Finding The Way Back
I know this is a terrible way to start just about every chapter but I'm so sorry. I literally had to force this out of me. I'm hoping that my inspiration comes back to me soon.
Chapter 37
"I looked everywhere, man... She's not here anymore." Nathan said, letting out a deep breath and looking at his brother, who stood up.
"What the hell is wrong with me? Lindsey, Lindsey, Lindsey. I, Lucas, take thee, Lindsey. How hard is that to say? What's wrong with me?" Lucas asked him, scowling.
"I don't know, man." Nathan said, resting his hand on Lucas' shoulder and sighing softly. "Maybe you can still get her."
"What's wrong with me, Nathan?" Lucas asked, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him. "Why do I always do this? Why do I always go back to Peyton? Can't I just let myself be happy?"
"Maybe, deep down you know that you won't be happy without her." Nathan said softly, letting out a small sigh.
"I can't worry about this right now, Nate. I need to find Lindsey." Lucas said, letting out a deep breath. "Just- go to the reception. I know, the party is pretty much ruined, but go. Get a drink. Save me some."
"Are you sure? I can help you keep looking..." Nathan trailed off, shrugging slightly.
"I'm positive. Go spend time with your wife and work on mending your marriage. Don't worry about me, little brother." Lucas said, nodding at him.
Nathan nodded slowly, pulling Lucas into a quick hug. "You're a great brother, Luke. Let me know if there's anything I can do." He said softly.
Lucas smiled slightly, sucking in a deep breath. "Thanks, man. I'll talk to you later."
Nathan walked into the reception, letting out a deep breath and finding Haley talking to Brooke, Peyton, and Mouth.
"Hey." He said softly, letting out a deep breath.
Haley looked up at him quickly, grabbing his hand and pulling him back out of the room. "What happened?" She asked him quickly, frowning up at him.
"I don't know exactly. This is a real Ross and Rachel situation, right?" Nathan said, shaking his head and sighing. "Pretty messed up."
"Yeah." Haley frowned, tugging on his suit jacket. "How's he holding up?"
"He's trying to find her. I think he's going to see if she's at home." He said, tugging on his tie, letting out a deep breath and undoing the top button on his shirt.
"Lindsey's family left too." She informed him, biting down on her thumb, looking around and sighing softly.
"I can't believe he said Peyton's name. If he wanted to marry Peyton, he should've married her! It's not like they haven't nearly gone at it several times in the past six months!" Nathan said, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.
"Maybe it was an accident." She said, shrugging her shoulders.
"It's not like their names are similar at all, Hales." He pointed out, looking at her and letting out a deep breath. "How are you doing? You feeling okay?" He questioned her, resting his hands on her sides.
"I'm doing fine. I'm just worried about Lucas. I feel bad for both of them." She sighed, shaking her head. "Maybe I should go talk to him."
"I think he just wants to be alone for a little while." He said, kissing her forehead and letting out a deep breath. "Did Clay and Quinn ever show up?"
"Quinn called me awhile ago and said that their flight got cancelled due to weather. I explained to them what happened, and told them not to worry about it." She said, resting her hand on his bicep.
"This is weird, right? Going to a reception for two people that didn't end up getting married? Maybe we should hijack it and make it our reception." He joked, winking at her.
"I'm sure that would blow over well." She said, shaking her head and letting out a sigh.
"You sure you're feeling alright? We can go home if you want." He said, raising his eyebrows and looking at her.
"Nathan, I'm fine." She laughed, smiling at him. "I promise."
"I just want to make sure you and our baby are completely okay all the time." Nathan said, nodding at her.
"I'm fine, honey." She said, kissing his cheek softly, wrapping her arms around his neck.
He held her close to him, letting out a deep breath. "I love you so much, Haley." He said softly, closing his eyes. "So, so much."
"I love you too." She responded, rubbing his back softly.
"Since this is a Ross and Rachel situation, maybe we could be Chandler and Monica?" He said, raising his eyebrows and winking at her.
Haley laughed, tugging on his jacket and kissing him softly. "Probably not. Besides, you're more of a Joey."
