Sorry it took so long for me to update, but if it helps this is an obsenly long chapter, so if you like that kind of thing thats great, if you don't then sorry bout that! Thanks so much for all the reviews, couldn't do this without you!

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue pretty please!

Julia Samuels

"Cause then poor little circus boy wouldn't have any arms or legs to ever do any tricks again."

Dick.

My heart stopped and I stumbled to the side as the car swerved round the bend.

"…H-how….where is he…." I could barely even speak, the shock was so great.

"Oh he's fine, Harley-doll has been taking veeerrrry good care of him sweetheart, haven't you Harls?" Harley nodded gleefully but her eyes stared at me guiltily, like she felt bad. The Joker continued.

. You don't need to worry er one bit….except for the fact that if you don't do ex-actly as I say he's dog chow." Suddenly, an idea came to my head.

"How do I know your telling the truth?" I asked, a small bit of hope in my heart. The Joker glanced at Harley who handed him something small. The Joker held it up and the bright colours of green red and yellow caught in the light. I whimpered. Dicks pocketknife.

It was at this time, that I remembered what William had said to me the first time I saw him again. I would die for you.

I may not understand the whole point of love, but I knew, that I would do anything, even die if that meant Dick Grayson stayed alive. And that, was not a good thing for me.

But, I couldn't stand here and cry, I couldn't loose it, couldn't break down. That wouldn't do him any good. I needed to play my cards right, perfectly until I figured out how to get him out of here. I had to keep focused or Dick Grayson wouldn't see another day.

"Okay." I said quietly. The Joker cocked his head.

"Whaaaat was that?" He asked mockingly.

"Okay." I repeated, fighting to keep my calm. "But, if I agree your uh terms, then you can't hurt him in anyway, nothing alright?" The Joker hesitated for a minute, then nodded.

"Deal sweethear-t." He said.

"Can I see him now?" I asked. The Joker laughed at me.

"Hmmm…..no." I made to throw my knife but he raised his eyebrows, his eyes darkening.

"Does he really not mean anything to you sweetheart?" I dropped my knife to the floor, my head spinning. The truck came to a stop and all of the goons and Harley, who had been watching the scene with apprehension, fled out the door. The Joker chuckled quietly and he strided over to me. I shook slightly, the handcuffs on my hands clinking together as I stared at the floor. The Jokers hands grabbed at my shoulders and he bent his head to whisper in my ear.

"You remember what I told you a looooong time ago sweetheart? Caring…..It'll kill you."

A small shiver went down my spine and at that second the Jokers arms tightened on me.

"Oh sweetheart uh just so you know……you still haven't been punished."

****

I lay curled up in my bed, eyes wide awake, knowing that somewhere, maybe not in this warehouse, but somewhere Dick was alone and scared. I shifted a bit and hissed painfully as the stitches on my back tightened.

It'd been worse than last time, since this time I had to take it. I still remember the Joker laughing as I glared at him, as I hissed with pain as the blade dug into my skin. I took it all, I didn't fight back. How could I? Dick's life was in my hands and I wasn't going to throw it away to protect myself from a couple new scars….even if they were….

my eyes teared up all of a sudden and I looked down at my arm, covered in gauze. Two scars this time, one on my other arm spelling out Joker, the other a large J on my shoulder. It was horrible, I hated the scars, loathed them to the point I wanted to rip off my own skin to be rid of them yet…

I felt like I belonged. I shook my head furiously, but the thought never went away. I never tried to leave here because this was the only time in my life I'd felt like I was wanted somewhere, that I belonged and wasn't ostracized. In some sick place in the back of my mind…I enjoyed it all. A part of me belonged in this world, a part of me loved it. The other wanted nothing more than to be accepted. I clenched at Dicks pocketknife, which Joker had given me out of the goodness of his heart. A part of me loved all of it, the scars and all, the other just wanted to be left alone.

****

The next morning I slumped out of my room, my eyes heavy from the absence of sleep, but focused on the task at hand. I knew that I'd have to do exactly as the Joker says, I had no choice in the matter. I would never let Dick die, never. I had to do as the Joker says but it didn't mean I couldn't try to bribe Harley to let me see Dick. When I came downstairs, I knew the Joker wasn't there. The goons were lounging around much more relaxed and even talking to each other. Course, they all quieted down when I walked into the room, except for Harley who grinned at me from the fridge.

"Hey sweetie! Ya want some lucky charms?" I grinned painfully at Harley hating the words that came out of my mouth.

"Sure Harley." She giggled and turned back to the fridge and the smile left my face as I sat down at the big table.

