WHAT? She's updating less than a week after posting episode 35?! This author must be sick. Usually she waits a year before posting something new!

Yes, it is really me, and yes, I am really posting a new chapter. And no, for any of you who are curious: I am NOT sick.

Thank you so much to those of you who reviewed! I don't deserve to have anyone read this story after the super-long wait I put you guys through. It means so, so, so, SO much to me that there are people out there who are still reading, much less reviewing. Thank you for the support!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even a cow. Although I will own a cow someday!

Episode 36:

Chad Without a Chance

Chad Dylan Cooper Never Helps Those Who Are Sick

Connie Munroe could tell there was something wrong with her daughter. For one thing, even though Sonny was seated at the table, she wasn't eating breakfast. Instead, she slumped in her chair looking like she could pass out at any given moment. Her eyes were blood-shot. Her hair was frazzled. A large pile of used tissues sat beside her elbow.

"You're sick," the mother stated.

"No, I'm not," Sonny argued. Even her voice sounded congested. "Well, maybe I am, but I can't be. I have to go to the studio no matter how gross I feel."

Connie placed her hand on Sonny's forehead, checking for a temperature. Whoa – she was burning up!

"Go back to bed, sweetie," Connie ordered, trying to help Sonny to her feet. "I'll bring you a nice warm bowl of chicken noodle soup!"

"I can't go back to bed! Mom, I don't think you understand the seriousness of the situation. My cast mates and Chad are still mad at me for pretending to be sick. If I miss another day of work, they'll think I'm lying again!"

"Well, I guess you shouldn't have lied to them to begin with," Connie chastised. "I'm sorry, Sonny, but I can't allow you to go to work when you're running a fever. It wouldn't be healthy for you or for any of your friends."

"But Mom! Chad's going to be here any minute to pick me up-,"

"Then I guess you should call him and let him know you won't need a ride."

Fighting was futile, especially when a loud sneeze cut off whatever rebuttal Sonny was about to give. With a sigh, the actress took her mother's advice and crawled back into bed. There was just one thing left to do before she could fall asleep.

Chad Dylan Cooper was climbing into his car when he heard his phone going off. He answered it without checking to see who it was. If someone was calling this early in the morning, it was probably regarding something of high importance.

"CDC here."

"Can't you ever answer your phone like a normal person?"

"Sonny!" Chad cried cheerfully. "Am I late? I thought my watch said it was a little after nine, but maybe I read it wrong. It doesn't matter; I'll be to your place in ten minutes, fifteen tops!"

"Actually, I don't need you to pick me up today, Chad."

Chad paused. Sonny didn't want him to give her a ride to work? But…But he'd picked her up almost every morning since they started dating!

"I'm sick," Sonny continued when the other end of the line remained silent. "I tried telling my mom I felt well enough to work, but she won't let me leave the apartment until my fever goes down. It looks like I'm going to be stuck at home for a while."

"You're really sick?" a skeptical Chad asked. "This isn't another scheme to get me to spend time with the Randoms, is it? I really don't think forcing us together is the best way to go about making friends-,"

He was cut off by an extremely loud – not to mention annoying – coughing fit.

"No tricks this time," Sonny assured once she was able to breathe again. "I'm really sick. Maybe it's karma for lying about being sick before."

Chad almost wished his girlfriend was lying. He would rather be deceived again and live with a tiny flicker of hope that Sonny would show up at some point than imagine yet another day at the studio without her. It was harder to get through his daily challenges without having her smile to fall back on.

"Do you need me to baby-sit your friends again?" he offered. "Maybe I could take the day off and nurse you back to health?"

"Don't worry about me. My mom is here if I need anything. I'll probably spend most of the day sleeping anyway. As for the Randoms…" Sonny thought about it for a moment. "Could you let them know why I'm not there?"

"That's all you want me to tell them? There's not another list of things they need me to do?"

Sure, Sonny could have given Chad a list. She had promised to help Tawni give her dog a bath, Nico and Grady asked for help with their homework, and Zora wanted her support when she spoke to Marshall about enlarging the vent system (apparently, she was beginning to feel cramped). Considering how things had gone last time though, Sonny didn't feel right asking her boyfriend to fill her shoes again.

