A/N: Um… I didn't fall off the face of the earth? You can't see me (I think!), but I'm groveling at y'all's feet. Fanfic won't let me log on! Well, obviously it eventually did, if you're reading this, but… There are no words to convey how completely sorry I am. I love you all… if you're still even bothering to read this fic…
A/N2: This is me, freaking out, because for the first time in 24 years, my band made it to State UIL. Not only did we make it to State, but we also made finals. So, out of all 347 (I think) bands in Texas, mine is in the top 10. I would give the exact number, but I'm occasionally a little paranoid about the internet. This being one of those days. Anyway, WHOO FREAKING HOO!!!!!!!!
A/N3: Um, if you still have any love for me at all, even though I'm totally aware that I'm a REALLY bad authoress, go read The Case of the Marauders' Sexualities. I promise it's hilarious!
Disclaimer: Argh, matey!
A/N3: Guess what! McGonagall gets a say in this one! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
Mickey Cam! NOoooooooooooooooooo way!
Once cannot expect me to truly own up to my age, being a professor, but let me say that in all my years, no students have tried my patience and my temper like my seventh year Gryffindors. I still remember their first night at Hogwarts.
I was sitting up at the staff table, when Albus nudged my elbow. "See that?" he asked, gesturing to the Gryffindors. The first years were clustered together, wide-eyed and excited. The boys who were to be the future Marauders were already whispering conspiratorially. Even as we watched, one of them began tugging a redhead's curls when she wasn't looking. After just two tugs, he wound up with a face-full of Shepherd's Pie.
I grimaced, imagining trials to come—and yet all the horrors I imagined were nothing compared to the actual thing. "Yes," I replied.
"James Potter and Lily Evans," he told me, his eyes sparkling. "Mark my words—those two are going to do great things together."
Since Albus Dumbledore has never said a word without having a reason to say it, I filed that statement away for further consideration. It soon became clear that he was right… in a way.
I quickly found that James and Lily were both exceptionally bright students.
Lily's grades were flawless; she had a knack for Charms, but she spent every spare breath she had studying Transfiguration, so she was just as apt in it. She was the perfect student: clever, witty, she always had her homework—sometimes several days in advance—she never got into trouble, she never even spoke out of turn.
James was completely different. His grades were good, yes, but if he had put forth effort, he might have been Lily's academic equal. He was a natural in Transfiguration, and not so adept at Charms, but—unlike Lily—he was okay with it, and he let it go. He was the perfectly maddening student: clever, witty, never had his homework, always in trouble—playing pranks with the Marauders—and he was always talking.
Yes, I agreed that they were both going to do great things in life—just not together. Never together. Lily was too in love with the rules, and James was too in love with breaking them. Of course, we all knew that Lily broke the rules nearly as much as James did—we were completely and totally aware that a war was going on under our noses. Lily, however, was very careful; she never got caught. The Marauders were brash and bold, charging into situations headfirst—and often Lily and Chipper helped them get caught. They just didn't know that we knew.
As time passed, we teachers grew deft in handling their quirks and spats. The fact that they were our best students often helped—it made us tolerant. Other times, that same fact sent us over the edge—("Since you're a good student, I'm going to let this slide." "You're the best students in this school! You should know better!")
By their fifth year, it became obvious that Lily and James shared a gift of people skills. Their fellow students looked to them for leadership and guidance. It was amazing to see, really. And quite disconcerting, considering the fact that they spent most of the time hexing each other.
It has been said before that if Hogwarts gossip were to cease, the walls themselves would cave in. I believe this to be true. It also means that I knew the very day James Potter kissed Lily Evans for the first time. Actually, I knew that same hour. By that evening, there was a pool started in the staff room. Well, there were really two pools. One was considering when they would start dating, and one was about what sort of injuries James would come out of this whole deal with. I virtuously ignored the pools. Okay, so I virtuously ignored the second one. My bet was on them getting together at the beginning of seventh year.
Gossip flew like never before when that girl stole Lily's identity. Her protectiveness of James was duly noted. More bets were added.
We all knew when Lily asked James to come home with her for the summer. I crossed my fingers and hoped my bet would hold. I mean, really, imagine what sort of trouble the two of them could get into, spending the entire summer holidays without my guiding hand. They'd either wind up as greasy spots on the wall or married.
Obviously, I won the pool. Then one was started on when they would get married. I upped the anti and bet that he would propose to her on their one year anniversary—James was a classic romantic—and get married the next spring.
Our hopes had been leaning towards the insanity dying down once Lily and James finally started dating. I mean, it was absolutely mad back then. First they'd blow hot, then they'd blow cold. Now, though, it's even worse, if that's possible. Instead of hot and cold, it's hot and hotter. I found my Head Students snogging in a vat of warm brownie batter, along with half of my Gryffindors! What was I supposed to say to that? What was there to say to that? Well, naturally, I said the first thing that came to mind.
"What is the meaning of this?" I demanded once I'd gotten over the initial shock.
Lily and James were the first to separate and leap to their feet. Beneath the brownie batter coating, I could see that their faces were dead white. Lily's inner academic was the first to find its tongue. "This is a pronoun," she said shakily. "Indicating the aforementioned person or thing."
I just stared at the girl, bless her. I believe this was the first time she'd ever been in trouble. So I just read the lot of them a very long and exhausting lecture, then had them clean up the mess. James looked decently sheepish—if the most infamous troublemaker in Hogwarts can look sheepish. Lily just looked positively mortified. I almost felt bad for her, but really. She was snogging in a pool of brownie batter! In MY Common Room! Judging by her black eye and the bikinis, the girls had been wrestling, first. And I smelled the distinct sent of firewhiskey from the crowd, but I really didn't feel like opening up that can of worms.
What in Merlin's name did I do to deserve this? I'll bet Snape never has this predicament, and he's the sleaziest slimeball I've ever met, no matter that Albus says. Although, I can't say this in front of students, of course. They have enough poor examples, what with their Heady Boy and Girl being who they are.
Really, I do love Lily and James and I probably wouldn't prefer life without them, but honestly. If they didn't exist, I likely wouldn't have gray hair. Oh. Oh my god.
I just realized that they will likely one day have children. Fairly soon, too. Great, so just as soon as I get rid of those two, there will be more of them! I need a drink. Almost as much as when I realized Poseidon and Black had shagged on my desk. Yes, they think I never found out. They forget who they're dealing with. Really, is nothing sacred to those two?!
Maybe I should just keep firewhiskey on hand. The way my job tends to go, it just seems like a good idea. I can't believe it's taken me this long to figure it out.
"PROFESSOR McGONAGALL!"
Why did I take this job?
A/N: I know it's ridiculously short. A longer Lily/James chapter should be coming out before Christmas. I at least owe you that much. Again, SO sorry!