"Yeah, well you're definitely Monica." Nathan responded, smiling down at her.
"Why is that?" She questioned, raising her eyebrows.
"Because you came to my house in New York and cleaned it and picked out my furniture." He laughed, nodding at her. "Plus you're a great cook. And you're smart and good at so many things. Basically all of Monica's best characteristics."
"Good answer." She said, patting his cheek. "Maybe we should head back in there."
"Wait, wait. Why am I Joey and not Chandler?" He asked, looking down at her. "I could be Chandler."
"No, no. You're more like Joey. Attract a lot of women, you like to eat the food I make, you like sports. Oh, and you play on the Knicks and Joey likes the Knicks." Haley pointed out, tugging on his tie softly.
Nathan looked down at her, chuckling quietly. "Fine, fine. We better head back in there." He said, kissing her forehead.
"Wait a second." She said, grabbing his hand. "I was debating on whether to tell you this or not... But I ran into Dan this morning. Outside of the church."
He raised his eyebrows, letting out a deep breath and tugging on his tie until it came undone, looking at her. "Did he do anything to you?" He asked her, scowling.
Haley shook her head, rubbing the scowl off his forehead. "No. He just talked to me."
"What did he say?" He questioned her, resting his hands on her shoulders.
"He was talking about going into the church, and I told him to go away." She said, sighing softly.
"You didn't say anything to him about the baby, did you?" He asked her, breathing deeply to calm himself down.
"No, no. No one knows but Brooke and Julian. I don't think Brooke told Peyton, at least." She said softly.
"I can't believe he showed up here." Nathan grumbled, rolling his eyes. "What a dick! What gives him the right to show up here? And to talk to you... I should go find him a kick his ass. Did he say anything else?"
"He told me he'd see me around. But then he left." Haley shrugged slightly, looking up at her husbands frustrated face. "Breathe, Nathan. Stop letting him get to you, okay?"
"I just don't understand what goes through his mind, Haley. What made him think this was a good idea? Was he just trying to get a rise out of us? Because surely he had to have known that he wouldn't make it very far in the church. Someone would've kicked him out. Keith was practically Luke's dad and he killed him. Why would Lucas ever want Dan to come to his wedding?" He said, letting out a deep breath and turning away, pulling his tie off and throwing it.
She watched him for a minute, before rubbing her hand over the tense muscles in his back. "I'm sorry, Nathan."
"You didn't do anything, Haley. I just got stuck with a dumbass father that murdered his own brother." He said softly, looking at the ground.
"Maybe we should just go back in there, and see if we can try and cheer everyone up?" She said, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him close to her.
"Give me a minute." He responded, looking over at her and letting out a deep breath.
Haley nodded slowly, walking over and picking up his tie off the ground. She turned back to him, offering him a small smile. "I love you, Nathan." She said softly.
"I love you too." Nathan responded, kissing her forehead softly. "I'll be in there in a minute."
She looked at him for a second, nodding up at him. She could tell he was keeping his cool until she walked out of the room. His jaw was clenched and he was squeezing his hands in and out of fists. "Are you sure?" She asked him, resting her hand on his arm.
"I love you, Haley... But give me a minute, okay?" He said softly, nodding down at her.
Haley kissed him briefly, smiling slightly. "Okay." She said, heading back into the room.
Nathan pulled up in front of Lucas' house a few hours later, looking over at his wife. "You want me to go in with you?"
She shook her head, "No, no. That's alright." She said, resting her hand on his leg.
"Do you want me to wait out here?" He questioned, raising his eyebrows.
"No. Go home and go to bed. You look tired." Haley said, squeezing his leg softly. "I'll see you at home."
He smiled at her, leaning over and hugging her tightly. "Home." He repeated back to her, letting out a deep breath. "I missed you. I'll see you at home. Call me if you need anything."
She wrapped her arm tightly around him, "I will. See you in a little while." She hummed, getting out of the car slowly, looking over and waving at her husband.
Haley walked up to the door outside of Lucas' room, knocking on it loudly. At the sound of a quiet 'come in' she entered, waving at Nathan once more, before the door closed behind her.