Come on you have to butter her up. I thought furiously. Harley came skipping towards me, milk and lucky charms flying everywhere. She clunked the bowls on the table.

"Oops!" She exclaimed, staring at the mess on the ground. She ran and grabbed a towel and I stared at the floating marshmallows in my cereal.

Dick loves Lucky Charms.

I shook my head and Harley jumped into the chair beside me. The sheer energy of her was enough to exhaust you.

"So you think we can go shopping today Julia?" Harley chirped happily. "You really need some new clothes huh?" I raised my dark eyes to meet her baby blues and I painted a smile on her face.

"Sure Harley." I said smoothly. "I really appreciate the offer." I looked back down at my cereal.

Time to play.

"You know," I said softly, after a moment. "My Mom never took me shopping." I sniffed for effect and I heard Harley shift closer to me.

"Really Julia?" She asked quietly. I nodded my head, keeping my eyes on my cereal, refusing to blink. Finally they started to water.

"Yes." I replied. "I was kind of lonely you know, I didn't have a father and my mother was never around." I raised my eyes to meet Harleys and I could almost see her heart break at my teary eyes.

"Then I met you." I whispered. "You're everything I would ever want in a mother Harley, you're so kind to me, so caring, so full of love." I put my hands in my lap and glanced away, then back to see Harley's eyes filled with tears.

"I never knew what love was until you showed me." Harley put her hand on top of mine, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Oh Julia sweetie, ya know you're like a daughter ta me, I really love you lots." I smiled at her.

"That means a lot to me Harley." I leaned in closer to her, my look darkening. "My mother never loved me Harley. Do you know what she did to me? We were walking down an alleyway and a man pulled a gun on us. My Mom ran away and left me to deal with the man by myself. She didn't care if I died" Harley gasped, and choked back a sob while I nodded pathetically. It was good Harley was so emotional and ditzy; there were a lot of gaps in my story. Like for instance, how I got away from the said mugger. "A mother is supposed to die for her children….would you die for me Harley?" Harley nodded, rubbing my hand.

"Oh yes, course honey I would. I love ya." I choked back a fake sob.

"That means so much to me, but do you know what's worse than knowing your mother didn't care enough about you to save your life?" Harley shook her head, so involved in my pack of lies.

"What?"

"Knowing that the one person you cared most about in the world is in trouble and not being to save them, only being able to succumb to another's will while for all you know that person is dead." A few real tears leaked out of my eyes. "Harley, you know that love you feel for me? It's the same that I feel for Dick Grayson." Harley tensed at the name, and she instantly drew away.

"Harley please." I whimpered, getting down on my knees.

Milk it Julia.

"Please, it hurts me so much not to know how he is. If you could only let me see him, just for a minute…" A small little sob escaped Harley's lips. She was going to say yes, she was going to let me see Dick…

"Oh Julia honey, I'm so sorry I-I can't." I looked up at her, frowning.

"What?" I snapped.

"Mista J told me not to. I'm sorry sweetie but I can't disobey my man, I just can't." I stood and shoved the bowel of cereal at Harley. She didn't move as she was covered in Lucky Charms and Milk, just stared hopelessly at me. I glared at her, my heart thumping wildly, my eyes instantly drying of their tears. What a waste of time.

"Fine." I growled. Harley leaned back in her chair, trying to clear as much space between me and her as possible. I glared at her. I wanted her to hurt, to feel the pain I felt in my heart. I cleared my throat.

"You know what Harley? You may love me like a daughter and the Joker more than anything else in the world but you can be sure that neither of us feel the same way about you." Her face paled and I pivoted on me heel, and ran back up the stairs into my room. I slammed the door and collapsed on my bed. I should have known about Harley. That girl would saw off her own leg if the Joker told her to. I'd just have to cope with the fact that in this place, Joker was boss and I could never undermine that. I pulled some crayons from the floor and pressed them angrily onto a piece of white pristine paper. Just because I should have known that Harley would never disobey the Joker, didn't mean I had to like her again.

****

It wasn't untill the next day in the evening that the Joker showed up. He looked positively gleeful about something, but I wasn't even going to try to find out what.

"Oh Julia!" He crowed, stepping dramatically into the room. "Are you ready for tonight?" I glanced up at him from my drawings of Harley dangling over a shark tank while the Joker fell off an airplane.

"Probably not." I replied snidely. "But I'm pretty sure I don't have a choice about it anyway." Joker smirked and chucked me under the chin.

"You're learning sweetheart." Suddenly, his hand grabbed at my hair and I winced as he pulled, forcing me to stand up. "But before tonight I think there's a little circus boy who wants to uh….see you hm?" My eyes brows raised in surprise and my spirit lifted. The Joker didn't relinquish his hold on my hair, until halfway out of the room when I finally wrestled out of his grasp.

