"You aren't fat."
"Obviously, you think I am!"
"____, just because I bought the light butter doesn't mean I think you're fat. You look fantastic."
"Strife, I will throw you through the wall if you don't tell me the truth. You. Think. I'm. Fat."
"Fine. You're a blubbery whale, happy?"
"Why would you SAY that?" You burst into tears.
"I will now prove how gross I think you are by having crazy, wild, animals-in-heat sex with you for the next two hours."
You were stunned into silence. This was Cloud?
"…okay. But no more light butter."
"Promise. Now fuck me."