Can you believe it's been two years since this fanfic began? Thank you for your continued support! Also, tell me what your favorite moment was thus far in the abridged.

So, I got a new phone recently. Ever since, the temperature it shows has been stuck at 69 degrees—at night.

When we last left our heroes, Reyn told a campfire creepypasta starring our favorite Colony 6 anti-hero, Juju. The actual Juju tried a final confrontation like every good video game boss, only to be given Sharla's most damaging attack, "Big Sister Tongue Lashing." With Juju's final exit being "Orange Justice," the group presses on toward becoming Faces. Though it seems that Project Order Non-Compos-Mentis Inception Odd Neurosis is…going along better than they thought?

"Go play your games, Juju, we've got real work to do."

"Go get me my coffee, Tetsuya, we've got real work to do."

Takahashi, disgruntled, sits up in his seat in Memory Space and points at the Passage of Fate—displayed like a flat-screen TV—to change the channel. Sharla's voice cuts off and is replaced by the lilting tones of Michelle Pfeiffer and Matthew Broderick and—

His eyes snap open.

…A movie.

Egil is watching a movie.

The man's lower eyelid twitches. What happened to the Egil he created, the determined villain with the soul of a hero?

This guy sucks!

Popcorn spills from the container on Takahashi's lap. He knew he went too far channel-surfing. "Alvis?!"

"Yes, Takahashi?" Alvis asks as he walks over to his side.

Takahashi changes the channel again with disgust as he picks a piece of the popped corn off his crotch and shoves it into his mouth. The look that crosses his face at the taste is a mix of disgust and arousal. "What is the problem with that Egil?"

"That Egil is the self-proclaimed leader of Mechonis, sir," Alvis replies.

Takahashi's brows raise. "Fascinating. So much has changed since I had last studied this world. Hah! What a wonderful thing, just letting these creatures go their own way." No. It's not. "That preppy woman has finally fallen, that…whatever her name was, Galea? Meyneth?" He waves a hand. "Meaningless. What does this Egil do? Is he some fell child of the corn? Ugh, no, wait. He's the preppy girl's son, isn't he?" That makes sense for his actions! "I knew she and Klaus has some funny business going on in the back closet! She must have birthed him in the core of the Mechonis!"

As the Machina rambles, the color continues to drain from Alvis' face. "This Egil has a sister, sir. He also has an established father who does not view his son with joy at his actions. His father wants him dead, though he has never spoken it out loud except when he thought he was alone." He giggles a bit at that.

Alvis thinks back to those times when he peered out from behind Miqol's chair in Junks. Just watching him wiggle. Watching him kick his tiny legs out. Listening to his insane rantings on his favorite soap opera. Listening to those soap operas he had on in the control area of Junks that he never allowed anyone else to be in except for his assistants. And then again, those assistants never helped in running Junks, per se. The Deviantart-inflated Machina never noticed.

"Well, of course," Takahashi says with a laugh, "it's ol' Zanza Klaus! The women had twins! What you've told me has just reinforced my point!"

Alvis doesn't reply, for doing so will kill the poor man's dreams. He's also genuinely thinking about what Takahashi said.

"This Egil… He's going to cause issues for us, isn't he?"

"I suppose he will, sir. His plan is quite…eccentric."

"Keep an eye on him, Alvis. We'll jump him when he's not expecting it."

Alvis looks over toward the Passage of Fate. What looks like a nature documentary flashes on the screen—out of everything to be observing, he's watching baby Brogs grow up.

He sighs as he walks off. "Even Lord Zanza was more entertainment than this."

"Miss Stripper," Reyn begins, nudging the woman. She glances at him, a proud smile still on her face. "Why's there a line the size of Colony 9?"

The eccentric group is staring at the Face Maintenance Bay and at the line that weaves out of every crevasse of the building.

As Vanea pulls numbers from a deli line dispenser and hands them to the group, she says, "This is normal. Egil's Project ONION has been so successful, lines has been steady since the Battle of Sword Valley!"

"Vanea, we told you we're in a hurry!" the Arachno Queen says.

"You really thought you wouldn't have to wait?" Vanea asks with surprise.

The group collectively says, "No."

"Oh. You should have expected it, the last time you've heard of deals this great was probably at your colony's Black Friday! Did you hear, we're also giving out free sunglasses to everyone who undergoes the procedure!"

Shulk lets out a triggered groan, and Reyn pats his back. "It's okay, buddy. Let it all out." The engineer begins sobbing in Reyn's awkward hug. "Lady, I'm sorry, but we can't do it, we just don' have time, and Shulk can't handle the trauma."

"Privileged millennials," Vanea says as she walks off. Before they could even blink, however, she's back and grabbing Melia's arms. Her hands hold up the girl's, which clutch Fiora's brass triangle. "Lady Meyneth!"

"My name is Melia, but not Belia or Shelia or Lady…Brayneth, that is a very strange name. Why does it not end with an 'a'—"

Melia screams when Vanea throws her over her shoulder. "Lady Meyneth! You have chosen a new vessel over that weird girl! I wholeheartedly agree, I will begin the soul transfer immediately!" The group tries stopping the Machina, but she mows past them. "Goddess incoming! Don't you dare stop me!"

Folding his arms, Xord remarks, "I knew Melia's a princess, but isn't that taking it a little far?"

"Oi! She's budging, that one!" Reyn says.

"Princesses," Dunban says. "Let's press on."

