The mood among the refugees at the monastery (or "survivors" as they were starting to call themselves) was getting more tense with each passing day. Morale was deteriorating rapidly as desperation began to set in. Supplies were scarce, the number of survivors that returned from gathering them was even scarcer. Tempers flared at the slightest provocation, the officers quibbled among themselves over petty issues in an attempt to re-establish a sense of order and proper hierarchy. The war's prolonged effects were taking their toll on experienced combatants and their families, leaving fear and anxiety in their wake, causing everyone's vigilance to waiver.
Information which came through the comm network continued to embellish the rather morbid picture beyond their isolated sanctuary. Every time they made contact with another resistance cell, it was systematically wiped out shortly afterwards. More of the enemy's scout crafts were found patrolling the nearby peaks, many were responsible for the destruction of otherwise successful attempts to recover food, munitions, and basic medical supplies.
The blaring horn of Reaper destroyers filled the night skies as they went about their obliteration of less fortunate survivors, relentless in their pursuit to wipe out all life whether it be sentient or otherwise. They turians saw few of their own ships fighting back, no AA guns on the ground responded to the was only a matter of time before the monastery itself was exposed to a direct assault though there was some debate over whether they would last long enough to see one.
If they were not careful, starvation and disease would triumph before the first shots could be fired. On more than one occasion, a resistance cell or distress beacon issued warnings of sleeper agents infiltrating their targets from within. They warned against trusting any unknown survivors, going as far as suggesting a denial of access to provisions until the stranger could prove they were not under the insidious influence of indoctrination. Suspicion and paranoia were no doubt the desired effect, the Reapers could control their enemies even when they could not find them. Not a single engagement had been fought on the turian's terms, they were losing the patience needed to play the long game.
An isolation approach was preferable but without enough resources or support, it didn't seem likely that anyone could hold out much longer. The fleets had promised over and over to relieve them of their dire predicament but gave no estimate as to when a specific operation would commence. Their status updates had been infrequent at best, having gone entirely silent once their small vanguard fleet had been dispatched through the relay.
The vanguard was supposed to be a precursor to the larger assault, it was to patrol the outskirts of the system and determine the most opportune time to strike. The lack of feedback since it's patrol began was disheartening, perhaps a sign that the fleets would not be able to return to the homeworld after all.
Another popular opinion proposed that information had come through but was not being delivered to the rest of the survivors. There was a fear that spies might exploit it or that it would add fuel to the divisive factions that were forming within the monastery.
Captain Magnus Thorn's support was dwindling, Argus' followers had become more bold and disruptive in their attempts to overthrow his officers. In most matters, Magnus left discretion up to others and did not personally intervene, spending much of his time alone and cut off from his men, commanding from afar. His reclusiveness was less than inspirational.
Argus himself begged his people to restrain themselves, advocating that they should disarm and peacefully accept defeat. He wasn't interested in internal strife yet somehow he had managed to arouse an angry, unruly mob, to insight them to lash out without pretense. The brig became so full of troublemakers that more drastic and lethal measures were introduced to dissuade insubordinate behaviour. No one disagreed with the new rules, less mouths to feed was always a positive outcome. The intimidation tactic showed how much further Magnus' authority stretched that Argus'. It also had the effect of calling the former's judgement into question.
Among the political unrest, the welfare of children taking refuge alongside their parents and siblings was often forgotten. Unlike other areas of the monastery, the nursery remained crowded and confined. The monks had been responsible for watching over the children, providing instruction, and generally making sure they had what they needed. But they too were troubled by recent events and needed to learn how to defend their home.
Combat training for the children was put on indefinite hold. Instead of target practice, they were instructed in standard academia. They poured over datapads full of lectures on history, science, mathematics, politics, nothing that mattered in their day-to-day life. The oncoming spring weather did not lessen the blow for the kids who had very much enjoyed the freedom of playing in the courtyard. Turians learned best by doing, not by sitting in stuffy classrooms all day. What they really wanted was to escape, to play games, to get cuts and bruises on their knees. Not until Tarina encouraged them to take up storytelling to pass the time was it possible for them to feel appreciated and entertained again.
For her part, Tarina finally felt like she belonged somewhere, she had found a place among the monks though she repeatedly declined their offers for spiritual enlightenment. She was eager to teach as well as to comfort those most vulnerable. She knew how hard it could be for a child to lose a loved one, far too many were being orphaned. They often blamed themselves, harbouring lifelong resentment that would consume their every action.
Something about putting a smile on their faces managed to bring her peace, it gave her a reason to keep going even though she had screwed up so much of her own life. While the other adults were busy indulging their self-preservation instincts, Tarina offered charity and maternal affection. Internally, it gave her great satisfaction to know that she had come full circle since the beginning of the war.
"I'm so sorry for making you wait, Ms. Atreides," Meekari said when she entered the room. She looked roughed up from her close quarters session, biotic burns had singed the edges of her tunic. "I don't think I'm going to be very useful when the fighting starts."
"That's ok, I'll cover you," Tarina said warmly.
"Would you? Thank the Goddess, I'm so glad you're with us. The children are too, they respond well to you, like you're one of them. Your stories have uplifted their spirits. Poor things have had their faith shaken, it hardly seems fair. Speaking of, it's never too late for you to join the other initiates. We could all use something to believe in during these uncertain days."
"Thanks but you know my attitude regarding religion. If it helps give you peace of mind, then that's what works for you. The rest of us have to find our own way, I've been trying to find mine for awhile now. But I know I'm getting close."
"If you ever want advice, you should go to Saidra. She's really good at helping people find themselves. Some day I might have to tell you how she turned me away from a shallow existence. Not tonight though, I'm too exhausted. Will you make sure the children go to bed at a normal hour?"
"No problem. Good night, Meekari."
Tarina made the rounds with an overly energetic Marius in her arms, he was in no hurry to fall asleep and neither was anyone else. Screams awoke the few children who could drift off for short periods, their friends suffered from bad dreams and other night terrors. Sometimes the piercing cries came from adjoining sleeping quarters which housed their adult counterparts. Their subconscious minds conjured up a variety of horrors to taunt them, trying to make sense of the terror that came with uncertainty. Any day could be their last, any day they could lose someone important. The slightest sound reverberated through the ancient stone halls, making it difficult to truly lure the mind into a lucid state, further perpetuating a brutal cycle of insomnia for some of the residents.
"I'm scared," one child said.
"What if we get attacked when we're asleep?" said another.
"When's the last time anyone saw the commander?"
"Don't worry, he's still around planning for the big assault," Tarina lied affectionately.
Deep down she knew very well that she was the reason that Magnus was unable to function normally. She had no idea of what he did with his time, having gone to great lengths to avoid him while she sorted herself out. If she allowed herself to worry for him, she might get caught in the same trap of self-doubt. Still, the mention of his absence gnawed at her more than it ought to have.
