys never do that anymore."
A few moments of silence passed before Kendall spoke up. "You know what? She's right." He said, trying to lighten the mood between them. "We really haven't done anything fun in a long time. Why don't we all go to the beach or something this weekend?"
Carlos bit his lip and James looked up towards the ceiling. Logan glanced between their two faces and sighed. "It sounds like a good idea." He said, forcing a smile. "Kendall's right, you guys. Come on, a beach trip this Saturday. It'll be fun, just like it always was. Even if James isn't feeling well enough to swim, we can still hang out in the-"
Logan stopped dead in his tracks. All eyes followed his: right to Carlos' left sleeve. Kendall's eyes grew wide and James' heart stopped. So he was right...
"Carlos..." Logan said, gently reaching his fingers out to touch his wrist. A small spot of fresh blood had began bleeding through the sleeve of his shirt. Carlos' heart stopped and he just stared down at his sleeve, then at everyone's faces. His eyes grew wide as everyone stared at his sleeve: now they knew...
"Carlos..." Kendall choked out, reaching his hand towards his. Carlos yanked his hand back and took several steps back, looking like a deer in headlights. "Carlos..." Kendall started again, taking a few steps toward him. "Please, please tell me that's not...not what we think it is..."
Carlos now had his back tightly pressed against the wall with his friends still surrounding him. He squeezed his eyes shut and wrapped his hand tightly around his wrist, a few tears managing to squeeze their way down his face. "No...no..." He replied, not wanting to look at them. "I...It's n-not...not what you think...I'm...I...ok, I'm ok..."
James' eyes watered. So it was true, everything was true...Carlos really was cutting himself. He stepped close so he was just a foot from Carlos' face. "Give me your damn wrist." He said, his voice dark. Carlos opened his eyes and although his vision was a little blurry from the tears, saw the emotion hidden behind James' face.
"I told you, I'm ok. Just got myself on the shelf in our room. That's ALL." Carlos said, now sounding a little angry. "Now, it's none of your damn business!"
Carlos quickly darted underneath James' arm in an attempt to get out of there, but Logan grabbed his wrist and yanked him back, pulling up his sleeve in the process.
Everyone stared down at what lied before them, Logan's hand still grasping Carlos' wrist. Tears flooded down Carlos' face as everyone stared down at the many cuts on his left wrist, and the one fresh one he had just made. Mrs. Knight stood in the kitchen, hand over her mouth, tears flodding her eyes, and Katie stood on the stairs, her eyes bigger than her stomach.
Carlos' hand covered his mouth as he cried. He stopped trying to fight his way out-her had given up. Now everyone knew his secret, and there was no hiding it from them now.
"Carlos..." Kendall said, gently tracing his fingers across his friend's wrist. "When...how...how long has this been going on?" Carlos shook his head, refusing to answer. James just stared at his friend's wrist, at the many cuts that traveled from his wrist and all the way up his arm. Suddenly, all the memories of the past few months came exploding back into his mind, all the hurt and pain he felt, and now...Carlos was feeling the same way. Carlos was feeling the same way James did, and now that he was cutting, now that he was traveling down the same path James was, Carlos could attempt suicide...
"Carlos." James said, grabbing Carlos' wrist. Carlos flinched at the grip on his fresh cut. "Carlos...why are you doing this?" James' voice was cold, showing almost no emotion, but his face was screaming with it.
Carlos turned and gave James one of the most evil looks a person could give another person. "It's none of your fucking business and THAT is the truth." At that moment he violently yanked his wrist away from everyone and stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door so loudly behind him it rattled the walls. And with that, everyone was left in silence.
Tears streamed down James' face. Everyone turned towards him, and he bit his lip so fiercly that it bled. "James?" Logan asked, taking a step towards him. "James? Are you o-"
James pushed past them and ran up the stairs. "Just stay the fuck away from me." He growled, and slammed his door, not another word being said.
James sat on his bed and cried. He cried so hard his chest siezed up and he could barely take a breath. Carlos, one of his best friends in the whole world, who's been through so much right along with him the last few months, who, because of him, was now harming himself. He's falling down the same path I am, he's ending up just like me, only this time...what if he doesn't live...oh my God, it's all my fault...