Melia flips them off as they walk away—only to suddenly disappear in golden rings of light. Vanea's grin grows wider.

"Wait, are you really tricking us?! This is what Brother calls a solicitor scam, isn't it!" she shouts. "Let go of me!"

With a squeal, Vanea says, "Is Egil in for a surprise!"

Egil was having a bad day. Call it getting up on the wrong side of the recharging hanger—however that could happen. And then, as if it were the icing on the cake of despair, he watched Ladyhawke and cried his eyes out. He was always told not to watch movies that could make him cry. But that's nearly every movie, and he's a very sensitive man. And then, just when he thought it couldn't get worse than it already was, he was two hours behind schedule because he underestimated the duration of the movie.

He's not quite sure how to go about fighting Tetsuya Takahashi. Once he received that PM from Shulk explaining what Zanza explained—there must be misinformation, in that case—he promised he'd activate Mechonis Core. If Takahashi's about to threaten the world, the only weapon Egil can trust to work is his Big Fluffing Sword. Which isn't his. But that doesn't matter.

Of course he had to promise to activate Mechonis Core today! He bets that Tetsuya isn't even in their world; if it's Zanza telling them this information, he's probably tricking them all into activating the Core so he could take over the Bionis himself and—

Egil shakes his head. Too confusing. Not after Ladyhawke.

Just…just activate the Core. Yeah. That's it, he tells himself as he begins to pace. The Machina starts to approach the gateway into Mechonis Core. Just get it done.

And of course, when he really thought his day couldn't get any worse than the trainwreck it already was, Reyn's merry band of eccentrics teleport onto the Meyneth Cloister. Directly behind him.

He jumps, turns around, and stares at them with his bloodshot eyes. They stare back.

"Oi!" Reyn says. "What the Bionis was that?!"

Xord sniggers, and when Shulk follows his pointing finger, he busts up laughing. "What happened to you?" the Monado boy asks.

Egil doesn't say a word. So he cries instead.

He really hates this day.

"So the big bad leader of Mechonis is really just a matoran in toa armor!" Zanza sneers.

Egil freezes and snorts up snot. Coughing, he asks, "You're into Bionicle, man?"

"What— I, I just thought it was a good analogy, um— No."

"Yes, you are!" The Machina throws his arms out as a tearful smile breaks across his face. "Finally, someone who gets it!"

"Wait, seriously? Oh Zanza, yes!" The two men fistbump each other as Zanza takes over Shulk.

"Unity! Duty! Destiny!" the two men shout in tandem.

The group stares at the spectacle before them. "They're bonding," Xord says in disbelief.

"Riki want to know what 'toa' is, is toa like Heropon?"

They ignore Riki's question.

"Shulk is…friends toward that Machina?" Sharla asks.

Reyn shakes his head. "No, not Shulk. It's his split personality thingy, Zanza. I don' get it, either. Lifelong struggle, that."

"Oh," she says. "Well, like I told you before, I'm not a medic of mental wounds." She reloads her ether rifle. "Does Shulk like…Bionicle?"

"No way. He's a huge Bronie."

With an excited gasp, Egil turns to the group. "You're going to help me start Mechonis Core up again, right? Ooooh, I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so excited! I've been waiting until this story updated to do it, and it's finally happening! Let's go kill a Tetsuya!"

"Are you sure we should be trying to kill the creator of the Xenoblade fanfiction game…?" Sharla asks.

"Yaaaass!"

"Are we even sure this is a real threat?" the Arachno Queen says with a frustrated sigh.

With a shrug, Egil replies, "Look, any excuse to activate my BFS." Dunban nods with the understanding of a man who wielded the Monado because it was a really cluckin' big sword.

And thus, Reyn's merry band of eccentrics join the Mechonis without even needing to wait in the line! If there was any tier statuses for budging, they'd be the Ultimate No. 1. They've even beaten Melia.

"BrOOooOother!" Vanea calls. Egil turns around. He and Reyn's party cast a forlorn glance at the doorway to Mechonis Core—yet again, so close, yet so, so far. He really doesn't want to lose his motivation this time. "LOoky!"

She shoves a girl with disheveled grey hair in front of her. A brass triangle is fused to her chest. The girl rubs her slighty-tattered headwings with a scowl, and glaring, she struts over to Reyn's merry band of eccentrics. "How could you leave me with this awful woman!" Melia scolds, backslapping Shulk's face. He grunts and collapses. "That, that Strynia!"

"I think that's the most off you've ever been," Sharla says, "You alright?"

"Snarla, I am perfectly fine!" Glaring at Vanea, she crosses her arms and leans into the Arachno Queen. If one wasn't the wiser, they'd think the Entia was trying to be kewl.

Vanea gets a large smile on her face. "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to give you this. All participants of Project ONION receive a free pair with their sacrifice to the Mechonis' goals." She tosses Melia a pair of plastic sunglasses, and the girl's angry scowl is replaced with a look of childlike glee as she puts them on.

Her look was complete now.

"To Mechonis Core, Vanea! Our plans are coming to fruition!" Egil says excitedly as he sprints in between the legs of the large statue of Lady Meyneth. "I can finally use my BFS!"

Reyn gets a grin to his face. "Oi, d'we getta turn, too?!"

Egil replies, but by that point, no one could hear him. Reyn takes that as a very big "yes," and he sprints in, leading the way.

And Takahashi gets a grin to his face, too. He stands, stretches, and cackles as he disappears. Time to retake what's his.

JwPhO (Guest): 7H4NK Y0U!