"If you go to bed soon, then I'll come back in the morning to do a reading lesson instead of what's already scheduled. It could be the last chance for me to give a full lesson before my squad leaves, you wouldn't want to miss it," she urged them. There were a few complaints but in general the children preferred her laid back style over the rigid repetition that the monks favoured. Most at least pretended to get some sleep. "I know you're hiding in your fort, Atera. You have to play by the same rules as everyone else."
"But I don't want to," the little girl protested from the folds of blankets hanging over her side of the bed. Not all of the blankets belonged to her, Tarina wondered how she had accumulated so many unnoticed.
"Don't make me come in there."
"You can if you like but not Marius. I have a strict no-boys-allowed policy that must be enforced," Atera poked her head out to check that nobody else was trying to get in. After a slight pause, she went back into grab a crate of building blocks which she gave to Marius. She sat next to Tarina on the edge of the bed and looked deep in thought, "You like Captain Thorn very much."
It was a declaration, not a question. Tarina was caught off guard by the candid statement, "What makes you say that?"
"Because you look so sad when you're not around him. You're always watching the doorway, waiting for him to show up. And he's Marius' father, right? That has to count for something," the young turian said with wisdom beyond her years.
"You might be right though there are some things that only grown ups can understand," Tarina gave her a warning look, she didn't need to justify herself to a six year old.
Tarina watched while Marius arranged the blocks according to their size and shape, carefully laying them out before proceeding to create his own miniature rendition of the monastery. Magnus would have been impressed with how meticulous and methodical his son conducted himself during play time. At almost six months old, Marius was already demonstrating the early signs of high intelligence that he had inherited from his father's side of the family.
Tarina couldn't imagine trying to raise an up and coming genius on her own, especially when he required everything in his life to adhere to strict routines. Marius' behaviour was so similar to his father's that it was almost uncanny. Little could be gained from keeping father and son apart, Tarina hoped their separation would remain temporary. Both of them were extremely important to her, she couldn't keep letting them down due to her own inadequacies. Every day without Magnus was making her realise the true value of family, she was running out of time to put things right.
Atera busied herself by going around the edges of the bed to secure and expand the meager borders of her blanket fortress. When she was satisfied, she went back to help Marius with his towers. He was too short to continually place the blocks where he wanted them though that hardly stopped him from trying to reach the top tier. Tarina was transfixed by how well the two children worked together, they coordinated with very little communication. They enjoyed each other's company and weren't shy of the fact. How simple life could be at their age.
A ping of jealousy swept over Tarina, she had not possessed the luxury of companionship when she had been a kid. She didn't have a loving mother or father who would watch fondly over her as she played with others. Marius and Atera had barely been introduced and yet they had already worked out the fundamentals which they shared in common, the fundamentals that allowed them to co-exist without second-guessing themselves.
Tarina couldn't help but think of Magnus, when they had first met she was sure that there was something special about him. But instead of telling him the truth, she had turned in on herself, bringing all the pain of the past to bear. She was disgusted with how selfish she had become, to how she had treated the one person who wanted to be her friend when no one else would put up with her bluster. Her own son was a better person than she had ever been.
The omnitool on her wrist lit up to remind her of an unread message that had came in earlier that day. Breaking news on the extranet had gone on about the resumption of transmissions to and from the Citadel. Not much was known about the station's communication interference other than that it had been caused by an internal source. The first reports of the story were vague, claiming that a terrorist attack had been thwarted. No actual casualty numbers had been released.
On the contrary, the speculative numbers were quite high to account for the overabundance of refugees who believed that the Citadel was the safest place in the known galaxy. The mood on the surviving worlds had already reached panicked levels, it was unlikely that the full details of the attack would ever be known. The direct consequences of the war had finally reached the Citadel, all bets were off.
The message had came from her mother. Tarina couldn't decide if she was disappointed that she had managed to survive the short-lived crisis. Her feelings were unusually mixed regarding the potential contents of the letter. One one hand, she couldn't care less and on the other she recognised that redemption was hard to come by. If she couldn't give her mother the courtesy to make amends, how could she expect Magnus to do the same for her some day? Was holding onto a grudge really worth it when any day could be her last?
Tentatively, she relented to reading the words, no harm came from the written word on its own:
"I know you don't like hearing from me so I will keep this brief. As you can tell, I'm still alive despite recent events. I did my part, I helped protect civilians while chaos erupted in the once peaceful cultural centre of our galaxy. I don't write this to illicit praise for supposedly heroic deeds, anyone else with any sense would have done the same.
There was something that I saw during the fight that forever changed me and I have to share it with you. I saw the Spectre-agent Commander Shepard make her way through the battlefield, restoring order to the Citadel as she went. She had a fierce look of determination about her, I wish you could have seen it. She fought alongside elite squad-mates, comrades-in-arms that were more than mere soldiers. One was a turian, the other an asari, they fought with the same resolute poise that their leader fought with.
When I saw them, all guns blazing, I knew we could get through this trying time. Many doubt that we can win the war, they think all hope is lost. But it isn't true, don't listen to them. There is a chance that we can pull this off. If we put our past differences behind us, if we come together as one people. Victory is obtainable. Despite the horrible things we do to one another, or maybe in spite of them, we are worthy of survival.
What I did to you was abhorrent, I can't ask for your forgiveness. But you're all that I have now. The time for personal confrontations will be after the war so do what you must to survive. Keep fighting, Tarina. Never give up, never surrender. There will be better days ahead.
Eternal vigilance,
Kyrie Vestinus
PS: Devonas Atreides and I rarely saw eye to eye, you mustn't think that you were the cause of our falling out. I know it is impolite to speak for the dead, but you are every bit his daughter. Please do not torture yourself as he once did."
Tarina stared off blankly into space, she had forgotten how powerful a dose of optimism could be. New and old thoughts cluttered her head, she was unwilling to sort through them at such a late hour. A good night's rest was what she needed most but she didn't want to interfere with the jovial mood created by the children.
Atera had relented to allowing Marius to play within her domain. She was currently entertaining her guest by reading a story from one of her books, he was nodding off in her lap but she didn't seem to mind.
"I wonder what my sister would make of me adopting a brother for us. Do you think she'll come back from the field?" Atera asked in her usual matter-of-fact tone. She was worried but trying to pretend that she wasn't.
"I'm sure she will, if she's half as brave as you are then nothing will stop her from coming back. Word from the veterans is that you're the top marksman among all the children, is that true?"
"Yes," Atera sounded mildly offended that her skill was in question. Humbly she added, "Maybe the others just aren't very good."
"Hopefully you won't have to put your abilities to a real test any time soon. You came here with your sister, right? What of your parents?"
"I grew up on the Citadel. Mom is in the Diplomatic Corp and Dad is a Spectre," the young girl boasted, brimming with pride. The tell-tale white markings on her face mimicked the Spectre symbol which was the official colony marking for anyone born on the Citadel. The first part of her claim appeared to be valid though Tarina questioned the actual careers of her parents. Atera had gained notoriety for telling half-truths.