Out of the corner of James' eye, James saw something shiny catching the sunlight on the floor. James reached down and picked it up, and noticed it was...Carlos' blade...
James held it in his hands, fresh blood dripping off of it. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he stared at it, stared at the weapon of his own friend's self destruction. Oh God...I can't deal with this...I just can't...
James was already suffering, he didn't need Carlos to be suffering, too. He clenched the blade in his fist and held back a scream. In a panic, he jumped up, his heart beating rapidly, opened the window and threw the blade as far as he could, far enough that he couldn't hear it hit the pavement. And then came the silence.
Logan knocked on James and Carlos' bedroom door. When no one answered, he opened the door and peeked in, only to find all the lights off, curtains drawn, and James huddled in a corner of the room.
"James?" Logan called out, trying to sound as gentle and calming as he possibly could. He turned on the light, but James only cowered at the brightness, and turned his back to Logan, shoving his head underneath his arms.
"Go away." He replied, attempting to crouch down even more. "I don't need to talk to anyone right now. I just want to be alone."
Logan sat on the farther edge of the bed, and his heart sank at the sight of James. This wasn't the same James Diamond that he first met, the one that got them to the audition which got them to Hollywood, the one who was always laughing, the one who he knew. This was someone so broken, so falling apart, that the only thing that could calm him down was harm to himself. It made Logan tear up, and also made him a nervous wreck at what he was planning to say.
"James," Logan began, sighing and looking at the floor. "I know you don't want to hear 'It gets better'..."
"Damn right I don't." James growled.
"But listen." Logan said. James remained quiet, still in the corner, not looking at his friend. "It really does." Logan paused for a moment. He stared at his feet, a distant look in his eye. "When I was younger, people always used to bully me. I was never the cool kid, you know that. Things got so bad during those young years that I would pretend I was sick just to stay home from school, in hopes of not getting called names or physically beaten up."
James held his breath and fought back tears. No, Logan, don't do this, don't bring any harmful memories back, don't bring back anything that will...
"My life got worse as I got older." Logan continued, still staring striahgt ahead. He closed his eyes. "I felt like nobody cared, that nobosy appreciated me, that all I was was this useless punching bag to everyone else, that I had no purpose, no meaning, no reason to live."
Logan's voice was now slightly shaking. And for the first time since he sat down, managed to look at James, who was staring back at him. "And I...I felt like the only way to solve things, to unburden everyone else, was if I was dead." Logan then turned his wrist over to show James something that made his heart stop. There, right on his wrist, were three deep scars.
"I was 11." Logan said, his voice getting ready for sobs. "I hated my life, it was terrible. I thought everyone else would be happier if I died, so I took one of my sisters new razors and...tried to kill myself."
Tears now streamed down both of the young boys' faces. Logan was holding back sobs, squeezing his eyes shut to rid himself of the painful memories. "I woke up in the hospital." Logan said, catching his breath. "They told me my sister came home from her boyfriend's house and found me lying on the bathroom floor...the white floor so red with blood you couldn't tell what color it originally was. I screamed and kicked and cried, saying I wanted to die and that I didn't want to live anymore. I threatened to do it again once I was out of the hospital, so I was put in the mental ward for two weeks under suicide watch after I was discharged."
Logan hitched a breath and tears began to pour out of James' own eyes. Never, never once did Logan ever say this, never once did he see the scars. Logan caught himself and continued on.
"When I got out, I was going to do it again, and there was no stopping me. But the school year started again shortly after that and...that's when I met you guys."
James' heart stopped for a second. He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. Logan? Really? Her never knew, Logan never spoke about it, never mentioned the slightest word towards it.
"I met you guys and, well, everything fell into place after that. I got to hang out over your houses, sit by you in school, play hockey, everything. We talked, we laughed, we hung out together, and you guys liked me for me. You never once made fun of me or beliddled me in any way, and I forgot all about what was going on. I became happier, felt like my life actually mattered now that I had friends." Logan looked into James' eyes. "I didn't want my best friend feeling the same way I did."