"I'm pretty sure the four of them can survive without a leader," she said. "Listen…I think I'm going to let you go. You have a job to get to and I have the beginnings of a horrible headache, so…"

"Are you sure you don't need anything? I could stop by on my way to the studio."

"Thanks, but no thanks. The only thing I need right now is sleep and, no offense to you or anything, but I don't think having you around is the best way to ensure that that happens."

Chad smiled. Of course Sonny wouldn't sleep if he was there. How could she when he was in her presence? He was Chad Dylan Cooper, after all.

"I'll miss you," he reminded his favorite girl.

"I'll miss you, too," she responded.

By the time evening rolled around, Sonny finally started to feel a little better. She was able to leave her bed – which had been her sanctuary all day long – and join Connie in the living room. The two girls decided to have a chick-flick marathon.

Sonny, staying wrapped up in a blanket since she was still a little chilly from her fever, found her eyes straying to her cell phone every five minutes. She was surprised. Usually she and Chad spent hours texting back and forth or talking to each other online when they weren't able to get together for a date. For some reason, her boyfriend was being silent.

'Maybe he's afraid to contact you,' she considered. 'He might think you're asleep. You could always text him first.'

As the second movie in their marathon began and Chad still hadn't said a word, Sonny took the initiative.

Did you lose your phone or something, Cooper?

His response didn't appear two seconds later which, although she would never admit it, Sonny had kind of hoped it would. That would've meant she was right, that the only reason he wasn't talking to her was out of consideration. However, if there was a long pause, there had to be something else distracting him.

The wait felt endless. Sonny tried busying herself by paying attention to the movie, but the longer her phone went without mooing, the more anxious she became. Her fingers drummed against her knee. The blanket drew tighter around her shoulders. She jumped up and down lightly, willing Chad to answer her.

"Sonny?" Connie asked wearily, watching her daughter closely. "Are you sure you're feeling better? You're acting a little…strange."

"I'm fine, mom." Sonny's lips said one thing, but silently she added, 'Chad won't be fine though if he's off with some other girl!'

Five minutes slowly dragged by.

Another ten followed just as sluggishly.

Was Chad EVER going to text?

Just as the movie was reaching its climax – meaning, of course, that the main couple was having a huge fight. It was just a chick flick, after all – a loud knock sounded on the door.

"I'll get it," Connie offered before Sonny could move. "I don't think you're contagious, but I'd rather be safe than sorry."

Pausing the movie, Connie climbed to her feet. She breezed past Sonny, ruffling her hair in the process, and ran for the door without giving her daughter a chance to retaliate. She paused after getting a glimpse of her guest.

"Oh…My…Chad."

That was all it took to get Sonny up. Her mom never used that expression unless something big was going on. She wasn't going to miss out on seeing whatever it was just because of a few sick germs.

Connie stepped aside when she heard Sonny approaching her, leaving enough room for both of them to stand in the doorway. Sonny's jaw fell in shock as soon as she was able to see who was waiting in the hall.

Chad Dylan Cooper was kneeling, smiling up at his girlfriend and her mother. Beside him stood a four legged animal with black and white fur. If Sonny didn't know any better, she would think that Chad had actually brought a cow to her apartment.

"Surprise!" Chad shouted when both Munroe's stood there, motionless.

Well, he was certainly right about one thing: the cow was a surprise.

"We could let her come inside for a few minutes-,"

"No."

"If we leave her in the hall, someone might see her and report us-,"

"No."

"Mom, come on, it's just a-,"

"I am not going to have a cow in my house, Allison Munroe! Now drop it!"

Connie, Sonny, and Chad were standing in the apartment, having what they liked to refer to as a very loud discussion. The cow was still in the hallway, heading-butting against the door, trying to force her way in.

"Mrs. Munroe," Chad jumped in, knowing that the 'discussion' wouldn't go anywhere without his help. "I'm sorry I brought a cow over without asking your permission-,"

"As you should be," Connie nodded curtly.

"But the thing is, I only brought her here because of your daughter." At this point, Chad pulled Sonny to him, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "Sonny means everything to me, Conn – Mrs. Munroe. When I first heard about her being sick, I was heartbroken. I knew there had to be something I could do that would help brighten her day."

