Author's Note: Thanks you guys for all the great reviews! I love reading each and every one of them :) Lemons ahead so once again, proceed at your own risk. Enjoy! :)

*SM owns all*

BPOV

"Pilot to Co-Pilot, Medusa has entered the lair. Over."

"Roger that. Pilot. Medusa is making her way to the shower now. Over." Charlotte said with a small giggle.

I was sitting high in one of the pine trees in front of Carlisle's house and Charlotte was sitting in a tree on the other side. She put me in the tree first before going into her own hiding spot. We were keeping tabs on Tanya and her whereabouts. Everyone else was inside the house but we chose to remain out here until the shit hit the fan.

"Shower has started, shouldn't be too long now. Over." Since Charlotte had the super sonic hearing she was the one mostly keeping tabs on Tanya.

"Co-Pilot come get me, we should make our way inside now so we don't look suspicious. Over and out." I said. I had to be twenty feet up or more, there was no way I was jumping down.

A few seconds later Charlotte was scaling the tree laughing quietly. "Come on Pinky, let's go enjoy the show."

I climbed on Charlotte's back as she climbed down the tree and took off into the house. Stepping inside I saw that Jasper and Peter were in a concentrated game of Chess while Eleazar and Carlisle watched. The girls were in the kitchen working on some decorating ideas for our house and Tanya of course was in the shower.

As we walked further into the room I saw Jasper look up sharply and cock an eye brow up at us. "What did you two do now?" He asked seriously, but I saw the corner of his mouth turn up slightly. Damn, he must have been feeling our jitters, I had to admit I was really anxious to see how her hair turned out.

"Nothing Major!" I said trying to be offended, "And I'm offended with the insinuation."

Jasper scoffed and turned back to the board game.

At that moment there was a high pitched scream from upstairs followed by an "Oh my fucking God!"

"It's show time." Charlotte sang quietly as everyone turned to look at us. Charlotte came and stood in front of me right as Tanya flew down the stairs. The only thing I saw was a blur of blue which turned out to be her head.

She stood standing in front of all of us in the living room with her hair bright blue and the remaining blue running down her pale skin and into the towel she had wrapped around her body. I took one look at her and cracked up laughing, I couldn't help it. Oh how I hoped it was permanent.

"You stupid bitch." She hissed at me.

There were resounding growls throughout the room and Carlisle stepped in front of her to stop her from coming closer to me.

I just laughed harder and flung myself onto Charlotte's back, "Run Donkey Run!" I yelled.

Charlotte ran us out of the house and into our living room and dropped me onto the couch.

"That was priceless!" I laughed. "Did you plant the jacket?" I asked Char sitting up fast.

"Oh yea," She laughed, "I heard that she and her sisters were going out tomorrow, so if it's her favorite like you say then hopefully she'll wear it then."

I heard the front door slam shut before "Isabella Swan Cullen!" Jasper yelled.

Oh shit.

Charlotte just laughed and grabbed my hand dragging me to the entry way. There stood Jasper with his arms crossed across his chest and a scowl on his beautiful face.

"Hi Major." I said, stepping out from behind Charlotte and giving him a small smile.

"Would you like to explain what the hell that was back there or would you rather we take this up to my study?" He hissed.

Study? Oh no. No study. Study plus me equals one burning bottom. No thank you.

"Jasper, you don't know Tanya like I do." I started to explain quickly, "She has made my life miserable from from when I was five until now. She was constantly telling me that I was the family pet and that they would eat me and just things of that nature. It was a game of hers to provoke the human I guess you could say." I mumbled. "She had it coming."

Jasper looked deep in thought and Charlotte just stood there with a smirk on her face.

"Are you sorry?" He finally asked.

"Are you kidding?" I exclaimed. "God No. That was the best thing ever, I finally have an accomplice to help me get back at her for all these years!"

"And if I gave you the choice between a punishment or an apology to her?" He asked with an amused smile.

"I would say do your worse Major, because I would never apologize for something that I don't even feel guilty for."

Charlotte laughed and Jasper chuckled holding out his arms for me. I stepped into his embrace and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Your not mad at me?" I asked Jasper, burying my head in his chest.

"I was at first," He said pulling up my head so that I was looking at him, "But I could feel her hate for you and I know that she will stop at nothing to get back at you, so no, in fact you might want to call in for back up. As long as it remains harmless. Actually do you have anything else planned?" He asked sounding really curious.

I had the decency to look sheepish at least before I answered him. "Well, we are already in Stage Two." I explained.

Jasper cocked his eye brow up, "Stage Two." He confirmed.

"Yes Major. It's underway now." I felt like we were talking in code in some James Bond or Charlie's Angels movie.

To my surprise he didn't push the matter, instead he just chuckled and grabbed my hand leading me to the stairs. "Well then, while we're waiting for Stage Two to commence, I know of something we could be doing." He winked.

I felt my stomach twist in knots and I'm sure my lust was attacking him right now. Yes, I knew of things we could be doing as well.

As soon as we were in our new room, I noticed that everything was already in place. Our bed was sitting in the center and the dresser sitting to my left. I turned around and faced Jasper before standing up on my tip toes and pressing my lips to his.