James, tears streaming down his face, got up and hurried to Logan's side, and threw his arms around him. He pulled him into a close hug, and Logan wrapped his arms tightly around him as well.
"I never wanted anything to happen to you." Logan cried into James' shoulder. "I didn't want you to end up the same way I did...you or Carlos. When you started feeling depressed, I thought it was nothing, that you were trying to get attention and blame everything on Kyle. But when you tried to kill yourself, well...I knew it was real. I realized I was being to you what those other kids were to me. I had become my attackers, and the thought that I helped kill my best friend hit me like a thousand rocks being thrown at once. I remembered how I felt when I was in the state you were in and, well, I felt like fucking shit."
James' face crept into a slight smile and he giggled a bit. Logan looked at him, puzzled. "What?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I've never really heard you swear before." James laughed. Logan grinned and punched James' shoulder.
"You ruined the moment." He said, grinning.
James laughed. "I was always good at that, admit it." He said. Logan and James both laughed, and then a few moments of silence passed between them. They looked into each other's eyes and saw a glint of hope.
"I'm still worried about Carlos." James replied, the glint of hope begining to vanish. "We can't let him go on with this, we can't almost lose a third member of the band...another best friend."
Logan shook his head. "We won't. I promise I won't let that happen. I failed at being a friend to you in your time of need, but I won't do that to Carlos."
James shook his head. "You didn't fail me."
"Yes I did. I wasn't a friend to you in the beginning of all this, and then right before that car accident...I felt that I never had the chance to make it up with you, to tell you how much I, we, WE all care."
James sighed. "It's ok, I promise. I have just been so selfish in all of this. I'm just...I'm just letting it all get to me. And I guess...I'll do it. I'll get better, I'll want to. But only if the three of you help me."
Logan smiled and touched his wrist. "We will. We promise." Logan curled his fingers around James' scars. "Let's go find Carlos. He's an emotional wreck right now and we need to find him and talk to him before things get worse."
James nodded and stood up. "Did you text him or call him at all?"
Logan nodded. "Texted him and asked him where he was. He told me he just wanted to be alone right now, and nothing after that. But we need to find him before he does anymore harm to himself."
The two boys made their way downstairs, and the slight smiles on their faces stunned everyone else in the apartment.
"Oh my God, it came out." Kendall said, sarcastically. James grinned and tossed a nearby pillow from the couch at him. Mrs. Knight raised an eyebrow in surprise.
"So you boys finally came down." She said, continuing fixing up the lunch she was making. "Is everyone ok?"
James smiled and nodded. "We are now." He replied, looking at Logan. Logan smiled and brushed ghis fingers against James' wrist.
"How'd you do it, Logan?" Kendall asked, getting up from the ground from being hit by James' pillow. "How'd you get him to come out? And you're both actually smiling."
"I just needed a little convincing." James said. He looked out the window, at the bright world outside, and smiled, actually smiling a real smile for the first time in what seemed like years. "I guess...this world really isn't such a bad place at all."
Kendall and Mrs. Knight both looked at each other in shock. James dug his phone out of his pocket. "I'm gonna call Carlos." He said. "I'm gonna try and talk to him." As he began to dial and walk away from everyone, Kendall and Mrs. Knight stared at Logan in shock.
"What the hell did you say to him up there?" Kendall asked, looking at Logan in shock and disbelief. Logan shrugged.
"Just something I thought he needed to hear."
Over an hour later did James return, a distraught look on his face. "Carlos keeps saying he wants to be alone." James replied. He sat down on the couch. "I'm really worried now. I called him several times and after a while he turned off his phone. I'm afraid he did something, or is planning too."
Kendall sat down next to James and put his arm around him. "Maybe Carlos needs to be alone right now. Look, I'll call Jo and Camille and tell them to look for him. Right now I think you need to just sit down and relax."
Mrs. Knight walked over and sat down next to him. She wrapped her arms around him and gently hugged him. "They'll find Carlos, James. They'll bring him back, it'll be ok. Right now I think Kendall is right. You just got back from the hospital and shouldn't stress yourself out. You need time to recover and heal."
James wiped a tear out of the corner of his eye and nodded. "You're right." He replied. He sighed. "That won't stop my worrying about Carlos, though."
