Chapter 36 .:. Trying to Change

I supposed that I should have thanked that boy for his idiocy. It took away the guilt when I stole his Pokémon. I at least believed it could be considered theft, since I hadn't bothered to run after him to return it.

No, instead of getting off in Vermillion and returning to live with Javelin's uncle, I let the boat carry me to Olivine. It had certainly also helped with my indecisiveness over whether to stay in Kanto or not. I wasn't going to get off of the boat and risk him asking for his Pokémon back.

I had a full team of six Pokémon now; Sandslash, Arcanine, Espeon, Kingdra, Larvitar and Shinx. I had headed to the Pokémon Center immediately to have my Pokémon healed. Afterward I released the little feline Pokémon from its Pokeball, and let it blink around trying to grasp its surroundings.

It seemed surprised when it first saw me and it tried to shock me, but when I didn't flinch, it simply stared up at me in confusion.

"Your trainer isn't around now." I explained to the little Pokémon. It blinked around, as though it could prove me wrong and find him. When it didn't see its original owner it pressed itself to the ground, scared. "You're such a strong Pokémon, he didn't understand that." I explained to the little black and blue Pokémon, "Wouldn't you rather be with a trainer who understands you? One who doesn't forget you on a boat or blame you for his own weaknesses?"

The Shinx just let out a sniff, but didn't bother to run off. It seemed to understand that either way it was stuck with me. When I tried to bend down to pet it, though, the fur on the back of its neck shot up and its skin started crackling with electricity. Whoa. But instead of looking angry, the small Pokémon looked smug. It was proud of the fact that it had managed to startle me.

I let out my Espeon and walked together with the two of them. Perhaps the Shinx would prefer the company of my Pokémon rather than me. Besides, this way I was less likely to get shocked.

The Pokémon seemed young. Perhaps not as young as a Pokémon recently hatched from an egg, but fairly immature enough. I was sure that my Espeon's motherly behaviour would warm it up to me, or at least to the other Pokémon in my party.

As we walked along I began asking for directions to Mahogany, remembering that that was where Javelin had been assigned to. I was told I'd have to go north, then east and I would reach Ecruteak. From there it was more travelling east. There was supposed to be a large cave between Ecruteak to Mahogany, but apparently it was easy to get through.

The Shinx seemed to have calmed down enough, I'd noticed. It was much calmer, the fur on the back of its neck had flattened and I noticed its fur was no longer sparking electricity. It seemed to enjoy my Espeon's company well enough.

I began making my way north, as I had been advised and headed up a small hill to discover a Miltank farm. I ran over to it excitedly, watching the bovine Pokémon laying in the grass together.

I had loved farms when I was younger. Perhaps it was my love of Pokémon in general, but I had a distinct memory of being at a farm full of Miltank and Mareep. I couldn't have been more than five. It must have been, because I didn't have Sandslash yet. The memory made me feel so old, even though I was only fifteen. That life seemed so far away from where I was now. It was incredible to believe that the cute little girl who begged the farmer to let her pet the Mareep had grown into a no good thief.

I was reminiscing my past and how my life had gone horribly wrong when I heard a high pitched growl come from one of my Pokémon.

I turned around to see Shinx and Espeon were both glaring at something. I followed their gazes to see that they were staring at a person walking toward us. At first I thought it was just a passerby, since one had to come this way to reach the path that led down the hill.

But, then why was Espeon pressing herself into a defensive position, ready to attack whatever was coming this way? She wasn't usually aggressive, especially not to random strangers.

I quickly received my answer in the form of who the person was. I recognized shaggy blond hair and a bright red scarf that could only have belonged to Grison. He made his way over to me and I froze, wondering whether I should speak to him or not. I had to admit, I liked Grison better than most Team Rocket grunts, he seemed nice enough, especially for someone raised by Team Rocket. At the same time, he was friends with Grad. By choice.

"I heard your mission was a big success." Grison stated as he bent over to pet my Pokémon. "So what are you doing in Johto? Javelin figured you would be back at his house." I didn't answer him as I blinked down at my Shinx, which was nuzzling against his palm. Damn, why did it like him so much? "You wanted to go sightseeing?" he guessed.

"Something like that. I'd rather be wandering around like I used to than be cooped up until I get a new assignment." I answered. "I forgot you were stationed in Ecruteak. How's that going?"

"Well enough. There was some truth to the rumours Archer heard about the pair of towers there. I checked out the Burnt Tower and there's definitely something there. I'm just not sure if it's a Pokémon. And supposedly the whole city is waiting for a legendary Pokémon to arrive at the Brass Tower."

"Weren't you supposed to be checking on some dancers too, or something?"