He glided his tongue across my bottom lip asking for entrance and I opened my mouth to him. There was nothing that I wouldn't do for My Vampire. I groaned into his mouth as he deepened our kiss to another level. I ran my fingers through his hair, lightly scraping my fingernails across his scalp.

"Make love to me Major?" I whispered to him as he broke away to let me get some much needed air.

Jasper looked into my eyes as he slowly took off my shirt. Once it was off I reached down to the hem of his shirt and lifted it up, then he took it off the rest of the way. I ran my hands down his smooth, hard chest and dragged my fingernails across his nipples.

I heard him hiss as he slowly un did the zipper on my jeans, pushing them down my legs so that they pooled at my feet. I looked down and could see his bulge in his trousers. It excited me to no end to see the effect that I had on him. I could feel my panties moisten as thoughts of what I wanted to do to him ran through my mind.

I un did his button and pulled his pants down in the same way that he did mine until they pooled at his feet as well. Of course he was going commando so his cock sprang forward immediately.

I looked into his eyes and saw nothing but his love and lust for me. I dropped to my knees in front of him and reached out my hand and grasped the base of his cock while taking his head in between my lips.

"Fuck, Bella." He hissed as he jolted his hips forward.

I couldn't help the smile on my face hearing those words. I knew just how My Man liked it. I went down as far as I could slowly before he hit the back of my throat. I came back up just as slowly and glided back down. I sped up after a few pumps when Jasper wrapped his fingers in my hair and began guiding my head at the pace that he wanted. One last time I felt him hit the back of my throat before he twitched and his semen shot down my throat. I swallowed as fast as I could making sure not to spill a drop.

I looked up at Jasper from my place at his feet and saw that he was looking at me with a smile. "Good girl Isabella." He praised. I felt my heart flutter at his praise for me and knew that I made him happy.

He pulled me up by my arms and laid me back on the bed lovingly. He moved in between my legs and my legs instinctively spread open for him. He had his hands on either side of my head and kissed me gently. He continued to pepper little kisses down my jaw to my neck before sucking lightly.

I turned my neck to the side to give him better access and felt a rumble in his chest as he sucked harder. His hand slipped down and he palmed my sex through my underwear.

"Jasper." I moaned lifting my hips up to get more friction that I desperately needed.

With vampire speed he had my underwear off me and was sliding in one of his fingers inside my wet pussy. He let go of my neck and brought his face down and sucked my left nipple into his mouth. I could feel his tongue swirling around it as he tugged it in between his teeth making me hiss. It hurt, but it also felt so good at the same time.

He added in another finger and began pumping them in and out of me quickly. All of this was too much and I could feel my stomach tighten just begging for the release that I knew was coming.

"Jasper, I'm going to-"

"Ahhhh!" I screamed as my orgasm hit me like a ton of bricks. I could feel my walls clenching around his fingers as he continued to pump them in and out never slowing down.

I shut my eyes and rode out my orgasm before I felt his tongue flicking my clit relentlessly. "No!......... Shit!......... Fuck!" I screamed as my stomach began to tighten again with another orgasm.

He tugged my clit in between his teeth and pushed me over the edge. I screamed as my second orgasm hit and could feel my body shaking and a light film of sweat covered my body.

As I came down from my high Jasper moved back up to me and kissed me lightly. I could taste myself on him and tugged on his neck bringing him closer to me. "I love the taste of me on you." I whispered.

He growled at me and attacked my lips like he had never done before. I felt his hard on pressing into my thigh and smiled. Round Two anyone?

"Emmett! Rose!" I screeched. They were finally here! I ran outside to be engulfed by my big bear of a brother. "I missed you." I cried. I turned and was swept up into a hug by Rose. "We missed you too Bells." She said giving me a kiss on the cheek.

I moved to my left and grabbed Charlotte's hand. "This is my best friend Charlotte." I said, "Char, this is Emmy and Rose."

"Hey new little sister!" Said Emmett picked up Charlotte and pulling her into a hug. She giggled and patted him on the back.

"Hey." She laughed.

"Heard you two were causing quite the disturbance here." Rose said with a wink.

"We were doing no such thing." I replied cheekily.

"Right," She smirked, "So what was it that I hea-"

"Why are you all laughing?!" Screeched a voice.

I turned my head to see Carlisle's Mercedes screeching into the drive. The high pitched wail we just heard turned out to be Tanya and boy did she look pissed.

Tanya jumped out of the car before it came to a stop and marched up to us. Charlotte pulled me behind her and Emmett stepped in front of us next to Rose.

"Hello Tanya, Kate, Irinia, Mom." He said nodding to each of the women.

"Emmet!" Esme yelled running over and giving him a hug. Then giving Rose one. "We've missed you around here." She said.

"Excuse me." Tanya huffed, pushing past us to go into the house. As she walked past us I saw that she was wearing her jacket. That's why everyone was laughing at her.

I heard Emmet and Rose snort seeing the back of her jacket and everyone else snickered.

"What?!" She yelled.

Charlotte did a great job on the stitching in her jacket.

There in bold black letters was: The Original Desperate Housewife. Classic.