"We know, buddy, we know." Logan said, resting his elbows on the couch cushions behind them. "But if you stay strong, Carlos will, too. And also, think about the fans, all the Rushers who hurt with you. Stay strong for them, too."
James paused for a minute before speaking again. "I can't let them end up the same way I did. No way, no how. No matter what, they are still important to me."
Kendall patted James' back. "We're proud of you, buddy." He replied, smiling. "We're proud of you for actually wanting to get better, to stay strong."
James grinned. "I couldn't do it without any of you guys."
"We don't know what we would've done if you had died when you tried to...kill yourself, or in the car crash." Logan said.
"I'm glad I came out of that accident alive." James replied. "It helped me see that things can get better. Maybe it was God's way of telling me I should stay alive. I am just thankful nobody in the crash was hurt."
The room became silent as Kendall, Logan and Mrs. Knight all looked at each other. Confused by their sudden silence, James looked at them questionably. "What's wrong?" He asked, growing concerned. The others had worried looks in their eyes, but concealed it behind fake smiles. But James was far too good at detecting lies.
"What are you guys hiding?" James asked, now a little agitated. Logan bit his bottom lip and looked in the other direction while Kendall and Mrs. Knight sat speechless. "You guys heard me." James said, his tone growing angry. "What the hell is going on?"
"James, calm down." Mrs. Knight said. "It, it's nothing, ok? Now why don't I fix you boys something to eat,hm?" She began to get up, but James slammed his fists against the coffee table and stood up.
"Now you all tell me what the fuck's going on right now and I God damn mean it!"
The room was silent as they all exchanged looks with each other. Finally, Kendall began to talk, rather fast, too.
"We didn't want totell you because we thought it might trigger you into doing something crazy," He began, but Logan finished for him.
"But, James, the driver in the other car...he didn't make it."
The whole world seemed to stop turning for a brief moment as Logan uttered those few, fateful words. James stared straight ahead, shock running through his veins in one, swift motion. The other driver in the crash was...dead?
"Please, please tell me you're joking." He replied, still not looking at anyone else, but rather staring into nothing, a voidless and humanless place.
"We're...we're not, honey." Mrs. Knight said, attempting to take James' hand, but he swept it away from her. "The other driver, they believe he died upon impact."
"He was going 102 when you guys crashed." Logan said. "Police said he died of blood loss and a fractures skull."
James couldn't process this all at once. Or even at all. The crash, that crash he shouldn't even have made it out of, the other person was dead, they were dead and he never knew. An accident he believed...he caused.
"I killed someone." James whispered to himself.
"James, you did noth-"
"I TOOK ANOTHER LIFE OUT OF THIS WORLD!"
"James you did nothing he was triple over the legal BAL and was going 102 and in the wrong lane!" Kendall screamed.
"I was speeding too! I knew I shouldn't have been but I was!"
"He was drunk out of his mind, the police even said it was his fault."
"I wasn't paying attention."
"James, it wasn't your fault, he shouldn't have been-"
"IT DOESN'T MATTER, IF I WAS PAYING ATTENTION I COULD HAVE STOPPED IT!"
All was silent for a few moments. James turned and had his head against the wall, hands covering his head. The other three had tears in their eyes as they watched James fall apart once more. They were losing him...
Sniffling, James spoke up. "I was too fucking depressed and worried about my own fucking problems that I wasn't paying attention to the road. I didn't see him coming, all I cared about was ending my own life, and there I go and kill someone else. I don't care if he was drunk, I don't care about any of that, I should've saw him coming, then I could've prevented a crash, prevented the killing of another human life. He could've had friends, a family, children, who knows, but now we never will. I killed another human life when it really should've been me I was killing! Then none of this fucking monstrosety of a life would've ever happened!"
"James, I think you need to-" Kendall said, reaching out to grab James' arm, but James pushed him back and stormed out of the apartment.
"Just leave me alone right now." Was all he said, and he slammed the door behind him, leaving the other three alone in the apartment, ready to break down themselves.