Lucas sat on his bed, his head in his hands, still wearing his tux. If she had to guess, he had probably been sitting in that spot for a few hours, locked away from the outside world.
"Hey buddy." Haley said softly, sitting next to him, rubbing his back lightly.
"She's gone." Lucas breathed out, looking over at Haley. "I said the wrong damn name. She's gone. I caught her just as she was walking out to go to the airport."
She sighed softly, "I'm so sorry, Luke." She whispered.
"I don't love Peyton." Lucas said, looking at her and shrugging. "I love Lindsey."
She hugged him tightly, nodding her head. "I'm here for you. Anything you need. You can come to me. You're my best friend."
"Peyton came and talked to me yesterday, Haley." He said, sighing softly and looking at his friend. "She wasn't trying to talk me out of it, or tell me she loved me or anything like that. She just said that she was happy for me as that she hoped I found the one."
"And what did you say?" Haley questioned him, raising her eyebrows.
"I told her that I hoped she found the same." He said, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm a terrible guy, Haley."
"Lucas, no you aren't." She said, shaking her head quickly. "You're an amazing guy."
"Lindsey was always suspicious of Peyton. I should've... Been more comforting and told her she had nothing to worry about. But you know what I was doing? Making out with Peyton." Lucas stood up, shaking his head and letting out a deep breath.
Haley was quiet for a second, watching her friend as he walked around his room, a room that was very familiar to her. The same one he'd had his whole life.
"You aren't a bad person, Luke." She said finally, standing up and resting her hand on his back. "You're a great guy. You've just made some stupid mistakes. But we all have, Lucas. We all have."
"Why did you tell me that you thought I loved Peyton?" He questioned her, scowling slightly.
"I read your book, Lucas. Nathan mentioned to me that you couldn't even put a sentence on paper until New Years, and that was right around the time you and Peyton reconnected at Nathan's party." She pointed out. "And your book is about a lost soul that's searching for something greater, something that he once had. He can never find true happiness until he finds that greatness again."
"It was also right around the time you came back, Hales." Lucas said, nodding at her.
"Which I would believe, but you named the book after Peyton's car. Don't you see that, Luke?" She said softly, pulling Lucas into a tight hug. "How long have you known Lindsey?"
"She was the editor of my first book." Lucas said, letting out a deep breath.
"How long have you been in love with Lindsey?" Haley asked him, looking up at him.
"I can't pinpoint the exact moment, Haley. It's been probably close to two years." He said, shrugging.
"Well, how long were you in love with Peyton? When was the first time you fell for Peyton?" She asked him, raising her eyebrows.
"Don't do that, Haley. Just because I know the exact moment I fell for Peyton doesn't mean I still love her. I love Lindsey." Lucas said, resting his hands on her shoulders. "Lindsey."
"That's great, Lucas. If you love Lindsey, that's great. If you love Peyton, that's great. You deserve to be happy. But neither of them deserve what you've been putting them through, okay? I want you to find true happiness, and I want you to feel true love. I don't care if it's with Peyton. I don't care if it's with Lindsey. I don't care if it's with another girl, but Luke... You need to be honest with yourself. So just make sure the girl that you keep telling everyone you love is the girl that you actually love." She said, nodding up at him.
He stayed silent for a second, letting out a deep breath. "I'm pretty sure I love Lindsey."
"Pretty sure isn't good enough to get married, Luke. Pretty sure doesn't hold a marriage together." She pointed out, shrugging her shoulders.
"I don't know why you think I'm in love with Peyton still, Haley." Lucas grumbled, sitting down.
"Dammit, Luke! I'm not even talking about that right now. But you're right. I do think you love Peyton. Brooke thinks you love Peyton too. And you know why? Because you keep kissing her! Get it together, Lucas. This isn't high school anymore. You can't just keep kissing everyone." She said, smacking him on the side of the head softly. "Okay, tell me how this makes you feel. You know Julian Baker?"
"He's my movie producer, Haley. I know you've been gone for a long time, but you knew that I was making a movie, didn't you?" He laughed, raising his eyebrows.
