Whoa. It's been months. Heh. -gets shot- Forgiveness, peoples! Haven't you learnt anything from Aerith's death?

Ahem. So yeah, I've had a crazy few months. A crazy year, in fact. I'm still getting back into my writing groove (does that work?), and managing using a couple of pillows as a desk.

Enjoy!

"It was so easy that night, shoulda been strong, yeah I lied…"

The flat-screen TV flashed vibrant colours at the enthusiastic young singer reading off its chest. Bold, white words rolled their way across the screen, forming the lyrics of the pop-hit "About You Now" by the one and only Sugababes- secretly Reno's favourite band. Little did Reno know, his cranky, middle aged neighbour in apartment 3B was having an afternoon nap.

Reno burst into fitful dance as the chorus began. "…CAN WE BRING YESTERDAY BACK AROUND, CAUSE I KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU NOW! WOO YEAH BABY!"

"HEY, SHUT THE HELL UP DOWN THERE BEFORE I CALL THE MENTAL COPS YA NUTJOB!"

"Sorry Mr Bramwick!" Reno called back after dropping to the couch and cowering in shock.

It was a Sunday. Weird things happened on Sundays (at least, they did in Midgar). Reno had a tendency to have random PMS like symptoms on Sundays, though this could hardly defend his child-like actions. Says the narrator as Reno begins to draw a picture of a gay unicorn with crayons. Indeed, strange things happened on Sundays…

Take the random arrival of Reno's long lost friend, for example.

"HEY HEY, KIDS!" Reno's apartment door burst open and fell to the ground, revealing a tall, sinister man in a cape. Oh, and he had pink hair. "Miss me?"

"OH MY EFFING CARAMEL POOPS! It's Krusty the Clown!" With that, Reno bolted towards the all-too-lovable-and-whose-existence-was-quite-questionable Sephiroth, enveloping him in a hug that would be the envy of many squeeing fangirls.

Said psycho head pushed him away, his narrowed eyes leading him away. "I am Sephiroth, and I have come back from my unexplainable death by melting in order to seek revenge on the monstrosity who ruined my hair."

"Oh that guy. He's next door." Reno replied simply, shrugging his shoulders. He threw his guest a beer.

"Ah. I appreciate it." Sephiroth's expression eased, and he even offered Reno a grateful smile. "Thank you, kind- wait a minute."

Reno's eyes widened in fear as Sephiroth's face morphed into a picture of evil.

"This is LIGHT BEER!" He boomed, sending the brown glass bottle crashing against the brick wall of the apartment.

"Light beer…WHAT THE HELL IS LIGHT BEER DOING IN MY HOUSE!"

Reno and Sephiroth went into a panicked frenzy as they pulled apart every corner and every crack of the room in an attempt to salvage any mysterious light alcohol. When all was said and done, the two men stood amongst the garbage littered on the ground and looked at each other.

"So anyways, I'll catch ya later, dude?" Reno continued, a chipper smile bright on his idiotic face.

"I'll agree to that." Sephiroth replied, nodding at the redhead. "Wait a minute…"

"Ugh, what now-"

"Is that…SUGABABES THEMED KARAOKE! I LOVE YOU, MAN WITH THE QUESTIONABLE HAIR!" Sephiroth bolted over to the couch, picked up a mic, and began to sing and out of tune rendition of "Get Sexy". "WHEN I'M WALKING DOWN THE STREET, THEY SAY "HEY SE-""

Mr Bramwell's voice boomed through the roof, and for a small man, his huge voice was enough to make even Sephiroth, master of the 'sexy', pee his tights. "I'M CALLING THE COPS; DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YA! Geez, men these days…You'd think they'd had enough of women."

Reno and Sephiroth stared at each other, the latter the more terrified. Clearly he'd never been in an apartment, much less come into contact with a middle-aged man.

"I say we go out for ice-cream." Reno decided with a wink at his mortified visitor.