"I find it hard to believe that a diplomat could be married to a Spectre without it raising all sorts of complaints about a conflict of interest, that kind of story would fire up the exranet in a split second. You can be honest with me, I won't tell your secrets."
"It's true! Anyway, Mom isn't an ambassador or anything like that. She operates a top level security firm. Basically she's a really fancy kind of bodyguard that gets to meet and protect some of the most important people in the galaxy, everyone from Councillors to first contact envoys."
"How did you end up on Palaven when the war broke out?"
"Right, I was getting to that part," Atera said with an impatient sigh, as if accustomed to being interrupted by adults. "Veritas had received permission for some grant or scholarship or whatever her university calls it, she was coming here to accept it. Around the same time, Dad was deep undercover in Terminus space and Mom had a trade summit to cover. So obviously neither of them could take care of me and I got shuffled off with my big sister instead.
I didn't really want to leave the Citadel, I love the parks that surround the Presidium. You could even catch bugs sometimes, holographic ones but still. There were lots of great places to hide from the aliens, not that I mind them. This place is drab and boring in comparison.
Anyway, It was supposed to be a short trip. We were going to visit with grandparents and cousins that I hadn't met before but you know how crazy things got. Maybe we would have done those things if Veritas hadn't been so interested in meeting other scientists as soon as we got here."
"What kind of scientist is she?" Tarina asked with genuine curiosity. She had a strong appreciation for the sociopolitical disciplines.
"How should I know? Can't understand half of the big words she uses. I think it has to do with medicine or food research, maybe both. She's a lot older so we have very little in common, not much to talk about."
"But she's family so that's why you're worried, you don't want anything bad to happen her."
"Yeah. If she dies then I'll be alone. It's already weird being this far from home, away from Mom and Dad. I miss them heaps, Dad especially. He'd have long breaks between missions to spend time with me. Veritas and I might be different but she's trying her best to keep me safe. I hate that stupid lottery system, it's not very fair. Hardly anyone comes back."
"I know but we all have to do our part. This isn't how we'd normally run a base. But we make do with what we have. My turn is coming up soon. I'm more worried about what will happen to Marius than me. At any rate, he seems to like you very much."
"It'd be a lot easier to know what he likes if he could talk. When will he start speaking?"
"Whenever he's ready to, maybe he hasn't thought of anything yet."
"Well, I've talked too much," Atera stretched out her little arms and yawned, "Thanks for staying up with me."
"Alright, Atera. I'll see you in the morning then."
The morning session with the children went incredibly well, it gave Tarina the confidence that would help her have a long overdue conversation that she had been avoiding. Some of the kids had gotten more out of it than others, she knew she had at least been successful in taking all of their minds off of whatever caused them pain. Some were laughing with joy while others had stopped crying for their lost parents. They had petitioned her to stay longer, to tell one more story that would transport their active imaginations away from the realities of conflict and loss.
Even turian children were owed a short period of innocence before they had to become soldiers constantly exposed to trauma of the mind, body, and spirit. Many were itching for revenge, all Tarina could do was remind them that there was more to living than seeking retribution. She was their teacher for the day but she felt as if she could learn more from them than the reverse, there was still much growing up left for her to do.
Young Atera and a few of her friends begged Tarina to promise to be their surrogate mother if the worst came to pass. Tarina was deeply humbled by the request and slightly embarrassed by their level of interest. Conveniently, she was able to decline on the grounds that her own mission with a salvage team was coming up soon. The mission was unlikely to go as smoothly as her morning lesson, she was already coming to terms with the possibility that she might become another casualty.
At some point, she had to ask Magnus to take care of Marius should it go wrong. Empowered by her young, adoring fans, she finally felt ready to say all the other things she had wanted to for the past couple of months. If she was going to deliver her potentially last words, then she may as well clear her conscience at the same time. Hadn't he always cautioned her about holding back?
Magnus had saved her more than once and in more ways than he would ever realise, he deserved to know how she really felt about him. She was worried that she had caused too much irreparable damage during the time she had set aside to figure herself out, he might not want to hear from her any more. What if he had lost patience or interest? Apprehension and nerves usually got the best of her, what if she only managed to make things worse by approaching him so late? When her mother had pulled a similar stunt, she hadn't be thrilled.
But their relationship had never been close, there was no love between Tarina and her mother. Magnus was unique, he had never given up and though he hadn't said as much, his feelings for her were abundantly clear. If those feelings were to change, she'd have herself to blame. She had to try to fix her mistakes, even if it meant tearing down every single wall to do it.
The higher the risk, the higher the reward, not that she needed it to be an outright victory. She wasn't expecting him to take her back like nothing had happened, though the more she lingered on that particular thought the harder it got to accept it. Every argument between them had been started as a result of her shortsighted assumptions.
Thoughts about how she could have done everything differently bombarded her as she made her way to Magnus' secluded office. In hindsight, the duel with Argus hadn't been about honour or reputation, combat was the one language that she understood fluently. They had been fighting for the right to court her, her actions afterwards left little room for misinterpretation. At the time, she had been too scared to admit that that she was at fault.
She tried to look at it from Magnus' point-of-view, instantly her heart sank to her boots. How could she have not seen it then? The rivalry between Argus and Magnus had been obvious but she assumed that it was a difference in ideological principles. She couldn't imagine that she'd be important enough for two men to fight over.
Tarina had loosely considered Argus to be a friend and nothing more, he listened to her in a way that Magnus couldn't. His infatuation made it difficult to acknowledge her weaknesses and shortcomings. He saw her as someone that needed mending and while she appreciated that, she also respected the way Argus took her at face value.
Their pasts and family life, or lack of, were similar. Argus solved most of his problems with his flippant attitude or, when necessary, with his fists. That's where the common ground ended, he was more interested in himself than anyone else. His devoted followers were enamoured with his bold charisma in the same way that Magnus was attracted to Tarina.
Sometimes people needed someone else to believe in but when they were left on their own they would determine that no one could save them. Magnus had told her on multiple occasions that all of her answers lay within herself. She wondered what sort of answers he would have uncovered in her absence. Without the aid of a tinted visor, he might see her for the fraud she really was. That idea terrified her.
Shakily she raised her hand to knock on the door. She tried to find the words to express herself but it all sounded like sentimental, hippy nonsense, the sort of words used regularly in asari advertising. Everything from the heart sounded cliche, too prescriptive rather than genuine and full of meaning. She knew what she wanted to say but not how to say it.
"No more running, seize the moment," she muttered to herself. The door was open so she let herself in.
No one greeted her as she entered. The room was tidy and showed signs of being recently vacated. Late morning sunlight poured in from a solitary window. Everything looked relatively the same as the last time she had been there except for a few small changes which caught her attention. He wouldn't leave the room unlocked if he wasn't coming back. She figured she may as well look around while she waited for him to return.