He put one hand on the back of my neck instead and guided me down the stairs, to the main room. I saw William, staring at me from hollowed and sunken eyes as he sat, idly twirling a gun with his fingers on the couch. He was muttering to himself, and I shuddered slightly at the sight of him, a twinge of sympathy running through me.

I hadn't spoken to William since that night in the truck and even before then I'd seen him slowly deteriorating. I should speak to him….I really should…I grabbed the green yellow and red pocket knife in my pocket. Dick. William was instantly gone from my mind, overshadowed by the thought of seeing Dick. The Joker wrapped a blindfold over my eyes and I protested by trying to wrestle it off my face. The Joker stopped me, hissing in my ear.

"Do you not want to see the rugrat sweetheart?" I froze and the Joker led me along. The noises of the warehouse faded as a door slammed behind me and we continued along, my shoes clicking across the hard floor. Then, the blindfold was ripped off my eyes and I opened them, wincing at the bright light. A door stood in front of me. I glanced up at the Joker, hesitating. He nodded eagerly, licking his lips excitedly. I glanced around the hallway I was standing in, especially at the two goons on either side of me, then opened the door.

The light flickered on in the dark secluded room and my eyes took in the pitiful sight of Dick Grayson, his hands tied around the one of poles supporting the ceiling, his feet locked in handcuffs. His black hair was covered with grime and hung over his face, which slumped onto his chest. His clothes were torn and bloody in parts. He didn't look seriously hurt, and a huge weight was lifted off my chest.

I made to go to him, not even bothering to glance at the Joker. I yanked hard trying to pull away from his hand and surprisingly, he let go, sending me stumbling towards Dick. I turned around and glanced at the Joker. He nodded, his eyes dark, the right side of his mouth twitching. I continued to stumble to Dick, collapsing to the ground in front of him. I took in the small little boy in front of me.

"Hey Dick," I said softly, brushing his grimy hair from his face with my shaking hands. "Hey buddy." He started, his entire body tensing, his head shooting up, eyes looking around wildly. He took in the Joker his face paling, though his eyes remained full of courage. He was such a strong kid. Then, his eyes found mine.

"Jewel?" He asked softly. My arms threw themselves around his tiny body and I fervently stroked his hair, murmuring into his shirt.

"Oh Dick I'm so happy your okay." I could feel Dick shaking, sniffling as I clung to him. I pulled away to look in his face, my hands on his shoulders. He stared at me, his eyes filled with confusion.

"Jewel what's going on?" He asked. I took his face in my hands, my emotions threatening to break me apart.

"Don't worry Dick." I said hurriedly, not answering his question. "You'll be out of here as soon as possible. I promise." Dick sighed heavily, eyeing the Joker behind me.

"He's your Dad?" Dick asked, tilting his head, trying to see the resemblance. I nodded weakly.

"Yes." Dick looked back at my face and suddenly his eyes found the scars on my arms. His eyebrows furrowed.

"He did that to you." I didn't answer and Dick shifted to get my attention.

"Don't worry Jewel, Batman's going to save us." I smiled weakly and heard the Joker laughing mercilessly behind me.

"Okay Dick." I said softly. Dick shook his head adamantly.

"No you don't get it! He will!"

"Julia." Joker said merrily from the room. I glanced behind me, and saw the Joker becoming with one finger. I shook my head.

"No, can't I just…" The Joker was across the room in a flash, his hand slapped Dick hard against the cheek and I roared with fury, standing to attack the Joker. He stopped me instantly, a knife poised at Dick's neck. I looked down at the boy, who hissed painfully, inching away from the knife as it cut into his skin. I watched as the tiny bit of crimson blood beaded up from the cut

"Okay." I said pleadingly. "Okay I'll leave." The Joker smirked and shoved me out of the room. I got one last glimpse of Dick as I left his eyes watching me go with terror. The door slammed behind me and the Joker shoved the blindfold back on my face. He pushed me forwards and we began to walk, my head still reeling from seeing Dick again.

"Do you see the stakes now sweetheart?" The Joker murmured in my ear. "If tonight, you do exactly as I say….well circus boy may be back with Bruce Wayne sooner than later." I nodded fervently. I would do whatever it took to get Dick out of here.

