Chapter 37

The next day, Lana had gone to an appointment, leaving the kids with Paul, since Kim was at work that day. Brian had dropped in as always, entertaining Danny while Paul kept an eye on Emily.

Lana had used the breast pump, leaving milk for Emily along with instructions when she was to be fed. Paul had followed them to the letter, now patting and rubbing the baby's back as Emily made little gurgling noises.

"Come on, mi princesa, give your papi a burp," Paul said gently to her. "You can't keep it down there forever, unless you want me to catch hell from your mami."

Soon, a loud belch filled the room.

"Fucking Christ!" Brian said loudly. "That was the kid? Jesus, if I hadn't known any better, I'd sworn that was one of yours, PL."

"That's my girl," Paul smiled down at Emily. "She even put you to shame on your best day, Midget."

"Sounds like it," Brian replied, staring into the refrigerator.

"Dude, don't you have food at home?" Paul asked, wiping Emily's face and putting her into the bassinet.

"Not anything that can be immediately identified without going through a forensic lab. I'm married to Kim, remember?"

He got a glass from the cupboard, poured milk from a pitcher, and took a drink. "Wow, man, you actually got some fresh milk for once. Red must have gotten to the store after all."

"Not quite," Paul replied, trying to keep from laughing. "That's the breast milk she left for Emily."

Brian went a little pale, spitting it out. "And you just sat there and watched me drink this shit?! God damn, I'm going to be sick." He took off toward the bathroom.

"Make sure you put the lid down and close the door when you're done," Paul said, now laughing. "I'm not getting my ass dragged through the coals if Dan goes in there to play in the toilet."

"Maybe I'll keep both open for that stupid stunt you just pulled, fuck-o" Brian retorted. "You're lucky I'm a nice guy."

"I wasn't the one drinking tit milk," Paul burst out laughing harder. The situation was just too funny not to laugh.

"Papi funny," Danny giggled.

"Yeah, Papi is just a real laugh riot," Brian snorted. "But don't worry; I'll get even when he least expects it."

"Typical threat from a white boy," Paul said, still laughing hysterically.

"Hey, guys," Lana said when she came in. "I got back a bit early. The kids weren't a problem, were they?"

Paul was still laughing. "Nope."

"All right, what is so damn funny?"

He had fallen off the couch and was literally rolling on the floor. "Midget was raiding the refrigerator, got the pitcher that Emily's…." Paul couldn't finish.

"Oh my God!" Lana gasped. "You got the baby milk by accident?"

"Which the piece of shit watched me drink before he told me what it was," Brian snorted. "I'm going to kill his ass."

"That's what you get for emailing guys naked pictures of me and then that picture with me in my boxers sleeping with the kids on the couch you sent all over the locker room."

"I thought the one with the kids was adorable," Lana smiled.

"And then dumb ass thought it would be funny putting up that ad for gay sex on Craigslist with my picture," Paul added

"What?" Lana asked. "Brian, you did what?"

"Come on; I got like 2,000 replies to that ad before they took it down," Brian said. It was his turn to laugh. "You aren't the only one that apparently finds PL to be a hot stud."

"I still owe you a royal ass kicking for that one," Paul replied. "I still have poofs calling me now and then. Imagine what they think when I tell them not only am I a straight and a very married man, but that ad was my best friend's idea of a joke."

Lana looked at Brian again. "I cannot believe you actually did that."

"Hey, that's mild compared to some of the shit your husband's done to me."

"Anyway," she asked, "is Emily all right?"

"She's got a full belly, a clean and dry ass, let a burp rip that scared ten years off of Midget, and is now fast asleep," Paul grinned. "Dan's been pretty good too. He's really into those giant Legos Kimbo got for his birthday."

"Sounds like a pretty easy day," Lana nodded, checking into the bassinet to peer at her sleeping daughter.

"For the most part. And the entertainment wasn't bad either."

"Yeah, do that again, dude, and you'll be the one getting your throat slit in your sleep the next time we're traveling," Brian said, then chuckled. "But at least I'm around people that are easily amused."