In one corner was the QEC projector, silently displaying a real-time depiction of the galactic war effort. Areas that were contested were lit up as blue, lost worlds were red, unknown status was indicated in grey. The colour green was reserved for any system that hadn't yet been affected by the war. None of them were green. Grey was the most dominating colour.
They all knew things were bad, it was unnerving to see the actual statistics. Entire civilisations were fading away forever while each remaining homeworld struggled to delay their fate. Tarina was inclined to believe Argus' radical notion that they had already lost.
Half of Magnus' desk was covered in more detailed maps as well as speculative battle plans. Numbers were scrawled in the margins, probably relating to troop numbers, supplies, and calculations about their odds of success. Some maps were of Palaven, some were worlds that Tarina didn't recognise. Magnus' strategies and theorycrafting extended far into the future, proof that he hadn't written off the need to keep the resistance going. He could have been a state of denial, playing our various scenarios as a way to keep himself busy when there was nothing else to do but she liked to imagine that an experienced CO knew when to fallback and when to push on.
She noticed that there were a pile of reports from the few survivors that had returned to the monastery, curiously she flicked through them. Sitting next to the pile was a dossier listing the names of those that hadn't been sent out. Her name had been crossed out, the only one on the list to be disregarded without any additional explanation. A datapad on the other side of the desk lit up with an unread message, it was none of her business so she continued examining the room.
One corner of the room had been reserved for living space. There was just enough room for a full bedroll as well as a shelf above it that would have held personal belongings. No clothing or gear had been left within the area, not a single gun or uniform. The shelf was mostly bare aside from a handful of various objects: asari meditation beads, unburnt incense, an empty bottle of whiskey from the planet Earth, a bottle of potent muscle relaxers that piqued Tarina's interest. Hadn't their last argument been about illegal stim use?
A picture frame showing a landscape shot of a waterfall deep within the jungles of Invictus flickered when her gaze fell on it. The image was relaxing, reassuring somehow. She picked it up to see if there were in any other images within the device. There was a very normal assortment of pictures: a family portrait with all of Thorns dressed up in their best formal attire (Andronicus in his school uniform given his age at the time) looking proud and prestigious with their family crest on a banner behind them, a silly shot of an overly cheerful Magnus and Viatrix celebrating with too many drinks after a successful mission, a recent picture of Andronicus and Marius playing together in the snow, and finally an amateur but sobering shot of the Citadel taken from space taken at the start of the war. Each of the pictures held immense sentimental value for Magnus, the lack of anything with Tarina in it made her wonder if she had gravely miscalculated her visit.
She greatly wished the room hadn't been so thoroughly cleaned, she wanted something of Magnus' to hold onto, preferably a tunic or something with a hint of his scent. Being in his room for the first time in months reminded her how much she had missed him. She was no longer sure that he intended to come back, too much of his stuff was missing.
The light from the datapad reader caught her attention again, cautiously she made her way over to read it. Upon realising who it was from, she took a seat and tried to calm her nerves once more before proceeding. The message had been left for her eyes only.
"Dear Tarina,
Before I met you, I had a fairly ordinary life. Well, as ordinary as it gets in a cabal. Suffice it to say, most of our missions were extremely dangerous endeavours. Every day was relatively the same, I followed and gave orders without much thought. It was a simple, boring life but it was comfortable, predictable, and full of purpose. The only emotion I understood thoroughly was fear. The fear of letting others down, of letting myself down, of failure, of too much success.
Then you came along and turned it all upside down. You were beautiful, tenacious, vibrant. So full of life and energy, you made me realise how much I had missed in my stubborn pursuit for security. Emotions that I didn't even know the names of began to flood into my every being, like my heart had started to beat for the first time. I experienced the full spectrum from anxiety to sadness to elation to pure joy. Fear was among these feelings but it was a different kind, it was the fear of loss and rejection.
That day when I came looking for you and you put Marius in my arms, I'll never forget the way time stood still then. I've seen Dr. Tomas cry when she feels strongly about something, I wish we could purge ourselves as the humans do. But instead we are told to keep our private lives and emotions to ourselves. Easier said than done.
All I ever wanted was to protect you, to nurture our son and to continue the journey of life with someone who might understand me. Before you came to Invictus for your training, I was ready to give up and retire, to fade away into obscurity because I thought I had seen and done everything. I could never do that with the knowledge I have now.
I can't change your past though I would if I could. I can't make you see how important you really are though I've tried many times. What I can do for you is one thing. You have opportunities that I never had, I couldn't jeopardise that by allowing you to risk your life unnecessarily. I'm uncomfortably familiar with the reports, I know how low the survival rate is. This one time I can do something for you without you telling me that I can't.
I will be taking your place on the next squad. If I don't make it back, then you must take care of Marius as well as yourself. He needs you more than me. My time has come and gone, do not worry for me. I am a soldier of the Hierarchy, I have never been afraid to put my life on the line for a good cause. I've already thrown away my career to be here with you, trading one duty for another. You've been worth it.
My complete adoration for you has been a poorly kept secret, I apologise if I was too direct for your liking. I'm sorry that I couldn't be everything you needed. You've said a lot of things to me in our short time together, they were always honest though some were more cruel and gut wrenching than others.
I forgive you. I hope you find whatever it is you're looking for.
Give Marius all of my love and don't forget to open your heart once in awhile. Thank you for everything, truly. May the spirits guide you home.
Eternally yours,
Magnus"
The letter had not been written in haste, rather it had been written by hand with a stylus instead of the usual digital input. Magnus' calligraphy was decadent, patient and deliberate, each stroke of every symbol had been carefully constructed without any errors. The detailed artfulness of the script made it difficult to react to the actual content that the words were meant to convey.
Tarina recalled her initial reaction to her mother's letter since it was the most recent comparison she could draw from, that one had left her feeling numb with a hint of optimism. In contrast, her immediate response to Magnus' letter was explosive, unquenchable frustration.
Everyone was trying so hard not to hurt her like she was too sensitive to be confronted directly. It infuriated her. Why hadn't he tried to say goodbye in person, was getting the last word in so important? But deep down she knew the answer was quite simple, she hadn't been an easy person to talk to for much of their relationship.
The futility of trying to be a better person, to make amends with one person who gave a damn about her was too much. Again she read over the bit about forgiveness, memorising the three words the way one learned a mantra. He had always been too good to her.
"I did find what I was looking for but it's too late," she whispered quietly in response to the next line. Her chest ached from the sudden realisation, both relieved and distressed by what should have been obvious all along.
She had taken his constant presence for granted. Throughout their separation, she knew he would be there if she needed him. Except that's not how things had actually turned out. It was like being caught on the battlefield without a weapon, she could not have planned for such a situation. Not only was she facing defeat but she had to face it alone. More than anything, she wanted to wake up from the current nightmare, clearly she had fallen asleep with anxious thoughts running through her head.