"And you thought that 'something' would be bringing her a cow?"

"Yes, ma'am," Chad confirmed. "I know that my little sonshine misses her humble Wisconsin upbringing. I hoped that if I brought Wisconsin to her for one night, maybe she would find the strength she needed to overcome this sickness."

Connie looked from one teenager to the other. Sonny knew exactly what that meant: she was wavering!

"Well, I guess you were trying to do something nice…" She sighed. "Since Sonny's still sick and our apartment doesn't allow pets, you have twenty minutes before I want the cow out of here."

Chad ran to the door, letting the cow in before Connie could change her mind. Sonny immediately plopped down on the floor so she could pet the animal easier. Chad sat beside her and joined his girlfriend in cooing over the cow.

"Twenty minutes," Connie warned again. "Your time begins…Now."

With that, she disappeared, giving the dating couple their privacy.

"Okay, spill it, Cooper," Sonny ordered, giggling as the cow buried her head in her chest, nearly knocking the human over. "How did you find a cow in Hollywood?"

"I've told you, Sonny: you can rent anything in this town," Chad replied.

"But a cow? How did you even get her up here? I don't live on the first floor of the complex, you know."

"Isn't it obvious?" When Sonny's answer was a blank stare, Chad clarified. "We rode the elevator."

"She looks so tiny!" Sonny exclaimed, scratching the cow's ear.

"That's because she's only a calf," Chad explained, smiling proudly. "A 'calf' is what they call a baby cow. I think the guy I rented her from said she's only a few days old."

"That would explain why she's so hungry."

Chad's brow furrowed in confusion. "How can you tell she's hungry?"

"Look at the way she's sucking on my fingers," Sonny said. "She's trying to find milk."

The cow really was sucking on Sonny's fingers, sticking three or four of them into her mouth at once. Chad did his best to focus – he was supposed to be concentrating on the animal, not letting his mind wander – but it was hard to think about starving cows when his girlfriend was right there.

Sonny Munroe had never looked more appealing to Chad than she did in that moment. It didn't matter that her nose was red, her eyes were watering, or that her hair was frazzled. He couldn't stop staring at her fingers, the fingers that he hadn't gotten to feel all day long. He never felt them twine with his. He never felt them run through his hair. He never felt them grab the collar of his shirt while Sonny pulled their bodies together…

And now, instead of using those fingers to connect with him, Sonny was worried about a calf she believed to be hungry.

Chad Dylan Cooper was actually jealous of a cow.

"I know!" Sonny snapped her fingers as she came up with a new idea. "Chad…Let's feed her!"

"Feed her?" the blonde actor echoed.

"Yeah! It'll be fun!"

"How, exactly, are we going to feed her? Do you have a stash of hay hidden in your room?"

Ignoring his snide remark, the peppy brunette bounced to her feet and skipped into the kitchen. The cow tried following her, but Chad grabbed her collar quickly. He was lucky Mrs. Munroe hadn't kicked him out when she saw him standing on the other side of her door. The least he could do was make sure the barn animal stayed in one room instead of wandering freely around the apartment.

By the time Sonny returned, Chad was losing his battle. The cow was dragging him across the floor as she tried to reach Sonny. The actress paused, watching as the tiny calf dragged her boyfriend around. She smiled; even after all those hours in the gym, Chad still wasn't strong enough to tame a wild beast.

"Yeah, I'd try to escape if Chad was holding me hostage, too," Sonny spoke up, alerting her boyfriend that she was back. He let go of the calf and stood up straight, brushing off his jacket innocently. "Come here, baby."

"Coming, babe," Chad replied, coming forward obediently.

"I wasn't talking to you," Sonny protested as she sat on the couch. "I was talking to her!"

The calf ran into the living room, her tail wagging in excitement. She didn't have to wait long for the attention she was craving; Sonny started fawning over her right away.

"Who's the cutest cow I've ever seen?" she cooed in a baby voice. "You're right: it's you!"

Chad was beginning to regret his decision to bring the cow over in the first place. He'd only done it because he knew how much Sonny loved cows and farms and Wisconsin and he wanted to do something nice for her since she spent all day coughing up her lungs. Now though, he only had twenty minutes with her – less than twenty minutes at this point – and she cared more about the stupid animal than him.

