Shenanigans
"Why are you dragging me into the bathroom?" was, in Bucky's mind, a fairly reasonable question to ask, and the don't-ask-stupid-questions look Clint threw him in response was wholly undeserved.
"Because," he eventually explained, "my family evidently… dislikes you," (Bucky snorted) "and I dislike that my family dislikes you, so we're showing them that we don't care."
"By hiding in the bathroom?"
"No," Clint said, 'duh' implied, "by pretending to have sex in the bathroom."
Bucky blinked at him. "As opposed to actually having sex in the bathroom."
"What, you wanna get caught with your dick in my mouth?" Bucky grinned lewdly, making him roll his eyes. "Well I don't. It's my family, and they don't quite hate me yet. Now come on - start with the obscene noises!"
Reigning in his incredulity, Bucky said, "Hold on a second. Won't this just piss them off even further?"
"Yep."
"And why do we want to do that?"
"To show them we don't care that they hate you."
"Gee, thanks," he muttered. "I just - if the door's locked and they can't get in, why do I have to pretend you're giving me a blowjob when you could actually give me a blowjob?"
Clint raised his eyebrows. "You really think you're gonna be able to keep it up when my dad starts banging on the door?"
"… Point taken." Bucky chewed his lip. "Shit, he's really going to do that?"
"Probably - now come on, noises! My blowjobs aren't that shitty."
"Why don't you help?" Clint just glared at him. "Fine, fine, I'll… Do you want me to start quiet and get louder or let them know straight off what's happening?"
Fifteen minutes later, Clint was muttering curses into his steering wheel while Bucky tried to work out what to say. "I'm guessing you didn't expect the throwing-out part, huh?"
"It's fucking bullshit!" he exclaimed, glaring daggers at the windscreen. "One fake blowjob with a guy they don't like and they kick me out of my own home?"
"You don't live -"
"I got an actual blowjob in that same bathroom once and they didn't do a goddamn thing!"
Bucky wasn't sure how to respond (or even if he could). He let the silence ease down around them for a minute, then quietly said, "So I'm pretty good at pretend blowjobs?"
Despite himself, Clint grinned, shaking his head. "Guess you must be. Your future as a porn star is guaranteed."
"I'm ecstatic."
He chuckled at the deadpan tone. Stealing a sideways glance, Clint asked, "Still up for the real deal?"
"Hm?"
"When we get home. Consider it a sorry-I-made-you-get-us-kicked-out gesture."
A twinkle appeared in Bucky's eyes. "Maybe I can try and get your neighbours -"
"I've been kicked out of enough homes today, thank you!"
AN: Prompt: "Imagine that your OTP is at Person A's family reunion. A's family hates B, and they make it pretty obvious. B wants to leave, but A has an idea: they both go into the bathroom and pretend to have sex, to prank A's family. They are both kicked out shortly. (Bonus if they go home and have sex for real.)- this came across the dash and all I want is the winterhawk"