"Him and Peyton dated in L.A." Haley said, crossing her arms and leaning against his dresser.
"What?" Lucas asked, standing up. "Define dated."
"They lived together for awhile. They were in love." She said simply, shrugging.
He scowled, frowning. "What the hell? I invited that guy to my wedding, he pretty much lives with them now, he's probably sleeping with her behind Brooke's back-" He stopped, looking over at Haley.
Haley nodded at him, letting out a small sigh. "Well?"
"I see your point." Lucas sighed, sitting down and running his fingers through his hair. "You're always right." He grumbled.
"I'm not saying you don't love Lindsey, Luke. But I just think you love Peyton too." She said, sitting down next to him and wrapping her arm around his shoulders. "I just want you to be happy."
"Peyton and I never work out, Haley. Why should we go after each other again, just to end up where we are right now?" Lucas questioned, letting out a deep sigh. "Maybe I should try and get Lindsey back, because I care about her so much, and I can see a future with her."
"And you can't with Peyton?" She asked him, looking at him.
"No, I can see one with Peyton too." He said softly, looking down.
"Whoever it is you want to be with, Lucas... You need to figure it out because neither of these girls will be around forever." She said, kissing his cheek softly.
Lucas let out a deep breath, looking over at her. "So... How are things going with Nathan? You guys seem to be doing better. Please, Haley. Give me some good news."
Haley stood up, biting her lip softly. "We're doing alright. Baby steps. I think leaving for a month was a little excessive on my part, but my heart just hurt so much." She said, letting out a small sigh. She turned away from him for a second, before turning back around and looking at him.
"What?" He questioned, raising his eyebrows.
She bit down on her lip again, smiling slightly and twisting her ring around her finger.
"I know that look. Spill it, Hales." Lucas said, standing up and raising his eyebrows.
"I'm pregnant." She said finally, smiling at him.
Lucas smiled at her, "Now there's some news that I needed today." He said, pulling her into a right hug.
Haley hugged him close, letting out a deep breath. "You can't tell anyone though. We're kind of keeping it a little lowkey for now."
"Nathan must be thrilled, considering how he reacted when he found out you weren't pregnant at Brooke's thing." He said, hugging her closer to him. "That almost makes my day better, Hales. I'm really excited for you two."
"Yeah, Nathan is very excited." She said, smiling up at him.
"What about you? Are you excited?" He questioned, raising his eyebrows.
"I am, really. I'm worried the timing is bad, but maybe it will help us patch things up." Haley said, nodding at him. "It's a crazy thought, you know? That there's a little person inside of me that's half me and half Nathan."
He nodded at her, kissing her forehead. "I'm so excited for you guys! I'm going to be an uncle."
"And you have no competition for favorite uncle since my brothers are pretty much the biggest idiots on the planet." She said, shaking her head.
Lucas sent her a small smile, hugging her tightly. "I really am so excited for you two. I think that this will help." He said softly.
"Thank you, Lucas... For looking after him." She said softly, gripping his shirt. "I'm sorry today wasn't perfect for you, I really am. I wish there was something I could do."
"You just did what you could do. Really, you have no idea how much the fact that you're pregnant has lifted my spirits. I'm going to have a little niece of nephew." He grinned, kissing the top of her head. "I know that you and Nate have had a rough time the last month, and I know we talked about it a lot when I came to visit you, but you two will get past it. Just remember, you're no normal couple. You're Nathan and Haley." He said, winking at her.
"Thanks, Lucas. Always remember to follow your heart, even if it's telling you to do the opposite of what your brain says." She said, nodding up at him.
"Thanks for the help, Hales. Let me give you a ride home. I'm sure your baby daddy is waiting for you and it's getting late." Lucas said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, pulling her in close.
Upon arriving at Nathan and Haley's home, Lucas walked Haley up to the door, looking down at his outfit, a sad look appearing on his face again.
Haley kissed his cheek, hugging him tightly. "Everything is going to be okay, Lucas. You have Nathan and me, and so many other people that are here to support you."
"I hope you're right, Hales." Lucas said, rubbing her back. "Dare I say, you were one of the most beautiful people in the church today."