She slammed a fist into the desk, her talons dug deep into her palm to remind her that she was wide awake. The bareness of the room around her made more sense with the addition of the right context. She had wanted to be independent but now that she faced the prospect of losing the one she loved, she no longer cared about the stupid pride that was responsible for pushing him away. She couldn't face the world without him and in that moment realised that she needed him. The letter implied that he needed her as well but she could not be certain that was his meaning without actually hearing it.
On top of all that, he had robbed her of the one chance to perform her duty. No one would question why he had done it. But she would be in his debt when she had been fully prepared to do her part for the greater good. His adoration had consistently interfered with her social development. If he really didn't make it back, people would begin to think Tarina wasn't capable of fighting her own battles or interested in fighting anyone else's. She hardly needed more reasons to be livid at him, his self-sacrifice would do more harm than he had intended.
"No, no, damn it, no!" she yelled, throwing the datapad across the room in her rage.
It was grossly unfair, she had come to reveal the depths of her soul. Instead, she had exposed herself to more heartache and the same level of pain that she had suffered through after her father's death. Anyone she ever cared about faded away, she was hopeless without them. She could already predict that Marius would do the same when he was old enough to be rid of her. She felt empty and hollow, she could not lose Magnus.
Desperation took hold of her, she would have to go to him. At the very least, he should know the truth before something fatal occurred. She could settle for that, maybe she had a chance to catch up with the squad if she set out right away. Her mind and heart fought over the idea, the heart won out so she bolted for the door with renewed vigour in her step.
At full speed she ran down the adjoining hallway, pure adrenaline made her oblivious to anyone unfortunate enough to be in her path. She rounded a corner and ran straight into Lieutenant Petra, Magnus' XO, who happened to be wearing full armour and a very displeased expression.
"Didn't see you there," Tarina said with a grunt as she picked herself back up. Petra made no effort to assist her.
"That's because you never see past your own holster, Atreides," the older woman scowled. "What's the meaning of this reckless behaviour?"
"I'm looking for Captain Thorn. He left recently with a squad that I was supposed to be part of," she explained hastily.
"They left early in the morning, you won't catch them now," Petra said coolly.
"Why would they do that, we weren't scheduled to move out for another week!"
"Some of the last squad made it back in the middle of the night. They told us that the rest of their team was in trouble and needed immediate reinforcements. Patrols are getting more numerous and aggressive, they couldn't evade all of them with their current numbers. Apparently they had a good haul to bring in but what good is it if they can't deliver it?
Thorn consulted with me and a few others, we agreed that it was best to send a team out right away. In addition to those reasons, we're conducting one of our first Thanix weapon tests today and we can't afford any distractions or attacks while we work out the most efficient mechanisms. It made sense for the captain to be involved directly to throw any enemy units in the area off the scent.
Without those supplies, we won't make it much longer. We barely have enough of what we need for this test but we can't risk trying the weapons out in a real combat scenario without knowing everything about them."
"This isn't fair!" Tarina protested, barely listening to the officer's practical assessment.
"That's not for you to decide," Petra pointed out. She was about to say more but one of her engineers interrupted.
"Sir, we're having trouble aligning the power matrix. The calculations are going to take too long if you want to start firing it up soon. We could try the Vakarian calibrations.."
"Those are far too convoluted for our purposes," Petra argued back.
Tarina didn't stick around to hear more, she was practically disgusted with how little Petra seemed to care about her predicament. Her personal crisis was completely irrelevant to anyone beyond herself. She could have gone to Meekari for a comforting chat but she was too bewildered to know where to begin explaining the situation. She resigned herself to wandering aimlessly down the maze-like corridors, hoping for something to make sense again.
She was alone once more, it always seemed to happen that way. The halls were damp and cool, devoid of any traffic. She wanted to get lost, to have something else to work through other than the emotional turmoil that came with the sudden departure of the man she admired most. Her pace slowed, the lights became more sparse, she couldn't tell the difference between one intersection or another. Marius was safe enough in the nursery and she had no other responsibilities, what more was there to worry about?
"Tarina," a soft voice said behind her. She knew who it was by the gentleness of his voice. Despite that knowledge, she closed her eyes and pretended it was someone else. She had no patience for his games, especially when everything was collapsing around her.
"Go away, I want to be alone," she barked out without meeting his eyes. Those passive, blue eyes that seemed innocent and disarming.
"Is that what you really want? You're good at avoiding people but that doesn't mean you're entirely happy. You look like you need someone to talk to."
"Well, I don't. How did you find me anyway?"
"Believe it or not, I was actually looking for you. Heard about recent events, figured you could use a friend. It's none of my business but-"
"Then don't make it your business. This isn't a good time, Argus."
"We could skip the whole talking bit if you'd prefer.."
"I'm not going to warn you again," Tarina bristled, still full of anger and bile.
"Or what? What will you do?" he taunted her. Seriousness was creeping back into his mannerisms, the calming facade fell apart as she suspected it would.
She didn't hesitate to swing a punch at him, aiming squarely for his jaw. He pulled back at the last second, resulting in little more than a glancing blow. Instinctively he pushed back with both hands, much of the force pressing into her injured shoulder. She cried out more with surprise than pain since he had managed to swiftly pin her to the wall in the same motion. Up close, his features were harsh and severe and she knew she had bitten off more than she could chew.
"It's more fun when they make it challenging," he sneered in her face.
Tarina lashed out fast, she had to go on offensive quickly if she wanted to get the upper hand. She dug her talons into his cheek, just below his left eye, gouging out a substantial chunk of carapace and skin. The slash marks rapidly filled with dark blood, they were deep enough to leave permanent scars. Argus pulled back to shield himself from her second strike which was exactly what she wanted him to do.
They struggled against each other in earnest. Tarina was driven by fear and confusion, Argus by his desire for retaliation against his wounded vanity. Neither held back. She was agile but not strong enough to keep him off of her for long. He kept his approach defensive, trying to wear her down through attrition rather than with brute tactics, something he had likely picked up on from his duel with Magnus.
Tarina was able to hold her own for a brief time. As she fought back, she thought of Magnus and her son, she thought of her mother and the loss of her father, all the things that motivated her. Each blow was delivered purposely with an unbreakable focus, everything came pouring out of her. The longer it went on, the more aggressive Argus got as he tried to one up her.
Eventually they ended up on the ground, Argus atop a writhing Tarina. He had her arms locked behind her back, he glared as he waited for her surrender. There was nothing left for her to do but to yield. He leaned in close once she indicated she wanted to say something but she was bluffing and headbutted him for his trouble. He roared out and raised a fist to punish her for the cunning deception.
Something or perhaps someone came hurdling into the fray before he could react. Argus was picked up and slammed unexpectedly against the nearest wall. His body slumped into a heap, lifeless and quiet. Andronicus crouched over where he had been, panting from the effort of moving him. Tarina looked between their two faces, dazed and disoriented by what had just happened. Andronicus was unreadable as usual, Argus looked vacant and broken.
"Is he dead?" Tarina asked in a shaky voice.