As James was running down the hallway, he almost ran over Victoria, who was going to the apartment to check on him. "James!" She said, stopping him. Immediatly she became concerned by the tears in his eyes and rapidness of his breathing. "Oh my God, what, what's the matter? What happened?"
"Just leave me alone." He growled, and began to dart past her until she grabbed onto his shirt and yanked him back to her.
"What in the hell is wrong with you?" She yelled. She looked into James' eyes and saw nothing but pure hate, evil, nothing but darkess, but it wasn't directed towards her or anyone else-it was directed towards himself.
"Why didn't you guys tell me the other driver in the crash died?" He said, spitting it out like it came naturally to him. Victoria's expression sank at the very sound of those words.
"James, I...we...we didn't want you getting hurt..."
"So you were just gonna hide it forever, huh? You were just going to lie to me and pretend everything was ok when really everything was absolutely NOT."
"You didn't kill him!"
"YOU DON'T KNOW THE STORY!"
James backed away from her and looked out the window, tears streaming down his face. "I didn't want to live anymore." He said, his voice still aggressive but a little softer. "I wanted to die, I had given up. I was going to cut my wrists right there in the car when I hit him. I wasn't paying attention."
Victoria bit her bottom lip to hold back sobs. "He was drinking. He knew he wasn't supposed to." She said, her tone growing softer and softer as she held back the tears that kept piling on inside her mind. "We found out he had been an alcoholic for years and was arrested for it a few times. He knew very damn well he shouldn't have been driving."
"That doesn't fix the fact that I wasn't paying attention either. I shouldn't have lived, the doctors said that, but I did."
"Carlos tried to save him, too." Victoria said. James looked at her and widened his eyes in disbelief. "When he pulled you out, he saw the other car overturned not too far away. He made sure you were safe, then went after the other driver. But the driver had been crushed to the ground, you weren't. He wasn't wearing his seatbelt, James. The seatbelt wasn't on so he wasn't strapped in, he damn knew that!"
"Why are you telling me this?" James screamed at her. His blood boiled as he stood there in front of her, and took deep breathes as he tried to control the tears and shouts of anger.
Victoria's voice was now low and filled with anger. "You deserve to know the truth." She said. "I think you've been through enough, I have been through enough. You need to learn the fucking facts and move on with your life. James, honestly, you are taking this way too far, this never ending madness! James, you constantly complain at how bad your life is but you make no attemot to fix it! Honestly it's driving me crazy! You continue to cut yourself and say it'll never get better when we try to help you! You drag this on and on and on and on and honestly it's getting old. Grow up and move on from this fucked up state!"
James couldn't believe what he just heard. "I should've known what kind of person you were right from the start." He said, his voice low. "You have no idea what I'm going through, you have no idea what it's like to be a person so lost and confused in this world he just can't get out and dON'T YOU DAMN SAY YOU BECAUSE YOU DON'T! Clearly you have no idea what real depression is. I think you're the one who's messed up, Victoria. You get with people, mess with their minds, make them feel worse and worse, blame it all on them, then move on to the next one. I shouldn't have been so upset when I found you with Kyle that night, because I should've known you planned that all along. You never cared about me, you never cared about what was wrong with me or what I did, all you cared about was yourself. That's it. You said you've had enough? Well so have I. We're done."
James stormed out of there. He didn't want to see her face ever again. He didn't want to feel anything anymore.
Car crash. Died. Death. Carlos. Cutting. Harm. Injury. No more. Death. Life. Death. Death. Die. Die. Die. Die. Die.
He whipped out the keys to the rental Mrs. Knight had and left the Palm Woods, not stopping for anything. Everything was falling apart again, everything in his world was crashing down again and there would be no way for him to get out of this one. He let the tears fall out as much as they want as he speeded away from everything:his life, everything he ever knew. He wasn't taking this anymore, he was done with the drama and guilt and fears.
You killed someone. You were selfish. You weren't paying attention.
Carlos started cutting because of you.
Victoria never cared about you at all.
As James got further and further away, the tears fell harder and harder. This was it, he was done with everyone and everything. He wasn't going to let anything else ruin his life anymore.
He made his way to the last stop he would ever make: The Golden Gate Bridge.