"Oh, the kimono girls? I think they'd be more of a bother than a concern. They only have a Pokémon each and they're only moderately powerful. Archer's insisted on having someone stay there and watch them anyways. But not me, I'm probably going to be reassigned soon." He shrugged, "I was just going to Olivine so I could sit on the beach for a bit."

"Where do you want to be reassigned to?"

"I don't want to be reassigned anywhere. I still despise all of this, even if I did miss the people. I never really do well in my missions anyways." He gave me a strange look, almost as though he were proud of that fact. "But since I'm going to have to be reassigned, I wouldn't mind getting sent to the Slowpoke Well where Grad is now."

"Sparrow's there too." I added and he simply nodded.

"Kornet's not though." He stated, completely missing the point of my remark. "He's in Goldenrod right now. It would have been nice for all four of us to have been together again." Grison sighed, "But what can you do?" He gave me a look and asked, "What do you want to be doing, once you get reassigned?"

"I don't want to do anything. I hate Team Rocket. I didn't want a revival. I got suckered in when I was younger by Amos and once I was in too deep I realized that crime syndicates don't just take your resignation on a platter." I sighed, "I don't know what I'd rather, I don't want to be here at all. My life was almost normal for a little while. I thought I could just lay low and no one would bother trying to find me." My gaze locked on Grison's, "Grad proved me wrong."

Grison sighed and held my gaze for a long time, clearly wondering what to say. Was he really going to try and defend the man who cornered me in a forest and attacked me out of some spiteful grudge he'd held for a comment I had made when I was eleven years old? There was nothing that Grison could say to me to make me understand or sympathize with Grad. I didn't care if he could convince everyone else.

He took a deep breath, held it for a second, almost like he wanted to hold back what he was about to say and exhaled. He then stated, "Grad has issues, but so does everybody." Grison left my Pokémon alone and stood up so he could give me a sympathetic look, "He went through things when he was younger that you couldn't even think of. When he joined Team Rocket, it was out of gratitude, and because of that he wanted to prove he could be the best and that he could overcome what he'd gone through. Part of his problem is that he grew up learning that only the strongest are allowed to survive. He doesn't like knowing there are people that are better than him, and he doesn't like that one of them is you, someone he considers weaker. In the world he grew up in, someone like you should be dead." The blond twirled his finger around the edge of his scarf, pondering for a moment before adding, "He's playing by a legitimate set of rules, he's just applying them to the wrong game."

I could only glare at Grison, not willing to let him justify what Grad had done to me. I put one of my hands to my face brushing my crooked nose, remembering the kick to the face that had broken it. I was still kind of afraid of Grad for that, even though it had been a year. I don't care what kind of screwed up life he'd had, I didn't care about what he'd gone through when he was younger and I didn't care if he thought he was doing the right thing. All I knew was that I had been hurt and he hadn't suffered nearly as badly. In fact he got to enjoy himself every time he saw how terrified I was of him. It wasn't fair that I got to be traumatized and he got to be vindicated because of some past that he should have put aside.

"I'm not saying what he did was right. That's why I wasn't there when it happened. I'm just telling you why I still stay with him. He would be doing much worse things if he didn't have someone right in the head with him."

Or someone to guide him through every wrongly thought out turn he made. I corrected as an idea clicked into my mind. "You think you can change him." I guessed.

"I'd like to hope I could." I gave him a skeptical look as his gaze seemed to get whimsical. What made him so devoted to Grad? From what I had heard, Grison wasn't one to pick favourites among his peers. What made him want Grad so badly? All I could think of was pity. Maybe he felt so bad for him, and that drew him to the black haired Team Rocket grunt.

I picked up my Shinx and began making my way toward Ecruteak. I didn't want to hear more of Grison defending Grad. I didn't want to have to ruminate over what had happened to me and I didn't want Grison to make it seem like it was no big deal. If he'd wanted Grad to do the right thing, he would have convinced him not to attack me, since he so clearly knew about it beforehand. He simply cared more about Grad than anyone else and only wanted him to be happy. I wrinkled my nose. It was like some mushy romance. I didn't need to think about it anymore.

So instead I simply turned and told him "You've got your work cut out for you." intending to use that statement to end the conversation.

Instead I heard Grison respond, "So do you." I didn't turn away, staring at him and waiting for an explanation, curious as to what he meant. He grinned as he added, "Tell Javelin I say hi."

I simply blinked at him, my eyes huge with surprise, wondering how he knew I was going to visit Javelin. He simply smiled at me before heading down the slope to Olivine. I let out a snort and decided that I wasn't heading for Mahogany after all.