"No," Andronicus confirmed after checking for a pulse in Argus' neck. "He's going to have a very long nap though."
"What a relief," she hardly needed more complications in her life to deal with. Tarina accepted Andronicus' proffered hand. She wanted to breakdown, the fight had been too intense and alarming. If Andronicus hadn't arrived, she could have been in serious danger. "Please, you can't tell Magnus about this. If he even makes it back.."
"I wouldn't dare worry him more than he already has been because of you," Andronicus assured her. His words came out scathingly, she didn't blame him. He softened slightly, "Are you hurt?"
"A few cuts and bruises but nothing I'd want to see the doc about. I wouldn't want to have to face an interrogation about where the injuries came from. Thanks for the rescue, I mean it." After a long pause, she sighed, "I've really screwed things up this time. How can I put it all right again?"
"You could start by telling my brother how you actually feel about him. He's been left in the dark for too long, Tarina. Do you love him or not?"
"I do and I was going to tell him today, I swear it," she said with exasperation.
"I believe you. Anyway, I'm supposed to look after you and keep you out of trouble while he's away. Is that going to be ok?"
"Why would you want to? I know how much you disapprove of me. You've never hid your opinion."
"That's true but I care about my brother and he cares about you. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for the ones you love."
His words bit her hard, she knew he was right. Tired and drained from both physical and emotional trauma, she leaned against him for support. He was awkward about it initially, loosely putting one arm around her good shoulder. He didn't feel or smell the same as Magnus but that didn't matter. He consoled her despite his reservations. Maybe she could tell him all the things that she had wanted to say to Magnus, in case she didn't get to tell him herself.
They walked back upstairs, leaving Argus to enjoy his headache inducing slumber. Tarina wasn't entirely comfortable around Andronicus but he had proven to be heroic and loaded with good intentions. She wanted to talk to him, get to know him better. If he was going to be adamant about guarding her then there needed to be some mutual understanding.
The thought was interrupted as a high pitch scream greeted them once they arrived back at ground level. The sound had came from the direction of the nursery, where Marius had spent most of the day. Tarina cursed herself for being careless. She and Andronicus ran together to investigate the commotion.
"I'll go get Saidra, Petra's team will be too distracted to help," Andronicus said with a cool head. It was the exact same reaction that Magnus would have had.
Tarina hardly noticed him leaving her side, she was too scared about what sort of danger had befallen her son. She ran faster than she had after reading Magnus' letter. She couldn't lose them both in the same day.
The room was a mess with various bits of furniture strewn about, much of it either broken or rendered out of place. In the middle of the floor was the sprawled form of Meekari laying on her side, a small pool of coagulating blood had formed around her neck. Tarina could not tell at a glance if she was still alive. Standing over her victim was a crazed, possessed-looking Veritas Hellis, Atera's older sister and guardian as well as one of the three returning survivors that Petra had mentioned earlier.
Opposite of her, trapped helplessly against a corner, was a group of about eight frightened children. The older ones were shielding the younger ones by encircling them, Tarina could not catch a glimpse of Marius in the small crowd. Standing apart from the rest was a defiant Atera Hellis. At a little less than a metre tall, she was trying to coax her sister to let the others go.
Veritas did not brandish any weapons, the pistol on her hip had not been drawn. The swirling effect of biotic energy emanating from her hands was threatening enough. Tarina knew from experience that visible biotic fields were potent and deadly, she could not recognise which particular effect Veritas was utilising but it was a certainly a bad sign.
A day ago, the young scientist hadn't been biotic at all though solving that mystery was not nearly as important as finding a helpless Marius. The only way Tarina could get closer was to reveal herself, she would need to capitalise on the element of surprise while it still benefited her. Reluctantly, she watched the scene play out before her, waiting for the right moment to intervene.
"This has nothing to do with them, Veri. Why can't they leave?" Atera argued.
"Because you haven't agreed to come with me yet, I can't allow them to go until you do that," Veritas spoke in a voice that made her sound far away.
"They're just kids, they won't hurt anything!" Atera was getting angry, balling her fists up.
Tarina made her move, she launched herself at Veritas' back side. A highly fortified barrier shrugged off the impact but the distraction did cause Veritas to turn around. Instantly Veritas leapt straight up, she let go of the energy that had been gathering in her hands. An invisible wave pommeled Tarina into the nearest wall, a second and third wave restricted her movement. The attack came fast and sudden, it was just the opening the children needed to make a run for it.
By the time Tarina regained her footing, only Atera and Marius remained. She wanted to grab her son and run out with the others. Veritas lashed out at her again, this time using a stasis field to immobilise Tarina.
Satisfied that the interruption was over, she returned her attention to Atera who was trying to close the gap to Marius' vulnerable position. She pulled Atera back with another a field. When she was back within her grasp, she grabbed her sister physically by the throat
In one swift motion, Atera was thrust up into the air. During the commotion, Atera had managed to grab the pistol from her sister's holster before it was too far out of reach. The gun was raised and pointed steadfastly at point-blank range, aimed directly at Veritas' face. Tension mounted, neither of the sisters said anything during their stalemate.
"You're not my sister, I'm not afraid of you," Atera said as she rubbed the trigger with her thumb.
"Atera, stop!" Tarina cried out, still unable to move. There was no doubt in her mind that Atera would shoot.
"We could have done this the easy way, Atera. I could have gotten you out of here before it was too late. We can start over if you give me the chance," Veritas pleaded, her eyes soft. She appeared normal, despite the biotic upgrades.
"Let her go," came Andronicus' stern voice. He had arrived with Saidra on his heels, his own sidearm was pointed at the back of Veritas' head. "If any bit of the real Veritas is left in you, you will not hurt your own kin."
"I can't, they won't let me," Veritas struggled, her grip remained ironclad against Atera. "All is lost."
"I'll do it, she's mine to kill," Atera said with bravado beyond her years. "If anyone is going to do it, it has to be me."
"No it doesn't!" Tarina argued. "Even if the enemy has control of her, she's all you have left. That's what they want, they want to isolate you so they can tear you down. WIthout loved ones, we are not worth saving. We will destroy ourselves, sparing the Reapers the trouble of conquering us. You can't let that happen."
"Stand down, Veritas," Andronicus said quietly. "Fight them off, you don't have to be their weapon."
Slowly, Veritas lowered Atera back to the ground. Atera immediately rushed over to Marius, picking the small boy up and putting herself between him and Veritas. Her back was turned, her weapon had been thrown aside. Tarina made her way over to the pair of them, touched by Atera's heroism.
Veritas could make no move against them since Saidra had isolated her from the group with her own biotic powers. The two of them battled against each other for a short while until Saidra managed to use her own stasis field.
Once that was done, Saidra had no more interest in the situation. She was too startled by Meekari's injuries, too panicked and distraught to do anything rational. Meekari's head was cradled in her arms, after a couple of moments her eyes opened and Saidra kissed her forehead profusely. No one else watched the pair of lovers, their eyes were all on Veritas.