'If she pays more attention to the stupid cow than you,' a tiny voice in the back of Chad's mind said, 'then make her remember how much better you are than the cow!'

Yes – that was exactly what he would do. Chad just needed to remind Sonny how awesome he was. That would solve the problem!

"So," he stated, joining his girlfriend on the couch. "I missed you at work today."

"Check this out," Sonny cried, holding up a bottle. "This belonged to me when I was a baby. It's cute, isn't it?"

"Um…sure?"

The bottle wasn't cute. Honestly, at least in Chad's mind, it was kind of ugly. Cartoon cows were painted on it and the inside looked dirty, almost like someone had forgotten to remove the milk after Sonny's last feeding.

Wait…If the milk had been sitting in the bottle for years, how come it wasn't hard and disgusting? Why was it moving?

"When I was younger, I loved playing with the calves on my farm. Actually, I loved playing with all the animals, but the calves were my favorite. Well, them and the family dog, but that's another story!" Sonny couldn't stop smiling as she reminisced. "My mom and dad taught me how to feed the calves. They'd get the milk ready – there's a special formula that needs to be mixed together – and they would pour it into the bottle because they knew I would spill if they let me try. Anyway, once everything was ready, they'd hand me the bottle and let me give it to the calves. There's nothing more fun than bottle-feeding cows, Chad!"

Sonny glanced down at the bottle in her hand, met eyes with the calf watching her expectantly, and then shook her head.

"You know what? I've done this a million times before." She extended the bottle to Chad. "Why don't you take a turn?"

The Mackenzie Falls actor froze. "Me?"

"Why not? It'll be a good experience for you!"

Now Chad really regretted his decision to rent a cow. How was he supposed to admit he had no idea how to feed a calf without looking like a total idiot?

"Well?" Sonny waited impatiently for Chad to take the item she was offering him. "Go ahead!"

"Okay," Chad agreed, finally taking the bottle. "I'll just – I'll just go ahead and feed her now."

With Sonny watching him, wearing one of the biggest smiles on the face of the planet, Chad felt his hands begin to sweat. He wiped them off on his pants one by one – smirked at his girlfriend to let her know he loved every minute of this – and then, he stared down at the calf.

To his surprise, the calf was watching him, too. Her big brown eyes – 'Brown!' his brain shouted. 'She has brown eyes just like Sonny!' – refused to blink as she held her head high. She stuck out her tongue and licked her nose as if to say, 'I know you have food. Give it to me before I attack you!'

Slowly, putting his acting skills to the ultimate test as he kept a smile plastered to his face, Chad lowered the bottle. The calf grabbed the end-

-And before he knew what was happening, Chad was jumping backward in shock. The calf, the bottle clutched tightly between her teeth, was feeding herself.

"She – she pulled it right out of my hands!" Chad accused, pointing a blaming finger at the cow. "Bottle stealer!"

"I guess I should've warned you that claves are stronger than they look," Sonny apologized, wresting the bottle away from the farm animal. "See, the key is holding the bottle at an angle so you have a stronger grip on it. That way, she won't be able to take it so easily."

Sonny scooted closer to Chad. "If you wanted to try again, maybe I could help you…?"

This time, Chad didn't have to fake a smile. "I don't NEED your help. However, if you think it's a good idea…"

The second time around went much smoother. With Sonny's help, Chad was able to feed the calf without any hitches. His girlfriend stayed at his side through the entire feeding, practically sitting right on top of him. Her hands covered his as they worked together to keep the bottle slanted enough for the calf to drink her fill.

Chad could feel the electricity surging through his body at Sonny's touch. For some reason, it felt stronger today than ever before. Maybe it was because his feelings for the comedian were getting deeper as time went by. What had started out as a rivalry had turned into a secret friendship, from secret friendship into hidden feelings, hidden feelings into boyfriend and girlfriend…

There was just something about Sonny that Chad didn't understand. She was his Sonny…and hopefully, he would never have to let her go.

"It's been fifteen minutes!" Connie's voice warned. "Chad and the cow should be saying their goodbyes!"