****

That evening I stood in the middle of the warehouse, the Joker pacing around me, eyeing what I was wearing. I'd been forced to wear my circus costume and Harley under the Joker's orders had artfully cut pieces of cloth from the back so that the large J on my shoulder was shown. The sleeves of my costume had also been ripped to show my scars on my arms. My wild hair had gotten a bit longer, but it still stuck up at different ends. I wore my own heavy mascara and lipstick; luckily I hadn't been forced to wear the war paint. The Joker stopped and grabbed my cheek. I flinched and growled at him.

"Let go." He leered at me.

"Come on sweetheart, let's see a nice….big….smile." He stretched my cheeks, until it hurt and I pulled away. I knew the stakes tonight, I knew what was going on. Tony Zucco was hosting a party at his house and we were going to take out the entire Zucco brood once and for all, reinstating the Joker in charge of the mob. I was going to kill tonight, the Joker wouldn't be showing any mercy and I wouldn't be complaining. Dicks life sat in my shaking hands and I wasn't going to throw it away. T

he Joker laughed at me, his hand locking around my wrist. Then we were off, out of the warehouse and into Gotham.

For once in my entire time here, I was put in the other car with a couple of the goons, consequently including William, while the Joker, Harley and the rest rode in the other one. William sat down at the back and in the spur of the moment, I sat beside him. The other goons avoided me, they treated me just like they treated the Joker, with respect and fear. I really couldn't complain. William glanced up as I sat beside him, but didn't move away.

"Hi." I said quietly. William nodded his head.

"How's the kid?" He asked quietly, a hint of anger in his voice.

"He's okay." I replied. "I'm worried though, I don't know if I'll be able to…get him out alive." William only huffed irritably.

"Your going to do anything the Joker asks you to aren't you?" I winced.

"Yes." I said after a minute. "I have to." William didn't respond, so I tried to change the subject. I didn't want to walk away or stop talking to him, I knew he was hurting and I'd been ignoring it for a long time. So, I pulled out a different topic.

"Does Zucco know you, since you're related to him?" William chuckled coldly, still not meeting my eyes.

"As if. My father was killed by Zucco, his own brother when he ratted them out to the police. They don't even know I exist." Suddenly William looked up at me and I saw how foggy his eyes looked, how desperate he seemed.

"Would you kill for the circus boy?" He asked sharply. I tensed, taken completely off guard.

"Yes, of course I would." I said strongly. William nodded, his face darkening.

"You know what Julia? I thought for the longest time, that you weren't able to love, weren't able to understand. But you do love the circus boy, you really do. In the end, you just didn't love me." With that, he stood and the truck came to a stop. I watched him jump out of the truck, and then stood on shaky knees. The way William had looked when he'd said those last words, like he'd just broken into a thousand pieces and someone had tried to put him back together again, only to discover they did it wrong.

William wasn't my William anymore, he'd been broken and pieced back together incorrectly. He was about to fall to pieces again, and this time, it wouldn't be pretty.

****

The party was in full swing when we walked into Tony Zucco's mansion but the silence was deafening when the Joker entered the room, firing off gun shots. Harley laughed gleefully, wielding a wooden mallet. It looked too heavy for her flimsy body but she crashed it down onto a mans head anyway, blood squirting up and covering her face. She giggled, but her eyes remained foggy and far away, looking anywhere but me and the Joker. She was hurting, my words had cut into her deeper than any knife.

"Harley." Joker sung joyfully. She glanced at him.

"Go check on the Zucco children hm?" She nodded cheerfully and she and a couple of goons including William hurried out of the room. The rest kept their guns aimed at the many people standing shocked in the ballroom.

The Joker kept his hand on my wrist and I became the center of attention as the rich and famous craned their necks to see me. I'd become an oddity in Gotham, they saw the Joker all the time, but I was never there. People pointed to the scars on my back and forearms and I tensed, my eyes narrowing.

"I hope you are all enjoying this evening?" The Joker cackled. A young man stepped forward, his eyebrows furrowed.

"This is a private party." He said, no hint of fear in his eyes. The Joker raised his eyebrows.

"Oh really, well that's uh kinda rude." He pressed the gun into my hands shoved me towards the man. "Some people could get realllly angry if you said that to them." The Joker pointed the gun I was holding at the man. "They may just uh…crack." He leaned in and whispered.

"Go ahead sweetheart."

The gun was held in my sweaty hands as I pointed it at the young man. The Joker laughed eerily, his hands resting possessively on my shoulders.

"You know what Julia? I'm uh starting to think you like this sort of thing." I shook my head weakly and the Joker laughed loudly, his entire body shaking. "No? Well I think you're wrong. You see it in your eyes sweetheart, you love seeing the pain feeling the uh power. Its uh that easy you know, just a little twitch of your thumb and its alllll over."