"What do we do now?" Tarina asked once everything had calmed down, she had both of the children in her lap.
"I don't know," Andronicus said honestly. "She's certainly indoctrinated but to what level I can't discern. Put her in the brig for now, it's what Magnus would do with her. He can decide what to do next."
"Where has he gone? We can't function without his leadership," Saidra said. Meekari was leaning heavily against her.
"Left this morning with a squad," Tarina said quietly. She was surprised that Saidra hadn't been informed, there was small comfort in that.
"How many other potential indoctrinated agents might we have?" Saidra asked with frustration. "What are we supposed to do?"
"Keep preparing for the arrival of the fleets. Stay the course. Whatever we do though, we can't give into paranoia. This was a one-off incident, I'm sure of it," Andronicus assured her.
"Right, well that's me done for now. I'm going to get some rest. Come on, Atera, you can stay with us for awhile," Tarina had had her fill of adventure for one day, Atera had as well.
"I'll go with you," Andronicus said. "May as well take Magnus' quarters, you'll be safest there. Plus there's enough room for the three of you."
Tarina had mixed feelings about that but she couldn't argue against his logic.
"They're back! All of them!" a loud voice cried out in the hall.
Scepticism born from living off scraps over the previous two weeks tempered the excitement that the announcement should have aroused. Supplies from beyond the monastery had ran out completely, a low protein diet of locally grown vegetables was all that remained. Their source of meat had disappeared with the migrations of wildlife to more fertile valleys, not that over hunting hadn't played a crucial role in forcing their prey elsewhere.
The genuine fear of disease brought on with malnutrition that had worried the survivors in earlier months was proving to be well-founded. No one was fit for combat duty, it was folly to hope for a dramatic reversal of fortune. If the crier was correct then it might mean they would have to share what little they had with soldiers who would have been better off dying elsewhere.
The voice called out again, an apprehensive though slightly reluctant group began to clear a path for their returning brethren. Tarina watched them warily with Marius on one side of her and Atera on the other. Marius had as much to complain about as anyone else but Atera managed to keep him occupied and sufficiently distracted, a strong friendship was developing between the two.
One by one, the entire company that Magnus had led into the valley began to emerge through the doorway. Their arms and backs were laden with bounty of their efforts, the supplies were an encouraging sign that immediately dissipate the tension associated with their arrival. Even the company that had gone out before them, the same group that Atera's sister had been with, had managed to make it back in one piece.
Tarina's anxiety grew as she looked for a familiar face, she could not see their illustrious leader among them. How cruel it would have been for everyone to return without him. She waited and waited, panic growing exponentially with each second. He should have been at the front of the procession, it wasn't like him to fall behind. The tail end of the group was full of injured persons that could not walk without the assistance of their comrades and still there was no sign of Magnus.
Forcefully, Tarina made her way to the back, pushing aside anyone in her way, "Where is Captain Thorn? Where's my.." she paused, almost uttering 'husband' by accident, "..Where's Magnus?" Marius clutched at his mother's neck, sensing her fear. Atera for her part had remained with Andronicus who was helping direct the traffic.
Finally Tarina caught sight of someone being hauled on a stretcher between two men. Her heart stopped, she recognised him instantly. His armour had been stripped, his eyes were closed. He lay as still and lifeless as a statue, she was almost convinced that he was dead until she saw a deep, shallow breath. Thick blankets had been draped over him, deep blood stains seeped through the section covering his legs and feet. Seeing him in such a state paralysed her, he was barely holding on.
"What happened? What's wrong with him?" she asked one of the men carrying him in a shaky voice.
"Get out the way, he needs immediate medical attention," the man barked at her.
"I can see the obvious!" she snapped back at him, ignoring his commands while she tried to get closer.
"He took a frag grenade to the leg," the other man offered more helpfully. It didn't explain why he was out cold unless he had suffered immense blood loss as a result of his injuries. That thought was enough to make Tarina believe that he was indeed facing a fatal situation.
"Where's the chief medical officer?"
"In the infirmary, already prepping for surgery. Hurry!"
A number of patients had already been sent ahead for treatment but none of them were in as bad of a condition as Magnus. Tarina followed the pair of men closely, they ignored her presence as well as everyone else in the surgery. Even Dr. Tomas failed to spot her at first.
Tarina's gaze remained transfixed on Magnus as he was moved about, his face was unnaturally pale and she was sure that it would have been cold to the touch. He didn't have much time left. Never had she felt so helpless.
"Keep fighting, Sarge. You can't go out like this," she whispered quietly. Marius heard her and started to cry while struggling in her tight grip. All he knew was that something was wrong with his father and his mother was upset beyond measure.
"I need a comprehensive status report. Now!" Dr. Tomas demanded as she personally checked for Magnus' vitals.
"Shrapnel wound in the left leg," the first, more simple of the two men said again.
"And?" Tomas prompted him.
She didn't stop what she was doing to hear more, gently she lay a hand against Magnus' forehead to check his temperature. Almost immediately she was forced to pull it away, the iciness having pierced her skin. A worried expression crossed her face, she leaned downed in a rather intimate fashion to place her cheek where her hand had been, raising her omnitool as she did so to calculate the exact thermal reading.
Tarina seethed with momentary jealousy, annoyed that the other woman could get so close to him. She knew the pair were friends but she was suddenly nervous about how much closer they might have gotten during her absence.
"It rained the whole way back, he had a fever and a slight cold a few days ago. Might be advanced hyperthermia," one of the returning soldiers suggested.
"There's definitely some sort of infection in his system. Nurse, undo those soiled bandages so I can get a better look at what we're dealing with here. Everyone else, clear out. I'll get to other patients later, the commander is top priority. We need to get every single piece of metal out of there, this will be a very time consuming process," Tomas gave her orders and everyone jumped to. Everyone except Tarina who was waiting apprehensively for someone to update her on the situation. "What are you doing here, Tarina?"
"Is he going to be ok?"
"I can't say with any certainty yet. His leg is a mess, there's an unknown virus in his system, too much blood has been lost already. The prognosis is bad, really bad. If they could have staunch the bleeding better.. damn it. Just give me some time, this is what I do best. Magnus is important, I won't let a few battle wounds take him from us. You hear that, Magnus? Stay with us!"
"Can I at least stay and watch you work, please?"
"Alright, fine. But this area needs to remain clean, sterile, and quiet," Tomas looked up at a fussy Marius, "Why don't you put him down for a bit? This kind of work requires intense concentration and skill, one mistake and its all over."
Tomas set about her delicate task, slowly and carefully cutting through muscle and ligament tissue with her tools, dropping bits and pieces of shrapnel in a small pan nearby. Tarina stood behind Magnus with her hands resting firmly on his shoulders, looking down at him so that she would be the first person he saw if he regained consciousness. Occasionally the doctor looked up at her with a reassuring glance.