After approximately eleven multi-flavoured ice-creams, seven hook-ups with random well-groomed females (save one well-groomed sailor), and one encounter with a dancing warrior-princess, Reno and Sephiroth stumbled their way down the street, their destination unknown.

"Urgh…" Reno was looking ready to throw up, judging by the shade of green on his face. "Wanna go barf in that alleyway, Sir Sephalot?"

"Gladly, Madam Ginger."

Stepping (or in their case, falling) into a Midgar alleyway was like stepping into a freshly abandoned war-zone. Hobos scuttled into dark corners like rats at their approach. Food scraps lay littered like fairy dust on the gum stained concrete floor. Vomit took the place of dead shrubbery, and trash bins lay broken on their sides, with one lone survivor rummaging through its contents. Paying no attention to the beautiful scenery, Reno and Sephiroth did their business on a few lonely pizza boxes. It worked well to scare the cockroaches away.

"Hey, yez poisoned ma king's feast!"

The two sickened men forced their heads to turn in the direction of the new voice. It belonged to a middle aged man with a balding head and a scruffy, wiry, food contaminated beard. He wore tattered clothing and carried a rat on his skinny shoulder.

Reno groaned. "Who's your…ack…king?"

Sephiroth smacked him hard on the shoulder and muttered in his ear, "Careful to insult him, Reno, he might throw a cat at you."

"Naw, ma girlfriend's the one with the fifty rabid, flea-bitten cats. Ohh ma feast…ruined I tell yez…" The man continued, sobbing.

Sephiroth narrowed his eyes at the hobo. "What's your name, haggard mortal?"

"Harreh." He sniffed, petting the rat on his shoulder.

"Hey, I have a rat just like yours!" Reno, suddenly over his sickness, bolted up and fearlessly held out his hand for the rat to nibble at. "Haha! My rat's name's Benny, what's his?"

Harry revealed his toothless grin to Reno and replied, "Corky Jones the Three Hundredth and Twenty Second."

"Ah…What happened to the last three hundred and twenty first?" Reno asked, drawing his hand back slightly.

"Oh nutthin'. Bin in the family for generations. He's Daddy got a bad case of the plagues, though. 'Parently that's how the whole geostigma thing got started."

"Oh, haha. Is that it…" Reno, slightly horrified now, began to back away from Harry, who was only advancing on him with that oh-so-charming grin of his. Harry began to chant his name, "Reno, Reno," until he suddenly gripped his shoulders and brought him in for a hug, rubbing his back whilst he did so.

Reno attempted to escape, but the hobo's slight frame was nothing to go by in terms of strength. "Whoa! Okay there, calm down…Sephiroth, what's he doing? A little help!"

"He's CLEARLY trying to mate with you." Sephiroth remarked, an amused smirk playing on his face. Reno yelped at this.

"Okay, okay, let go or I'll- HEY DON'T TOUCH THERE! Okay, you leave me no choice!" Reno reached for his EMR, but stopped when he heard the sharp slide of metal escape from its sheath.

"Stop. I will not let you hurt him, Reno. I…I have a confession." Sephiroth turned to Harry whilst Reno stared, confused as hell, at the pink haired man before him. "Harry, I am your father."

A long, awkward, intensely long and awkward silence followed.

"That was a reference that went horribly wrong…" Sephiroth muttered under his breath. Then, louder, he said, "Ah, you two carry on. I'll go wait in the car."

"NO! SEPHIROTH GET BACK HERE!" Reno squalked, impaled against a broken trash bin. "…What car?"

Hm. I seem to be quite fond of the 'cat throwing' business, don't I? This sure isn't the first time I've mentioned those furry felines being hurled xD lol. Haha, I kinda had Cletus from the Simpsons in mind when I wrote the hobo XD His voice and all…Probably doesn't work well considering they're from two different worlds and his accent doesn't exist in Midgar lol :P

Review for a cookie? :D