"Please don't make me do it." I said softly, pleadingly. "I can't."

"You can." The Joker growled, his fingers digging into my costume. "And you will." The Joker paused.

"Unless circus boy's life isn't worth it." A cold shiver ran through my spine and I pulled the trigger.

The gunshot rang across the room and the man fell to the ground. I starred at him as blood slowly oozed from his chest, as he died right at my feet. The Joker laughed manically and strode away from me, leaving me standing in front of the corpse alone. I looked up to see a young woman staring at me with horror, clutching a pregnant belly. His wife. His baby.

His baby, who would grow up without ever knowing her father, feel the absence on their shoulders, wish and pray that just once they'd get to see them. I'd given someone else the same life as me, the same emptiness in their heart. Fathers day, when everyone in class would make presents for their Dad and your mother would have to explain to you that no, you couldn't give your father your macaroni glued fathers day card…..because he wasn't there. To the see the pity in others eyes as they enjoyed their family, their whole family while I suffered in my broken one. I backed away from the horrified pregnant woman, now lying on the ground over her husband's dead body, sobbing hysterically.

"I-I…I'm so…." I stuttered. A man with horn rimmed glasses spoke up.

"What, you're sorry? You think that's going to make any difference?" He snapped at me, his eyes filled with disgust. I saw the looks of other people in the room, how they glared at me with hate.

"N-no," I stammered. "You don't understand…I-I had no choice…I…" The Joker cackled gleefully and I turned abruptly on shaky legs to see Zucco walk to the front of the room, two muscular looking men with him. The Italian looked positively livid, his face red with rage as he glared at the Joker.

"Hey Zucco, how's uh the wife?" Joker asked. Zucco's face paled and you could almost see the pain in his eyes.

"YOU BASTARD!" He yelled, lunging at the Joker. The Jokers eyes met mine for an instant before Zucco tackled him to the ground.

Fight.

I didn't have time to think, or morn over what I'd just done, I simply yanked one of my knives out of its sheath and threw it with shaking hands. That made no difference it hit its target, Zucco's leg. The mob boss roared with pain and collapsed to the ground as my other knives flew out of my hands and hit the goons in the backs. The Jokers goons came forwards and finished of the men.

The Joker grabbed Zucco by the hair and shoved him across the room into a chair. He paced towards the Italian who was now moaning in pain, his eyes fixed on me. I straightened, but kept one of my knives out, trained on the guests.

"Tony, Tony, Tony, you never learn….do you? The mob was mine Tony, I uh made that verrrry clear. But you just had to interfere huh?" The boss glared at the Joker.

"Go to hell." He growled. The Joker laughed gleefully.

"Oh Tony you sure have a sense of ah humor." Harley walked into the room, carrying a toddler. The little boy was crying but he clung to Harley, until he saw Zucco sitting in the chair.

"Daddy!" He screamed gleefully. The Joker smirked and Zucco stared at his son with shock. Then, he looked up at the floor above him, as if he could see his other children through it.

"Oh yes, all the other rugrats are taken care of." The Joker turned to me. "Julia's going to go right up there and check on them right sweetheart?" I could feel the colour draining from my face, but I nodded weakly. Joker then glanced towards Harley and grabbed the squirming child from her.

"Harls the Bat-man is going to be crashing in here anytime soon. You're going to be the distraction hm?" Harley nodded eagerly.

"Take the white van and do what you want with it, but not the black one. Daddy likes that one." Harley clapped her hands and she and a couple of the other goons hurried out of the ballroom. Batman would take the bait; Harley was great at impersonations, the life of a mob boss can be left to the police. If it's a chance at catching the Joker, he'd go for it, no matter what.

The Joker flashed his gaze in my direction and I remembered Dick, then ran out of the room and up the stairs to find the children's nursery. It was hard to concentrate, to try to keep the dead mans body from my mind but it wasn't difficult to find the room. I could hear the sobbing from here. I took a deep breath before I opened the door, maybe I'd be able to save these children. I nodded and turned the handle expecting to see the children huddled into the corner.

When I walked into the room though I got a rude awakening. William stood there, his knife bloody, two young girls lying dead on the ground. His eyes were filled with glee, looking foggy and distant. His face was covered with blood, his skin almost white, contrasting against the red. William had gone insane.

Well, just so you know this story will be over soon, yes I dare say those horrible and depressing words. I have some strings to tie up and it depends on if I decide to include this extra bit that I have written up when the story will end.

Anyway, please review and the next chapter is done so it will be up soon! Again, sorry for the length of this chapter, thats not going to happen again if I can help it, I know many people don't like reading long chapters.