The silent procedure left Tarina feeling guilty for causing such distress against the man she loved. If he had chosen to confide in Tomas instead of her, then he would have been better off for it. The human was affectionate and reliable, something Tarina knew she wasn't.
"Don't wander off, Tarina. Stay close or you'll get lost."
But that was exactly what Tarina wanted to do, she had no interest in her father's instructions and less interest than that in actually meeting her mother who was coming from off world to visit them. She was more preoccupied with perusing the wares of the various shops that lined each side of the crowded starport's walls. Using her casual browsing as cover, she was actually looking for the right opportunity to get separated from her father. Despite his concerns, he was more nervous about reuniting with Tarina's mother than in ensuring the safety of his daughter and it wasn't long before they wandered off in different directions.
A toy store full of handheld robotic machinations caught the child's undivided attention. The figures were highly collectable, holographic displays danced between them outlining their unique features and load outs for the game they were designed to be played with. Tarina pressed her face as close to the glass window as she could to get a better look.
Without pretext, a loud siren began to wail outside the terminal building. It rang out with the telltale notes that denoted an imminent invasion, delivering a warning to persons in the area to take refugee post haste. Panicked travellers stampeded for the exits leaving Tarina on her own, nobody had time to assist an estranged child.
"Dad!" she called out, wishing she hadn't been so intent on getting so far away from him. No response came.
The ceiling above crumbled and buckled under the pressure of whatever was happening on the upper story, raining dust all over the emptied corridor. Bodies and debris piled up, the deafening siren drowned out any other noise.
"Tarina, over here!" Devonas Atreides yelled out from seemingly no where. He was too far away. Laser fire began to pour through the holes in the roof, chaos and destruction ensued. Tarina tried to follow the sound of his voice but there were too many obstacles for her small legs.
"Dad? Dad!" she continued to shout.
She couldn't see through the ash that was filling the vacant corridors, the bodies were hidden quickly underneath a coat of grey. Around every corner she expected to find him, his pensive green eyes would show condemnation but also relief to see her again.
Someone touched her forearm, she spun around to look up at the stranger. But the person looking at her was below, looking up at her instead with a pair of warm, brown, and somehow familiar eyes.
"Magnus?" she whispered his name, not sure of how she knew it.
"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you but it didn't seem like you were having a very good dream," he said gently.
His grip on her remained though it was more faint and weak than it should have been. His breathing was raspy, he coughed heavily in between laboured breaths . The sound of his discomfort brought Tarina back to reality. Though greatly infirmed, he still managed to worry more about her than himself. How typical, she thought to herself.
"How long have I been out?" he asked.
"About two days," She touched his hand and interlocked her fingers with his, grateful that he was alert.
"And how long have you been curled up in that uncomfortable chair, waiting on me?"
"About two days," she repeated.
"Oh, Tarina," he frowned. "Why? Surely you have better things to do."
"Why is everyone so surprised by me wanting to be by your side?" she asked bitterly. "If you want me to go, just say so."
"That isn't what I meant. Stay, please. I'm sure we have much to catch up on."
"How are you feeling?" she asked after a long pause. Carefully she stood over him, resting one hand against his chest while the other remained in his. Colour had returned to his face though his fever hadn't broken entirely.
"Like I was ran over by a tank," he said honestly, trying to give a half smile after coughing again. He squeezed her hand to let her know that he was exaggerating.
"You didn't expect to make it back," she stated. It was her greatest fear, she needed confirmation that he hadn't wandered off on a suicide mission on her behalf.
"Not like this," He cleverly dodged the accusation, knowing full well what she was seeking.
"Did you mean what you said about forgiving me?" she shifted tact, looking deep into his eyes for a more honest answer.
"Absolutely," he reached up to touch her cheek, rubbing his thumb along the bit of her fringe that stuck out from the side. She closed her eyes, savouring in his gentleness. "Why? What's wrong? What have you done now?"
"Nothing, I'm just not ready to lose you yet," she admitted.
"Then that makes two of us," he gave her a hard look.
He looked like he wanted to say more on the subject of their separation, too much had gone unanswered. But there was no need to do so, a lot could be said without words. Nonetheless, he found a way to shower her with the utmost praise, "Tarina, you are the physical embodiment of my fighting spirit, nothing will change that."
"If that's true, then why did you go out there in the first place? I could have gone and left Marius with you."
"If I had to do it over, I'd make the same choice once more. It worked out in the end, right?"
"You got lucky," she argued, annoyed that he was so quick to jump to self-sacrifice whenever it suited him.
"What I find intriguing is that the last time I had a near fatal encounter you weren't nearly this upset about it," he reminded her of the battle on the strange alien ship from months back.
"That was different. It was scary to realise for the first time that our fates were intertwined. All I wanted was to be independent and self-sufficient, to make something of myself. This time I know that's impossible without something important."
"And what's that?"
Tarina took a deep breath, she steeled herself for the words that should have came out long ago, "I love you, Sarge."
Magnus was briefly taken aback, utterly surprised. He laughed with relief, unable to restrain his humour, "I must have severely bumped my head before coming here. Could you say that again, maybe a bit louder? Lost some hearing too, I'm sure you understand."
"Don't give me a hard time when I'm trying to be nice," Tarina grimaced mockingly, playfully punching his shoulder. A great burden had been lifted.
"I must have fallen asleep, this has to be a dream," he continued with a wide grin, cradling her chin with the tips of his talons. "You've never been this nice to me before."
"Maybe you'll have to start getting used to it."
"I'd like that, very much," his tone shifted to serious and affectionate, "And you need to learn how to relax, Tarina. There will be plenty of battles, we must enjoy the moments in between."
"If you hadn't noticed, I'm a very slow learner," she leaned in close, angling to give him a kiss on the forehead.
"That's a notion I can disprove," he said astutely, allowing her to get closer.
"How?"
In response, he indulged her in a way she was not anticipating. Instead of the traditional kiss, he pulled her mouth close to his. It was awkward at first, finding the appropriate angle that suited both of them. But she allowed him to kiss her as the humans did in the vids, it was far more personal, more passionate and memorable than any other kiss she had ever experienced.
Afterwards they rubbed foreheads and looked longingly at one another, neither had anything else to say. Everything worth mentioning was out in the open, the two of them were committed to the future that they would continue to witness together. A few more light touches cemented their union.
"I'm never going to let you down again, I swear," Tarina said, her arms wrapped around his cowl, her cheek resting against his shoulder. He had one arm wrapped tightly around the small of her back, holding her as he had done many times previously.
"You don't have to make any promises."
"Yes, I do. The Festival of the Ancestors is coming up. It's an auspicious time of year for conducting ceremonies. That is, if you wanted to.."
"I'd rather wait until after the war," he assured her, having already contemplated the discussion that they were having.
"What if one of us doesn't make it?"
"Then all the more reason to make the most of what time we have left," he said with a small kiss to her forehead.
Feeling the safest and happiest she had ever been, Tarina drifted back to sleep alongside Magnus. Everything was finally right with the world.