"I'm almost out of high school and she still doesn't trust me to be alone with a boy," Sonny muttered under her breath. "She does know that everyone calls me the 'good girl', right?"

"They might call you the 'good girl', but you're dating 'Hollywood's bad boy," Chad reminded. "I'm probably the one your mom doesn't trust."

"Well, she should learn to trust you. I mean, she doesn't have a good reason not to."

"Really, Sonny? Does she really not have a good reason?"

When Sonny raised a questioning eyebrow, Chad brought his face even closer to hers. His plan worked: she shivered in either fear or excitement and closed her eyes, all the while biting down on her bottom lip.

'Oh my Chad!'

He wanted to kiss her, he really did. How was he supposed to resist when she was teasing him so? He was trying so hard to be good, but she made it so much more difficult than it needed to be!

Wait…Sonny was his girlfriend now. He had every right in the world to kiss her. What was holding him back? What was keeping him from closing that tiny distance between her lips and his? All he needed to do was lean forward the tiniest bit-

"Two minutes!" Connie cried out. "I haven't heard any goodbyes yet!"

It was too late to do any kissing now. The moment was ruined.

Sonny followed Chad as he headed to the door, the calf prancing along at her side. The last thing she wanted to do was say goodnight. Twenty minutes with Chad Dylan Cooper was nowhere near enough.

"How did things go at the studio today?" she asked, realizing she'd forgotten to get any details. "Did you have fun?"

"I'm not sure 'fun' is the right word. Since you weren't there, your cast mates decided it was the perfect time to pull pranks on my cast."

Sonny shook her head. "They didn't do anything too awful, did they?"

"Well, they did…" Chad paused. Why should he waste his final two minutes complaining about the Randoms? He would have plenty of time to do that once Sonny returned to work. "I can't lie to you, Sonny: their pranks weren't as hard to deal with as going an entire day without seeing you was."

That line was worth it just to see the goofy grin that the actress sent his way.

"You really do miss me when I'm gone, don't you?"

"Are you kidding? At least when you're there, the other Randoms don't terrorize my cast!"

Sonny couldn't argue with that. If it weren't for her, Tawni, Nico, Grady, and Zora would reap havoc on the Mackenzie Falls crew whenever possible. It looked like no matter what she and Chad tried, the two casts were never going to get along.

"One minute!" Connie called again. "If the boy and the cow aren't gone by the time I come out there, Sonny will be grounded for two weeks!"

Her eyes flying open in fear, Sonny threw open the door, pushing both Chad and the calf into the hallway.

"Thanks for the cow and caring enough to drop by," she said quickly. "I'll see you at work tomorrow. Bye!"

"Wait!" Chad shoved his foot in the door before Sonny could shut him out. "Why didn't you text me all night? I almost didn't come over. I thought maybe your cold or whatever it is ended up knocking you out."

"I did text you; you never answered."

Chad paused. "No, no. You never texted me tonight."

"Yes I did, Chad! Now leave before I get in trouble!"

"Thirty seconds!" Connie began her countdown. "Twenty-nine seconds! Twenty-eight seconds! Twenty-seven…"

While Sonny held the door tightly, praying her boyfriend would move his foot, Chad checked the pocket where he always kept his cell phone. It was empty!

"I'm leaving, I'm leaving," Chad insisted. "I just need you to call my phone first. Maybe I put it in a different pocket or something."

Her fingers fumbling as she hurried, Sonny whipped out her own phone. She dialed Chad's number-

-His ringtone started playing-

-And the cow burped loudly.

"No!" Chad cried, getting down on his knees and pressing her ear to the cow's stomach. "The stupid cow ate my phone!"

"Five seconds!" Connie's voice continued. "Four…Three…Two…One…"

Sonny slammed the door just as her mom entered the main room.

All in all, it ended up being a pretty good day. Sure, Sonny was sick through most of it, but she still got to see her boyfriend, bottle-feed a calf, and laugh at the hilarious cow for eating Chad's phone.

Yep. Even a day away from Condor could still be great.

Author's Note: Like I promised, I am going to finish this story. I have ideas for the next two chapters - yay!

Review? Please?