Sorry for not updating for quite a while, I have been so busy. I hope I can upload the next chapter a bit sooner. (and that it will be longer)
7 April 1889
Dear diary,
My life is a mess. This was definitely not how I had imagined it to be. I have been stupid, diary, very stupid, and I think you are the only one I can tell to what has happened.
I... cheated, but it is not as you think it is! The situation I am in has been used against me. Christine... my dear Christine, she's depressed. In a way I have never seen before. But I know why she's depressed. She has given birth to a beautiful baby girl nearly two months ago. We named her Rose and she is absolutely the cutest baby ever, but... she is blind, diary. She can't see and never will be able to. Christine is heartbroken from it. I am too, but I can deal with it. Rose is such a cute baby. I wish I didn't have to go to work so I could spend the whole day with her, she is growing so fast! But unfortunately work is only getting more and more. There are piles of letters that still need to be opened and answered, but I just don't have the time anymore. I am exhausted from doing everything by myself. Rose wants (and needs) my attention and I can see she misses the motherly love. I know she wants Christine, but I feel Christine is ignoring her.
She is so sad she didn't even attend her best friend's wedding. I have to admit I was very angry with her when she refused to go to the wedding, and Meg was disappointed and sad, as well as angry. I remember she told me so just before I left again. She hasn't talked much to me after that day, and when she does she never asks about Christine. I know you have missed a few months diary but I hope you can still understand what's going on. The wedding was beautiful; I nearly forget to say that. Too many people but that wasn't my choice, I felt a bit helpless without my wife at my side.
Do you know a way I could make my Christine happy again, diary? I don't think I can handle this situation much longer anymore. I miss her, diary. I'd do anything to get my old Christine back. I want to wrap my arms around her small frame and hold her close, kiss her hair and tell her I love her. But I can't. She doesn't want anything anymore. I have tried to talk to her, but it hasn't helped even a little bit. She's so sad. Nadir has talked to her as well, without luck. Even father Mansart has tried to help, in his way of course. I think I'll either need to leave her, or use force to get her back. But I don't want to do any of that. I just wish that tomorrow she'd wake me up, telling me she loves me, kiss my lips, little Rose in her arms and that all would be good again. Why can't that just happen? Why can't I talk to her about her feelings? What if she doesn't love me anymore? Maybe she doesn't want to talk to me because she … oh God…