She laughed quietly, rolling her eyes. "I missed you so much over the past few years, Lucas. It feels good to have my best friend back."
"You too." He agreed, nodding his head. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay? Don't want to keep your husband waiting. It's getting late."
She nodded, hugging him once more. "Call if you need anything." She said, opening the door.
"Same goes for you." He agreed, turning around and walking back to his car, waving at her.
Haley smiled and waved back, before stepping into the quiet house. Nathan had not turned off any lights, which means he probably wasn't asleep yet. She began to walk around, shutting off some of the lights, which took her awhile because she couldn't quite figure out which light switches went to which light.
After a second, she noticed Nathan asleep on the couch, a small smile playing at her lips. He was almost too tall to lay on the couch comfortably, curled up a bit rather than stretched out as he usually would be. Haley took a seat on the arm rest of the couch, looking down at him and letting out a deep breath, watching him sleep for a minute while she gathered her thoughts. She was being a hypocrite, really. She had given Lucas advice to follow his heart, but here she was, staring at the man she had devoted the rest of her life to, and she felt like she couldn't do the same. Her heart was aching to forgive him so they could go back to normal, and put all the struggling behind them. But her brain just kept picturing him with her sister, and she just remembered the emptiness she felt, and the sorrow. His voice was the only thing that brought her out of her thoughts.
"Hales?" Nathan asked, blinking up at her. He cleared his throat, sitting up and raising his eyebrows.
"Sorry, I was just watching you." Haley said to him, standing up slowly. "I'm going to shower. Why don't you head up to bed and I'll meet you in there?"
He nodded slowly, standing up and stretching his arms above his head, running his fingers through his hair. "Okay." He said, letting out a deep breath, lacing their fingers together.
Haley looked down at their hands, smiling slightly and resting her head against Nathan's shoulder as they headed up the stairs. "Don't wait up for me, okay?"
Nathan nodded in reply, "We'll see." He said, winking at her and pressing a soft kiss to the side of her head. "I love you, Hales."
"I love you too, Nathan." She reminded him, squeezing his hand and heading into the bathroom.
He let out a deep breath, running his fingers through his hair and getting into bed, laying back against his pillow and staring up at the ceiling.
Haley exited the bathroom about twenty minutes later, looking at him and smiling slightly. She climbed into bed next to him, laying on her side so she was facing him, resting her hand on his chest.
"What a day." Nathan said softly, shaking his head and letting out a deep breath.
"No kidding." She said, tracing the 'K' on his Knicks t-shirt.
He grabbed her hand, kissing her knuckles softly, looking over at her. "How'd it go with Luke?"
"I don't know, really... I told him what I think, and he told me what he thinks. I don't know if I really got through to him, but we'll see." She said, nodding at him.
"You get through to people, Haley James. It's what you do." He assured her, kissing her wrist softly.
Haley smiled at him, resting her hand on the side of his face. "I love you." She whispered, resting her forehead against his, closing her eyes tightly. "I mean it, Nathan. I really do love you so much."
Nathan smiled at her, kissing her softly. "I love you too, Hales." He said quietly, closing his eyes.
They sat there quietly for awhile, neither of them asleep, just silent. Haley slid her hand down to Nathan's chest, resting her hand over his heart, feeling his heartbeat. She gripped his shirt, pulling him closer to her, kissing him softly.
Nathan raised his eyebrows, looking at her and smiling slightly. "Are you okay?" He asked her.
"I'm great." She informed him, kissing him again. "I told Lucas about the baby."
"How'd he react?" He questioned, smiling brightly.
"He was pretty excited for us. He said it made his day a little better." She said, smiling at him.
"Anything that makes this day better for him is good news." He responded, resting his hand on her flat stomach. "There's a little baby inside of you right now, Hales. I just want you to know that I would give up anything for you two."
Haley kissed him again, resting her hand over his. "You're such an amazing husband, Nathan. I'm so grateful for you and for your patience with me the past month."
Nathan smiled at her, "I love you." He reminded her for the millionth time that day, winking at her. "Now go to sleep, gorgeous. We can talk more in the morning."